Totally Messed
by Cherry-sama
Summary: What would happen if Saria owned a Camper van, if Zelda had a jewelry obsession, if Mido died in the first chapter, and more? Dare to find out? There is only one thing to descibe this fic. It's...Totally Messed!
1. Chapter 1: Prologue to My Insanity

**Totally Messed**

**Hi! Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda: Ocarina of Time, but if I did then I would make Link marry Ruto for my personally amusement.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! This is my first fic not on Tales of Symphonia!

Link: What? We're not as good as them?

Cherry-sama: No! Not that! It's just I've been obsessed with them!

Zelda: Grrr…

Ruto: Kill the authoress!

Cherry-sama: Ahhh! (gets chased by OoT cast)

Saria: Don't mind us as we beat Cherry-sama to pulp. Read the story…

_**

* * *

What would happen if Navi somehow didn't meet Link?**_

_Wonder no more! You'll see how one little boo-boo could screw up the whole storyline!_

* * *

"In the vast deep forest of Hyrule, long have I served as the guardian spirit." said a voice that came completely out of nowhere. "I am known as the Deku Tree. The children of the forest, the Kokiri, live here with me. Each Kokiri has his or her own guardian fairy. However, there is one boy who does not have a fairy.

**(View of Link whimpering/crying in his sleep, shows Link's dream, then resumes)**

"Navi. Navi. Where art thou? Come hither. Oh Navi the fairy, listen to my words, the words of the Deku Tree. Dost thou sense it? The climate of evil descending upon the realm? Malevolent forces, even now, are mustering to attack our land of Hyrule. For so long the Kokiri forest, the source of life, has stood as a barrier, deterring outsiders and maintaining the order of the world. But before this tremendous evil power, even my power is as nothing. It seems the time has come for the boy without a fairy to begin his journey. The youth whose destiny is to lead Hyrule to the path of justice and truth. Navi, go now, find our young friend and guide him to me. I do not have much time left. Fly Navi, fly! The fate of the forest, nay, the world depends on thee." The 'so called' Deku Tree commands.

(Navi flies off, under Mido's legs, passes by the Kokiri on the shop roof, flies almost to exit of forest, Navi hits the fence and faints for hours.)

Thus Link never stopped crying, never got the message that he was summoned to the great Deku Tree, the Deku Tree died, Mido was blamed, Mido committed suicide, Navi woke up two hours later, and Link and Navi went to Hyrule castle.

* * *

Cherry-sama: Phew! I finally got away from them! That's Chapter one! I hope I won't make this a one-shot!

Link: There she is!

Ruto: Get her!

Malon: Charge!

Zelda: (chases Cherry-sama along with other OoT cast)

Saria: Please review… Cherry-sama won't update unless she gets** 5 reviews**.


	2. Chapter 2: Zelda's Jewelry Obsession

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda, if I did then I could be ruling the world!**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Welcome to Chapter two! Sorry for the long update! 

Ruto: She hasn't updated because she's been writing 'Tales of Symphonia' stories.

Zelda: I feel insulted.

Malon: So do I…

Link: ATTACK!

Cherry-sama: AAHHHHH!

Saria: Please read the story…

* * *

_**What would happen if Zelda had an jewelry obsession?**_

_Wonder No More! You'll see (again) how one little boo-boo could screw up the Storyline!_

* * *

**(Link enters Hyrule field and stopped by Random Owl who tells you obvious stuff)**

"Hoo Hoot! Link! Look up here! It appears that the time has finally come for you to start your adventure. You will encounter many hardships ahead. That is your fate. Do not feel discouraged, even during the toughest of times. Go straight this way and you will see Hyrule Castle. You will meet a princess there. If you are lost and do not know which way to go, look at the map. **(Insert brief explanation on map viewing)** Did you get all that? All right then! I'll see you around! Hoot Hoot Hoot Ho!" the random owl said as he flew away.

"Uhh… That was random…" Link muttered to Navi.

"True." Navi replied.

"Hey Navi?" Link asked.

"Yeah Link?"

"Why are we going to Hyrule Castle Town?" Link asked (cause remember? They didn't get the stone).

"Cause there is a big shopping mall at Hyrule Castle Town and I inherited the Great Deku Tree's Money! So basically I'm going to go on a huge shopping spree and you have to carry what I buy because I don't have arms."

"Oh…"

**(Link made a mad dash to the castle.)**

**

* * *

(Nighttime inside and meets Malon.) **

"Hey! Your clothes, they're different. You're not from around here are you?" the girl asked.

"Nope. I'm from the forest." Link replied.

"…………………………………" The girl said, evidently having a very slow reaction time. "Oh! You're a fairy boy from the forest. My name is Malon, my dad owns Lon Lon Ranch. Dad went to the castle to deliver some milk and he hasn't come back yet."

**

* * *

(Link exits Hyrule Castle Town and camera pans around the Castle Grounds. Link sees the random owl in the tree and he went talk to him.) **

"Hey Link, this way! The princess is in the castle just ahead. Be careful not to get caught by the guards! Ho Ho Ho Hoot!" the random owl said as he sat on a ledge.

"Hey! Why are you here?" Link asked as he pointed a finger at the owl.

"Because… um…" the random Owl said.

"O.o I BET HE'S A STALKER!" Navi exclaimed to the Owl.

"I am not a stalker!" the random Owl yelled as he flew away.

**

* * *

(Link waits for daytime then enters the town and then goes back to castle grounds. Malon is there, singing.) **

"Are you going to the castle, fairy boy?" she asked.

"Yes… Why?" Link asked.

"Would you mind finding my dad? He must have fallen asleep somewhere around the castle. What a thing for an adult to do. Tee hee! Oh yeah, if you look for him, I'll give this to you. I've been incubating this egg very carefully. Tee hee! **(Receive Weird Egg)** Set the egg to C to incubate it. Tee hee. My dad is really trouble some for an adult isn't he? Hee hee?" Malon giggled as she ignored Link.

**

* * *

(Link sneaks into castle by climbing the vines behind Malon. He crept past guards and Link finds Talon) **

"The girl from the ranch a ranch asked us to find her father. I wonder where he is?" Navi asked Link.

"Navi! You are so blind! Can't you see that he is right here in front of us?" Link explained as he pointed at Talon.

"Ohh…"

"And he's not a hologram either, cause I can touch him!" Link explained as he poked Talon.

"ZZZZZ…Mumble…Mumble… Welcome…our ranch is so fun…come on and look around…." Talon mumbled.

**(Link waits for the egg to hatch, and then he presents it to the sleeping Talon, who wakes up)**

"(Crows)" crowed the Cuckoo.

"What in tarnation! Can't a person get a little shut-eye around here?" Talon exclaimed as he got up from the ground.

"Hello?" Link asked, startled by this man's behavior.

"Hello, and who might you be?"

"Link. Are you Talon?" Link asked.

"Yep, I'm Talon, the owner of Lon Lon Ranch. I went to the Castle to deliver some milk but I sat down here to rest and I guess I fell asleep."

"Hey! That Malon girl was looking for you!" Navi yelled while flying up and down.

"What? Malon was looking for me? I'm going to catch it from her now! I messed up bad leaving Malon behind to wait for me. She's really going to let me have it." Talon exclaimed as he ran away, waving his arms.

"…Odd." Link remarked.

**

* * *

(Link sneaks past all of the guards and he reached Zelda, where she is peeking through a window into the throne room of the castle) **

"…Must have that jewel!" Zelda muttered evilly/insanely.

"Hello?" Link asked.

"Who! Who are you? How did you get past the guards? Oh, what's that? Is that? A fairy?" Zelda asked in a sane voice (unlike the one before).

"Yep!" Navi exclaimed.

"Then are you…? Are your from the forest? Then…then you wouldn't happen to have the Spiritual Stone of the Forest, would you? That green shiny stone? Do you have it?" Zelda asked.

"No…" Link replied.

"Nuts! I had a dream…" Zelda started.

"Wait… Why are you telling us about your dream?" Navi asked.

"Navi! Shut up! You insulted the princess!" Link glared at Navi while nudging her.

"Thank you, anyways…in the dream darkness storm clouds were billowing over the land of Hyrule. But suddenly, a ray of light shot out of the forest, parted the clouds and lit up the ground. The light turned into a figure holding a green and shining stone, followed by a fairy. I know this is a prophecy that someone would come from the forest." Zelda continued.

"What does that mean?" Link asked.

"It means that you are my new jewelry collector! All you got to do is collect jewels for me!" Zelda exclaimed clapping her hands.

"That sounds easy." Navi muttered.

"What if I refuse?" Link asked Zelda.

"Then I will send a horde of stampeding Skutullas to take your hat!" Zelda said, crossing her arms.

"NoooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo! Not my hat!" Link exclaimed, "Fine! Fine! I'll do anything! Just don't take my hat!"

Nobody knew it, except Navi (because she hides under his hat), but Link actually had a large bald patch on the top of his head and he swore he would jump off a cliff if anyone ever found out.

"Yes, I thought you might be up to the job. Oh, I'm sorry. I got carried away with my jewelry obsession and didn't even properly introduce myself. I am Zelda, Princess of Hyrule." Zelda exclaimed.

"Yes, we already gathered that." Navi mumbled.

"Shut up Navi!" Link hushed to Navi.

"What is your name?" Zelda asked.

"Link."

"And my name is Navi!"

"….. Link? Strange, it sounds…somehow…familiar…." Zelda said as she ignored Navi.

"Hey! I do exist!" Navi complained.

"Okay then Link, I am going to tell you the secret of the Sacred Realm that has been passed down by the Royal Family of Hyrule." Zelda said, still ignoring Navi.

"Umm… Why?" Link asked Zelda.

"Because this secret will help you get jewels for me!"

"Ohh… Okay." Link paused.

"Ahem! The story. Please keep this a secret from everyone." Zelda asked Link.

"Fine."

"The legend goes like this…"

**

* * *

(Flashback) **

"The three Goddesses hid the Triforce containing the power of the gods somewhere in Hyrule…the power to grant the wish of the one who holds the Triforce in his hands. If someone with a righteous heart makes a wish, it will lead Hyrule to a golden age of prosperity. If someone with an evil mind has his wish granted, the world will be consumed by evil. That is what has been told. So the ancient Sages built the Temple of Time to protect the Triforce from evil ones."

**(End Flashback)**

* * *

"What's the Triforce?" Link asked. 

"It's the ultimate jewelry! I must have it!" Zelda exclaimed, "It's so shiny! It's located in the Temple of Time."

"Wait… 'Isn't that temple' place near the mall or something?" Navi asked.

"That's right, the Temple of Time is the entrance through which you can enter the Sacred Realm." Zelda said, finally knowing Navi was present, "My Triforce is in there!"

"Alright! Let's go to the temple of Time to get ourselves a Triforce!" Link exclaimed.

"But the entrance is sealed by a stone wall called the Door of Time. And in order to open the door, it is said that you need to collect three Spiritual Stones (to add to Zelda's jewel collection). And another thing you need is the treasure that the Royal Family keeps along with this legend. The Ocarina of Time." Zelda continued.

"Who owns this treasure?" Navi asked.

"I do!"

"Why?" Link asked.

"Because it's treasure! (Even though it isn't as shiny as my Triforce…)"

"That makes sense…" Navi whispered.

"Anyways… Did you understand well the story I just told you?" Zelda asked.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"That's great. I forgot to tell you. I was spying through this window just now. The other element from my dream, the dark clouds, I believe they symbolize that man in there! Will you look through the window at him?" Zelda asked, showing Link the window.

"Sure!" Link replied as he looked through the window.

"Can you see the man with the evil eyes? That is Ganondorf, the leader of the Gerudos. They hail from the desert far to the west. They are a gang of thieves!" Zelda exclaimed.

"Maybe that's why she says he has 'evil eyes'…" Navi whispered to Link.

"Here is your first task, Link! I want you to break the window and get the jewel off his head. It'll prove my victory if I have his jewel in my collection!" Zelda ordered Link.

"Okay…"

**(Link uses slingshot _(how did he get that? he didn't get to go into the DekuTree)_to knock off the jewel, Zelda jumps through the window and grabs the jewel from the ground while cackling evilly and she flies up _(you find out she can do that in that last bit of the game)_, through the window again)**

"MWAHAHAHA! My precious! PRECIOUSSSS! Hisssss!" Zelda cackled evilly as she landed on the ground. "I finally have it! It's mine! It came to me!"

"…"

"…"

**(Link hears a loud roar _(from Ganondorf)_ and Zelda turns to look at Link)**

"What happened? Did he see us? I hope not. Anyways… I can sense that man's evil intentions! What Ganondorf is after is nothing less than the Triforce of the Sacred Realm! He must have come to Hyrule to obtain it, but it's mine! And with it, he wants to conquer my jewel collection! No, the entire world! Link, now we're the only ones who can protect my jewels! Please!" Zelda exclaimed.

"Okay… But I don't think we should be here much longer…" Link noted.

"Thank you! I am afraid…I have a feeling that man is going to destroy Hyrule with my Triforce! He has such terrifying power! But it's fortunate that you have come, my employee. We must not let Ganondorf get the Triforce because it's MINE! I will protect the Ocarina of Time with all my power (even though it's still not as shiny as my Triforce)," Zelda bossed, "He shall not have it, ever, because it's mine! You go find the three Spiritual Stones!"

"Um…why?" Link asked.

"I have my reasons. Let's get the Triforce before Ganondorf does so I can wear it with the Spiritual Stones to the Hyrule Annual Ball! One more thing, take this letter. I'm sure it'll be useful to you." Zelda said handing Link the letter.

**(Receive Zelda's Letter)**

"My attendant will guide/push/ kill-you-and-drag-your-corpse out of the castle. Don't be afraid to talk to her." Zelda told Link.

"I'll try not to be…" Link replied.

"I am Impa of the Shiekahs. I am responsible for protecting Princess Zelda's jewels. Everything is exactly as the princess foretold. You are a courageous boy to help Zelda with her plan today." Impa told Link.

"Yeah…" Link muttered while looking at the window.

"You are heading out on a big new adventure aren't you? My role in the princess' dream was to teach the melody to the one from the forest that will get her jewels. This is an ancient melody passed down by the Royal Family. I have played this song for Princess Zelda as a lullaby ever since she was a baby. There is a mysterious power in these notes. Now listen carefully. Memorize this song." Impa told Link.

**(Whistles the song. _(She whistles it very badly I might add…)_ Learn the song)**

"If the castle soldiers find you, there will be trouble. Let me lead you out of the castle." Impa offered.

"NNNOOO! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Link yelled.

"Zelda… What did you tell Link?" Impa asked Zelda, who was sniggering.

"Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh…" Zelda muttered. "My… PRECIOUS!"

**(Impa drags Link out of the Castle)**

* * *

"You brave lad. We must protect Zelda's beautiful collection of jewels. Take a look at that mountain. That is Death Mountain, home of the Gorons; they are really good at making Rubies. They hold the Spiritual Stone of Fire, which is a mighty, fine Ruby. At the foot of Death Mountain, you will find my village, Kakariko. That is where I was born and raised. You should talk/**steal-jewels** from some of the villagers there before you go up to Death Mountain. The song I just taught you has some mysterious power. Only the Royal family members are allowed to learn this song. Remember, it will help prove your connection with the Royal Family. The princess is waiting for you to return to the castle with the stones. Alright, we're counting on you." Impa told Link. 

**(Impa disappears)**

"She's scary…" Navi told Link.

"Yeah… She has a slutty outfit…" Link whispered as he shivered.

"Hello Link." said the Random Owl that randomly appeared.

"AAAAHHHHHH! IT'S HIM! LET'S ESCAPE INTO KARAOKE, or whatever that place is called, VILLAGE!" Link yelled to Navi.

"Ouch, I am right beside you. You don't have to yell…" Navi complained. "And that's too far away, let's go home (which is farther away) first!"

"Okay! Anywhere but HERE is good." Link exclaimed.

* * *

Cherry-sama: The end of this chapter. 

Link: There she is!

Ruto: Get her!

Malon: ATTACK!

Cherry-sama: EEEEKKKK!

Saria: Don't mind us, YET. Please Review.


	3. Chapter 3: Camper vans and loyal fans

**Chapter Three (just to let you know, in this chapter there are a few pairing. KokirisxFuneral, MariaxMido's-Ideals, Zelda-FansxLinkxAfatufivomany, SariaxCamper-Vans, IvanxMarshmallow, Random-OwlxTrash-Can-Music, Deku-ScrubsxWooden-SpoonsxRubber-Chickens, and NavixSanity. Enjoy!) (Don't worry, it's nothing wrong…) :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own 'Legend of Zelda: OoT' or Windex or Marshmallows or numbers or I.Q. or death or life or sanity or insanity or the Scrubs band (no wait…I do own that) or the (etc.)**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! Sorry for the long update!

Navi: Why don't you update more offen?

Cherry-sama: Cause my sister is typing up the whole script thingy for the story and she is the only thing that keeps me from updating.

Sister-of-Cherry-sama (SoC): Yeah, well, I'm lazy so sorry.

Navi: …ATTACK THE SISTER!

Malon: Yes!

Ruto: CHARGE!

Link: (joins the OoT cast in beating up SoC)

Cherry-sama: Yay! It wasn't me this time! n.n

Saria: … Please read the story…

**_

* * *

_ **

_What would happen if Saria owned a camper van?_

_Wonder no more! You will see over and over again how continuous boo-boos mess up the storyline (badly)._

* * *

Where we last left Link and Navi, they were running from the really random owl.

**(Link ran away from the random owl and took shelter in the Kokiri village)**

"What would Saria say if she found out we were going to save Princess Zelda's jewels?" Navi asked Link as they ran over to the bridge.

"Either she would one: think we had too much caffeine, or two: she and the other Kokiris would mob us." Link answered.

"Ohh… Okay."

**(Link ran into the village and saw that all the Kokiris were gone! _(insert dramatic music)_ Link went over to the dead great Deku tree and saw the Kokiris having a funeral)**

"I wonder what they are doing?" Navi asked, floating above Link's head.

"They must be having a funeral." Link answered as he stood there, looking at all the Kokiris dressed in black.

"Let's get the stone before they bury him!" Navi exclaimed as she flew up and down.

"Okay. Hey guys! STOP!" Link yelled as he ran over.

**(Kokiris looked over at Link and stopped what they were doing.)**

"Hi! We need the Spiritual Stone of the forest! It should be somewhere in the Great Deku Tree's leaves so we need to get it!" Link explained.

"WHAT! YOU WANT TO CLIMB THE SACRED GREAT DEKU TREE'S CORPSE! Of all the blasphemous things in this sorry excuse for a world, this has got to be the absolute worst! You can't possibly be serious! If the Great Mido knew—" The-blonde-Kokiri-girl-with-her-hair-in-buns (that my sister and I named Maria) said, ranting insanely with the shock of what they were asking.

"Pweeease…" Navi pleaded making big puppy-dog eyes.

"…How can I even see those puppy eyes? Fairies don't even have eyes…" Maria paused.

"Please Maria!" Link pleaded.

"Hmph, fine. Just make it snappy!" Maria snapped.

"Thanks!" Link exclaimed as he walked to the base of the Great Deku Tree.

**(Link started climbing up the dead Great Deku Tree's corpse, then fell to the bottom)**

"Aiiieeee! Zit! Ouchie…" Link yelled as he rubbed his head.

"Link! Why in Hyrule do you say that mumbo-jumbo whenever you fall and land on you feet?" Navi yelled in Link's ear when he got up.

"Because it hurts…" Link mumbled as he tried climbing the Deku Tree again.

**(Link got into the leaves of the Treat Deku Tree. Link searched as fast as he could but Maria was sooooooooooooo impatient that she had to make rude remakes. Meanwhile the other Kokiri looked at Link like he was a Deku Scrub with pink polka dots on him)**

"LINK! CAN YOU HURRY UP!" Maria yelled with great volume.

"Just wait!" Link yelled back as he grabbed something. "I think I got it—! AHHHHHH!"

**(Link hit the ground again, yelling in pain much louder this time.)**

"Hurry up Link!" Navi yelled in his ear.

"We're TRYING to have a funeral here!" Maria nagged.

"Man… Maria… You sound so much like Mido…" Link whimpered as he got up.

"Well of course! I'm now head Kokiri since he's dead!" Maria stated.

"But you could try to be nicer than him…" Link whimpered as he climbed back up.

**(Link climbed up again, got the stone, felt the evil/angry glares of Kokiri as he left them to have their funeral)**

"What now?" Navi asked Link as they walked away form the funeral.

"We're going to Saria, like you said." Link told Navi.

"Okay!" Navi exclaimed as she fluttered up and down, "After this we need to continue to collect Princess Zelda's Jewelry!"

The ground started to shake and Link looked down the path from where he had come. Thundering down the path were all the Kokiris from the funeral charging towards him.

"You've met Princess Zelda!" they all yelled in unison, "Tell us all about her!"

"…I'vegottogototheSacredForestMeadownow! Bye!" Link yelled as he made a mad dash to the Lost Woods, being pursued by the Zelda fans.

**

* * *

(Link went to the Lost Woods. Part way through the Lost Woods, the Random Owl appeared)**

"Hey, over here! Hoo hoo! Good to see you again." the random owl greeted.

"O.o It's the stalker again!" Navi yelled to Link.

"I am **not** a stalker! And if you want to get through the forest to find Saria, you'll need my help." The random owl stated.

"HA! Link, let's keep moving!" Navi exclaimed as she and Link ran/flew away.

**(Link went into a path and ended up at the starting point again. Link went the other way and the same thing happened. Link repeated the process 500 times then talked to the random owl)**

"Fine! Tell us how to get through the woods to Saria…" Link wheezed.

"Told you…" The random owl smirked. "Now listen to this. After going through the Lost Woods, you will come across the Sacred Forest Meadow. That is a sacred place where few people have ever walked. Shhh… What's that?"

"I can't hear anything…" Navi muttered.

"I can hear a mysterious tune. It's sounds like the old fashioned, highly popular, **gentle** music of someone banging on trashcan lids with wooden spoons and rubber chickens."

"I love that sound…" Link remarked listening to the squawks of the rubber chickens quite happily.

"I hope you're sarcastic…" Navi whispered to Link.

"…You should listen for that tune too…" the random owl said to Navi seriously.

"I'll pass…" Navi muttered.

"Hoo hoo hoo! Do you want to hear what I said again?" the owl asked pleasantly.

"Heck! No!" Link exclaimed.

"If you are courageous, you will make it through the forest just fine…"

"Now how does that work?" Navi asked the random owl.

"…Just follow your ears and listen to the sounds coming from the forest!" the random owl told them.

"We don't have to since there are tire tracks leading all the way to the Forest Meadow!" Navi explained as she yelled, pointing to the clear, obvious, smoking tire tracks that look like they were made by a camper van, "For someone who states the obvious, you certainly can't see the obvious."

"I can't believe I didn't notice them before…" Link muttered.

"…" Navi paused, giving Link a look that plainly showed she was officially scared of him now.

"…Just remember."

"Remember what?" Link asked.

"Remember that the word 'rats' is the word 'star' backwards. Hoot hoot!" the random owl hooted as he flew away.

"Does that mean that we may look like stars, but we are actually srats?" Link wondered.

"Wait… I don't think he even told us how to get to Saria…" Navi stated.

"JERK!" Link yelled while shaking his fist at the random owl that was too far away to hear.

**

* * *

(Link followed the smoking tire tracks through the forest. As he arrived at the entrance to the Sacred Forest Meadow, he saw the wolf thing.)**

"AWWWWWW!" Link awed.

"Arf?" the wolf tilted its head.

"Link…" Navi muttered.

"It's soooooo cute! I'm going to name it Afatufivomany!" Link exclaimed as he hugged Afatufivomany around the middle. "Don't you think that it's a lovely name?"

"Uhhh… Link? I think you're suppost to defeat it…" Navi noted as Afatufivomany started to gnaw on Link's leg.

"But it's too cute for us to defeat it! I know! He can be our cute and lovable partner on our adventures!" Link exclaimed, more or less to himself rather than the fairy, because the wolf had just let go of Link's leg and snapped his jaws closed over Navi.

"MMMMMMMMM! MMMM! MMMM MM! (AHHHHHHHH! LINK! HELP ME!)" Navi yelled because she was going to be digested.

"What?" Link asked with his hand over his ear, trying to listen to Navi's muffled yells.

**(Afatufivomany ran over to Link and accidentally stabbed itself on Link's sword. Making it die.)**

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY POOR AFATUFIVOMANY! IT WAS TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Link yelled like Darth Vader did at the end of Episode III.

"Judging by its breath, I'd say it was at lease 1 234 567 890 years old." Navi reported as she flew over his head.

"How can you calculate age by breath?" Link asked Navi.

"We fairies can tell how many rubber chickens it has gnawed on. He's gnawed on 1 234 567 890 123 456 789 012 345 678 901 234 567 890 rubber chickens. It would that make at least 1 234 567 890 years old.

"That is so true." Link agreed as he nodded.

**

* * *

(Link arrived at the edge of what seemed to be a maze. The walls were very tall and they lacked exterior decorating.)**

"Which way do we go to solve the maze?" Link asked looking around.

"And last chapter you were saying that **I** was blind…" Navi mumbled. "Can't you see the camper van shaped holes right in front of us?"

"Oh…" Link muttered.

**(Through the maze there were a series of camper van shaped holes that had been charged down right through to the center of the maze. Link smiled to himself and to Navi and plunged on through the holes. He stopped only a couple times to look at the run over corpses of what appeared to be the remains of red leaved Deku scrubs that had seen better days. Link shrugged at the site of the road kill and blundered on forward to the entrance of the Forest Temple. Link walked in and the camera panned around the area. Crashed into the far wall, off to the left of the entrance of the Forest Temple, was a camper van. Obviously it had violently crashed into the wall. The front was all crumpled up and broken; the back compartment seemed fine. A bed had been set up in the back, and smooshed in front of the nose of the vehicle was a sign that was only visible by it's bent pole. Link couldn't see what the face of the sign said, but he didn't think it was anything important. He turned to his right and saw Saria.)**

"Saria!" Link exclaimed.

"I've been waiting for you, Link! This is the Sacred Forest Meadow." Saria exclaimed as she looked at Link and smiled.

"We already gathered that…" Navi muttered.

**(Saria, who was sitting on a rotting stump with a multi-colour fairy floating above her head, was sitting behind a crackling campfire. She was sitting there contentedly, roasting marshmallows on a stick. Beside her sat a large bucket of water. What it was for, Link didn't know.)**

"It's my secret place," Saria said conversationally, not noticing that her fairy had begun to fly towards her roasting marshmallow.

"Um…Saria?" Navi inquired, watching Saria's fairy lightly land on the marshmallow.

"Navi, don't interrupt…" hissed Link out of the corner of his mouth.

"But…" Navi said, watching with growing nervousness as the fairy got stuck in the white goo. It fluttered its wings helplessly, trying to free itself.

"I feel…this place will be very important for both of us some day." Saria continued serenely, not seeming to notice her fairy. "That's what I feel."

"Navi…"Link muttered in a warning tone. "Shut up."

"But—!" Navi started again as the fairy's wing suddenly burst into flame.

**(automatically, Saria took her stick and dunked it in to bucket of water, fairy, marshmallows and all)**

"That's the 4567890th time that he's done that in the past hour!" Saria exclaimed irritably, "You think he would have learned by now not to do that!"

**(Saria plucked the fairy off the marshmallow by the wing and held him up to Link and Navi with a certain look of pride on her face)**

"See? Good as new!" she exclaimed happily, "Except for this little black/burned spot on the tip of his wing. It simply won't come off. It's been there since the 32nd time, but it's hardly noticeable, right?"

"Hi Navi!" the multi-coloured fairy exclaimed as Saria took the stick back out of the bucket, a few stars were fluttering above him.

"I wasted two seconds of my time trying to get it off. I've tried everything, Windex, bleach, toilet-cleaner fluids, acids, bases…" she sighed. "But no avail. He's just going to be a spotted little fellow by the end of this trip. You do remember Ivan, right Navi?"

Navi nodded, "Only if I had an I.Q. like his…"

"You know, Navi, I've always wondered why he was named Ivan." Link pondered.

"Simple! 'Ivan' is 'Navi' spelt backwards!" Navi exclaimed flying up and down enthusiastically.

"Anyways…" Saria went on, turning to Link. "If you play the Ocarina here, you can talk to the spirits in the forest. Would you like to play the Ocarina with me?" Saria asked Link.

"Sure." Link replied.

"Okay, try and follow along with the melody I will play. Are you ready?" Saria asked pleasantly.

"Yep!"

"Alright!" she grinned mischievously.

**(all of a sudden five Deku Scrubs appeared on the ledge that led to the entrance of the forest temple. They all had spikey-leafed yellow Mohawks and they each wore two eye patches, one on each eye. A hundred or so more Deku scrubs appeared on the edge of the cliff and looked down on the stage. Others crowded around Link, Saria, her bashed up camper van, and her bonfire. One of the Deku Scrubs caught on fire and set fire to several more. Nobody noticed however, because their gaze was fixed on the band that had appeared on the Forest Temple Entrance)**

"Is that—?" Navi asked.

"Yep! It's the one and only famous band: The Scrubs!" Saria shouted over the cheering of the audience, "HIT BOYS!"

**(out of the blue, five trashcan lids, five rubber chickens and five wooden spoons appeared before the band members. There was a sudden clamor as the eye-patched Scrubs began to beat the trashcan lids with the spoons and chickens. Saria stood up and pulled out her Ocarina. The tune had no melody, so how she knew when to join in with the cacophony, Link never knew. She started playing Saria's Song wildly and in a bizarre fashion. After they were finished, the noise stopped and looked at Link expectantly)**

Link clutched his Ocarina in his hand for a moment, then burst out: "How the –bleeeeeep- am I supposed to follow along with **that**?"

**(they all looked at him like he was some sort of idiot for not being able to recognize the artful arrangement of Saria's song _(except Navi, because she's the only one who's sane, remember?)_, that everyone elsecould make out)**

"Fine! Here." Saria grumbled as she played Saria's Song simply this time.

**('The Scrubs' began to wander away, muttering what a jerk Link was for not having good taste for new aged music. Link repeated the tune and looked at his Ocarina. It was all sparkly, like somebody had glued glitter on it)**

"Hey, who glued glitter on my Ocarina?" Link asked.

"Me!" giggled Ivan, and then he broke out into peals of insane laughter.

"Oh."

**(Link learned Saria's song!)**

"Hee hee hee! Great! Great! Please don't forget this song! Do you promise? When you want to hear my voice, play Saria's song. You can talk to me anytime…" Saria reported.

"Kay! Bye! Now we can continue our adventure to work for Zelda!" Link told Navi, just loud enough for everyone in Hyrule to hear.

**(the ground started to shake and Link looked down the path from where he had come. Thundering down the path were 23 432 423 523 423 432 Deku Scrubs charging towards him)**

"Oh no…not again…" Link whimpered just before he got run over.

**(Link charged out of the Sacred Forest Meadow, throwing Scrubs in the air as he went, clinging to his hat. (Remember the bald spot?) He ran as fast as he could, and finally loosing the fans in the maze, (they were to stupid to use the camper van holes) he ran into the Random Owl)**

"Hoo Hoo! Did you learn the Ocarina Song from Saria? That melody seems to have some mysterious power. There may be other mysterious songs like this that you can learn in Hyrule." The random owl explained.

"If you call trashcan music powerfully mysterious…" Navi muttered.

"Look! I don't have time to—" Link yelled but he was interrupted so very rudely.

"(Insert explanation on how to play the Ocarina) Do you want to hear what I said again?"

"NO!" Link yelled as the fans slowly caught up with him.

"(Insert explanation about Ocarina songs on the Status Subscreen)"

"Shut up!" Link bellowed.

"Only if you give me Zelda's autograph!" the random owl (apparently a very loyal fan) demanded.

"NEVER!"

"Fine! Be that way!"

"I am being that way!" Link shouted as the random owlflew away.

Link didn't have that much time to think because the fans had just caught up with him. He ran all the way out of the Lost Woods. He ran all the way to Lon Lon Ranch before the fans gave up.

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter three!

Navi: How come Link is a model?

Cherry-sama: Because he has the autograph and you don't! Plus, he's strong enough to carry all of your items when you went shopping!

Navi: I didn't go shopping yet!

Cherry-sama: But you will!

Saria: Please review… CAMPER VAN!


	4. Chapter 4: Stupid Gravity!

**Chapter 4 (Hi! It's me again! Rawr! More randomness! Yay for that! Right?) :S**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda even if I have played it.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome to another Chapter of Totally Messed! 

Navi: This time she updated sooner because her sister wasn't such a lazy bum.

Sister-of-Cherry-sama (SoC): …I feel hurt now…

Saria: Well, who cares about her? Please read the story!

_**

* * *

** _

**What would happen if a Goron's dance could change gravity?**

_Wonder no more! You will see the answer as more random events unfold._

* * *

Where we last left the new celebrity he was getting mobbed by Deku Scrubs. But he ran away until he got to Lon Lon Ranch.

**(Link runs into Lon Lon Ranch for shelter. Link gets there in the day because there because he ran for a very long time. Link walks inside, then the camera paned around Lon Lon ranch. Link could hear Epona's song. But Link ignores the singing and goes inside the barn instead. Ingo is there)**

"I can't believe that I, the Great Ingo, am working on this dump of a ranch! Because the owner is so lazy, I always have to do all the work around here! I, the hard-working Ingo, should be in charge, not that lazy bum, Talon!" Ingo complained to Link, who just got inside.

"Um… Don't drag us into this…" Link muttered at he walked to the door.

"But he does have a point…" Navi muttered as she remembered Talon from Chapter two.

**

* * *

(Link goes outside and sees Malon, who's singing the song, standing by a horse. Link walks over) **

"Oh, it's the fairy boy again!" Malon exclaimed.

"Yes. You should know that by now." Navi mumbled.

"Shush!" Link warned.

"I heard that you found my dad! How did you like the castle?" Malon asked.

"Not bad." Link replied.

"Besides that the guards are as blind as bats and as deaf as rocks, the grounds were pretty." Navi added.

"Did you see the princess?" Malon asked.

"Yeah."

"She was scary…" Navi muttered remembering the jewelry obsession.

"Wow! Can I have your autograph?" Malon asked as she pulled out a note pad.

"Um…" Link paused.

"Please… We've had enough of that already…" Navi told Malon.

"Oh… Okay…" Malon sighed. "Anyways. Dad came home in a hurry after you found him."

"Well, duh." Navi muttered.

"Shh!"

"Oh yeah, I have to introduce you to my friend, fairy boy. She's this horse. Her name is Epona. Isn't she cute?"

"Awww…!" Link awed.

**(Epona runs away from Link like he's possessed)**

"It seems like Epona is afraid of you fairy boy… Maybe she thinks you're possessed!" Malon suggested.

"I hope not..." Linkmumbled.

"My mother composed this song I'm singing. Isn't it nice? Let's sing together!" Malon exclaimed.

"Why did she change topics so suddenly…?" Link whispered to Navi.

"I think she might have slow reaction time… Either that or she has short term memory loss…" Navi muttered.

**(Link shrugs and takes out the ocarina he has)**

"Oh, cute ocarina! Are you going to play the song with that ocarina?" Malon asked.

"Sure." Link shrugged.

"Okay, this is the song."

**(Malon sings; Link plays it back. Epona practically charges towardsafter Link just played the song)**

"Oh, Epona! She's grown fond of you, fairy boy." Malon exclaimed.

"So it seems…" Navi muttered.

"AHHHH! I ALREADY GOT MOBBED TODAY!" Link screamed as he ran away from Epona.

"Hey, Link! Wait up!" Navi called out as she flew towards him.

**

* * *

(Link ran into the house, Talon is there) **

"Should we wake him?" Link asked Navi, after regaining his composure.

"Sure! Why not?" Navi exclaimed, poking Talon in a ticklish spot.

"Mumble…Mumble…" Talon muttered as he got poked.

"Mabye you should poke harder…" Link suggested.

"Okay." Navi agreed as she poked him harder so he could feel it; his reaction was immediate.

"Mumble… Mumble… Giggle… Giggle… pffftt—! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Talon laughed insanely as he broke into tears.

"I think that was too hard…" Link told Navi.

"Sheesh. Touchy, touchy…" Navi complained as Talon rolled on the floor, laughing,for a few minutes.

"Hahahaha… Huh? I'm awake already!" Talon muttered.

"Apparently…" Navi muttered to Link.

"What? Well I'll be! If it ain't the forest kid from the other day." Talon exclaimed.

"He's as blind as the guards at Zelda's castle…" Navi whispered.

"By the way, thanks a lot for waking me up! It took some doing, but I finally got Malon back in a good mood." Talon explained.

"I can't imagine her in a bad mood…" Link whispered to Navi.

"So, what are you up to today?" Talon asked.

"Nothing." Link replied.

"Got some free time on your hands you say?" Talon asked.

"Duh…" Navi whispered.

"Well how about a little game?"

"I'd love to!" Link exclaimed.

"Oh…Joy…" Navi muttered.

"These three cuckoos I have here are Special Super Cuckoos!" Talon explained as he pointed to the Cuckoos that were around him.

"Ha." Navi whispered to Link.

"I'm going to throw these Cuckoos into that there gaggle of normal cuckoos. If you can pick out the three Special birds from among the normal Cuckoos within the time limit, I'll give you something good. If you can't find them, I win. It'll be ten rupees… Want to play?" Talon asked.

"I already said yes." Link told Talon.

"You have thirty seconds! Alrighty then, get ready, here go the Super Cuckoos! START LOOKIN'!" Talon yelled as he threw the Cuckoos at the other Cuckoos, accidentally knocking one of them on the head.

**(Link beat the mini-game really easily)**

"Golly, I'll be darned. It's plum incredible! That's the last one. You found them all. Come on over here. Hey, you! You've got the talent to be one of the world's best cowboys." Talon explained.

"But I don't want to be a cowboy…" Link muttered to himself.

"How'd you like to marry Malon?" Talon asked.

"EWWW! NO!" Link exclaimed (no offence to MalonxLink supporters, my sister is one.).

"Ha ha, I was just kidding! Just kidding. I think you're a little young for that, aren't you? Ha ha ha…!" Talon laughed.

"Link can be thankful for that." Navi muttered.

"I'm very proud to present you with a sample of our very own Lon Lon milk. You'll be energized the moment you drink it. After you **drink** it, you can bring back the bottle and buy a refill anytime you want." Talon explained handing Link the milk.

**(Link received the Lon Lon MilkLink leaves Lon Lon Ranch)**

**

* * *

(Link goes to Kakariko village. Link goes into the Graveyard and goes to the large tombstone at the back of the cemetery.) **

"Link… What are you doing?" Navi asked, very scared.

**(Link stands on the Triforce and plays Zelda's Lullaby. Link falls down the hole)**

"Link… What are you doing…?" Navi asked again.

"I'm being possessed…" Link muttered robotically.

"WHAT! WHOEVER IS IN THERE, GET OUT!" Navi yelled as she picked up a bone and hit Link on the head with it.

"I was just kidding!" Link explained in his normal voice. "I'm not possessed!"

"How do I know that!" Navi exclaimed as she bonked even **harder**.

"Because I know that I don't know where I'm— Ow!" Link exclaimed as Navi hit him with strength he didn't know she had.

**

* * *

(Link then goes through the chamber, with Navistill bonking on his head, until he reaches the very back of the grave and he looks at the tombstone) **

"This poem is dedicated to the memory of the dearly departed members of the Royal Family:

A rising sun will eventually set,  
A newborn's life will fade.  
From sun to moon, moon sun…  
Give peaceful rest to the living dead."

Was written on the tombstone.

"Nice poem." Link muttered.

"This is an interesting poem… Huh? Something is inscribed on the tombstone…" Navi exclaimed pointing to some musical notes. "It's the secret melody of the Composer Brothers!"

"And how do you know this?" Link asked Navi.

"I have my sources." Navi smirked.

"Keep the sun's song in your heart." The tombstone read.

**(Link learns the Sun's Song)**

"Restless souls wander where they don't belong, bring them calm with the Sun's Song." The tombstone read.

"I wonder if it means those re-dead thingies…" Navi muttered.

"Doubt it." Link told Navi.

**

* * *

(Link leaves the Graveyard and goes into the village) **

"Impa said that the Spiritual Stone of Fire is somewhere on Death Mountain." Navi told Link.

"I know Navi." Link told Navi.

"Maybe we should go to Death Mountain." Navi suggested.

"I'm working on it." Link told Navi.

"Some time today, maybe?" Navi asked.

"I'M WORKING ON IT!" Link yelled, annoyed with Navi.

"No your not." Navi pointed out.

This was true because Link was working on the Cuckoo activity for Anju (red haired lady, you find out her name in MM).

"Come on!" Navi exclaimed.

**(Navi grabs Link by the ear and drags him towards the gateway that leads to Death Mountain. Link offers the guard, Zelda's Letter.) **

"Oh, this is… This is surely Princess Zelda's handwriting!" the guard exclaimed.

"Please don't ask for my autograph." Link pleaded.

"Wahahaha! Nope! I'm not a big fan of the princess." The guard chuckled.

"Whew!" Link exclaimed.

"Well, let's see… Hmm… Okay… 'This is Link… He is under my orders to save my jewelry collection.' Wahahaha, what kind of funny game has our princess come up with now!" the guard laughed.

"I don't think she's joking…" Link muttered remembering the events that happened in Chapter Two.

"Okay, okay, all right. You can go now… Just be careful, Mr. Jewelry-Saver! Wahahaha!" the guard laughed.

**(Guard opens the gate for Link)**

"By the way, Mr. Jewelry-Saver… If you're going to climb Death Mountain, you should equip a proper shield! It is an active volcano, after all!" the guard warned.

"But I like my shield!" Link protested.

"If you go back to Hyrule Castle Town, you should check out the Bazaar. They sell the shield you need there. Tell them I sent you and they should give you a discount! If you think you're good to go already, don't worry about it." The guard explained.

"Thank you." Link responded, while petting his shield.

"Now, I'd like to ask a favor of you. No, I don't expect you to do it just because of the great tip I just gave you! I'm just asking!" the guard started.

"Right…" Navi muttered.

"Have you been to the Happy Mask Shop that just opened in Hyrule Castle Town Market? Everyone is talking about it!" the guard explained.

"I've never heard anyone talk about it." Link pointed out.

"My little boy pesters me for a popular mask, but I don't have the time to go there... So, could go and get the mask for me the next time you're in the market? If you don't feel like it, that's okay, but… Well, I have no choice, this is my job… Sigh…" the guard sighed.

**(Just to be nice, though he really didn't need to, Link went and got the mask for the guard. Link put on the Keaton Mask) **

"Wahahaha! Do you think you're in disguise, Mr. Jewelry-Saver?" the guard asked.

"No…" Link muttered, apparently hurt.

"Oh? Is that the Kea-something character mask? I've heard it's real popular recently. He's my boy's favourite, that Kea-something mask. If you don't mind…will you sell it to me?" the guard asked.

"Sure!" Link exclaimed as he took off the mask.

"My boy will be very happy with this! You really are Mr. Jewelry-Saver! Wahaha!" the guard exclaimed as he put on the mask.

"How is that related to the mask?" Link asked.

**(Link receives 15 rupees _(YES! LINK'S RICH! Right?)_ from the guard)**

"Link. Let's go." Navi told Link as they went through the gateway.

**

* * *

(Link climbs up Death Mountain Trail until he reaches the Dodongo's Cavern. Link talks to the Goron sitting there) **

"I'm one of the Gorons, the stone-eating people who live on Death Mountain." The Goron told Link.

"Wow!" Link exclaimed, apparently in awe.

"…" Navi paused as she looked at Link.

"Look at this huge boulder over there!" the Goron explained pointing to the big rock. "It blocks the entrance to the Dodongo's Cavern, which was once a very important place for us Gorons…"

"Once?" Navi asked.

"But one day, many dodongos suddenly appeared inside the cavern. It became a very dangerous place. On top of that, a Gerudo in black armor used magic to seal the entrance with that boulder! If you want to hear more Goron gossip head on up to our city. Goron city is just a little bit farther up the trail. It won't take much longer to get there, even on foot." The Goron instructed.

"Thanks… But I think we'll manage…" Navi told the Goron.

**

* * *

(Link entered Goron's City _(which he could have done without the directions)_. Link went onto the platform to where the Spiritual Stone is usually put on display. There is a Goron there) **

"Hey! It's dangerous for a little like you to come out here. You might fall down! If I'm not mistaken, you came out here to eat the red stone." The Goron on the platform exclaimed.

"_Yes_… We _are_…" Navi replied sarcastically.

"Well too bad. It's not here." The Goron on the platform snapped.

"But that's not why we're here." Link told the Goron.

"What? That's not why you're here?" the Goron asked.

"No… We're looking for the Spiritual Stone of Fire." Navi told the Goron.

"You're looking for a 'Spiritual Stone'? You must mean the delicious-looking red stone that was once displayed here." The Goron exclaimed.

"What happened?" Link asked.

"I was so hungry that I thought it would be okay to give it one tiny little lick… So I snuck out here. But it was already gone!" the Goron explained.

"Where did it go?" Link asked.

"I think Big Brother took it away. He always says that everyone is after that red stone. Big Brother has shut himself up in his room saying: 'I will wait here for the Royal Family's Messenger.'" The Goron explained.

"Let's go, Link! I bet we can bribe him to give it to us!" Navi exclaimed flying up and down.

"Yeah! Let's go!" Link exclaimed as he **jumped** off the platform.

**

* * *

(Link hit the bottom floor with a loud 'SPLAT!'. If he didn't have a fairy with him, he would've been dead. Link walks onto Darunia's rug _(that is very comfy)_ before his door at the far end of the bottom pit, Link plays Zelda's Lullaby and enters when the door opens. Darunia is there, in a very crabby mood.) **

"What the heck? Who are you?" Darunia asked.

"I'm Link! And this is Navi!" Link exclaimed as he pointed at Navi.

"When I heard the song of the Royal Family, I expected their messenger had arrived, but…you're just a little kid!" Darunia complained.

"I feel insulted." Link muttered to Navi.

"Has Darunia, the big boss of the Gorons, really lost so much status to be treated like this by his sworn brother the King? Now I'm REALLY angry! Get out of my face, now!" Darunia commanded.

"Why are you so snappy!" Navi yelled at Darunia.

"Are you asking why I'm in such a bad mood right now? Ancient creatures have infested Dodongo's Cavern; we've had a poor harvest of our special crop, bomb flowers; starvation and hunger because of the rock shortage! But…this is a Goron problem! We don't need any help from strangers!" Darunia spazzed.

"I know what to do!" Link exclaimed pulling out his Ocarina.

**(Link plays Saria's song for Darunia. Camera zooms in on Darunia's face where a mixed expression is plastered. He breaks into a wide grin and begins to dance. Link slowly backs away and Navi is bobbing up and down to the tune)**

"Oh! Oh-oh! Come on! Come on, come on, come on! HOT! What a hot beat! Whoaho!" Darunia exclaimed.

"…" Link paused.

"Yeahaw! Yahoo!" Darunia exclaimed.

**(All of a sudden. The camera goes upside down. Camera gets stuck in its current position and Link/everything-in-the-world fell to the ceiling.)**

"Ahhh!" Link yelled as he got up.

"Ohh… Dear…" Darunia paused. "I don't think I'll be able to fix this…"

"What?" Link asked.

"I don't think I can save us from this gravity change…" Darunia stated.

"What! What about your people outside!" Navi yelled. "They are now falling into the-sky/nothing-ness!"

"I know…" Darunia paused.

"Do something!" Link yelled.

"Well… At least that was a nice tune! Just like that, my depression was all gone." Darunia exclaimed.

"…"

"Something came over me." Darunia explained.

"Yeah. The ground." Navi muttered.

"Suddenly I wanted to dance like crazy." Darunia exclaimed.

"WE DON'T CARE! WE WANT TO GET OFF THE CEILING!" Link yelled _(looks like Link, Darunia and Navi all switched moods)_.

"I might be able to solve this if you destroy all the monsters in Dodongo's Cavern." Darunia explained.

"WHAT! Us, making all the monsters in an entire cavern go e**x**t**i**n**c**t! YOU ARE NUTS!" Navi yelled.

"What? You'd rather stay on the ceiling forever?" Darunia asked.

"…Fine, we'll do it…" Link paused as he climbed up to the top of the door.

"Wait! I'd like to give you this for your troubles. If you wear this, even a little fella like you can pick up a bomb flower using A." Darunia called out.

**(Link receives Goron's Bracelet)**

"Destroy the monsters in Dodongo's Cavern and become a real man. Then we can talk about the Spiritual Stone."

"Fine…"

**(Link walls out of the room and falls to the highest point of the city, where all the other Gorons are wandering around.)**

* * *

"This is not good. How will we get to the cavern…?" Link asked Navi as they stepped outside. 

"Let's go inside Dodongo's Cavern using a bomb flower." Navi suggested.

"I'm not asking how to get inside. I'm asking how to get to it!" Link explained in more detail.

**(Link didn't get much time to think because he was instantly falling towards the sky. Then Navi picked him up and flew him inside the cave _(I wonder who opened the cave for them?) _where Link would face the hardest dungeon he would ever go through)**

**

* * *

(Link enters Dodongo's Cavern and beats the dungeon, which was really hard because the whole dungeon was upside-down, and Link couldn't pick up any bomb flowers because they were allplastered to the ceiling. Link arrives right outside the entrance of the Cavern after Link has beaten the boss. Darunia falls out of the sky) **

"It's me, Darunia! I've finally got the gravity set right!" Darunia exclaimed.

"We can be thankful for that." Navi muttered, because she was worn out from carrying Link.

"Well done!" Darunia congratulated.

**(Darunia beats his chest, then pats Link on the back so hard that Link falls over from impact)**

"Thanks to you, we can once again eat the delicious rocks from the Dodongo's Cavern until our stomachs burst! What a wild adventure. It will make an incredible story…" Darunia paused.

"You'd better believe it." Link muttered on the ground (remember the gravity part? I did! But you probably did too).

"I can't believe that the Dodongos suddenly appeared in such great numbers. And that big rock blocking the cave… All this trouble must have been caused by that Gerudo thief, Ganondorf! He said, 'Give me the Spiritual Stone only then will I open the cave for you.' You on the other hand risked your life for us…" Darunia paused.

"Duh."

"Kid, I like you. How's about you and I become Sworn Brothers?" Darunia asked.

"Oh, great. Now we have to wait for a big/long ceremony to end before we can continue…" Navi complained.

"No, there's no big ceremony involved, just take this as a token of our friendship!" Darunia exclaimed.

**(Darunia gives Link the Spiritual Stone of Fire)**

"Brother, you keep brushing up on your skills as you travel, won't you? You should go see the Great Fairy on top of Death Mountain. She will power you up." Darunia exclaimed.

"Okay…" Link mumbled as he got up.

"Hey everybody let's see off our Brother!" Darunia exclaimed looking up to the sky.

**(The Gorons that earlier fell to the sky, are now falling from the sky) **

"You did great." The Gorons exclaimed while approachingLink with their arms outstretched. "How 'bout a big Goron hug?"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link yelled as he ran towards Kakariko village.

**(Link then crashes into another Goron who fell out of the sky. Then Link turns and runs up the path that leads to the top of Death Mountain.) **

**

* * *

(Link goes to the summit and enters the Fairy's Fountain.) **

"**(Cackles like a witch) **Welcome Link! I am the Great Fairy of Power. I am going to grant you a sword technique. Receive it now." the great fairy commanded.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! She's dressed worse than Impa!" Navi screamed at the slutty great fairy.

"AHHHHHH! You're RIGHT!" Link yelled.

"…When you charge the power from a spin attack, magic power will be consumed. Pay attention to your green magic meter. Hey boy, you're a messenger of the Royal Family aren't you?" the ugly great fairy asked.

"Why should I tell you!" Link demanded.

"…I can tell. Next time you're in their neighborhood, you should drop by on a friend of mine who lives by Hyrule Castle. She'll surely grant you another new power. When battle has made you weary, please **come back** to see me." The ugly/disturbing fairy told Link.

"NEVER!" Link yelled as the 'great fairy' disappeared.

**

* * *

(Link goes outside and the Random Owl is there, Link goes over and talks to him) **

"Hoo Hoot! Well it looks like you've grown up a little from the Great Fairy's power…" the random owl stated.

"O.o Hide! It's mister STALKER AGAIN!" Navi yelled.

"Stop calling me a stalker!" the random owl protested.

"But you are a stalker!" Link told the owl.

"…But you still don't look like the hero who will save Hyrule. At least not yet! If you are going back down the mountain, I can lend you a wing!" the random owl exclaimed while **changing** **topics**.

"Fine… Just this once." Link told the owl, while remembering the Goron hug.

"Come here and grab my talons. Hold on tight! Hoo hooooot!" the random owl hooted.

**(Link stands under the owl to grab his talons and he flies Link to Kakariko.)**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter four! 

Malon: That must be a record for the length, for a chapter, out of all of your stories!

Cherry-sama: Well… I asked for more script than usual.

Malon: But still!

Saria: That was boring… Please review.


	5. Chapter 5: Mind reading Ruto!

**Chapter five! (FIVE! 5! 2 and 3 is 5! n.n)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda, OoT, but if I did, I would make Ganondorf shave his head bald! He looks like a balding monkey anyway…**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome to chapter 5 of Totally Messed!

Link: Where's my ocarina?

Navi: I dunno…

Cherry-sama: (holds up ocarina) I'm taking it!

Link: What? NooooOOOOooooOOOOoooo! _(tries to grab ocarina)_

Cherry-sama: _(holds ocarina just out of Link's reach)_ You don't need it, and you end up ditching it anyways, so… Let me keep it!

Saria: Don't mind us… Just read the story!

_**

* * *

What would happen if Ruto was cooked up on a barbeque and eaten for dinner?**_

_Wonder No more, you'll see how one little—What? Wrong question? (authoress looks through cue cards) Lets see… I wonder who's been messing with my cue cards… Okay! I think I found the real question!_

_**What would happen if Ruto had the ability to read minds?**_

_Wonder no more! In this fic you'll see how one little mistake could change the whole storyline!_

* * *

Where we last left our heroes, Link was flying to Kakariko village. Yes, I do mean fly, because he was flying, because the random owl was carrying him. Now that that's over with, let's get onto the real fic.

**(Link flew Kakariko.)**

"I wonder if Saria knows anything about the other Spiritual Stone." Navi asked Link.

"How could she? First off, she's never left the forest in her life! Second off, she's a Kokiri, how would she know about the Stones? Third off, she's on vacation with her camper van and it's best not to disturb her! Fourth off, how can we contact her?" Link ranted on.

"It's called Saria's song…" Navi told Link.

"Ohhh yeah…" Link paused.

**(Link played Saria's Song.)**

"Link? This is Saria, can you here me?" Saria asked.

"Yep." Link replied.

"Hey Saria, do you know about the Spiritual Stones? We're collecting them for Princess Zelda."

"Are you collecting Spiritual Stones?" Saria asked.

"GASP! How did you know?" Link gasped.

"I just told her." Navi replied.

"Oh."

"Anyways, we only have one more to find, do you now about it?" Navi asked.

"You have one more to find? You mean the Spiritual Stone of Water, don't you?" Saria asked.

"Something like that." Link replied.

"Yep!" Navi exclaimed.

"The Great Deku Tree once told me that the King Zora, ruler of Zora's Domain, has it." Saria told Link.

"That's how she would find out, Link!" Navi pointed out while smirking.

"Yeah, yeah." Link replied.

"What?" Saria asked.

"Never mind."

"Saria?" Link asked.

"Yes, Link?" Saria asked.

"What's a Zora?" Link asked.

"It's a—" Saria started.

"Never mind, Saria. I'll tell Link." Navi told Saria.

"Oh… Okay… Talk to you later! Saria out!" Saria exclaimed and a clicking sound was heard, like someone had just hung up a phone.

"What's a Zora?" Link asked.

"I'm not going to tell you!" Navi exclaimed.

"Whyyyyyyyy!" Link exclaimed/whined.

"Because you'll find out as soon as we get to Zora's Domain!" Navi exclaimed.

"But I wanna know now!" Link exclaimed.

"Too bad."

**(Link pulls out his Ocarina and starts playing Saria's song.)**

"NO LINK! It's rude to call a person without a good reason!"

"It is?" Link asked, putting down his ocarina.

"Yes!"

"Well… My reason is good enough to call Saria!" Link decided, putting the ocarina to his lips.

**(Link starts playing Saria's song again.)**

"OKAY! OKAY! I'll tell you!" Navi yelled.

"Okay." Link exclaimed, lowering his ocarina again.

**(Navi flies down and grabs Link's ocarina! Navi flies up high so Link can't retrieve his ocarina! Ohh noo!)**

"Hey! That's no fair!" Link yelled.

"I'm confiscating this from you for now!" Navi exclaimed.

**

* * *

(Link mopes as he exits Kakariko village and onto Hyrule field. Link goes randomly to Hyrule Castle Town and randomly to the Castle Grounds. Link also randomly blows up a random rock that is half way up the path and he crawls in the hole. Link walks onto the Triforce.)**

"Well, Navi?" Link asked, holding out his hand.

"Okay." Navi mumbled, but she didn't give back the ocarina.

**(Navi plays Zelda's Lullaby while flying above the Triforce. The ugly hag—I mean, witch—I mean, 'Great Fairy' comes out, screeching like a witch who had just eaten a farm yard full of chilly peppers.)**

"AAAAHHH! MY MOUTH! IT BURNSSSS!" the 'Great Fairy' yelled as she ran around in circles, not noticing Link or Navi.

"Hello?" Navi asked.

"AAAAHHHHH! Hmm? Errr… Which one of you played the song?" the 'Great Fairy' asked.

"I did!" Navi exclaimed.

"Ohh… Okay. Welcome Navi." The 'Great Fairy' smiled.

"How do you find out about our names?" Link asked.

"Um… We 'Great Fairies' use email each other so we know your names when you come." The pink-haired witch replied.

"What's email?" Link asked.

"Errr… Your not suppost to know that until the 21st century…" the witch paused, apparently the stupidest of all the witches.

"O.o 21st century?" Link exclaimed, looking at the witch as if she was a witch.

"Who are you!" Navi asked.

"I am the Great Fairy of Magic." The witch replied.

"I meant from which era are you from…" Navi told the witch.

"…I will give you a magic spell!" the witch exclaimed, remembering her boring speech. "Please take it!"

**(Navi gets Din's Fire!)**

"You can use Din's Fire not only to attack, but to also burn things!" the witch told Navi.

"Are you trying to turn Navi into a budding pyromaniac?" Link asked.

"Errr…When battle has made you weary, please come back to see me." The witch told Navi.

"NEVER!" Navi yelled.

"Too bad! Come back here or I'll take back Din's Fire!" the witch told Navi as the witch **disappeared**.

"Fine!" Navi snapped.

"How come you got Din's Fire?" Link asked.

"Because I played the song!" Navi exclaimed.

"But I want Din's Fire!" Link wailed.

"Fine! You can have it!" Navi yelled as she tossed Din's Fire down to Link.

"Yay!" Link exclaimed.

**(Din's Fire hits Link in the head and Din's Fire starts it's burning procedure. Link became half charcoaled but he managed to save his hat. Hurrah for him!)**

"My hat… it's safe…YESSSSSS!" charcoaled Link yelled as he jumped up and down.

"…" Navi paused.

**

* * *

(Link leaves Hyrule Castle town and follows the river southward and swam across it to get to the entrance to 'Zora's River'… The Random owl _(who stalks you as usual)_ is there.)**

"Hoo Hoo! It looks like you've gotten bigger and stronger already Link!" the random owl exclaimed.

"How can you tell that?" Link asked.

"I have my sources…" the random owl smirked. "Just ahead lies Zora's Domain. The Zoras serve Hyrule's Royal Family by protecting this water source."

"You sound like a teacher on a field trip…" Navi told the random owl.

"Their door will not open for anyone except those who have some connection with the Royal Family." The random owl continued as if he didn't hear Navi.

"Well, that's not us!" Link exclaimed, trying to make the random owl go away, but failing terribly.

"Let them hear the melody of the Royal Family. Hoo hoo hoot!" the random owl exclaimed as he flew away,dun dun DUN!

"We already knew that!" Link yelled at the random owl.

"You never know!" the random owl yelled back as he flew away.

**

* * *

(Link runs upstream until he reaches the waterfall.)**

"Ahem?" Link asked as he held out his hand.

"Give up, Link. I'm not giving this to you until you find out what a Zora is." Navi told Link.

**(Navi then played Zelda's Lullaby and entered. The waterfall closed before Link could get through.)**

"NAVIII!" Link yelled.

**(Navi plays song again so Link could pass through.)**

"Thank you." Link told Navi.

"No problem." Navi told Link.

**

* * *

(Link goes through the entrance and Link goes up to the highest point of Zora's domain. Link sees the King Zora.)**

"Is this a Zora?" Link asked as he pointed at the King Zora.

"Yep!" Navi exclaimed as she pulled Link's ocarina out of her pocket.

"Are they always this ugly?" Link asked, horrified as he observed the King Zora.

"Not always, if you want to see a regular Zora, then go to your left and talk to that tall thing. If you want to see Princess Ruto then you must go to Lake Hylia and retrieve the sunken bottle, show it to the king Zora, get a fish, show it to Lord Jabu Jabu, get eaten by Lord Jabu Jabu, go through the dungeon part way and there she is." Navi told Link.

"O.O How do you know **that**?" Link asked.

"Err…" Navi paused. "You didn't hear anything…"

"Okay! I'll take a look at the Zora to the left!" Link exclaimed as he walked to the left, leaving Navi behind.

"Oh, my dear sweet princess Ruto… Where has she gone? I'm so worried…" the King Zora lamented.

"She's in the belly of Lor—I mean…Uh-oh…" Navi paused.

"What was that?" the King Zora asked.

"In the belly of Lorgoiontheiga!" Navi exclaimed, for that was her best cover up story.

"What's a Lorgoiontheiga?" the King Zora asked, tilting his head.

"'In the belly of Lorgoiontheiga' is slang for 'somewhere I/you/we don't know' or 'somewhere/something that doesn't concern me/you/us'!" Navi exclaimed.

"I see…"

**(Link comes back.)**

"Hi! What'd I miss?" Link asked.

"In the belly of Lorgoiontheiga (something that doesn't concern you)." The King Zora replied.

"Pardon?" Link asked, wondering if that was the Hylian language.

"In the belly of Lor-go-ion-the-iga." The King repeated, only slower.

"Excuse me?" Link asked.

"It's only slang of fairies. It's highly popular amongst them, other races don't know about the term." Navi explained.

"Ahhh…" King Zora ahhed.

"What?" Link asked.

"Never mind! Lets go to that Zoraon the left,again!" Navi told Link.

"But I was just over there!" Link protested.

"I don't care!" Navi exclaimed.

"I'm not going back there!"

"If you don't, then I'll throw you ocarina into the deepest part of Lake Hylia!"

"GASP! You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh yes I would!" Navi told Link as she flew left.

"Come back here!" Link told Navi.

"Come and get me!"

**(Link runs after Navi. Navi flies just beyond the edge of the waterfall, Link runs over, falls off and notices the rupees that were placed at the bottom of the pond_(just as Link fell down)_. Link gets all the rupees and runs back after Navi.)**

"Come back here!" Link yelled as he spotted Navi.

"Talk to the Zora here and I'll give you back your ocarina!" Navi told Link as she pointed (?) at the Zora nearby.

"Fine!"

**(Link gets Silver Scale!)**

"With that, you'll be able to go into deeper water!" the Zora exclaimed.

**(Once Link stopped talking with the Zora he noticed that Navi was gone! Link saw Navi _(near the bottom of Zoras Domain)_ go into a random hole!)**

"Come back here!" Link yelled as he jumped off the waterfall, after Navi.

**

* * *

(But Link was too late! Navi had already gone into the hole! Link gasped for air, and dove into the hole, after Navi! Link randomly arrived in Lake Hylia. Navi was green _(O.o)_ and was flying around something, under the water _(how could she breath?)_!)**

"GET BACK HERE NAVI!" Link yelled, diving under water, where Navi was swimming (?).

**(Link then dived where Navi was and accidentally grabbed something! He randomly/uncontrollably/something-ably swam to the surface and held up a bottle! Wait… There was something in it…)**

"What's that?" Navi asked as she flew/swam to the surface.

"I don't know… AND GIVE ME BACK MY OCARINA!" Link yelled as he tried to grab Navi, but failed.

"Find out what it says first!" Navi commanded.

"It says: Blah blah blah, blah blah." Link told Navi.

"There's more." Navi told Link while pointing at the fine print at the bottom.

"'P.S. Don't tell my fa—thhhheeerrr!'" Link stumbled as he dropped the note at the bottom of Lake Hylia.

"Good job, genius…" Navi told Link. "Go get it."

"Whhhhhhhhyyyyy?" Link whined/complained.

"Because your ocarina's down there!" Navi told Link, throwing the ocarina at the same spot as the note.

"NOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo!" Link yelled as he swam down to the bottom of the lake.

**(Link tries to get the ocarina, but accidentally got the note first. Link cursed/swore as he swam back down, but getting the ocarina this time.)**

"That lake…is deep…" Link huffed/puffed.

"Link…" Navi muttered, looking at the note scarily.

"Yes, Navi?"

"How did the **paper** note stay **dry** when it just fell into the **water**?"

"I don't know…"

**

* * *

(Link when back through the hole, up to the highest point of Zoras Domain, and showed the note, that isn't in the bottle anymore, to King Zora.)**

"Ho! This letter! It's from Princess Ruto!" the King Zora exclaimed.

"It is?" Link asked.

"Apparently…" Navi muttered.

"Hmm… Let's see… She's inside Lord Jabu-Jabu? That's not possible!" the King Zora continued.

"GASP!" Link gasped.

"Why isn't it possible?" Navi asked.

"Our guardian god, Lord Jabu-Jabu, would never eat my dear Princess Ruto." The King Zora replied.

"Is there anyway that would make him eat her?" Navi asked.

"Well… Since that stranger, Ganondorf, came here, Lord Jabu-Jabu has been a little green around the gills…" the King Zora replied.

"There you go!" Navi exclaimed.

"Ganondorf… Isn't he the guy Princess Zelda took his jewel from…?" Link pondered.

"The evidence seems clear. Of course, you'll go find Ruto." The King Zora continued.

"But whhhhhhyyyyyy?" Link whined.

"Shut up, Link!" Navi muttered.

"You can pass through here to the altar of Lord Jabu-Jabu." The King Zora continued.

"Where?" Link asked.

"This hole behind me."

"There's a hole behind you?" Navi asked.

"Yes."

"I never noticed it because you were so fat—Owwww…" Link muttered as Navi hit him on the head.

"Pardon?" the King Zora asked.

"Fatuablitilus!" Navi exclaimed/finished.

"Is it also fairy slang?" the King Zora asked.

"No, it's Kokiri slang for 'absolutely fabulous'!" Navi explained.

"It is?" Link asked.

**(Navi glares at Link.)**

"It is!" Link exclaimed.

"Oh… okay…I'll keep this letter, you keep the bottle it was in. Take it respectfully. Please find my dear Princess Ruto immediately… Zora." The King Zora explained, as he started to move to one side.

**(King Zora starts edging over to the right, taking his sweet time while doing so.)**

"Navi… I don't understand…" Link paused.

"Don't understand what?" Navi asked.

"How did the King Zora find out about the bottle… we only gave him the note that was inside of it." Link told.

"Yeah… How did he find out about the bottle?" Navi asked, while looking at the King Zora.

"Moeep, moeep, moeep…" the King Zora moeeped as he finished getting over to Link and Navi's right. "Now you can pass through."

"How? Your blocking the pathway so we can't get through! You moeeped the wrong way!" Navi complained.

"Oops."

"What kind of word is 'moeep' anyway!" Link asked.

"It's the sound he makes as he shuffles to the our (Link and Navi's) left." Navi explained.

"Ohh…" Link paused.

**(Link has to watch the entire time while Kind Zora scoots back across _(thecorrect way this time)_ the ledge…that takes him five million years to do, but then again, he's going twice the distance so it will take twice as long….)**

* * *

"It seems Princess Ruto has somehow gotten into Jabu Jabu's belly…" Navi muttered as Link went to get a fish from the Zora shopkeeper.

"Well, duh! You were the one who knew that before the King looked at the note!" Link told Navi.

"Ohh yeah…" Navi paused. "I'm sorry Link, it's just that sometimes, if you press the up button command, I start spewing out nonsense that I don't even want to say!"

"O.O WHAT!" Link yelled as he looked at Navi, who just said something that made no sense to Link.

"Errr… How much for that fish!" Navi asked the Zora shopkeeper, since, by this time, they had walked over to the store.

"5 000 000 000 Gald." The Zora/shopkeeper replied.

"WHAAAAAAATTTT!" Navi yelled.

"What the heck is Gald anyways?" Link asked the shopkeeper.

* * *

(Meanwhile, behind the scenes, where weird actions are taking place…)

"Yo, mister Zora? Your line is here…" Cherry-sama told the Zora as she pointed to a part of the script with the words 'Legend of Zelda' printed on it. "That's the Tales of Symphonia script you're looking at…"

"Whoops..." the Zora whoopsed as he put down a script that clearly said 'Tales of Symphonia' on it.

"Honestly, can't you read?" Cherry-sama asked.

"Nope."

"O.o How'd you pass school?"

"What's school?"

"O.O If you've never been to school, than how do you know your math?"

"What's math?"

"It's something that you must know in order to be able to count rupees."

"Give me an example."

"Later, the readers are waiting."

(Back to main storyline…)

* * *

"I'm not sure…" the Zora paused.

"Anyways, how much for the fish?" Navi asked again.

"1000 rupees." The shopkeeper told Navi.

"WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT! THAT'S PLAIN ROBBERY!" Navi yelled.

"At least we know the ratios for the currencies…" Link noted.

**(Navi swooped over, grabbed the fish, and flew out of the store as fast as she could. Navi had just stolen a fish!)**

"COME BACK HERE! THEIF!" the shopkeeper yelled.

"THIEF!" Link yelled.

"You'll pay for it, right?" the shopkeeper asked.

"Uhhh… WAIT UP NAVI!" Link yelled as he ran out of the shop.

"HEY!"

**

* * *

(Link and Navi ran up where the King Zora was, ran through the hole and ended up at Zora's fountain. Link swam away from Zoras Domain sooo he when into the water and swam behind Lord Jabu Jabu. Link saw that there was a patch of land not too far off. Link climbed onto it, randomly threw a bomb at the wall and took cover. When it exploded, it revealed a Fairy Fountain. Oh joy… Anyways. After Link went in, the witch/slut appeared. She came out of the water, cackling like a slutty witch with a slutty reputation.)**

"Welcome Link! I am the Great Fairy of Magic!" the 'Great Fairy' told Link.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! NOT ANOTHER SLUT!" Link yelled.

"…Meanie…I will give you a magic spell. Please take it." The slut (overall, a much better title) told Link.

**(Link received Farore's Wind from the ugly slut!)**

"Remember, you can use Farore's Wind only in dungeons that have a dungeon map hidden inside, okay?"

"No, it's not okay! This is a lame item!" Navi yelled.

"No it's not!" the slut protested.

"Yes it is! I bet that, out of all the slutty fairies, you're the lamest!" Link yelled.

"No! I'm the most sluttish!" the slut protested.

"… We did **not** need to know that…" Navi muttered.

"…When battle has made you weary, please come back to see me." The slut told Link.

"NOOOO!" Link yelled back, but it was too late, the slut was gone.

**

* * *

(Link exited and went over to Lord Jabu Jabu. Link dropped the stolen fish down in front of Jabu-Jabu. Lord Jabu Jabu sucked it up, eating Link as well! OH NO!)**

"AHHH!" Navi yelled when she landed on the inside on Jabu Jabu's mouth.

"Ewww… Lord Jabu Jabu's breath stinks…" Link muttered.

"Let's get going so we don't have to be in here long." Navi told Link as she flew up from the ground.

"That's easy for you to say… you don't have to walk on Siliva, Guts and other things like that!" Link told Navi.

**

* * *

(Link proceeds through the Stomach and onto the Digestive System, and when Link entered the main Kidney, hefound Ruto, Princess Ruto.)**

"You!" Ruto bossed.

"Who, me?" Link asked.

"Yes you!" Ruto replied.

"Yes?" Link asked.

"Who are you?" Ruto asked Link.

"I'm Link, kid of the Kokiris!" Link exclaimed.

"I am Ruto, Princess of the Zoras." Ruto told Link.

"You're Ruto? Oh good! The King Zora was looking for you!" Navi exclaimed.

**_And save you..._**Linkthought

"What! Are you saying my father asked you to come here and save me?" Ruto asked.

"We didn't say that." Link protested.

"You were thinking it!" Ruto pointed out.

"No we weren't!" Navi yelled.

"Link, here, was!" Ruto pointed out.

"Scary…" Link muttered.

"And I'd never ask anyone to do such a thing! Save me, honestly…" Ruto paused.

"What about the letter in the bottle?" Navi asked.

"'Letter in a bottle'? I have no idea what you're talking about!" Ruto snapped.

"But your father is worried about you!" Link told Ruto.

'My father is worried about me? I don't care! Anyway, I can't go home right now. And you… Get out of here! Understand!" Ruto asked.

"Yes ma'm!" Link exclaimed as he stood in a saluting position.

**(Ruto turns her back on you, walks away and falls down a nearby hole! _(snickers)_ Anyways...) **

"Ooooh nooooooo!" Ruto screamed as she fell down the hole.

**(Link stalks her down the hole and talks to her.)**

"Are you still hanging around here?" Ruto asked. Link.

"Yesh." Link replied.

"I told you to go away!" Ruto yelled.

"I know, but you just fell down a 6 meter hole!" Link exclaimed, pointing at where Ruto had fallen from.

"So did you…" Navi pointed out to Link.

"I'm okay. I've been going inside Lord Jabu-Jabu's belly since I was little, but…Lord Jabu-Jabu is very strange today…" Ruto muttered.

"How so?" Link asked.

"There are electrified jellyfish and strange holes around… On top of that, my precious stone was…but…that's none of your business! Anyway… You! Go home now! Understand!" Ruto yelled at Link.

"She sure likes yelling, doesn't she?" Navi asked.

"Ruto?" Link asked. "Are you sure?"

"You're that worried about me?" Ruto asked, with a look of awe on her face.

"Sorta…" Link muttered.

"Then I will give you the honor of carrying me. However…I won't leave until I find the thing I'm looking for. You'd better believe me!" Ruto yelled as she sat down so Link could carry her.

**

* * *

(If Link looses Ruto and leaves her behind, Link has to go get her again _(yes, that includes falling down the hole, sometimes)_ and she'll say the following…)**

"How inconsiderate! How could you leave me behind!"

"I'm not even sure how I did it myself…" Link muttered.

"If you're a man, act like one! Take responsibility!" Ruto commanded.

"Awww… Do I have to?" Link asked.

"Yes!" Ruto yelled as she sat down again..

**

* * *

(Anyway… ignoring that last scene… Link continues throughKidney and onto the Liver using Ruto to help Link open doors and whatnot…throwing her at stuff to killenimes _(this WORKS! Try it!)_ …etc. Then finally Link reached theHeart in which the Spiritual Stone is located… it's…so pretty... Ahem. Anyways. Ruto will get all excited like _(she'll kick her legs and fail her arms, accidentally bonking Link in the head! Ouch… xC)_ and she demands that Link will throw her on the dais.)**

"Link! Link! Up there!" Ruto exclaimed while pointing at the stone. "Throw me up there! On that ledge!"

**(Princess Ruto got the Spiritual Stone! But why Princess Ruto…?)**

"Oh my goodness! I finally found…my mother's stone…" Ruto muttered to herself. "I got very upset when Lord Jabu Jabu swallowed it…"

"How did he swallow it?" Link asked.

"While I was feeding him, he suddenly swallowed me! I was so surprised I dropped it inside…"

"Ohh…" Navi muttered. **_That's a stupid reason for dropping a stone… _**Navi thought.

"Take that back!" Ruto yelled.

"What back?" Navi asked.

"That comment about the stupid reason!"

"O.o How'd you know about that?" Navi asked.

"Because I have the ability to read minds! That's why!" Ruto replied.

"Erp!" Navi erped.

"We'd better not think anything mean about her while she's nearby…" Link muttered to Navi.

"Hmph…But, now that I've found it, I don't need to be here anymore! So, take me home, right now!" Ruto commanded.

**(Link takes a few steps towards her **'**highness**'** and randomly/suddenly the ledge Ruto was on, rises)**

"Keeeeeyaaaaaaahhhh! What is this? A giant Octopus?" Ruto screamed as the ledge lowered back down, to show a great big, ugly octopus!

**(Link beats the octopus and decided that Ruto isn't that important so he made 'Salt and Pepper Squid' out of an octopus… How odd…)**

**

* * *

(Anyways, after his sturdy meal, Link continued through theBody of Jabu Jabuto find the final boss _(which I have no clue how to defeat...)_! Link beats the boss _(how he did it, I don't know...)_ and Ruto randomly appeared in the blue warp thingy.)**

"You… You're late! What took you so long?" Ruto demanded.

"Well… I had to go the rest of the way through the Gills, and I had to beat a boss and I—" Link continued.

"I think she gets the point, Link…" Navi told Link.

"You're useless!" Ruto told Link.

"Wait… Why were you concerned about Link being late?" Navi asked.

"I was just lonely, that's all… Just a little!" Ruto exclaimed, making herself clear, a little **too** clear…

**

* * *

(Link warped out _(with Ruto flying across from him)_ and Link is standing on the log outside Lord Jabu Jabu. The camera shows Link's face, and then zooms out to show Princess Ruto try to kiss Link _(ewww…fish lips…)_. Link yelled as he fell off the log before her lips make contact with his _(lucky him!)_. Ruto jumps into the water after Link, swims closer to you with a seductive expression on her face, that might hint that she will kiss Link soon...)**

"You! You looked cool… Cooler than I thought you would, anyway… Just a little!" Ruto exclaimed.

"I don't think that's what you actually think…" Navi muttered (who was flying overhead).

"Well, anyway, you saved me, so I guess I'll reward you. What do you wish? Just tell me…" Ruto told Link in a scary way (at least to Link that is…).

"I want the Spiritual Stone." Link replied, looking at Ruto as if her face had just turned into a Goron's face.

"You mean the Spiritual Stone of Water, Zora's Sapphire, don't you?" Ruto asked.

"Yes, we do." Navi told Ruto.

"My mother gave it to me and said I should give it only to the man who would be my husband. You might call it the Zora's engagement ring!" Ruto explained.

"So, are you giving it to me, or what?" Link asked.

"Alright! I'll give you my most precious possession: Zora's Sapphire!" Ruto exclaimed, with a cute smile (?) on her face.

**(Ruto swims slightly away. A blue glow is above her and all of a sudden Link randomly get the Stone. Ruto vanishes mysteriously. Dun dun, DUN!)**

"_Don't tell my father…"_ Ruto pleaded as the scene changed.

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter five!

Zora/shopkeeper: Are you going to give me an example of math yet?

Cherry-sama: Okay! _(holds up five fingers)_ How many fingers are there?

Zora: _(counts)_ 1, 86, 36, 709, 5! 5 fingers!

Cherry-sama: …How about now? _(holds up 3 fingers)_

Zora: 1, 876, 3! 3 fingers!

Cherry-sama: You Zoras are hopeless…

Ruto: Hey!

Cherry-sama: Uh-oh...

Saria: Please review!


	6. Chapter 6: Ganondorf, the Balding Monkey

**Chapter 6! (Another chapter from me!) :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda for if I did… AW! Let's just get on with the fic already!**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome back to Totally Messed!

Navi: The authoress hopes that after doing this version, she can move onto something else! Like Majora's Mask! Or Wind Waker!

Link: But she can't be certain, one thing is certain, she will complete this fic, if it's the last thing she'll ever do!

Saria: Ignore us please… Read the story…

_**

* * *

What would happen if Ganondorf was insulted by Link, right to his face?**_

_Wonder no more! I fixed my cue cards! And you'll see how one little boo-boo can corrupt the whole stinky story! This chapter includes some reference to chapter two!_

**

* * *

(Link starts heading back and decides to talk to Ruto on his way out; he couldn't miss her because her head was so fat! But not as fat as the King Zora's.)**

"Hey Ruto!" Link greeted. "What are you up to?"

"Did my most precious possession help you on your quest? Hee hee…" Ruto giggled in a very scary way.

"Are you ignoring Link?" Navi asked.

"No… He's so…so…" Ruto muttered while looking at Link dreamily.

"'Cause if you are, then… THAT'S MY JOB! I'M THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO DO THAT!" Navi yelled in Ruto's ear, but she was to busy with Link that she didn't notice her.

"Are you doing anything this weekend? Hee…hee…" Ruto muttered.

"No… Not—" Link started, but Navi interrupted.

"Yes he is! He has to go to the mall, with ME! And he also has to eat food at the food court **and** he has to do all sorts of things, like be the hero of HYRULE!" Navi nagged as she made Link walk onto the platform.

"Ohh… Maybe later…" Ruto paused, looking really disappointed.

"Ummm… Hi, King Zora!" Link exclaimed as he tried to get out of his conversation with Ruto.

"Oh, Link! So, you saved the Princess, eh? I really appreciate it." The King Zora exclaimed.

"That's it? 'You really appreciate it'?" Link asked, disgusted. "I HAD TO GO INTO YOU LORD WHAT'S-HIS-FACE'S MOUTH, CLIMB AROUND HIS KIDNEYS **AND** I HAD TO GET A PRINCESS WITHIN THAT DUMP! AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS 'I REALLY APPRECIATE IT'!" Link yelled, losing his temper, or as I would say, snapped.

"Yes." the King Zora replied, as if he didn't hear Link.

"This world is nuts…" Navi muttered.

"ARGGGHHHH!" Link yelled as he stomped out of Zora's Domain.

**

* * *

(Link and Navi entered Zora's river)**

"You collected three Spiritual Stones! Let's go back to Hyrule Castle!" Navi exclaimed as she tried to cheer up Link.

"I know Navi… Where do you think I'm going right now?" Link asked as they got onto Hyrule field. "Or is this one of those spit-out-obvious-nonsense moments?"

"Yep… It was…" Navi told Link. "Anyways. Besides going to the castle, how about we go on that shopping spree that we were suppost to go on since chapter one!"

"I thought it was ever since chapter two…" Link paused.

"Never mind! We need to go there too! And we might as well go to the Bombchu Bowling Alley! I've always wanted to go bowling." Navi exclaimed.

**(Are you confused? Well, let me explain. Hyrule Castle Town was one of those really cool places where everyone wanted to be. Like New York, or Las Vegas. Anyways, that was what Hyrule Castle Town was, at least in the fic of Totally Messed. Back to the crazy and wacko storyline…)**

"And we could always go to that famous place called Bazaar. That place apparently has some great stuff!" Link exclaimed.

"Or we could go to—" Navi started.

**(The random owl flew by. Or, at least, what they thought was the random owl…)**

"AHHH! IT'S MISTER STALKER!" Link yelled.

"Quickly! Under this rock!" Navi exclaimed as she pointed to a randomly appearing rock.

**(Navi and Link hide under the rock. When the finally decided to take a peak out from under the rock, they had discovered that it wasn't the random owl. It was only a balloon version of the random owl. Link and Navi grumbled as they had to get out from under the really small rock, Link squished Navi once or twice, but she didn't mind until they both got back out from under the rock. I don't see why they didn't just lift the rock off of them… It was really light… But nevertheless, they had a hard time getting out from under the rock)**

"…All that work for nothing…" Link muttered.

**

* * *

(Link made his way back to the Castle when he reached the Castle Gates, it automatically became night, not to mention raining)**

"What's going on…?" Navi asked for, a few seconds ago, she had had the sun in her eyes.

"I dunno…" Link muttered.

**(Suddenly, the Gates clashed down to the ground, making Link and Navi soaked in mud. Zelda and Impa ran out of the Town on a white horse. Zelda's hair _(which was loose) _flapping in the wind. Zelda was wearing a black headband with a Gerudo _(Ganondorf's)_ jewel on the center of it. Zelda saw Link and threw something over her shoulder and into the river. White horse gallops off when Link turned around/regains-his-vision, Ganondorf was randomly THERE! DUN DUN!)**

**(Ganondorf charged out shortly after them and looked angrily in the direction in which they had fled. Ganondorf had an indent in the center of his forehead, in the shape of his missing Jewel.)**

"Arg! I lost her!" Ganondorf cursed as he rubbed his indented forehead.

**(Ganondorf noticed Link for the first time. He didn't care a thing about Navi!)**

"You, over there! Little kid!" Ganondorf called out, facing Link, making himself look like a balding monkey.

"Who me?" Link asked, deciding to have a little fun with this guy that reappeared from chapter 2.

"Yes you." Ganondorf confirmed.

"Are you sure you mean me?" Link asked.

"Yes, I mean you." Ganondorf repeated, trying to be patient.

"Are you really talking to me?" Link asked.

"Yes I'mtalking to you…"

"Are you sure…?"

"YES I'M SURE!" Ganondorf yelled, while loosing it. "I have no time to be wasting my time on this little conversation with a little brat!"

"Oh geez… He's nice." Navi grumbled sarcastically.

"Now… You must have seen the white horse gallop past just now… Which way did it go!" Ganondorf asked.

**(Link stood there. He was not going to tell this ugly freak where his employer went!)**

"Answer me!" Ganondorf demanded.

**(Link took a couple steps backwards)**

"So, you think you can protect them from me… You've got guts, kid." Ganondorf chuckled.

**(Link drew his sword)**

"LINK! I know that you are a wonderful artist but this **isn't** the time for DRAWING!" Navi yelled at Link, who was holding a very big sketchpad.

"But my sword… I just got a sudden urge to draw it!" Link complained as he moved he pencil around furiously as he drew a stick-sword (a sword for a stick man).

"Heh heh heh… You want a piece of me!" Ganondorf asked.

"I never said that!" Link complained as he looked up from his sketchpad.

"But you were thinking it…" Ganondorf paused.

"AHHHHHHH! HE'S JUST LIKE RUTO!" Navi yelled.

"Hey mister…" Link paused, deciding to draw Ganondorf on the next page of his artwork.

"The name is Ganondorf!" Ganondorf snapped.

"Well, mister Ganondorf sir… did you know that you look like a balding monkey?" Link asked.

"Very funny! I like your attitude!" Ganondorf chuckled.

"He's not kidding…" Navi paused.

"He's not?" Ganondorf asked.

"Nope…" Navi confirmed.

**(Ganondorf raises his hand and shoots a purple/yellow/white thing at Link. Link flies backwards. Then, by accident, Ganondorf sent another thing at himself)**

"Owwwie… MOMMY!" Ganondorf cried, acting like a little kid, behaving far weirder than Link and Navi put together.

"Even Link's more mature than that…" Navi paused watching Ganondorf cry like a little baby.

"Yeah… At least I hope so…" Link paused.

"Waaahhhhhh…. I mean…Pathetic little fool! Do you realize who you're dealing with!" Ganondorf asked.

"That was a quick change…" Navi muttered to Link.

"I am dealing with Ganondorf, the balding monkey." Link told Ganondorf.

"I am Ganondorf! And I am not a balding monkey! And soon, I will rule the world!" Ganondorf yelled as he wiped away his tears.

"Don't you mean take over the princesses jewelry?" Link asked.

**(Ganondorf gives a shout and starts pursuing Zelda again, who is now at the other end of the word by now.)**

"That was odd…" Link paused, looking where Ganondorf had just fled.

"Maybe we should go after that thing Zelda threw into the river…" Navi suggested as she noticed, whatever it was, that it was starting to rust.

**(Link jumped in the river and retrieved the Ocarina of Time!)**

**

* * *

(The world suddenly turned into a flashback showing Zelda standing in front of the Altar of Time. Zelda had her hair still loose, with the headband on her head)**

"Link… Can you hear me? It's me, Zelda…" Zelda told Link, who knew exactly who it was.

"I think Link already knew that." Navi told Zelda.

"What happened to you're hair?" Link asked, looking at Zelda's loose hair for the first time.

"Ganondorf burned my hat in revenge for me taking his jewel. But I still have it!" Zelda exclaimed proudly as she pointed to the jewel on her headband.

"I pity you…" Link told Zelda.

"Look! I have to tell you this important stuff before the time runs out!" Zelda yelled.

"Okay." Link whimpered in obedience.

"Link, when you hold this Ocarina in your hand…I won't be around anymore… I wanted to wait for you, but I couldn't delay any longer. At least I could leave you the Ocarina and this melody. This song opens the Door of Time…" Zelda explained.

**(Zelda played the song and Link learned the Song of Time!)**

"Now, Link. Play this melody in front of the altar in the Temple of Time. You must protect the Triforce. BECAUSE IT'S MINE!" Zelda exclaimed as the world changed.

* * *

**(Link randomly found himself on the bridge.) **

"What should I do with my old Ocarina?" Link asked, looking at the ocarina Saria gave him.

"I wouldn't recommend throwing out… Saria gave that to you…" Navi paused, looking at the Ocarina over Link's shoulder.

"I know…" Link paused.

"OH! I know! Give it to me!" Navi exclaimed.

"Fine… Have it… Just remember, I put my lips on that." Link told Navi.

**(Navi gasps and throws Ocarina in river when Link's not looking.)**

"So… Where to now?" Link asked Navi.

"You should go inside the Town and go into the back alley until you see a guard lying on ground and talk to him." Navi explained.

"Pardon?" Link asked.

"Err… Just go." Navi told Link.

**(Link did what Navi said and found a Guard lying in the alley of the castle town)**

"Unngh… Are you the boy from the forest…?" the guard asked.

"Yep!" Link exclaimed.

"Shush! I think he's trying to tell us something before her dies!" Navi snapped.

"I-I-I've finally met you… I-I-I have something to t-t-tell you…Ganondorf, the Gerudo King of Thieves, betrayed our king…" the Guard told Link.

"No duh!" Navi muttered to Link.

"Zelda's nanny, Impa, sensed the danger and escaped from the castle with our princess. I tried to stop Ganondorf's men from chasing them…but…the princess was…waiting for a boy from the forest… That's you… She wanted to give something to the boy. If you received it from the princess, hurry…to the Temple of Time…" the Guard told Link as he stopped moving.

"Is he dead?" Navi asked.

"Not quite." Link told Navi.

"He has to be dead! He's not moving anymore!" Navi told Link. "After all that killing you've done, I would think you'd be able to tell whether a person is dead or not."

**(The supposedly dead Guard coughed and spluttered, then died)**

"Now he's dead!" Link told Navi.

"Yeah, yeah…" Navi mumbled.

"Let's go check inside the mall!" Navi told Link.

"I think we should do what that nice old dying guy asked us to do and go to the Temple of Time…" Link told Navi while looking at the corpse.

"Fine." Navi grumbled, really wishing that she could hurry up, go to the mall and start shopping.

* * *

**(Link entered the Temple of Time.)**

"So… Now what?" Link asked as he looked around.

"Hey! Look! There's something written on here!" Navi exclaimed while pointing to some inscription on the nearby altar.

"Ye who owns three Spiritual Stones, stand with the Ocarina of Time and play the Song of Time." the Altar read.

"What should I do?" Link asked Navi.

"Maybe you should stand before the Altar and play the Song of Time…" Navi suggested.

**(Link did what Navi said and stood before the altar and played the Song of Time. The Stones magically set themselves in the altar and the Door of Time opened.)**

"NOO! There go Princess Zelda's jewels…" Link paused as he looked at the stones placed on the Altar.

"Link… Would you hurry up?" Navi asked impatiently.

"Fine…" Link muttered.

**(Link went through the door of time. while link looks around, Navi sees something)**

"Link, isn't that…!" Navi asked, amazed by what she was seeing.

**(Navi flies over to Master Sword.) **

"It's that legendary blade… The Master Sword!" Navi exclaimed.

**(Link walked over to the sword.)**

"This will be an excellent drawing subject!" Link exclaimed as sat down and took out his sketchpad. "Especially with the light shining onto the sword like that!"

"LINK! You were the one that wanted to go here! If you are going to waste my time then I might as well go shopping!" Navi complained.

"Fine… Be that way…" Link muttered to Navi, while standing up.

**(Link lifts Master sword and Ganondorf randomly appears behind you.)**

"Geh heh heh! Excellent work! As I thought, you held the keys to the Door of Time! You have led me to the gates of the Sacred Realm… Yes I owe it all to you, kid!" Ganondorf chuckled as he watched Link.

**(Ganondorf laughs cheesily/evilly)

* * *

**

Cherry-sama: Chapter 6!

Saria: The authoress can't think of anything amusing to say. Please review.


	7. Chapter 7: Deaf Ingo? Sour Milk?

**Chapter 7 (rawr… another chapter WARNING! INCLUDES SOUR MILK! Ewww…) xP**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda: OoT. But I do own the sour milk! But it's sour… So I don't want it…**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome back to Totally Messed! 

Navi: I'm bored…

Cherry-sama: So am I… _(pokes Navi)_

Navi: Stop it!

Cherry-sama: _(pokes again)_

Saria: Don't watch this boring thing… Please read the story…

_**

* * *

What would happen if Link made Ingo go deaf? **_

_Wonder no more! See how one little boo-boo change makes me want to go to the zoo! Wait… Someone's been messing with my cue cards again…_

**

* * *

(Link warps…somewhere and he wakes up in the Chamber of the Sages. Navi was still asleep, beside him. Link looks around, not noticing that there is an old guy standing in front of him.) **

"Link… Wake up… Link, the Chosen One…" a voice (from the old geezer) called.

**(Link stands up and sees Rauru)**

"AAAHHHHHHHH!" Link yelled, wait…how come he heard a deeper voice than he usually speaks? "Just who are you?"

"I am Rauru, one of the ancient sages…" Rauru explained.

"Just in case you didn't notice, I'm already awake. And do you expect me to believe that? I know you look really old and all, but ancient is an **understatement**." Link told, crossing his arms, sounding more mature than he usually does.

"Yes I am old, but not as old as you make me sound! I'm only 47596040 years old!" Rauru told Link.

"Only?" Link asked.

"Anyways… Ages ago, we ancient sages built the Temple of Time to protect the entrance to the Sacred Realm…" Rauru continued.

"Wha—? Ohh no! Not the mumbo jumbo about the Sacred Realm…" Link mumbled as Navi woke up.

"You're just as annoying as the random owl!" Navi stated.

"That hurt you know…" Rauru whimpered as he regained his composure. "I mean… This is the Chamber of Sages, inside the Temple of Light… The Temple of Light, situated in the very center of the Sacred Realm, is the last stronghold against Ganondorf's evil forces."

"You keep talking but all I hear is 'blah blah blah'…" Link muttered.

"The Master Sword—the evil-destroying sword that you pulled out of the Pedestal of Time was the final key to the Sacred Realm." Rauru went on.

"Uh-huh… You speak as if I'm listening…" Link muttered.

"Link…don't be alarmed…look at yourself…!" Rauru told Link.

"I think those are the only real words I've heard come out of you ever since you started this conversation." Link told Rauru as he looked down at his body.

**(Link looks at himself and he finds out why his voice was so bloody low!)**

"Look Link! You're big now! You've grown up." Navi exclaimed, she too as looking at Link for the first time.

"Seven years older!" Rauru told Link. "You're getting closer to my age!"

"Wow… I look hot!" Link exclaimed as he looked at his older self.

"Yeah, yeah… The Master Sword is a sacred blade, which evil ones may never touch…. Only ones worthy of the title of 'The Hero of Time' can pull it from the Pedestal of Time. However, you were too young to be the Hero of Time…therefore, your spirit was sealed here for seven years." Rauru told Link.

"That was interesting compared to most of the other stuff you said before." Link told Rauru.

"…And now that you are old enough, the time has come for you to awaken as the Hero of Time! Well, do you understand your destiny?" Rauru asked.

"Yes, duh." Link told Rauru.

"But, remember… though you opened the Door of Time in the name of peace…Ganondorf, the Gerudo King of Thieves, used it to enter this forbidden Sacred Realm! He obtained the Triforce from the Temple of Light, and with its power, he became the Kind of Evil..." Rauru continued.

"There goes Zelda's Triforce…" Navi told Link; Link nodded.

"His evil power radiated from the Temples of Hyrule, and in seven short years, it transformed Hyrule into a world of monsters. My power now only has little influence, even in this Sacred Realm…namely, this Chamber of Sages. But there is still hope… The power of the Sages remains. When the power of all the Sages is awakened…the Sages' seals will contain all the evil power in the void of the Realm. I, Rauru, am one of the Sages…and… your power to fight together with the Sages makes you the Hero of Time! The Hero of Time, chosen by the Master Sword! Keep my spirit with you… and, find the power of the other Sages and add their might to your own!" Rauru commanded as he lifted his arms into the air and the camera flew up to the ceiling.

**(Rauru gave Link the Light Medallion andRauru randomly warps Link out of the Chamber of the Sages)**

* * *

"Link…we're back in the Temple of Time… But has seven years really past? It looks like you won't be able to use some of the weapons you found as a kid anymore… Let's get out of here!" Navi told Link. 

"We can't… the Door of Time is sealed shut…" Link paused, while pointing to the Door of Time, which was indeed sealed shut.

"How did that happen?" Navi asked, flying over to the door.

"Someone must have stolen the Stones from the Altar." Link thought.

"Link… You're a lot smarter than you used to be… To the fact that it's scary…" Navi told Link.

"Whatever… Let's break the door down…" Link told Navi as he walked forwards.

**(Link starts to push and then something fell from the roof. Link draws his sword, the Master Sword.)**

"LINK! Stop drawing whenever the authoress wants you to pull out your sword!" Navi scolded to Link, who was holding a pencil and amoth-eaten sketchpad.

"Is that what she wanted me to do?" Link asked, lifting up his seven year old pencil from the dead paper.

"Excuse me?" the something asked as it waved its hand to try to get attention from the two.

"Hello! Could you help us break the door down?" Link asked the new person.

"Hmph… Fine…" the something (apparently a person, human person) agreed.

**(The three of them pushed and shoved, but the door wouldn't budge.)**

"No use…" Navi muttered.

"I guess we can't save Hyrule after all…" Link paused.

"Maybe it would help if I put the three shiny stones back to that Altar thing…" the person muttered.

**(Link and Navi froze.)**

"YOU STOLE THE STONES ON THE ALTAR!" they yelled, making the person temporarily deaf.

"Yeah… I'm a thief you know… Just wait… I'll put these back…" the new person told Link and Navi as it clutched the three stones in its hand, threw a Deku nut and vanished.

**(Moments later, the door opens. The new person on the other side, crossing its arms.)**

"Mission accomplished." It muttered to itself.

"Thanks!" Link exclaimed, for it felt like he knew this person.

"Hey, could you turn your backs for a moment?" the person asked.

"Okay!" Navi exclaimed as Link and Navi turned around.

**(When Link and Navi both turned back to face the person, 'Mission Impossible' music plays in the background.)**

"I've been waiting for you, Hero of Time…" the person told Link as it made all sorts of cool poses, speaking in beat with the music. "When evil rules all, an awakening voice from the Sacred Realm will call those destined to be sages, who dwell in the five Temples."

"Where's that music coming from?" Link asked, looking at the ceiling, Navi doing the same.

"One in a deep forest… One on a high mountain… One under a vast lake… One with the House of the Dead… One inside the Goddess of the Sand…" the person told Link, while ignoring his comments. "Together with the Hero of Time, the awakened ones will bind the evil and return the light of peace to the world…"

"Where did the music manager get that CD? I love this music!" Navi exclaimed.

"But I still wanna know where that music is coming from…" Link muttered. "And Navi…"

"Yes Link?" Navi asked.

"What's a CD?" Link asked.

"I have no clue…" Navi muttered.

"…This is the Legend of the Temples passed down by my people, the Sheikahs. I am Sheik, survivor of the Sheikahs…" the person (named Sheik) continued.

"Sheik? Where is that music coming from?" Link asked stupidly.

"Well… THAT'S IT! KILL THE MUSIC!" Sheik yelled; he was at the end of his wits.

**(The music abruptly stopped as a man in glasses _(apparently the sound technician)_ walked in the room _(from the wall)_ holding a knife stained with blood.)**

"Where did that blood come from?" Navi asked.

"And **who** did it come from?" Link asked, making a bigger point.

"…When I said 'kill the music' I meant **stop** it. Not actually **kill** it…" Sheik told the man in glasses, he figuring it out before the other two did.

"Whoops…" the man muttered as he looked at his knife and quickly wiped the blood off the knife and onto his shirt.

**(The man in glasses disappeared into the wall again.)**

"As I see you standing there, holding the mythical Master Sword, you really do look like the legendary Hero of Time…" Sheik continued in peace.

"I do?" Link asked.

"He does?" Navi asked.

"Yes… If you believe the legend, you have no choice. You must look for the five Temples and awaken the five Sages…. One Sage is waiting for the time of awakening in the Forest Temple. The Sage is a girl I'm sure you know… Because of the evil power in the Temple, she cannot hear the awakening call from the Sacred Realm… Unfortunately, equipped as you currently are, you cannot even enter the Temple…" Sheik explained.

"Why not?" Link asked coolly.

"Because I said so!" Sheik snapped. "Anyway, if you believe in what I am saying, you should head to Kakariko Village… Do you understand, Link?"

"Yep!" Link exclaimed, not worrying about the music anymore.

"To save the forest girl, you need another skill… Head to Kakariko Village!" Sheik demanded.

"Say… This has been bugging me for a while now… You look a lot like Princess Zelda…" Link mumbled while looking at Sheik.

"I do? How?" Sheik asked coolly.

"Well... You have the same jewelry obsession…"

"Jewelry obsession?" Sheik asked as he raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah… She had this really creepy obsession with jewels." Navi told Sheik.

"And you also have blond hair…" Link continued.

"So do you…" Sheik pointed out. "For all I know, you could be Zelda."

"Trust me. He's not." Navi told Sheik.

"And are those red contacts?" Link asked looking at Sheik's eyes.

"………IhavetogowashsomethingrightnowandIneedtogo,sobye!" Sheik told Link, while throwing a Deku nut at his feet, making him temporarily blind.

"But then again, Zelda wasn't a guy, also she didn't have short hair and she also didn't steal (yes, I know, she did steal in chapter two)!" Link exclaimed after he became un-blind.

"But would she?" Navi paused.

"Na!" Link told Navi.

"But I'm wondering… Should we believe what Sheik said and go to Kakariko Village?" Navi asked Link.

"Duh! What else? Or wait… Was that another one of those spit-out-obvious-nonsense moments?" Link asked.

"Yep. I don't know why the authoress makes me say those idiotic lines! It's as if you couldn't do it yourself!" Navi exclaimed.

"Yeah!" Link exclaimed.

"No wait… You probably can't do it yourself…" Navi paused, remembering all those random events when Link was little.

"Oh jeez… Thanks…" Link muttered to Navi. "Well, at least I can do it now in this big strong body!"

**(Link flexed, trying to make muscles appear, but nothing showed.)**

"Why won't it work?" Link asked, looking at his arm sadly.

"I'll tell you later! Now lets get going!" Navi snapped.

"Maybe it was because I haven't eaten for seven years…" Link muttered as he got pushed out of the Temple of Time.

**

* * *

(Link went to Kakariko Village after over coming the initial shock of seeing Hyrule in ruins. Link entered the Graveyard of Karaoke _(Kakariko, I know, but Karaoke is how Link says it)_ stood in front of a grave on the far far left with flowers in front of it.) **

"I guess Dampé the dancer died…" Link paused, looking at the name on the grave in front of him.

"Who's Dampé?" Navi asked, for Link and Navi haven't met him yet.

"He's—Um… I'm not sure…" Link paused.

"Let's dig up the grave to see what the person looked like!" Navi suggested as she pulled at the back of the grave, reveling a hole.

**(Link and Navi stared at the hole)**

"I didn't think the body would be that far down in the ground…" Link paused, looking down the hole.

**(Link lost his balance and fell down the hole and Link encountered a floating person _(apparently Dampé the ballet dancer)_ floating in front of him, wearing a pink tutu)**

"Heh heh heh, young man! Are you fast on your feet?" Dampé asked.

"AHHHHH! THE BODY SPOKE!" Navi yelled.

"At least we found out what the person looks like." Link paused, looking at the dead person.

"…I may not look like it, but I'm confident in my speed and my dancing! Let's have a dancing competition!" Dampé exclaimed, twirling around.

"But I don't wanna…" Link muttered, but Dampé didn't hear.

"Follow me if you dare!" Dampé exclaimed, trying to make himself sound creepy, but failed horribly.

**(Link followed the dancing Dampé through the crypt and arrived at the other end)**

"The time of this dance was (insert time here)!" Dampé exclaimed.

"Really? It took that long?" Link asked.

"I thought that time was a bit short for what it felt like…" Navi mumbled.

"Hehehe, young man…you were very quick to be able to keep up with my dancing! Hehehe!" Dampé grinned.

"I was?" Link asked.

"He was?" Navi asked.

"As a reward, I am going to give you my treasure." Dampé told them, while ignoring them. "It's called the hookshot! Its spring-loaded chain will pull you to any spot where its hook sticks. Doesn't that sound cool?"

"Not really…" Link muttered, he was thinking he would get a better prize for going through that maze, following a twirling corpse.

"I'm sure it will help you all the same! I live here now, so come back again some time." Dampé exclaimed, hinting that he wanted more company. "I'll give you something cool!"

"Cooler than this time?" Link asked, much too hopeful.

"No, not as cool as this time."

"Ohhh…" Link muttered, very disappointed.

"One more thing…you look like the kind of person who would be really good at break dancing!" Dampé exclaimed.

"I do?" Link asked, bewildered.

"Yep! Be careful on your way back, my budding break-dancing student! Heheheheh…" Dampé chuckled as he **vanished**! DUN NUH!

"Odd…" Navi paused, looked where the corpse had just stood.

"Say… The path leads off somewhere… Let's see where!" Link exclaimed.

"Forwards is the only way we **can** go…" Navi muttered, hinting that the door they had just come from was closed.

"Hey…" Link paused, looking at an old wooden chest, starting to mold.

"Beats me, maybe Hookshot is in there…" Navi paused.

"Let's look and find out!" Link exclaimed.

**(Link opens the chest and finds a very rusted Hookshot inside. What a lame gift!)**

"This is lame…" Link paused, looking at the blunt/dull edge.

"Link…**-wheeze-** Close that stinky chest!" Navi spluttered as she started to turn green.

"Okay, okay…" Link paused, closing the chest, but the smell didn't go away.

**(Navi gasps, no in need for fresh air, but in amazement. Navi started to fly away from Link)**

"Navi! Don't go!" Link yelled as soon as he noticed.

"Just wait, I'll come back, this is just a test." Navi told Link.

"Fine! You ditch me, I ditch you!" Link exclaimed, running through the door ahead of him.

"HEY!" Navi yelled as she flew she fast as she could to catch up to Link.

**

* * *

(In the next room…) **

"What's this?" Link asked, looking at a very big, blue stone standing in front of the way out.

"Wait… This has the same symbol as the Door of Time! Play the song of time to get ride of it!" Navi told Link.

"And you know this how?" Link asked, sounding smarter than when he was little.

"It says here on the front." Navi told Link, pointing to the letters on the front of the stone.

"Ohhh…" Link mumbled as he pulled out his new Ocarina (well… it's not really new, it's been new for seven years).

**(Link played the song and the stone vanished.)**

**

* * *

(Link walked and followed the tunnel only to wind up at the windmill where the guy with the music box plays) **

"That guy looks mad…" Navi muttered to Link.

"Maybe I should ask why…" Link suggested.

"You talk to him. I'll wait here." Navi told Link, making it sound like she didn't want to go near the man, but she actually was conducting the experiment she was trying to make before but then Link ditched her so she had to follow.

"Grrrrrrrrr! I'll never forget what happened that day, seven years ago!" the music man growled as Link looked at the man's eyes, they were pure white!

"What happened?" Link asked, trying to find out why the guy was so mad.

"Grrrrrrrrr! It's all that ocarina kid's fault!" the man continued.

"I have an ocarina—" Link started, but Navi glared at Link, making him shut up.

"Next time here comes around here, I'm going to mess him up!" the man threatened.

"Like my Ocarina?" Link asked, pulling out his blue ocarina, Navi slapped her head.

"What! You've got an ocarina! What the heck!" the music man cursed.

"I think he's snapped." Navi whispered to Link as she came back, Link nodded.

"That reminds me of the time, seven years ago! Back then a mean kid came here and played a strange song. It messed up this windmill!" the music man told Link. "I'll never forget this song!"

**(The mad man decides to teach you Song of Storms _(my favorite song of all time)_ not realizing that Link is the Ocarina kid from back then)**

**(Then Link plays the Song of Storms and it begins to rain outside complete with thunder and lightning _(and it's also happening on the set!)_. The windmill begins to increase in speed and the music man becomes really angry)**

"Ooo! Look! It's raining outside!" Navi exclaimed as she flew up and down.

"Oh, no! A storm again! You've played the ocarina again, didn't you! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" the music man asked.

"I only played it once since I got in here!" Link claimed as he randomly appeared outside.

"…Odd…" Navi muttered to Link.

**(Anju randomly runs up to Link)**

"I bred a need type of miniature cucco! I call it the Pocket Cucco! I don't get goose bumps from this baby." Anju explained with a certain look of pride on her face.

"That's very nice?" Link asked, not sure what to reply; after all, a woman who is obsessed with chickens just randomly ran up to him and said she doesn't get hives from them anymore. That qualifies as way too much information…

"Cuccos are very good at getting lazy, late-risers out of bed. Haven't you heard of them before?" Anju asked.

"No…" Link paused.

"Oh, well... It makes them very happy to crow: 'CUCCKOOOO!' especially when it wakes up a heavy sleeper!

"I see…" Navi paused.

"However, my Cucco is not entirely happy right now… You… You look like you're good at handling cuccos." Anju told Link.

"I do?" Link asked, synchronized with Navi.

"He does?" Navi asked, synchronized with Link.

"Yes. Now, here, take this egg." Anju told Link, handing him the egg and disappeared.

"Thank you?" Link told Anju, but he didn't notice that she was gone.

"That was randomly odd…" Navi told Link.

**(So Link got an egg, and Navi found out that the stinky smell was coming from none other than LINK! DUN UN! Maybe it's because he hadn't had a bath for seven years, or his whole life even…)**

"I thought her egg looked upset…" Link paused, examining the egg.

"And how can you tell an egg's emotions?" Navi asked, Link shrugged.

**

* * *

(Link then randomly went to Lon Lon Ranch and left the Cucco alone for now. Link randomly entered at night to see adult Malon who was randomly _(this chapter has very random reference)_ standing and singing in the corral, at night, all alone.) **

"Please keep it a secret from Mr. Ingo that I sing this song." Malon told Link when he got close to her.

"But he didn't even say anything!" Navi told Malon.

"Whoops… Sorry…" Malon told Link as she bowed.

**(Malon continues to sing, Link covered his ears)**

"Maybe you should tell her that you don't like that song that much…" Navi whispered to Link.

"It's not the song I hate, it's the singing." Link told Navi, just loud enough for Malon to hear every word clearly.

"Excuse me?" Malon asked Link, turning around and facing him.

"You're excused." Navi told Malon.

"I am dreadfully sorry you had to hear that, my dear." Link told Malon, going close to Malon, dreamily (AN: I am sorry. My sister and me always role-play, as we are playing the game, that older Link is sort of a flirt…).

"He—hear what?" Malon asked, due to short-term memory loss.

**_This must be that short-term memory loss girl named Malon…_** Navi thought.

"Hear my…passion! Yeah, passion for you!" Link exclaimed, taking the better of the situation (AN: I do not like this couple, my sister does but I don't…).

"I see…" Malon paused.

"In fact I'd like to play a song in honor of your beauty (AN: What beauty? Jk.)." Link exclaimed, pulling out his ocarina.

**(Link played Epona's Song for Malon, Navi looked at Link as if he was an idiot, who he was at this point)**

"You… Do you know my mother's song?" Malon asked, very shocked indeed.

"It would appear so." Navi muttered.

"You taught it to me, seven years ago…" Link reminded Malon.

"Everyone really liked that song… my dad…even Mr. Ingo…" Malon started.

"Oh?" Link gasped, raising an eyebrow.

"But…since Ganondorf appeared, Mr. Ingo has changed completely. I can remember the good old days only when I sing this song." Malon told Link, a tear trickling down her face.

"Ohhh… That's why you sing that song with your beautiful voice!" Link flirted even if he had just insulted her 'beautiful voice' a few minutes ago.

"But you were the one that said—" Navi started, but Link stuffed her inside his hat.

"Also…Epona really liked that song. Only I could tame that horse…Even Mr. Ingo had a hard time. Hee hee hee!" Malon giggled, as if she had even forgotten what mood she was feeling a few seconds ago.

"So, all you need to do to tame Epona is play Epona's song?" Link asked.

"Umm… Yes…" Malon blushed.

"That makes sense…" Navi told Link, as she flew back out of his hat. "Considering the name of the song is Epona's song."

"I see… Where is mister Ingo? I haven't seen him in such a long time…" Link told Malon, as if he **actually wanted** to see the ugly freak.

"Umm… He's in the Farmhouse, in the upstairs room. He should be asleep…" Malon blushed.

"Thank you." Link told Malon.

**

* * *

(Link went into the Farmhouse and into the upstairs room _(like Malon told him to)_, Mr. Ingo is asleep in the room. He has the lights on and is wasting electricity/lamp oil…) **

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ… S-Stop that song… I… I… mumble… mumble…" Mr. Ingo muttered in his sleep.

"Wow… He's gotten uglier over the years…" Link paused.

"Should I poke him, like I did to Talon?" Navi asked, starting to fly towards Mr. Ingo's sides.

"What will he think if he wakes up?" Link asked Navi as he pulled her away from the sleeping ugly person.

"Lets wake him up anyways then run away!" Navi exclaimed, a diabolic gleam in her eyes (?).

"Okay!" Link agreed, taking out his **sword** and poking Mr. Ingo with it.

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ… S-Stop that song… I… I… mumble… mumble…" Ingo repeated.

"…" Link paused, "What the heck?"

"Poke him harder!" Navi exclaimed, pulling on Mr. Ingo's moustache.

**(Link jabbed harder.)**

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ… S-Stop that song… I… I… mumble… mumble…" Ingo repeated, yet again.

"…He's like a broken record…" Navi blinked.

Not pausing to wonder what a record was, Link hopped up on the bed and began to jump up and down, making Ingo make a squish like sound. "Heeeeeeeeeyyyyyaaa! Mr. Innnngoooo! Waaaakkke uupppp!"

**(Fun fact: Link can climb onto the bed and trample Ingo while he's asleep in the game. Try it, it's fun and it works :D)**

"ZZZZZZ_(squish)_ZZZZZZZ… S-Stop that _(squish)_ song… I… I… mumble _(squish)_… mumble…(squish)" Ingo blabbed yet again.

"WAKEY WAKEY!" Link hollered at the top of his lungs, into Mr. Ingo's ears, making him partially deaf.

"Oh, Din…" Navi swore. "This guy's hard to get up."

"Hey!" Link exclaimed, holding up the pocket cucco egg. "That Cucco Lady with the hives said that this egg likes to wake people up!"

"Hey! You're right!" Navi agreed. "We should hatch it and let it crow for this guy."

"Okay, then we just have to throw this egg at him!" Link exclaimed, not seeming to hear Navi.

**(Link threw the egg, hard, at Mr. Ingo's head. It ricocheted off his forehead, leaving an indented bruise. The egg rolled across the floor, out the door and down the stairs; a loud cackle of panicked cuccos erupted from downstairs.)**

"…" Navi stared.

"This is lame! The egg didn't even work. Let's get out of here…" Link whined, bored.

**(Link shoved his hands in his pockets and walked down the stairs sulkily, Navi close behind. He picked up the unharmed egg from among the startled cuccos, and stuff…)**

"That is one hard egg…" Navi muttered as she and Link walked outside.

"Wait! I got an idea! Let's egg the house!" Link exclaimed.

**

* * *

**

**(In end, the house only ended up being full of egg-shaped holes, which sucked, so Link decided to play the Sun's Song to make the day come.) **

"This'll make the day come quicker and he'll only have a few hours of sleep!" Link cackled, going insane from the lack of having successful plans.

**(Then Link went back to talk to Malon who was in the barn.)**

"Oh…a visitor! It's been a long time since we've had a visitor here…" Malon exclaimed.

"Don't you remember us from last night?" Link asked sadly.

"I think I remember seeing a bright blue light saying 'That makes sense'…" Malon told Link and Navi, apparently she had forgotten the conversation from the night before.

"Ohh… I see…" Link mumbled.

"Where did you come from?" Malon asked.

"I think you should know by now…" Navi told Malon before Link could tell her.

"Well… Let's see… Since Ganondorf came, people in the Castle Town have gone, places have been ruined, and monsters are wandering everywhere. Mr. Ingo is just using the ranch to gain Ganondorf's favour… Everyone seems to be turning evil…" Malon pondered as she slowly turned away from the conversation.

"He did?" Link asked, gasping to win Malon's approval.

"But dad…he was kicked out of the ranch by Mr. Ingo… If I disobey Mr. Ingo, he will treat the horses so badly…so…there's nothing I can do… By the way… Where are you from?" Malon asked.

"Somewhere…" Navi told Malon.

"Malon, we'll free you from Mr. Ingo…" Link told Malon as he patted her on the shoulder.

"Come on! We have to demand Mr. Ingo that he let Malon stay as a servant—I mean… Let her go free!" Navi exclaimed as she tugged on Link's hat as if to tell him that if he didn't hurry up she would run away with the hat and **burn** it.

**

* * *

(Link went outside and looked for Mr. Ingo, who was standing by the corral) **

"There are some people in Kakariko spreading rumors that I cheated Talon out of the ranch, but… Don't be ridiculous! That guy Talon was weak! I, the hard-working Ingo, poured so much energy into this place! I don't want any strangers like you saying anything bad about me!" Mr. Ingo snapped at Link for no reason as Link noticed the egg-shaped indented bruise on the man's forehead…

"But I didn't say anything!" Link told Mr. Ingo.

"Listen. The Great Ganondorf recognized my obvious talents and gave the ranch to me! I will raise a fine horse and win recognition from the Great Ganondorf!" Ingo chuckled, continuing as if he didn't hear Link.

"Which horse?" Link asked, suspiciously.

"Eh? What's that?" Ingo asked, "Don't mumble!"

"I SAID: 'WHICH HORSE?'!" Link shouted so that Ingo could hear.

"Never you mind! Say, young man, do you want to ride one of my find horses? Pay me 10 rupees and you can ride." Ingo offered.

"Kay." Link replied.

"What?" Ingo replied sounding slightly annoyed.

"I SAID: 'OKAY'!" Link replied.

"Do you want to hear how to ride?" Ingo asked.

"Naw." Navi answered.

"Pardon?" Ingo asked, frowning.

"NOWE DO NOT WANT TO KNOW HOW TO RIDE!" Navi shouted.

"Thank you so much. Heh heh!" Ingo chuckled, apparently mishearing Navi.

**(Link entered the Corral and played Epona's Song, Epona came running towards him)**

"AHHH! I DON'T WANT ANY MORE STALKERS!" Link yelled, remembering chapter 3.

**(Ingo looked puzzled, apparently hearing Link's outburst.)**

"I mean… This is a pretty horse!" Link exclaimed as he got on top of Epona.

"Eh?"

"NEVERMIND!" Link shouted, getting somewhat annoyed himself.

"Hey young man! Do I know you?" Ingo asked.

"NO…" Link **lied**.

"Oh… I just felt as though I've seen you somewhere before… If you use Z-Targeting, you can talk to me from horseback." Ingo explained.

"What's Z-targeting?" Link asked Navi and Ingo.

"I have no clue…" Navi muttered to Link.

"Are you ready to go home so soon?" Ingo asked, not hearing Link's question.

"NO!" Link exclaimed, patting Epona. "THIS IS PRETTY HORSY…!"

"Tsk tsk… When your time is up, I'll kick you out of here." Ingo warned.

**(A few _(10)_ seconds later…)**

"Hey! Times up young man! You only paid 10 rupees! You've played around long enough!" Ingo screamed as he booted Link out of the Corral.

"Oww… Now I have a boot-print on my butt…" Link muttered.

"I did **not** need to hear that…" Navi muttered.

**

* * *

(Link paid to ride again and he got on Epona, again.) **

"You're getting better! How about a little race with me? One lap around the corral with that horse. Let's make a little wager, let's say 50 rupees." Ingo offered.

"Sure." Link replied.

"Will you quit mumbling, darn it!" Ingo snapped, stamping his foot.

Link sighed, "SURE, I'LL RACE!"

**(Link wins the race, easily.)**

"Sh-Shoooot! If the Great Ganondorf found out about this humiliation… Hey, you! How about another race! If you win… you can keep…the horse!" Ingo told link, without letting Link speak.

**(Link beats Mr. Ingo, again, not as easily)**

"What's up with that horse!" Ingo screamed.

"I DUNNO." Link told Ingo, he wouldn't tell him about Epona's song.

"Is that Epona?" Ingo asked.

"YES." Navi told Ingo.

"How did you tame that wild horse right under my nose!" Ingo demanded.

"We didn't." Link told Ingo, telling the truth.

"I was going to present that horse to the Great Ganondorf…but I bet it on a race and lost!" Ingo screamed, not hearing Link, while acting like a kid having a temper tantrum.

"Too bad, so sad, hope you aren't very mad." Navi told Ingo in a sing-songy voice.

"Shooot!" Ingo cursed, then he got an idea. "Hah ha hah! As I promised, I'll give the horse to you… However… I'll never let you leave this ranch!"

"GASP! CHEATER!" Navi yelled at Mr. Ingo.

**(Mr. Ingo closes the gates and Link is trapped inside the ranch)**

"So… Now what?" Link asked Navi.

"First, find out what is making you smell so bad!" Navi demanded.

"Why?" Link asked.

"There's just something about you that stinks!" Navi complained.

**(Link searches/sniffs through his stuff and after a while he holds the bottle of Lon Lon milk)**

"This must be the cause…" Link told Navi, fanning his hand in front of his face.

"Wait… Is that the Lon Lon milk?" Navi asked.

"Yep." Link told Navi, handing her the bottle.

"I think I know why it stinks so much…" Navi told Link, looking at some wording on the side.

"Why does it?" Link asked.

"It says on the side, 'Expires: March 21, 100'… What year is it?" Navi asked Link.

"107."

"What day is it?" Navi asked.

"March 22."

"HOLY COW! THIS EXPIRED 7 YEARS AGO!"

"7 years and one day ago."

"Whatever, let's dump this over the fence over there…" Navi suggested, pointing to a wooden wall.

"No! Throw it at Ingo!" Link told Navi.

**(Navi started flying towards Mr. Ingo, when Epona saw her. Thinking she was a blue (?) carrot, she started stampeding towards the fairy, with Link on her back.)**

"Holy sh--!" Navi started, then flew away, afraid for her life.

**(Epona followed Navi, ignoring the screaming Link on her back. Navi flew over the wooden fence of Lon Lon Ranch...and Epona jumped over after her...)**

"GET ME OFF OF THIS CREATURE!" Link hollered as he and Epona soared over the fence to Hyrule field below.

"Hmm... so I guess that kid really didn't train that horse under my nose...he doesn't know anything about riding," Ingo mused, watching the scene, trying to figure out how he lost to an idiot who couldn't ride a horse.

**

* * *

(Meanwhile...) **

"Where now?" Link asked shakily, trying to regain his composure.

"Since the Cucco has hatched, we might as well show it to a sleepy person…" Navi suggested, who had thrown the bottle of Lon Lon milk at Epona, knocking her unconcious, and giving her amnesia.

"Maybe Ingo?" Link suggested.

"No…he's already awake…" Navi notedas she picked the bottle up again--it might come in useful for something.

"Hmm…how 'bout Talon then?" Link suggested.

"Sure… Now where is he?" Navi asked.

"I heard some really loud snoring coming from one of the houses in Karaoke (he still calls it that…)." Link told Navi.

"How loud was it?" Navi asked.

"Really loud, considering I was at the other end of the village…" Link paused, and heard something. "And I think I can hear it quite well from here…"

"Let's go! But we need to get ear protection…" Navi pointed out. "Or we'll end up as deaf as Ingo!"

**(Link and Navi went to Kakariko, the egg that Anju gave Link already hatched, so he went to go find Talon. After searching all of the houses, Link finally found Talon, and the people around him were wearing earmuffs. Link showed the cucco to Talon)**

"**-Roars—I mean…crows-**" the Cucco crowed.

"What in tarnation? Can't a person get a little shut-eye around here?" Talon yelled, but it wasn't as loud as his snoring.

"Nope!" Navi exclaimed, flying up and down.

"Did you save Malon?" Talon randomly asked.

"Where did that come from?" Navi asked.

"Yeah, we did." Link told Talon as if it was nothing.

"Thanks! I'm going back to the ranch, then! Yeehah!" Talon exclaimed as he ran away from the village.

"All is a happy ending…" Navi sighed.

"Yeah…" Link paused to look around.

"I wonder what's going on in the forest right now… I'm worried about Saria, too!" Navi exclaimed randomly.

"Not another one of those spit-out-obvious-nonsense moments…" Link groaned.

"It's not my fault!" Navi exclaimed. "Blame the authoress! …But now that I mention it…I am wondering about Saria…"

**(Link leaves the ****Kakariko**** and goes to the Kokiri Forest. Link proceeded to the Lost Woods and made his way to the Sacred Forest Meadow.)**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter 7!

Navi: _(pokes Cherry-sama)_

Cherry-sama: Stop!

Navi: Never! _(pokes again)_

Saria: this chapter has too much poking… Please review…


	8. Chapter 8: Tennis and the Poe Sisters!

**Chapter 8! (What could be worse than finding out the Mido comes BACK!!!! DUN NUH!!!)**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Legend of Zelda: OoT, neither do I own Tennis. In fact, I have no clue how to play the game so I'm just guessing!**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome back to Totally Messed!

Link: _(reads over chapter 3)_ Say… What was with the junk about the sign in front of the camper van?

Cherry-sama: Well… that all has to do with 90 x 365.

Link: Pardon?

Navi: That would equal… _(starts doing the math)_

Saria: Please don't mind our quarrel about Math… Please read the story…

* * *

_**What would happen if the last stage of the boss, Phantom Ganon, was a Tennis match?  
**__Wonder no more! I think I found the suspect for messing with my cue cards! I think it's that Evil Furby of Typos from one of my other fics… Anyways, you'll see how one boo-boo will mess up the whole storyline!_

* * *

**(Link left Kakariko Village and went to the Kokiri Village.)**

"Link… Something looks odd about this place… It's different…" Navi told Link.

"Nonsense! Look! They planted a new flower here!" Link exclaimed while pointing at a man-eating plant.

**(Plant reached towards Link and grabbed Link's hat! Link wouldn't allow this so he started playing what I would call, a game of tug-of-war!)**

"GIVE ME MY HAT!!!!!!" Link yelled as he held onto his hat, bald spot glinting in the moonlight…or is it daytime?

**(Link was very lucky that none of the Kokiris were outside or he would be laughed at…)**

"Never!" the plant yelled back.

"Holy Deku Scrub! It's a talking plant!" Navi exclaimed.

"Yeah? So? Deku Scrubs are plants too!" the plant retorted, letting go of Link's hat.

"Good point." Navi muttered.

"YAY!!!" Link exclaimed while holding his hat up in the air, facing a random direction. "I GOT MY HAT BACK!"

"What an idiot…" the plant muttered.

"I know, and I've been forced to stalk him for seven years!" Navi exclaimed.

"Ouch…" the plant flinched.

"Pardon?" Link asked, only hearing 'seven years'.

"Never mind…" Navi told Link as she stalked him once again.

**(Link, with Navi stalking him, goes to his house. There, right by the ladder, is another man-eating plant.)**

"Another one?" Navi asked as she looked at the plant, which was about to say something.

"Hi! Welcome home, Hero of Time who-is-destinined-to-kill-my-kind,-that-won't-be-very-good-now-would-it! How may I help you?" the man-eating plant asked.

"I bet Mido is behind this! He always planted these by my house…" Link muttered.

"Umm… Link? Mido's dead…" Navi told Link.

"He is? Maybe that's why Maria was the head Kokiri seven years ago…" Link muttered.

"He wouldn't be able to plant a plant by you're house if he was dead, now would he?" Navi asked Link.

"Then Maria did it!" Link exclaimed.

"By the way…" the plant muttered, speaking for the first time in a while. "Navi… how'd you find out about Mido's death?"

"First of all, how'd you find out my name?" Navi demanded.

"I found out by…um… I'm not so sure myself…" the plant muttered.

"Whatever, we are out of here! I've got to find Maria!" Link mumbled as he stormed away, ready to slice off Maria's head.

"Hey! Hero of Time! I think she might be in the Lost Woods!" the plant told Link.

"Thanks, Lily!" Navi thanked the plant as she and Link walked to the Lost Woods.

**(A random Deku Scrub walks over to man-eating plant, named Lily.)**

"How'd she find out you're name?" the Deku Scrub asked.

"I'm not sure, Peter…" Lily told the Deku Scrub, named Peter.

**

* * *

**

(Link proceeded to the Lost Woods and made his way to the Sacred Forest Meadow. Along the way, he was stopped by a voice, which was blocking Link's path… I'm not sure how it happened either…)

"What are you?" the voice asked Link, Link looked around for the source.

"I'm a Kokiri…" Link told the voice.

"HA! Though you wear Kokirish clothing, you can't fool me!" the voice exclaimed. "I promised Saria I'd never let anyone through here."

"That voice!" Navi exclaimed.

**(The ghost of Mido rose from the path in front of Link)**

"AHHHHHH!!!! IT'S A GHOST!!!" Link screamed, hiding behind Navi.

"Wait! I've got a plan!" Navi exclaimed. "Give me you're Ocarina!"

"What about yours?" Link asked.

"I…um… Mine won't work!" Navi explained, not telling the truth.

**(Navi played Saria's song)**

"That melody?! Saria plays that song all the time! You…do you know Saria?" Mido's ghost asked Navi.

"Yep." Navi replied.

"That song…Saria taught that song only to her friends." Mido muttered to himself.

"No duh…" Link muttered.

"Okay…I trust you. When I see you…I don't know why, but I remember…him…" Mido told Navi.

"Who's him and why him?" Navi asked, confused.

"Never mind!" Mido told Navi.

**(Mido let Navi through, not Link.)**

"Hey! What's the big deal!?" Link asked Mido.

"I don't trust you!" Mido told Link.

"Relax, he's with me!" Navi told Mido.

"Are you sure?" Mido asked.

"Yep, this is his Ocarina!" Navi told Mido, holding up the Ocarina of Time.

"Fine." Mido told Link.

**(Mido let Link through.)**

"Bye Mido!" Link greeted.

"How do you know my name?" Mido asked Link.

"Because I— Hey!" Link started but Navi almost took Link's hat off.

"Come on! We have to hurry!" Navi told Link.

"Fine." Link mumbled.

**

* * *

**

(Link continued on his way to the Sacred Forest Meadow, when Link arrived at the edge of the maze, Navi stopped him.)

"From here on, we'll be going through some narrow passages! If you take it slow, maybe you can sneak up on some enemies. Use Z-Targeting to always look in the proper direction. Set your view so you can see down the next corridor before you turn a corner. Once your view is set, hold down Z to sidestep around the corner. That way you won't be surprised by an enemy waiting in ambush." Navi told Link.

"That another one of those spit-out-obvious-nonsense moments?" Link asked.

"Yep."

"And you said something about that Z-Targeting Ingo spoke of… What is it?" link asked.

"I'm not sure…" Navi muttered.

"Let's go through the maze." Link told Navi.

"No… Let's go through the camper van holes!" Navi suggested, pointing the holes from chapter three.

"Oh yeah…" Link muttered as he walked forwards.

**(Link heard this yell as he got stabbed by a spear and got pushed against a nearby wall by a thing-that-the-authoress-thinks-looks-like-a-mutated-bulldog-and-the-authoress's-sister-thinks-looks-like-an-overgrown-gopher)**

"Hey! Ow! What are you doing?!" Link asked as he was held against the wall by this thing.

"**-Grunt, grunt, snort-**" the thing replied.

"Pardon?" Link asked.

"I don't think it speaks English…" Navi told Link.

"What's English?" Link asked.

"I'm not sure… But I don't think it speaks Hylian…" Navi pointed out.

**(The thing notices Navi and pins her to the wall, letting go of Link. Link took this chance and ran even if Navi was getting squished.)**

**

* * *

**

(When Link got to the area where Saria used to play her Ocarina, Link found that she's not there. Navi joined Link after getting free of the thing. Link walked over to the stump where she used to sit and then over to the camper van, still parked in the same spot. Then Sheik appeared.)

"The flow of time is always cruel… Its speed seems different for each person, but no one can change it…" Sheik told Link.

"Where did you come from?" Link asked.

"A thing that doesn't change with time is a memory of younger days…" Sheik continued as if he didn't hear Link.

"Are you stalking us?" Navi asked.

"Well…um… No…" Sheik told Navi.

"Liar! Great! After we get rid of the random owl, we get a new stalker!" Navi complained.

"…In order to come back here again, play the Minuet of the Forest." Sheik instructed.

**(Sheik takes harp out of his back pocket and plays Minuet of the Forest. Link played the tune with Sheik and looks at his sparkly Ocarina.)**

"Darn… The glitter isn't off yet…" Link muttered while examining the Ocarina.

"Glitter?" Sheik asked.

"Yeah, Saria's fairy glued glitter on Link's Ocarina. And Link? Wasn't that on your old Ocarina?" Navi asked.

"Oh yeah…" Link muttered. "Let's see if the glitter's still there!"

"Well…um… Okay…" Navi muttered, while pretending to try and get it out of her pocket (?). "Uh-oh… I lost it…"

"WHAT!!! THAT WAS SARIA'S OLD OCARINA!!!!" Link yelled at Navi.

"Is this it?" Sheik asked, pulling out Link's old Ocarina.

"Say… It is!" Navi exclaimed.

"…How'd you get it, Sheik?" Link asked.

"I found it in the river by Hyrule Castle Town. I had to get the seven-year-old rust off of it… That, in itself, wasn't easy…" Sheik explained.

**(Link got an idea of what Navi might of done… His thoughts were correct.)**

"Weeelllllllll… Thanks for giving my Ocarina back! I'vegottogointotheForestTempleforrandomreasonssodon'teventhinkoffollowingme! Bye!!!!" Navi explained as she went into the entrance of the Forest Temple.

"COME BACK HERE NAVI!!!" Link yelled in rage.

"Link…I'll see you again…" Sheik told Link as he took a few steeps back and threw a Deku Nut at Link's feet, making him temporarily blind.

"I hate it when he does that…" Link muttered, still blind, crashing into the tree stump and falling over.

**

* * *

**

(Link then forced his attention to find Navi, who was at the other end of the temple by now because she was really good at picking locks. Anyways, Link entered the Forest Temple, got arrows. He then entered a room with 3 paintings in it.

"Stupid Navi…" Link cursed.

**(After relieving his stress with the painting _(which burned up when he put an arrow to them)_ a pretty Poe appeared on the lower level, holding a torch with a red flame)**

"What's this?" Link muttered to himself as he looked at the pretty Poe.

"I have a name mister!" the pretty Poe snapped at Link.

"What is your name?" Link asked, putting on his flirting self.

"Why do you want to know?" the Poe asked.

"Well, with a gorgeous Poe like you, I must get to know what they're like." Link told the Poe.

"Name's Joelle, red Poe of the Poe sisters." The pretty Poe (named Joelle) told Link; she was starting to like this fellow.

"Link." Link told Joelle.

"Nice to meet you Link!" Joelle smiled as she put down her torch.

"And what are you doing alone in a place like this?" Link asked, smoothly.

"I haunt this place! I can't leave unless it explodes!" Joelle explained.

"Awww… That's so sad…" Link told Joelle, patting her on the shoulder.

**(Joelle then randomly hugged Link, showing some emotion towards the hero. Then, 3 more Poes, each holding torches with different colour flames on them, appeared.)**

"Joelle! What are you doing?!" they yelled in a synchronized way.

"Oh, hi! This is Link! Isn't he dreamy?" Joelle asked as she showed them the guy she was hugging.

"Hey!" Link greeted in a flirty manner.

"Sister, you are suppost to fight him!" the oldest, with the Purple flame, told Joelle.

"But I can't fight him! He's too hot!" Joelle, apparently the youngest, protested.

"Joelle does have a point, Meg…" the second oldest, with the Greenish-yellow flame, told the oldest.

"What! Amy!" the oldest (Meg) proclaimed.

"He is the hottest human that ever set foot in here…" the second youngest, with the Blue flame, noted.

"Not you too, Beth!" Meg sighed.

"Come on, Meg… What could possibly happen if we let him live?" the second youngest (Beth) asked Meg.

"Yeah!" Amy joined in.

"First of all, he's killed a few of the man-eating plants. Second of all, Ganondorf would kill us if he found out that we were keeping his rival alive just because we thought he was hot." Meg told the other three Poes that were hugging Link like Joelle was.

"He won't find out! Besides, we can always replace those man-eating plants anytime!" Joelle told Meg.

"You are all to soft-hearted for your own good…" Meg mumbled as she joined in the hugging.

**(Just then, Navi flew into the room. She was sick and tired of waiting so she went to see why Link was taking so long. Navi froze when she entered the room Link was in.)**

"Link… What are you doing?" Navi asked, very scared indeed.

"I met these cuties while I was waiting for you…" Link told Navi in the voice he had used on the Poe sisters.

**(Navi stared at Link, who had his arms around all four of the Poes.)**

"You do realize that they're dead… Right?" Navi asked Link.

"Yeah… So?" Link asked.

"You scare me Link…" Navi muttered to herself.

"Who's she?" Beth asked coldly.

"She's a fairy I've had following me since I was a kid." Link explained.

"Oooo! You were so hot that you had a fairy stalking you since you were a kid? That so awesome!" Amy giggled.

**(Navi went bright red, literally.)**

"N—no! I was assigned to be his guardian fairy by the Great Deku Tree." Navi explained.

"Oh, come on! Do you think we'll believe that?" Meg asked.

"I—it's the truth!" Navi told the Poe sisters.

"But is that really the reason why you follow him?" Joelle asked.

"Is it?" Link asked, for he was getting interested.

"N—no! He's my friend!" Navi told the Poe sisters, turning a brighter red than before. "Do you honestly think I would love this idiot?"

"He's no idiot!" Joelle yelled at Navi, hugging Link tighter.

"Yes he is!" Navi told Joelle.

"You only call him an idiot to hide your emotions!" Beth told Navi.

"THAT'S IT!" Navi yelled, red with rage, flying over to Link and grabbing the Master Sword.

**(Navi held the Master Sword in a grip like Link's. She flew over to the sisters and started attacking. Four vs. one. After a few seconds, Navi won. _(She must be good… O.O)_ Link was wide-eyed from how good Navi was with a sword at least 50 times bigger than her.)**

"Is that the only reason you follow me?" Link asked, still curious.

**(Navi swings sword so it was very close to Link's neck, threatening to slit his throat.)**

"Do you want to be next?" Navi asked.

"I'll only shut up about that if you let me get you for throwing Saria's Ocarina in the river outside the castle!" Link told Navi.

**(Navi turned white. She had forgotten about that. Navi instantly dropped the sword and flew as fast as she could to the boss's room, ditching Link once again.)**

**

* * *

**

(Link went to the main room. All the torches were lit and the elevator was working.)

"Must have happened when Navi defeated the Poes." Link muttered to himself.

**

* * *

**

(When Link finally made it to the boss's room, he saw Navi flying/standing with Ivan.)

"Hey, Link! Guess who I found here, looking at the paintings!" Navi exclaimed.

"Ivan?" Link guessed.

"Weeee! A furnace wheel!" Ivan exclaimed, crashing into a painting and ripping part of it. "Or was it a Ferris Pipe?"

"OWWWWW!" the painting screamed in agony.

"…Interesting…" Link muttered.

**(Then, Phantom Ganon appeared so randomly that he made Ivan want to build an audience chamber for Navi, him, and some random person that wasn't there yet.)**

"Ahhh! He's so, random!" Navi yelled in terror.

**(Ivan started to get to work.)**

"Mwahahahahahahaha! I shall now hide in one of these paintings and you have to hit me while I come out of one of them to make me get off my horse and start shooting balls of light at you, which is a contradiction in itself because I'm evil and the symbol for good is light!" Phantom Ganon cackled evilly as he ripped off his mask.

"What was that?" Link asked.

"I mean…um… never you mind!" Phantom Ganon exclaimed while hiding behind one of the paintings.

"But I do mind!" Link yelled at him.

**(Ignoring Link's last statement, Phantom Ganon ran up to the nearest painting, lifted it up from the wall and zipped behind it.)**

"YOU CAN'T FIND ME!" Phantom Ganon cackled even though Link and Navi had watched him hide behind this painting.

**(After many cuts and bruises, Link finally found out how to beat his first stage and beat it. By this time, Ivan had built a full, 5 star audience booth including lighting and a butler. I'm not so sure how Ivan got the butler either… Anyways, Navi, Ivan, and Phantom Ganon' horse _(who was named PG-13)_ were now sitting in the booth while watching this Tennis Match.)**

"Now I shall challenge you to a match of Tennis and I will win because I've even beaten Ganondorf at the silly game!" Phantom Ganon laughed as he started to make a ball of light with his scepter.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Ivan called out to the two. "Don't you play the game of Basket ball with Tennis rackets?"

"Ummm… Yes… But I don't know how to use them—" Phantom Ganon told Ivan, after figuring out that Ivan meant the game of Tennis, not Basket ball.

"No excuse! You need them if you're going to eat the moon! Anyways, here you go." Ivan told Link and Phantom Ganon (PG) as he instantly made PG's scepter and Link's Master Sword into Tennis rackets.

"…How did he do it?" PG muttered while looking at his new scepter, considering how low Ivan's intelligence was.

"AHHHH! Do you know how much I need that sword! It's worth at least 900000000000 Rupees!" Link yelled as he looked in shock at his new sword.

"Look, I'll give the Sword Master back when this gamble (game) is over!" Ivan told Link, holding up his, and PG's weapons.

"How does he do that…?" PG asked Link, Link shrugged.

"COME ON! Let's play some Tennis!" Navi yelled, throwing a spiky Tennis ball to PG.

**(PG looked at the ball and shrugged. PG then threw the ball into the air and did a perfect serve. Link hit it with a dull hit.)**

"Fault!" the horse called out. "PG's point!"

"Well, how can a guy hit a ball that had sharp spikes on it towards a Phantom that is 4 feet higher above the ground?" Navi asked the horse.

"Okay, GP (PG), on the ground with all the butterflies and windows!" Ivan commanded.

"Why?" PG asked.

"Cause it's not fair to Link!" Navi told PG.

**(The game pretty much kept on going like this. After an hour, Link was beat, losing and had to find a way to kill PG without physically going over to him and beating him up with a Tennis racket)**

"Point for PG!" the horse called out, proud of his master who technically shouldn't know how to use these so called Tennis rackets.

"Can't you see that the ball didn't hit the ground?" Navi asked, Link's only stronghold against losing worse than he actually was.

"It didn't hit the ground without holding onto a chainsaw first. Now it's Bob's (Link's) serve." Ivan announced.

"Navi!!! Got any ideas?" Link asked.

**(Navi got an idea. She was in charge of the balls that were played in the game. So she rummaged through her pockets for something to help with Link's victory.)**

"Link!!!" Navi called to Link, pulling out the bottle of **sour milk** from last chapter. "Use this ball!"

**(Navi tossed the bottle to Link. After realizing her planed, Link hit the bottle with the racket and it hit PG right on the forehead, making him die.)**

"Wow!" Ivan exclaimed. "It's a miracle! …Or is it a microwave?"

"… How evil is that milk?" Navi muttered.

Link struck an idiotic pose, "Woot! The power of Evil Milk never loses!"

**(Link did a random dance. Then Ganondorf's voice appeared out of nowhere…)**

"**Hey kid, you did quite well…**" Ganondorf smirked, but Link and Navi didn't know that.

"Thank you!" Link exclaimed.

"**But have defeated only my phantom…when you fight the real me, it won't be so easy!**" Ganondorf warned as he made burning (?) PG go into a black hole that randomly appeared.

"I thought he was better than you in Tennis…" Navi told Ganondorf.

"**He's a…um… Liar! Yeah, a liar! What a worthless creation that ghost was! I will banish it to the gap between dimensions!!**" Ganondorf exclaimed as PG screamed and disappeared into the hole.

"Ha, ha! IN YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!!" Link yelled at the voice.

"…He's gone Link…" Navi told Link.

"**No I'm not!**" the supposedly gone Ganondorf exclaimed.

"See?" Link told Navi.

**(A poof sound was heard in the background.)**

"NOW he's gone." Link told Navi.

"Yeah, yeah…" Navi muttered.

"By the way, pumpkins and toasters…" Ivan muttered as Link and Navi turned around to see that Ivan and the horse were still there.

"Yes?" Link asked.

"Saria wanted to see you…Link… She built this dirge (device) to transport you to her. She said some annoying guy named Rauru gave it to her." Ivan told Link and Navi while putting the portal out in front of them.

"I thought you just said she built it." Navi pointed out.

"I know; she did! With the help of the Wicked Witch of the West!" Ivan told Navi.

"Then how could Rauru give it to her?" Link asked.

"Simple, Rauru gave it to her for Christmas!" Ivan explained, but then Link and Navi realized that he was too stupid to give them a logical answer.

**(Link walked to the portal. Navi was about to go when Ivan stopped her.)**

"Navi?" Ivan asked as he grabbed her arm.

"Yes?" Navi asked, glancing over at him.

"I've always thought…that… you were the most priest like fairy I've ever met!"

"You mean pretty." Navi sighed, correcting the idiot. "And 'the most pretty' is not grammatically correct."

"So… I was wondering…" Ivan started.

"Yes?" Navi asked, fully facing him now.

"Could I join you and the cucumber (Link) on your adventures? Saria wished me so… I have no one to talk…" Ivan asked Navi.

"You mean ditched, and stalk. And I guess someone has to make sure you don't be too idiotic." Navi smirked.

"Thank you Navi!" Ivan exclaimed as he hugged her, Navi blushed (what? Who said romance couldn't happen in Totally Messed stuff?).

"Thank Nayru that nobody is watching this…" Navi muttered.

"Umm… I am…" PG's horse raised his hand.

**(Navi froze, and Ivan was too happy to be smart, which he could **_**only**_** do if he thought **_**really hard**_** about it!)**

"Portal?" Navi asked.

"What mortal?" Ivan questioned.

Navi sighed, "Portal."

**(Navi dragged Ivan and flew into the portal.)**

**

* * *

**

(Link, Navi and Ivan were transported to the Chamber of Sages. Saria appears before them.)

"Thank you…" Saria thanked.

"For what?" Link asked.

"First off, for befriending Ivan since I can't anymore." Saria started.

**(Link turned around to see Navi and Ivan fluttering behind him.)**

"Weeeee! Hi cucumber!" Ivan exclaimed, crashing into Navi and both falling to the floor.

"Second off, because of you, I could awaken as a Sage…" Saria thanked Link. "I am Saria. The Sage of the Forest Temple… I always believed that you would come."

"Awww… Thanks…" Link muttered as Ivan and Navi got off the floor, Navi was blushing hard for falling on top of Ivan.

"Because I know you…" Saria told Link.

"Saria… there's something I need to tell you…" Link started.

"No… You don't have to explain it to me…because it is destiny that you and I can't live in the same world. I will stay here as the Forest Sage and help you…" Saria told Link.

"But—" Link started.

"Now please take this Medallion…" Saria told Link.

**(Saria gave Link the Forest Medallion! It's so shiny…)**

"By the way… Link…" Saria started.

"Yes Saria?" Link asked.

"Could you do me a favor?" Saria asked.

"Sure!" Link exclaimed.

"Could you pay off my fine?" Saria asked.

"What?" Link asked.

"I parked my Camper Van in a 'No Parking Zone'. It's been there for seven years… The fine per day was 90 rupees." Saria explained. "Didn't you see the sign in front of it?"

"Yeah! But it was so bent out of shape that I couldn't see the front of it!" Link yelled at Saria.

"Let me do the math for how much that would be… 90 x 365…" Navi muttered to herself, doing a few calculations Ivan was too stupid to do.

"Whatever. Ifyouwouldjustpayitforme,thatwouldbegreat,thanks! BYE!" Saria exclaimed as Link got warped outside.

"_Saria will always be…your friend…" said the voice on the wind._

"_LIAR!!!!" Link retorted to the voice on the wind._

**

* * *

**

(Link got transported to the Great Deku Tree, Navi and Ivan close behind him. A shiny light was around a small sapling. Link bent close to examine it and it exploded in Link's face and turned into the Deku Tree Sprout.)

"Hi there! I'm the Deku Tree Sprout!" the Great Deku Sprout (GDS) told Link.

"Owww… My face…" Link muttered, face a bit charcoaled.

"Because you and Saria broke the curse on the Forest Temple, I can grow and flourish! Thanks a lot!" the GDS thanked Link.

"Don't mention it! I've always wanted a porcupine!" Ivan exclaimed, not worrying about Link's current state.

"Hey, have you seen your old friends?" the GDS asked Link.

"Noo…" Link told the GDS.

"None of the recognized you with your grown-up body, did they?" the GDS asked.

"He just said he didn't see any of them…" Navi told the GDS.

"That's because the Kokiri never grow up! Even after seven years, they're still kids! You must be wondering why only you have grown up!"

"Yes…" Link muttered.

"Well, as you might have already guessed, you are not a Kokiri!"

"I'm not?" Link asked.

"He's not?" Navi asked.

"He's not a tree stump?" Ivan asked.

"You're actually a Hylian! I am happy to finally reveal this secret to you!"

"I see…" Link muttered.

**

* * *

**

(Flashback)

"Sometime ago, before the King of Hyrule unified this country, there was a fierce war in our world. One day, to escape the fires of the war, a Hylian mother and her baby boy entered this forbidden forest. The mother was gravely injured…her only choice was to entrust the child to the Deku Tree, the Guardian Spirit of the Forest. The Deku Tree could sense that this was the child of Destiny, whose fate would affect the entire world, so he took him into the forest. After the mother passed away, the baby was raised as a Kokiri."

**(End of Flashback)**

* * *

"And now, finally, the day of Destiny has come! You are a Hylian, and were always bound to leave this forest. And now…you have learned your own destiny…so you know what you must do… That's right…you must save the Land of Hyrule!" the GDS explained.

"But I don't wanna!" Link exclaimed.

"Now, Link, break the curses on all the Temples, and return peace to Hyrule!!" the GDS told Link.

"That cloud over Death Mountain…there is something strange about it." Navi paused as she looked up towards Death Mountain.

**

* * *

**

(Link randomly went to the Lost Woods and talked to Mido. After explaining everything about Saria Mido spoke.)

"Oh…I see…" Mido muttered. "Saria won't ever come back…but…I…I made a promise to Saria…"

"Oh? What's that?" Link asked.

"If Link came back, I would be sure to tell him that Saria had been waiting for him…because Saria…really…liked…" Mido started.

"Go on." Link told Mido, for he was getting interested.

"Hey, you. If you see him somewhere, please let him know. And also…" Mido started.

"Yes?" Link asked, touched.

"I'm sorry about being mean to him. Tell him that, too." Mido told Link.

"Okay…" Link muttered. "Here… Take Saria's fairy… She ditched him…"

"Hey! What are you doing?" Navi yelled at Link, who apparently went insane on her.

"Just trust me!" Link told Navi.

"Pardon?" Mido's ghost asked Link.

"IhavetogotosomewherenamedCheesesodon'tbotherfollowingmesobye!" Link told Mido as he grabbed Navi and ran away.

**(Link grabs Ivan and gives him to Mido. Ivan snoring madly.)**

"Thanks…" Mido muttered as he held Ivan in his hands.

"Weeeee! Why am I being kidnapped by a bulldozer?" Ivan asked, looking at Mido.

**(Dead silence. Mido looked at Ivan. This was going to be a LOOOONNNNGGG afterlife…)**

**

* * *

**

(Link was walking out of the Lost Woods when he saw Maria. Link walked over to the young Kokiri girl.)

"That guy isn't here anymore." Maria told Link.

"What guy?" Link asked.

"Shush!" Maria's fairy told Link. "Let her continue!"

"Okay, okay Aurora… Jeez…" Link muttered to Maria's fairy (named Aurora).

"How'd you know my name?" Aurora asked, puzzled.

"Shush! Listen!" Navi snapped.

"Anybody who comes into the forest will be lost. Everyone will become a Stalfos, everybody. Stalfos. So, he's not here anymore." Maria continued.

"Who's he?" Navi asked.

"I'm not sure…" Link muttered.

"Only his saw left. Hee hee." Maria giggled.

"He had a saw?" Link asked.

"That medicine is made of forest mushrooms. Give it back!" Maria demanded.

"What medicine?" Link asked, turning around and seeing a random skull kid making medicine.

"Okay, okay…" the Skull kid told Maria, giving her the medicine, Maria then giving the random skull kid the saw.

"Heheheh? Are you going to be…too? Heheh!" Maria asked Link.

"Maria…" Link muttered, was this had become of the Korkiri's last leader?

"I'm sorry about the way she's acting… She's just been acting oddly ever since Link left the forest, seven years ago… She liked him…" Aurora explained (another Kokiri that has a crush on Link? Man! Maybe he is like the Poe Sisters thought he was…).

"Ohh…" Link mumbled.

"The last thing she said to him wasn't nice… She regrets ever doing it…"

"Who said Totally Messed was completely fun and games?" Navi asked someone (coughreaderscough), while facing a random direction.

"Who are you talking to, Navi?" Link asked.

"I don't know…" Navi muttered.

"And what's Totally Messed?" Link asked.

"I'm not sure of that either…" Navi muttered.

"You two are odd…" Aurora sighed.

"That's because they'll become Stalfos!" Maria exclaimed.

"Like me!" the random skull kid exclaimed.

"But you're not a Stalfos!" Maria told Skull kid.

"But this is what happens to little kids who enter the forest! They become Skull kids!" Skull kid told Maria.

"No! They become Stal-children!" Maria exclaimed doing a random dance.

"Okay then..." Skull kid paused.

"………Let's get out of here…" Navi told Link hinting that this place was weirder than it was seven years ago.

"Agreed." Link told Navi.

**

* * *

**

(Link then went to the Temple of Time _(for random reasons)_ and randomly ran into Sheik, again.)

"You destroyed the wicked creatures that haunt the temple and awakened the Sage…" Sheik told Link.

"I know…" Link told Sheik.

"But there are still other sages that need your help." Sheik continued.

"That I didn't know." Link told Sheik.

"Sad…" Navi told Link.

"In order to awaken all the other sages, you must become even more powerful." Sheik told Link.

"I do?" Link asked.

"He does?" Navi asked.

"Yes, you do. You must travel over mountains… Under water… And even through time…" Sheik told Link.

"Oh jeez… That's going to be a pain…" Link muttered.

"At least I get to see you seven years older from now!" Navi exclaimed.

"It doesn't quite work that way… You see; if you want to return to your original time, return the Master Sword to the Pedestal of Time." Sheik explained.

"Back seven years? How could that be possible?" Navi asked.

"I'm not sure how it works either… But by doing this, you will travel back in time seven years…. The time will come when you have to return here quickly…" Sheik explained.

"There will be?" Link asked.

"I guess so…" Navi muttered.

"I will teach this to you for when that time comes… The song to return you to the Temple of Time… The Prelude of Light…" Sheik explained as he took his harp out of his back pocket.

**(Sheik takes harp out of back pocket/butt and plays song. Link plays along and learns the song.)**

"As long as you hold the Ocarina of Time and the Master Sword, you hold time itself in your hands…" Sheik explained.

"I will?" Link asked.

"He will?" Navi asked.

"Yes, Link will. Link, will shall meet again!" Sheik told Link while using another Deku Nut to blind Link yet again.

"I hate it when he does that…" Link told Navi while tripping over the Pedestal of Time and landing on his face.

"And what's with the glitter-glue part? Do we really need a second hand sticky substance to go back in time?" Navi asked Link.

"I dunno..." Link told Navi as he slowly regained his vision.

"Wait! Did Sheik glue the glitter on the Ocarina of Time?" Navi asked as the idea occurred to her.

"How could he?" Link asked, starting to be able to see Navi again.

"I'm not sure..." Navi muttered.

**(Thus the question still remains to this day. 'When did the glitter get on the Ocarina of Time?' Anyways. Link finally listened to Navi's obvious nonsense moments and went to Death Mountain and randomly into Goron City to check on those lumps of clay that call themselves Gorons.)**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter 8!

Link: _(reads over chapter)_ So… Why did you make me give Ivan to Mido?

Cherry-sama: One, because Mido's dead so his fairy ditched him. Two, because Mido turned out not to be such a bad guy. And three, I felt as if it would spoil the fun if Ivan was also part of this adventure!

Link: How could Ivan spoil our adventure? He's so stupid he would make it better!

Cherry-sama: But…

Navi: _(still doing the math)_ …90 x 365 = 32850… Now times that by 7… Congratulation Link! You need to pay off 229950 rupees!

Link: WHAT!!!!!!

Saria: Eh heh heh heh heh… Please review before I get scorched, or sliced, or…

Link: I'll get you someday… Saria…


	9. Chapter 9: WHACK A VOLVOGIA!

**Chapter 9 (Yay! Another chapter!) :D**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Legend of Zelda: OoT, but I still own the _evil_ sour milk! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! _(pours milk on Ganondorf and Ganondorf dies)_ MWAHAHAHAHAHA!**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome back to Totally Messed! 

Navi: How long are the chapters at the beginning (before editing)?

Cherry-sama: This chapter, when I got the script format of it (from SoC) with no Link and Navi dialogue; it was 3 pages long.

Link: O.O Now it's 17 pages!

Cherry-sama: Correct. And I also have to convert it to non-script format, add in Link and Navi parts, and make it humorous so in the end, it's very long. It's takes me quite a few hours anyways.

Saria: And you end up with this final product. _(sarcastic)_ _Very_ interesting. Please read the story…

_**

* * *

What if beating the boss for the Fire Temple was a Video Game? No, not for us, but for Link! **_

_Wonder no more! I will find EFoT soon! You'll see how the authoress can kill one evil Furby so very painfully!_

**

* * *

(Link goes to Death Mountain and into Goron City for really random reasons unknown to all the readers.) **

"Link… do you see that?" Navi asked Link, who was currently trying to think of a way to wash his clothes.

"See what?" Link asked looking down at a smallish Goron who was rolling as if the sun was going to explode in his face like the GDS did to Link. "That?"

**(Link points to object.)**

"No! Not that! That!" Navi exclaimed while pointing at a billboard that said 'Eggs and Bacon, Half Price at Goron restaurant'.

"O.o You are thinking about **food** at a time like this?" Link asked in shock.

"Unlike you, some creatures need food to live! You haven't eaten in seven years! Or your whole **life** for that matter!" Navi told Link. "Don't you Kokiris eat at **all**?"

"No… And in case you've forgotten, I'm a Hylian, not a Kokiri!" Link retorted.

"Then you should be more desperate to eat than me!" Navi exclaimed.

"Fine… Fine… We'll get a bite to eat and then continue on our adventure." Link told Navi.

"I hardly think of this worthless parody of us as an adventure…" Navi muttered under her breath.

"Did you say something?" Link asked.

"Nothing!" Navi told Link.

**(Then Link and Navi went to the Goron restaurant, but a Goron door sealed it.)**

"Dang." Navi muttered under her breath.

"Maybe we should ask for help from that Goron that's rolling as if the sun will go and explode in his face like the GDS did to me…" Link muttered, watching the dirt fly up into the air (from little Goron Jr. up there).

"Link…" Navi mumbled as she slapped her forehead. "Did you know that 'doom' is 'mood' spelled backwards…"

"O.o What does that have to do with asking that Goron for help?" Link asked.

"I'm not sure…" Navi muttered.

**(Anyways, Link and Navi walked up and ran into the Goron.)**

"'Scuse me!" Link yelled to the Goron.

"You're excused." Navi muttered to Link.

"That was lame Navi… Anyways, do you know how to—wha?" Link asked the Goron, but the Goron was rolling the opposite direction.

"Maybe he's scared of your face…" Navi suggested with an evil smirk on her face.

"Shut up! And hey! Come back!" Link called out to the Goron.

"Some manners! That guy should learn a lesson!" Navi exclaimed while taking one of Link's **bombs**.

"Navi… I don't think that's such a good idea…" Link told Navi.

**(Navi ignored Link and lit the fuse. Navi threw it at the Goron and hit him on the head. The Goron exploded and, to Link's horror, the Goron stopped moving all together. Navi, in the meantime, was having fun-fun! She enjoyed beating people up before she helped Link with his adventure_(maybe that's why she beat up the Poe sisters so easily)_.) **

"O.O Is it dead?" Link asked, tremble in his voice.

"Hopefully! n.n" Navi exclaimed while whistling.

"…I'm scared of you Navi… Are you okay?" Linktold Naviandasked theGoron.

"How could you do this to me?" the Goron asked, trembling.

"Easily…" Navi told the trembling Goron.

"Oh good, he's alive." Link muttered as he wiped his brow.

"You, you're Ganondorf's servant!" the Goron told Navi.

"I wish…" Navi grumbled while hiding a smirk.

"…You are officially disturbing…" Link told Navi.

"Hear my name and tremble! I am Link! Hero of the Gorons!" the Goron (named Link) told Navi.

"I'm not trembling!" Navi told the Link.

"Hey! My name's Link!" Link original exclaimed.

**(The Goron Link uncurls from the ground.)**

"What?" Goron Link (GL) asked.

"What what?" Link asked.

"What what what?" Navi asked.

"Your name is also Link?" GL asked.

"Yeah…" Link muttered as he looked at GL.

"Then you must be the legendary Dodongo Buster and Hero, Link!" GL exclaimed.

"Well, it wasn't easy since the gravity was screwed up by Darunia…" Link muttered.

"Really? My dad never said anything about that…" GL told Link.

"Ohh?" Link asked.

"Wait… Something just occurred to me…" Navi muttered. "Who's your dad, kid?"

"My dad is Darunia… Do you remember him?" GL asked.

"Oh yeah…" Navi muttered while remembering harsh memories.

"Dad named me Link after you, because you're so brave! It's a cool name! I really like it!" GL exclaimed.

"_Well_…. Thanks!" Link exclaimed grinning.

"Link, you are the hero to us Gorons! I'm so glad to meet you!" GL exclaimed.

"Awww… Really?" Link asked GL.

"Link… This reminds me of what people did when they found out you were working for Zelda…" Navi muttered into Link's ear.

**(The only word Link's simple little mind could process was the word 'Zelda'. And you know how Link is with girls…)**

"What? Where?" Link asked, looking around frantically looking for the princess. "Hey, you! Does my hair look messed up?"

**(GL paused.)**

"Not really…" GL told Link after a few seconds.

"Well… Maybe I should fix it up anyways…" Link pondered.

"Okay! I'll do your hair Goron style!" GL exclaimed.

**(Link looked at GL's hairdo. GL was almost bald…)**

"No thanks…" Link told GL.

"Link…" Navi mumbled as she slapped her forehead. "Zelda's not here…"

"Dang!" Link exclaimed as he snapped his fingers in disbelief.

"Anyways… Please give me your autograph! Sign it: 'To my friend, Link of the Gorons.'" GL exclaimed, pulling out an autograph book from his pocket (O.o What pocket?).

"Okay!" Link exclaimed, for he was oddly enjoying this (O.o).

"Ummmm…" Navi paused. "Where are the other Gorons?"

"Oh… I guess it's not a good time to ask for this… Please help everyone!" GL pleaded with new puppy-dog eyes. "My dad, Darunia, went to the Fire Temple. A dragon is inside! If we don't hurry up, even my dad will be eaten by the dragon!"

**(GL started to cry.)**

"Ohhh dear…" Navi muttered, for she wasn't good with crying little kids, she was better at beating them up.

"B-b-b-boooo hooooo!"

"What should I do?" Link asked out of the corner of his mouth to Navi.

"You'd better try and calm him down if you can… Maybe he will calm down if you talk to him? What do you want to ask him?" Navi asked Link.

"Let's see…About the Dragon…What's his name?" Link asked.

"A long time ago there was an evil dragon named Volvogia living in this mountain. That dragon was very scary!" GL sniffed.

"Ohhh? How so?" Navi asked.

"He ate Gorons!" GL explained.

"O.O I like this guy!" Navi exclaimed, but GL **didn't** hear.

"Ummm… How did the bad dragon die?" Link asked.

"By using a large hammer, the hero of the Gorons…BOOOM! He got the high score on the game 'Whack-a-Volvogia'! This is a myth from long ago, but it's true! I know, because my dad is a descendant of the hero! He inherited his whacking muscles!" GL explained as he oddly started to cry again.

**(GL starts to cry again.)**

"B-b-b-boooo hooooo!"

"You'd better try and calm him down if you can… Maybe he will calm down if you talk to him? What do you want to ask him?" Navi asked.

"You just said that…" Link pointed out.

"Sorry… The authoress is still making me spit out obvious nonsense, as usual…" Navi told Link.

"Never mind… About the Gorons… What happened to them?" Link asked GL.

"Everyone was taken to the Fire Temple…While my dad was out…Ganondorf's followers came and took them all away!" GL exclaimed.

"I suddenly like Ganondorf a lot more…" Navi muttered, but this time, GL heard her.

**(GL grabbed Navi and threw her onto the bottom level of the city as if she was a baseball.)**

"Anyways…All of them will be eaten by Volvogia!" GL cried as if he had not been interrupted.

"…Navi?" Link asked while looking, trying to find what had remained of his fairy friend.

"I'M OKAY!" Navi yelled from the bottom level as if she knew this was going to happen.

"Dad said that Ganondorf has revived Volvogia… As a warning to those who might appose him, Ganondorf is going to feed them all to Volvogia!" GL continued as if Link didn't say anything.

"So… Where is Darunia now?" Link asked.

"Dad went to the Fire Temple all by himself to try and save everyone… Please help, Link!" GL pleaded.

"I'm not so sure…" Link paused, looking at Navi the fairy, who was slowly flying back over to Link's head.

"I'll give this heat-resistant tunic!" GL told Link, trying to bribe Link.

"I'll take it!" Link exclaimed, for this was the answer to his washing clothes problem.

**(Link then receives the Goron Tunic that is an ugly red. GL rolls off the stairs to open the door to Darunia's room and to the restaurant for our starving hero.)**

"What's with this? Why is it so ugly?" Link asked, looking at the tunic with disgust.

"Maybe the authoress felt sorry for you and decided to help you with your washing clothes problem!" Navi suggested. "So that's why she gave you that rag!"

"Or maybe she thinks I'm flirting with girls too much and wants me to look more ugly in hopes of making them avoid me…" Link pondered. "But my hottness will radiate from within these rags! That plan will never work!"

"Dang..." the authoress muttered as she randomly continued the story.

**(The doors to Darunia's Throne Room and the restaurant opens.)**

"…How'd that kid do that?" Navi asked.

"SIMPLE!" GL yelled up from the bottom floor. "I HAVE THE KEYS!"

"Well, that explains it…" Link muttered.

**(GL randomly rolls back up to where Link and Navi were.)**

"Dad told me not to let anybody follow him to the Temple, but…only you, Link, can save everyone!" GL told Link.

"I don't think Link could even tie his own shoes… Don't leave the fate of the Gorons on this goon!" Navi told GL.

"Navi…"

"Yes, Link?"

"How do you tie shoes?" Link asked, for this was in an era where shoelaces didn't exist.

"I'm not sure…" Navi replied.

"I'm sure that the restaurant owner, who is hiding somewhere right now, will also help you! Now, I'll tell you about the secret passage to the Fire Temple! Try and move the statue inside dad's room!" GL told Link.

"Thanks!" Link exclaimed, walking to the restaurant for his first meal in 19 years.

**

* * *

(After Link's sturdy meal, he went to Lake Hylia to wash his clothes. After that, he walked _(while forgetting about Epona) _all the way back to Darunia's Throne room, pulled the Statue away from the walland saw the entrance to the Crater. Link then entered the Crater of Death Mountain. Then used the dull-hooked Hookshot to Hookshot across the fallen bridge and Sheik _(who seems to have replaced the Random Owl in the task of stalking) _appeared, scaring the socks out of Link, who was wearing the ugly red tunic.) **

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link screamed while jumping backwards, almost into the lava.

**(Sheik went wide-eyed.)**

"BE CAREFUL OR ELSE I'LL RIP YOU IN HALF!" Sheik threatened in a very un-Sheik like manner.

**(Link and Navi froze, in terror. I wouldn't blame them because Sheik was acting very scary today… Maybe it's the stress of being a ninja…)**

"That's better! Ahem." Sheik started, while preparing for his long and boring speech.

"Ohhh… Joy…" Navi muttered to Link.

"It's something that grows over time…a true friendship. A feeling in the heart that becomes even stronger over time… The passion of friendship will soon blossom into a righteous power." Sheik explained.

"Like 'Din's Fire'?" Link asked, hoping that he would get another thing like that.

"No… Not like 'Din's Fire'…" Sheik asked.

"Ohhh…" Link mumbled as he moped into the corner.

"Ignore him, Sheik…" Navi told Sheik.

"Thing is, I can't! He's the one I'm suppost to be talking to!" Sheik explained.

"Ohhh, I can fix him for you." Navi told Sheik.

"_Please…_" Sheik begged.

**(Navi took a breath.)**

"LINK! SNAP OUT OF IT! **NOW**!" Navi yelled, louder than Sheik and even scarier.

**(Link and Sheik became wide-eyed.)**

"O.O Wow… Talk about lung power…" Sheik muttered.

"Ok—okay… I'll snap out of it…" Link mumbled like a scared little boy.

"Good. Now Sheik, continue." Navi told Sheik.

"Okay. Ahem. Through it, you will know which way to go… This song is dedicated to the power of the heart…Listen to the 'Bolero of Fire'…" Sheik explained as he took his harp out of his pocket/butt.

"Say… Sheik? Can I ask you something?" Link asked.

"Shoot." Sheik told Link, holding the harp, waiting to play.

"Where do you get that harp? It looks like you pulled it out of your butt…" Link told Sheik.

"…I hid it in my back pocket…" Sheik explained.

"I don't think so… Thing is, you are wearing a tight jumpsuit, right? If it was in your back pocket, then wouldn't we be able to see it?" Link asked.

"………Link… I'll see you again…" Sheik told Link.

**(Sheik uses Deku Nut to disappear.)**

"I wonder where you'll warp to if you play the song 'Bolero of Fire'…" Navi pondered.

"Say… Sheik never taught us that song!" Link exclaimed; feeling ripped off.

**(Sheik fell from the sky again and played the song. Link repeated. Link's Ocarina got glittery again.)**

"Link…I'll see you again…" Sheik told Link as he backed away.

"Wait! Who are you?" Link asked, walking towards Sheik.

**(Link started to approach Sheik, but fire suddenly appeared between them.)**

"Crap!" Navi exclaimed.

**(Sheik then disappears via Deku Nut, again. Fire melted _(O.o melting fire?) _away. Link became blinded once again and fell into lava. Good thing he had a seven-year-old fairy on him.)**

"Dang…" Link muttered, walking forwards, after coming back to life, wishing he had taken a look at Sheik's face.

**

* * *

(Link entered the Fire Temple, when in room with the three statues; Link took the door up the stairs and to the left. In the next room Link ran into Darunia.) **

"Who's there?" Darunia asked. "Is that you, Link…?"

"Yep! And it's the tooth fairy too! I will make all your tooth wishes come true!" Navi exclaimed, with** lots** of sarcasm.

"Oh, it really is Link! You've grown so big since I last saw you!" Darunia exclaimed, showing his hand to a certain height to show how short Link was.

"Was I really that short?" Link asked.

"Sadly, yes." Navi told Link.

"Hey, Darunia, looks like you got a wife! We met your son! Who's the lucky lady?" Link asked.

"Ohhh… Him…" Darunia mumbled, looking at the ground. "Well… He was sort of an accident…"

"O.o Accident?" Navi asked.

"What's he talking about?" Link asked.

"You are so naïve…" Navi mumbled.

"Well… Um… The easiest way to describe this is …" Darunia paused, trying to describe without saying the word.

"Yes?" Link asked.

"Darunia… Link just got amnesia so he doesn't remember what he did over the last seven years… He forgot about learning _that_…" Navi explained.

"Ohhh… In that case, I want to have a man-to-man talk with you about the birds and the bees, but now is not the time." Darunia explained.

"Ohh? How come?" Link asked.

"Because Ganondorf is causing trouble on Death Mountain again! He has revived the evil, ancient dragon Volvogia! On top of that, he is going to feed my people to that evil dragon as a warning to the other races that might resist him… If that fire-breathing dragon escapes from the mountain, all of Hyrule will become a burning wasteland!" Darunia explained.

"O.O YIPPEE!" Navi exclaimed, for she was acting like a pyro this chapter…

"Shush!" Link told Navi.

"I will go on ahead and try to seal up the evil dragon…I'm concerned, though, because I don't have a whacking hammer…" Darunia mumbled.

"Whacking hammer?" Link asked.

"But I have no choice." Darunia continued as if he didn't hear Link. "Link…I'm asking you to do this as my Sworn Brother…While I'm trying to deal with dragon, please save my people!"

"Okay, where are they?" Link asked.

"The prisoner's cells are in the opposite direction. I'm counting on you, Link!" Darunia instructed.

**(Link watched Darunia go through the boss's room without a key. Odd. Link then looked around until…)**

"Link! Look!" Navi exclaimed.

"At what?" Link asked.

"That sign." Navi exclaimed while pointing at the sign/banner over the boss's room.

**(Link looked up and saw the banner.)**

'WHACK-A-VOLVOGIA!  
Grand Prize:  
A Shiny Medallion!'  
the banner read.

"So if we win, we get a Medallion thing, again?" Link asked Navi.

"Guess so." Navi replied.

"Sweet!" Link exclaimed, sparkles fluttering behind him.

"You know Link, for a guy of 19, you act 12 or 13…" Navi pointed out.

"Well, duh. That's the age I left at." Link told Navi, while turning to face her.

"But you could act more adult like." Navi told Link.

"I like the way I act, thank you." Link told Navi, crossing his arms and turning away from her.

"But still…" Navi trailed off.

**(Navi then turned and looked at the banner again. She saw something she hadn't seen before.)**

"Hey, look at that." Navi told Link as Link turned to look.

**(There was some fine print near the bottom of the banner.)**

'P.S. Whacking hammer isn't provided. Volvogia ate the provided one.'  
The sign read.

"Who's Volvogia?" Link asked (honestly, wasn't he listening at all?).

"I think he's the almighty whacked one." Navi explained; both Link and her were looking at the sign.

"Besides, how hard can it be to find a hammer?" Link asked. "There has to be one around here somewhere…"

"True…" Navi muttered.

**

* * *

(Link started to look for the hammer while slowly releasing the Gorons, one by one. After five hours…) **

"Finally…back…" Link groaned, looking very beat up and holding on to his sword handle for dear life, and Navi was wearing a band-aid.

"We would've come back sooner if you didn't keep failing to open the hammer chest." Navi told Link, noting that Link kept messing up to open the chest with the hammer inside.

"It's not my fault the longer way is hard, and the short way is beside a lava pit." Link told Navi.

"But still…" Navi mumbled. "Anyways lets fight Volvogia…"

"I forgot about him." Link told Navi.

"You are sad Link…" Navi told Link.

"Geez… Thanks." Link told Navi, while getting off the ground.

**(Link walked over to the boss's door, without the key, but he didn't need one!)**

"Great… I forgot to get the key…" Link muttered, searching through his pockets.

"But we don't need one! There's a rupee slot beside the door! We can pay our way in!" Navi told Link, pointing at the very obvious rupee slot.

"So… How much do we pay to get in?" Link asked.

"Read." Navi told Link, pointing at some instructions on paying.

'Instructions on Paying:  
1-1 min  
5-5 min  
10-10 min  
100-100 min' the instructions guided.

"Ohhh…" Link nodded.

**

* * *

(Link put in 5 rupees, he only needed 5 min. Link entered to see an ugly thing that looked like it was a cross between a goat and a lava snake.) **

"Creepy…" Navi shuddered.

"I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I is Vol-vol-vol-vol-vol-volvogia!" Volvogia hissed in the oddest hiss the authoress ever heard.

"That voice is creepier…" Link pointed out, Navi nodded.

"Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you is wasting your ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-time! You only have 5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-50 seconds!" Volvogia hissed.

"Oh, well, let's hurry up and kill you!" Link exclaimed as he ran up to the beast, which then went into a different lava hole, making Link miss him. "DARN!"

"H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-ha!" Volvogia laughed as he flew up to the ceiling, making rocks fall down and a rock accidentally hit him, making him hurt himself. "O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow!"

"…" Link and Navi paused together.

**

* * *

(A loud beeping sound was heard and the next thing Link knew was that he ended up outside of the boss's room.) **

'_Rrrrrrr! Time ran out! Please insert rupees to play again.'_ the machine spoke.

"WHAT!" Link yelled. "Already?"

"Wait… Right here it says 'sec' not 'min'…" Navi told Link.

"O.o Really?" Link asked.

"Yep… This is blind robbery…" Navi mumbled as Link put another 5 rupees into the rupee slot.

**

* * *

(Link went in again to see the snake thing; Volvogia was smiling at him.) **

"Fighting-ing-ing-ing me again-in-in-in?" Volvogia asked.

"Yep! Now I have an advantage! You are weaker now!" Link exclaimed, remembering the rock that fell on him.

"W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-wrong! Every time y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you play again, m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-my health becomes reset back to full health!" Volvogia sneered.

"WHATTT!" Link yelled, for this was unfair.

"That's just plain cheap!" Navi exclaimed, bobbing up and down.

"Do-do-do-do-do-do-don't blame me! Blame-me-me-me-me-me-me the game designers!" Volvogia exclaimed as Link got kicked out of the room, again.

**

* * *

(Link got up from the ground, really mad. He needed to kill this thing, and fast!) **

'_Rrrrrrr! Time ran out! Please insert rupees to play again.'_ the machine spoke.

"How can I kill that thing?" Link asked Navi.

"I dunno…" Navi muttered, while searching through her pockets (?).

**(Navi felt something in her pockets and got an idea!)**

"Hey! I got an idea!" Navi exclaimed.

"What is it?" Link asked, at this point he was even willing to listen to the **random owl** for help at this point.

"How about—never mind… Let's go back!" Navi exclaimed.

"But—" Link started.

"COME ON! PAY!" Navi yelled.

"Okay…" Link whimpered in a small voice.

**

* * *

(Link and Navi went back in, Volvogia, smirking, again.) **

"Ready to b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-be beaten?" he asked.

"Not so fast! We have a plan!" Navi told the monster.

"O-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh?"

"Yep! TAKE THIS!" Navi yelled as she threw the bottle of **sour milk** at the beast.

**(The milk hit Volvogia right between the eyes and he instantly died. That is some evil milk:D)**

"…Sad…" Link paused while looking at Volvogia's corpse.

**(Meanwhile… outside…)****

* * *

(The wreath of flame around Death Mountain erupts and the sky becomes blue again.) ****

* * *

(Random… Back inside Link just entered theportal that Saria madeand ended up at the Chamber of the Sages. Darunia randomly appeared before Link.) **

"Thank you, Brother! I really appreciate what you did. I thank you on the behalf of the entire Goron race!" Darunia exclaimed.

"Thanks!" Link exclaimed, even though it was Navi that did all the hard work.

"I think you are enjoying this…" Navi paused, looking at the so-called hero.

"You turned out to be a real man, just as I thought you would!" Darunia smirked.

"Him? A real man?" Navi asked, cracking up. "Pffft—HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Shut up!" Link told Navi, who was rolling on the floor, laughing hard.

"By the way, I, the wild Darunia, turned out to be the great Sage of Fire… Isn't that funny, Brother?" Darunia asked.

"No." Link replied.

"Well,this must be what they call destiny. Nothing has made me happier than helping you seal the evil here and break my ancestor's High score!" Darunia exclaimed.

"I broke the high score?" Link asked, shocked, as Navi got off the floor and flew above Link's head.

"Yep! You time was 10 sec! He was 13 sec!Hey, Brother, take this! This is a medallion that contains the power of the fire spirits—, my friendship and it's also the grand prize!" Darunia told Link while giving him the Medallion.

**(Link got the Fire Medallion! Ouch! But it's hot! And—oh-no… it burned up his Deku shield! Dang!) **

"Don't forget…now you and I are true Brothers!" said the voice _(cough)_Darunia_(cough)_ on the wind.

**

* * *

(Link warped back to the entrance of the Fire Temple. Link poked around a bit, and found a Great Fairy's Fountain. Link played the usual Zelda's Lullaby to bring out the Fairy/slut.) **

"Welcome Link! I am the Great Fairy of Wisdom and Ugliness! I am going to enhance your magic power. Receive it now!" the fairy of ugliness squealed.

**(Link got double magic meter! Wait… This means more bottles needed to fill it up! Dang!)**

"Your magic power has been enhanced! Now you have twice as much magic power! When battle has made you weary, please come back to see me." The slut told Link.

"NEVER!" Link yelled as she disappeared, cackling.

**

* * *

(Link then wandered around aimlessly when Navi had the obvious-nonsense-attacks (I am now calling it ONA)! Navi collapsed and Link looked to see what was wrong.) **

"An artic wind is blowing from Zora's River… Do you feel it?" Navi asked, sounding as if she was dying.

"No." Link told Navi.

"Well, lets go there anyways!" Navi exclaimed, flying upwards again.

"Fine… We have nothing better to do." Link told Navi.

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter Nine! 

Link: Are you satisfied with the chapter?

Cherry-sama: Nope! I didn't get to do this one thing! Maybe I'll add it to the Bloopers… Either that or the Deleted Scenes...

Navi: O.o Totally Messed has Bloopers?

Cherry-sama: Not yet! But I am planning on it!

Saria: Our world will never be sane… Please review for the sake of our sanity…


	10. Chapter 10: Jello takes over Zora World!

**Chapter Ten! (Second story of mine to reach the double digits! 51 reviews? I FEEL LOVE-ED NOW!) :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. For if I did then I would own Mario and that wouldn't be that very fun now would it?**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome to the tenth chapter of Totally Messed! 

Link: So what happens this chapter?

Cherry-sama: I stalk you!

Navi: Oh no…

Saria: Please read the story… Insanity is packed here including RutoxDark-Link…

Link: O.o

Navi: Oh-no…

**_

* * *

What would happen if the Water Temple had no water? Or the Zora world was taken over by Jello? _**

_Wonder no more! Even though I don't have EFoT, I'll get him soon! What? Why are you looking at me like that…? ON WITH THE STORY!_

**

* * *

(Link entered Zora's Domain only to find that the place was suffering from a little frostbite… Or _was_ it frost?) **

"What happened here?" Link asked before slipping and falling on a randomly frozen puddle or _was_ it frozen?

"Either the Zoras are playing a not-very-funny-joke on us _or_…" Navi told Link while explaining something the authoress isn't quite sure of herself…

"Or?" Link asked, getting up with a band aide on his head.

"Or this has something to do with the boss in the Water Temple who is currently looking up ways to cook Ruto without making her feel no pain. He is a Jello blob so I'm not so sure how he was able to freeze (or _did_ he freeze) the Zoras in the first place. Or _is_ this ice, ice?" Navi told Link, making Link not so sure what she was talking about either.

"O.O WHAAAAATTTT!" Link yelled, randomly defrosting the door to the Zora shop.

"I mean…" Navi told Link, but Link interrupted.

"Are you psychic or something in Zora's Domain?" Link asked.

"…Yes… I BLAME YOU AUTHORESS!" Navi yelled at the speakers above the set.

Thank you.

"Did the roof just speak?" Link asked.

"No, it's the narrator!" Navi told Link.

"The authoress is narrating?" Link asked, slipping and falling and killing himself once more.

"If you didn't know that Link, you are sad…" Navi told Link.

Incredibly.

"What? Now you are both ganging up on me?" Link asked while going into a random corner and moping. "You guys make me feel sad inside…"

You are not allowed to quote from my friend Neverender.

"O.o This is just getting plain weird…" Navi told the readers as she flew away to the place where King Zora sat.

"Wait up Navi!" Link exclaimed as he ditched the random corner and the narrator.

**

* * *

(Link followed Navi only to find her, frozen. No, not in the ice, but in shock. You see, Mr. Really-Fat-King-Zora-That-Is-A-Disgrace-To-His-Kind was stuck in what seemed to be cherry _(OwO CHERRY!)_ flavored Jello.) **

"Dude… What happened to him?" Link asked.

"He's frozen in Jello." Navi told Link.

My favorite flavor!

"We didn't ask for your help." Navi told the narrator.

But can I?

"No."

Plz?

"No."

Hmmm… Right here is a button that is labeled 'Backspace' on my keyboard. I wonder what would happen if I press it…

"Okay! Okay! Fine! Just don't delete us!" Link yelled, wishing for mercy.

"Link!" Navi yelled. "You've got to be firm!"

Good job, Linky-kins!

"O.O She's just like Ruto…" Navi muttered to herself.

"…We didn't ask for your help." Link told the narrator, hurting her feelings.

Awww… You make me feel sad inside…

"And you told him off for saying that!" Navi pointed out.

Neverender is **my** friend. I'm **allowed **to quote fromher since I know her.

"…Let's keep moving…" Link told Navi.

"Agreed." Navi told Link as they continued their adventure without the authoress.

_Oh_-no! You cannot ditch me that easily! Or can you? DANG IT! xC

**

* * *

(Link and Navi went to the place where Lord Jabu Jabu once sat, hopped across the icebergs and gradually madetheir way towards the left. Link went into the cave and began to solve the mini-dungeon. At the back room Link found some Blue-Raspberry/Blackberry/Maybe-its-Blueberry Jello.) **

"This blue fire…it doesn't seem natural. Maybe you can use it for something?" Navi told Link.

"Navi. It's not fire; it's Jello. Floating Jello for that matter." Link told Navi, noting the moving gelatin in front of them.

Odd, isn't it?

"Not you again…" Link muttered, slapping his forehead.

Look, I would've gotten here sooner but you guys are too fast!

"What are we suppost to do with this Jello?" Navi asked the narrator, trying to get something productive done.

You bottle it up.

"We see that already!" Navi told the narrator.

"We did?" Link asked.

"Yes we did." Navi told Link while stealing his bottle, taking a bottle sized chunk and stuffing it in the bottle.

I'll tell you what you need to do with it later.

"Fine." Navi told the narrator while handing Link the bottle with blue gelatin in it.

"But I wanna know now!" Link yelled.

Too bad.

"But—!" Link protested.

Hiss…

"O.o" Link and Navi looked after that oddhiss.

**

* * *

(Link continued through this dungeon and walked over to the boss's room) **

"So… What do I have to fight here?" Link asked.

"I dunno…" Navi told Link.

You have to fight White Wolfos.

"What's a Wolfos?" Link asked, but before the narrator could reply, a whitish wolf with red eyes, came out of the floor.

"How did it do that?" Navi asked.

"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Link yelled as he ran over to the boss and hugged it.

"Arf?" the Wolf(os) arfed as it cocked its head.

"It's soooooooo cute! I'm going to name him Wigijigiland _(pronounced Wigi-jigi-land)_! I know! He can be our cute and lovable partner on our adventures!" Link exclaimed, patting Wigijigiland on the head, making Wigijigiland's newly combed hair all tangled again.

"I have a feeling I've seen this before…" Navi paused, forgetting the random events in chapter 3.

Déjà vu…

**(Wigijigiland saw Navi and thought she was a blue steak _(why are all the animals thinking Navi's some kind of food?)_. Wigijigiland ran over to Navi and snaped his jaws over her small and glowy body.)**

"MMMM! MMMM! MMMM! (_Translation:_ HELP! LINK! HELP!)" Navi cried out from inside Wigijigiland.

Dude… This is like a chapter 3 remix…

**(Wigijigiland turned to Link, his red eyes pulsing in the moonlight _(this is odd since they are indoors)_ and drool dripping from his chin. Wigijigiland ran over to Link and leapt into the air, ready to eat Link in a single gulp! Link misunderstood this and thought Wigijigiland was leaping into Link in a loving way. So Link opened his arms, ready to embrace Wigijigiland in a big hug! Wigijigiland then somehow stabbed himself on Link's sword and died _(O.o dude…)_.)**

"NOOOOOOO! NOT WIGIJIGILAND! HE WAS TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Link screamed like in chapter three.

"According by its breath, it was—" Navi started but was interrupted.

Let me guess. 1 234 567 890 years old?

"…Yeah… How did you know?" Navi asked the narrator.

I'm reading off the script, right in front of me.

"Ohh…" Navi paused to see what Link was doing. "What the…heck?"

**(Link was doing something very un-male like. Link was trying on new shoes. They were an ugly pair at that for they weren't very different from his Kokiri boots, just that they had an ugly metal on the bottom.)**

"What in Farore's name are you doing?" Navi asked Link.

"I'm…" Link started, trying to hide his boots behind his legs, but failing (no duh).

"Link... That is something I'd expect a girl to do…" Navi told Link.

"But I found them in the chest I got for accidentally killing Wigijigiland…" Link told Navi.

Link…In your case, things can't get worse then they are now…

**(Sheik fell from the roof.)**

But then again… They can.

"We meet again, Link... And what are you doing?" Sheik asked, noticing the boots on Link's feet.

"He's trying on new shoes." Navi told Sheik.

"That's really girly, Link…" Sheik told Link.

"But they were…" Link started but he was interrupted.

In the chest you got after defeating the White Wolfos?

"Yeah…" Link muttered. "His name was Wigijigiland! And it's only really girly if you enjoy trying them on!"

Hey, you put them on in your **free time** without Navi nagging you to go-buy-new/wear-the boots… You technically did enjoy it.

"DID NOT!" Link protested.

"…Did the roof just speak?" Sheik asked, looking at the roof.

"She's the narrator…" Navi told Sheik.

"What's a narrator?" Sheik asked, because if you don't remember, they are somewhat in the middle ages.

"I'm not sure… But she's been stalking us…" Navi told Sheik.

I came here to help you try to free the Zoras.

"If you came here to meet the Zoras, you wasted your time… This is all there is… With one exception, the Zoras are now sealed under this thick ice sheet…" Sheik explained.

"Hello! It's Jello! And how can anyone be sealed under Jello?" Link asked.

"…I managed to rescue the Zora Princess from under the ice—" Sheik started.

"JELLO!" Link and Navi yelled in correction.

"…I mean Jello, but…she left to head for the Water Temple… This Jello is created by an evil curse…" Sheik told Link and Navi…and narrator.

"Jello created by an evil curse?" Navi asked in disbelief.

Dude. It's Jello! You make it at home in your refrigerator!

"What's a refrigerator?" Link asked, but he was ignored.

"…The monster in the Water Temple is the source of the curse." Sheik continued.

"How did the boss of the Water Temple make this much Jello?" Navi asked.

"…Unless you shut off the source, this ice—I mean Jello, it will never melt…" Sheik told them.

Who wants Jello to melt? People make Jello for eating!

"Will you let me finish?" Sheik asked.

Not without saying a few things in the middle of your speech.

"…If you have enough courage to confront the danger and save the Zoras, I will teach you the melody that leads to the Temple." Sheik explained.

"All of this trouble is just for a worthless drabble about Jello…" Navi muttered, slapping her forehead.

"Time passes, people move…. Like a river's flow, it never ends…" Sheik explained.

"But Jello just stays in one place!" Link exclaimed.

"…A childish mind will turn to noble ambition… Young love will become deep affection… The clear water's surface reflects growth…" Sheik continued, speaking a little louder.

"But Link hasn't grown at all… He's still as stupid as he was seven years ago." Navi muttered, looking at Link.

"What?" Link asked, shocked.

"Now listen the Serenade of Water to reflect upon yourself…. Play the Serenade of Water!" Sheik was now shouting trying to **drown out** Link and Navi's chatter.

You forgot about me. I have a volume control switch for the intercom, cuz I am the narrator with super narrating powers! I can even turn down _your_ volume!

**(A sound of a knob turning is heard over the intercom.)**

"What did that do?" Link asked, looking around.

"I'm not sure…" Navi paused.

**(Sheik took out his harp out of back pocket/butt and played the song, but no noise was heard. Sheik tried again. Nothing. Sheik then started playing his favorite heavy-metal rock song on the harp in an attempt to try and get sound back to his harp.)**

See?

"—–––" Sheik told the narrator but Sheik had also lost his voice.

What?

**(The narrator stupidly turned up Sheik's volume and the narrator had forgotten that Sheik was playing a heavy-metal rock song. When the volume was turned up, the authoress did it a little too high so the rock song screeched around the studio, making everyone on set temporarily deaf.)**

…Owwww…

"My ears…" Navi muttered.

"AT LEAST YOU CAN HEAR ME PLAY NOW." Sheik told Link and Co., Sheik's volume still too high.

"Ummm… His voice is still too high…" Navi told the narrator.

Whoops.

**(A sound of a knob turning is heard over the intercom.)**

"An…no…I…sha…pl…th…so…fo…yo… (Do you know what he said?)" Sheik told Link and Co. in a small whisper.

"Too soft." Link told the narrator.

Grrr… This is annoying…

"It's your fault this happened! If you hadn't messed with Sheik's volume then we would know the song by now!" Navi told the narrator.

Hiss… Fine! I'll teach you the Song!

"Okay!" Link exclaimed, Ocarina ready.

"Bu…!" Sheik protested.

No buts!

**(Music is played over the intercom. It was Serenade of Water. Link played along.)**

There. Now I'll translate what Sheik is saying.

"Fina…" Sheik told the narrator.

Sheik said to me: 'Finally.'

"Li…I'…se…yo…aga…" Sheik told Link.

"'_Link, I'm secretly young again'_?" Link asked, trying to translate what Sheik said but doing a lousy job of it.

Sheik said: 'Link…I'll see you again…'

**(Sheik used Deku Nut and disappears, leaving Link to be blinded once again.)**

"I hate it when he does that…" Link told Navi and the narrator as he fell into the water in front of him. "AHHH!"

Silly Link…

**

* * *

(After getting his vision back, Link went to the King Zora with blue Jello.) **

"So… Now what?" Link asked the narrator.

"I bet you pour the blue Jello on the red Jello!" Navi exclaimed.

Yes, you do.

**(Link did just that and nothing happened, only thing that happened is that they made purple/Grape Jello.)**

"And what should happen?" Link asked.

"I dunno." Navi told Link.

What? You think those two will just cancel each other out?

"Yeah…" Link told the narrator.

Fools! You are suppost to **eat** the Jello!

"O.o WHAAAAAAAAAAT!" Link screamed, randomly de-Jello-ing all the Zoras in Zora's Domain except for the King himself.

Jello is made so you can eat it, as I said before.

"That Jello has been on that fish of who knows how long! You want us to eat it!" Navi yelled.

Yes.

"We'll help you!" exclaimed a random Zora.

"We'll eat our King's Jello!" another Zora exclaimed.

Dude. It's sounds like you're going to steal his royal Jello away and eat it.

"How does that work?" Navi asked.

I'm not sure…

"Did that roof just speak?" asked a Zora.

"Yes it did! Now get to work and start eating!" Navi told the Zoras, handing them a spork.

"What's this?" the Zoras asked.

It's called a spork.

"What's a spork?" asked the Zoras.

A spork is what you are holding. Are you going to get to work yet?

"Yes, really-high-up-ceiling!" the Zoras exclaimed with a bow.

What kind of title is that?

"Never mind that! GET TO WORK!" Navi yelled, scaring all the Zoras half to death.

"Okay…" the Zoras replied feebly.

**(The Zoras started eating the Grape Jello around the King's head. When it was completely uncovered, the King started to speak!)**

"Oh—I've come back to life!" the King exclaimed, not able to move his arms or legs due to the gelatin.

"Just hold still highness!" a Zora told the King.

"Was it you who saved me?" the King asked Link and Navi.

No. It was your loyal Zora followers.

"Did the roof just speak?" asked the King, so shocked that his Grape Jello** fell off**.

Yes, I, the roof, did just speak. Why does everyone have to ask that when they hear me?

"I'm not sure…" Navi told the narrator.

"Don't be nervous!" the King told Link and Navi, and Co.

"About what?" asked Link.

"It looks like you—OUCH!" yelled the King Zora.

"What?" asked Link.

…You Zoras can stop eating now…

"Whoops. Sorry." the Zoras told the King, for one of them had bitten him.

"Ahem. As I was saying…It looks like you have a hard time breathing under water." The King Zora explained.

"Yeah… So?" Link asked.

"As an expression of my gratitude, I grant you this tunic." The King told Link.

What about your Zora followers? They did most of the effort!

"…They will get the week off work." King Zora told the narrator.

**(Just then, all the Zoras in Zora's Domain squealed with delight.)**

"As I was saying… With this, you won't choke under water." The King Zora told Link as the King handed Link something blue.

**(Link received the Zora's tunic! Now in that he looks hotter than usual!)**

"…Pardon?" Link asked, hearing this remark.

Never mind…

"Ah, I see… Princess Ruto went to the Water Temple…" King Zora sighed.

"O.O How did you find that out?" Navi asked.

"O.o I'm not sure…" the King paused, wondering how he knew that.

**

* * *

(Link then played the Serenade of Water and he warped to the Lake Hylia.) **

"Those Iron Boots look like they weigh a ton! If you wear those boots, you might be able to walk to the bottom of a lake." Navi told Link.

"Since when have you wanted me to try on the new shoes?" Link asked.

"Since they might get you to the bottom of Lake Hylia." Navi told Link.

**(Link put on his new shoes and he started walking into the water. He couldn't breath.)**

"Ugh!" Link yelled as his head got under water; only he wasn't speaking so only bubbles came out.

**(Link got back out.)**

"What's the matter?" Navi asked as she too got out of the water.

"Look, you might be able to breath under water but that doesn't mean I can." Link explained, gasping for breath.

Link… You're suppost to—

**(Navi got an idea.)**

"I got an idea!" Navi exclaimed as she pulled out the sour milk.

Wait, Navi! Wait!

**(Just the sight of the sour milk made all the water left in Lake Hylia to evaporate.)**

"O.O That milk scares me." Link stated, taking off his boots and walking into the Water Temple.

**

* * *

(Link entered the Water Temple. Link saw that all the water in the Water Temple evaporated, including the boss's water! Link found his way into the Temple and entered the main room. Link went to the very bottom floor _(because he reacted to the laws of gravity)_ in the Main room and entered the door on the right that had lit torches in front. Link looked around and found something he never wanted to see again.) **

"Princess Ruto?" Link asked in shock.

"Oh no…" Navi muttered.

"Oh…you… If I'm right…Link!" Ruto asked. "You're Link, aren't you?"

"No!" Link exclaimed, trying to get away.

He's lying.

"Did the roof just sp—" Ruto started.

Does everyone _have_ to ask that when they hear me?

"Yes." Navi told the narrator.

"Anyways, Link. It's me, your fiancée, Ruto! Princess of the Zoras!" Ruto told Link.

"I hoped it wouldn't be you…" Link groaned.

"What was that?" Ruto asked, infuriated.

"Nothing!" Navi told Ruto while covering Link's mouth.

"I see… I never forgot the vows we made to each other seven years ago!" Ruto exclaimed while hearts floated above her head.

**_Darn, she remembered!_** Link though.

"What was that?" Ruto asked as the hearts fell to the floor, cracking into a million pieces, as she tapped her foot. Lightning flashed behind her eyes.

"Nothing!" Link exclaimed as he remembered how she could read minds.

**_Oh yeah… I forgot that Ruto could read minds…_** Navi thought.

"And in seven years I've learned the ability to fly, vanish instantly, make Jello, see the future, and basically anything that a super hero could do." Ruto told Navi.

"O.O WHAT!" Link and Navi screamed together.

"Yes I have. See?" Ruto asked as she started flapping her fins and started to lift above the ground.

"Gasp!" Link and Navi gasped.

"Apparently I've learned how to fly like the Zoras descendants have in the future." Ruto told Link and Navi, landing on the ground again.

They are called the Rito.

"Ahhh, yes." Ruto paused, remembering the word that made that part have a crossover with Wind Waker.

Link. Since you evaporated the water guess whom you have to have in order to get places.

"O.O WHAT!" Link yelled, realizing that Ruto would have to carry him in order for him to get to the boss's room.

"You're a terrible man to have kept me waiting these seven long years for me to help return the favor for you carrying me around Jabu-Jabu's Belly… But now is not the time to talk about love or debts…" Ruto paused.

"Oh whew!" Link exclaimed as he wiped his brow.

"I'm sure you've already seen it! Zora's Domain—totally Jello-fied!" Ruto exclaimed with not needed drama.

"But we un-Jello-ed it." Navi told Ruto, but she wasn't heard.

"A young man named Sheik saved me from under the Jello… Though my father and the other Zoras have not…yet… I want to save them all!" Ruto continued dramatically/melodramatically.

"But we already saved them…" Link told Ruto, but he wasn't heard over the melodramatic waves that radiated the room.

"I want to save Zora's Domain!" Ruto exclaimed while yelling these lines with increasing melodrama, to the point that it's stupid.

…Ruto?

"You!" Ruto commanded, pointing at someone.

Who me?

"No! Him! Link has to help me!" Ruto demanded as she pointed her finger at Link, the only male in the room.

"Uh-oh…" Link muttered to himself.

"This is a request from me, the woman who is going to be your wife!" Ruto told Link.

"Are you sure about that?" Navi asked.

Don't get your hopes too high Ruto.

**(Ruto glared at Navi and the narrator. I'm not sure how she did that either…)**

"Link, you have to help me destroy the evil monster in the temple." Ruto told Link. "Okay!"

"Well…" Link started.

"Good. Inside the Water Temple, there are three places where you can change the water level." Ruto explained.

"But there isn't any water…" Link whimpered.

"…I'll lead the way. Follow me, quickly!" Ruto told Link and Co. as she flew upwards.

"RUTO! WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO FLY!" Link reminded the Princess.

"I do." Navi told Link.

So can I if I want to… For stalking purposes.

"Well, **I **can't fly like you two!" Link told the two that so proved him wrong!

"You can't fly, Linky? Whoops…" Ruto muttered as she flew back down to the ground and let Link grab onto her feet.

**

* * *

(Link, Navi, Ruto and the narrator flew up until they found a rag hanging on the wall.) **

"Those who wish to open the path sleeping at the bottom of the lake must play the song passed down by the Royal Family." The rag read.

"I guess we can change the water level with this." Ruto paused.

In case you've forgotten, there is no water.

"Oh… Right." Ruto remembered. "What will happen if you try?"

**_Something stupid, you idiot._** Navi thought.

"What did you think?" Ruto asked as she tapped her foot.

"Nothing!" Navi told Ruto. **_Crap._**

"W-w-w-w-w-w-ell… Lets try anyways…" Link stuttered as he told them while he pulled out his Ocarina. **_Ruto's scary… If I have her as my wife then—_**

"Then what?" Ruto asked, getting a little ticked.

"N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-nothing, dear?" Link told Ruto, not sure whether or not it was the right choice to say 'dear' to Ruto.

"EEEEK! Linky called me dear! Just to show how much he loves me!" Ruto squealed, grabbing Link around the neck.

"…L-l-l-l-l-let's play the song…" Link stuttered putting the Ocarina to his lips.

"Linky also always knows that business before pleasure!" Ruto exclaimed with a very scary sparkle in her eyes.

Pleasure? For who? Link or you?

"Ruto." Navi replied.

**(Link played song and then an enemy made of Jello appeared.)**

"I have come to steal your soul!" the Jello thing cackled insanely.

"Oh yeah?" Navi asked, pulling out the sour milk.

"Gasp!" the Jello thing gasped, then died.

"Heh, heh, heh, heh…" Navi muttered as she tossed the bottle up and down.

"Navi… We've got trouble…" Link paused, bending down to the ground to get closer to _something_.

**(Navi turned around to see that Ruto had fainted from the shock from the sour milk.)**

"Uh-oh…" Navi muttered while flying over to Link.

"What should I do?" Link asked.

"I dunno, give her mouth to mouth?" Navi asked.

"You want me to give mouth to mouth to a fish?" Link asked.

Give it a try. She's your only way to get out of this dungeon.

"Why don't I carry her until she wakes up?" Link asked, clearly not wanting to give what would seem like a kiss to all (re)viewers.

"No excuses!" Navi snapped.

Actually… Link may have an idea there…

"Oh please! Not you too!" Navi groaned, for she **really** wanted to see Link suffer.

"Does that mean I win?" Link asked.

Yes it does.

"Ha ha!" Link sneered at Navi as Link carried Ruto over his shoulder.

**

* * *

(Link went through the Temple and entered this one room…) **

"Man… Won't she every wake up?" Link asked, putting the Princess who had gained weight over seven years, on the ground.

Maybe you should think of something…

"Think of something? Like getting an idea?" Link asked, clearly confuzzled.

No! Think of something that would please Ruto! Like 'I love Ruto!'

"Ummm… Okay…" Link muttered as he thought that. **_I love Ruto._**

**(Nothing happened.)**

"Now what, Genius?" Link asked the narrator.

Ummm… I'm not sure… Wait… Where are you guys, anyways?

"Aren't you with us too?" Navi asked.

Fine. Where are **we** anyways?

"That's better." Navi told the narrator.

"Say… Where are we anyways?" Link asked making the narrator and Navi fall over, but they got back up again.

**(Link and Navi look around. They were in this room that had a tree in the middle of it. The rest of the room was shrouded in mist.)**

"Yeah… Where are we?" Navi asked flying around, going near the tree.

**(All of a sudden, an evil thing fell from the sky! It was… Jello?)**

"Is that Jello?" Link asked.

It looks like you Navi!

**(There, in front of them was a Jello Navi! Oh no! More annoying-ness!)**

"HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT!" Jello Navi yelled.

"Do I sound like that?" Navi asked.

Yep.

"Oh joy…" Link paused, twice the annoying-ness.

"Say… I got an idea…" Navi paused. "If it does that to me then what would happen to Link?"

That's what was suppost to happen…

"Oh…" Link paused as he forgot about the Jello Navi, which randomly ran into the tree and died.

**(Another Jello monster fell from the sky!)**

"It looks like you, Link!" Navi exclaimed.

"No duh…" Link paused.

That is Liquorish flavored Jello. It is also known as Dark Link.

"Great… Now there are two Links…" Navi muttered to herself.

"At least there aren't two Navi's!" Link exclaimed for the Dark Navi had died a few seconds ago.

**(Ruto heard Navi's last remark and un-fainted.)**

"Oh my Nayru! Really?" Ruto exclaimed (with hearts above her head) as she looked around and saw Dark Link. "Linky-kins!"

"Uh-oh…" Dark Link muttered as he saw Ruto coming towards him with her arms ready to hug him.

**(As soon as Ruto hugged Dark Link, Dark Link was hit by some kind of love potion… Odd…)**

"Why hello there, beautiful!" Dark Link exclaimed with hearts above his head too, like Ruto's only smaller.

"Two Links! I'm so happy!" Ruto squealed in delight.

"What the—?" Link asked as he watched his Jello clone **flirt** with the ugly fish.

What? Would you rather it be you doing that?

"Well, no… But I do that?" Link asked.

"Yes. But to regular females." Navi replied.

Once you beat the boss of the Water Temple then Dark Link will vanish. Do want me to make him solid so he won't disappear?

"Ummm… Why?" Link asked.

"Yeah. Why?" Navi asked.

If he disappears then _you'll_ be the one in Ruto's arms.

"…DO IT NOW!" Link commanded the narrator.

Okay, okay…

**(Dark Link became solid and Hylian! Just like Link only in a black outfit and red eyes!)**

"Yay!" Ruto exclaimed.

"Now how do we get out?" Navi asked.

"I'll open the door for you!" Dark Link exclaimed as the mist disappeared and next door was visible.

"Say… Dark Link…" Link muttered.

"Yes?" Dark Link asked, with an imprint of a kiss, made of seaweed lipstick, on his cheek.

"Where did you buy that outfit?" Link asked, wondering if that style would make him a chick magnet, for it worked with Ruto.

"LINK! First shoes, now clothes! What has gotten into you?" Navi nagged.

Something the readers will never find out. Or me for that matter…

**

* * *

(Link, Dark Link, Navi, Ruto and the narrator continued along with no Dark Navi, because she's dead. When the team entered the Boss's Room, they were surprised to see that the room was completely white!) **

"Link! Look out! That isn't normal water over there!" Navi screamed in terror.

"Navi. There is no water!" Link yelled at Navi.

"Then what do you call that white thing over there?" Navi asked, pointing to a white box of some kind.

That's a refrigerator.

"Did the roof just speak?" Dark Link asked.

"Yep." Navi told Dark Link.

If you only noticed me now, that is sad…

"Geez… Thanks." Dark Link grumbled.

**(Then, randomly, the door of the refrigerator opened showing the largest hunk of corrupted Jello the world of Hyrule has ever seen!)**

"AHHHHH! IT'S JELLO!" Link screamed.

"EEK!" Dark Link screamed, hiding behind Ruto.

"YOU ARE MEN, AREN'T YOU? THEN FIGHT IT!" Ruto yelled louder than Link and Dark Link.

"Okay…" they replied feebly, nothing compared to Ruto's evil glare.

**(A few seconds later, they were being strangled by the blue goop and thrown back to the watching females.)**

Sad…

"Wait! I got an idea!" Ruto exclaimed, pulling Link's blue tunic out of nowhere. "Wear this!"

**(Ruto threw the tunic to Link. Link instantaneous put it on without taking the other one off. Odd. Link ran towards the Jello beast and got thrown back.)**

How did you expect that to work?

"I dunno." Ruto simply told the narrator.

**(Navi then got an idea. An idea better than Ruto's.)**

"Pardon?" asked the evil Ruto.

Nothing…

"I got an idea!" Navi exclaimed, clutching something in her pocket.

**(Navi took the bottle of sour milk and threw it at the defiled Jello. The cork came off of the bottle and spilled the milk all over the tainted Jello. It withered away in pain as the chunky fluid _(xP eeewww…)_ diffused into it, and then, dramatically, the Jello died!)**

"The power of Evil Sour Milk never loses!" Link and Navi exclaimed in a synchronized way.

Link? Navi? Look…

**(Link and Navi turned around to see that Dark Link and Ruto had fainted from the smell of our favorite milk. Link and Navi didn't faint because they were used to the smell by now!)**

"Well, let's just ditch them! We don't need them anymore!" Link exclaimed as he turned his back on the newest/strangest couple in OoT (like come on! Who pairs up Ruto and Jello? Eh?).

**(Dark Link and Ruto heard Link's last comments.)**

"OH-NO YOU DON'T!" Dark Link and Ruto yelled as the two got up.

"Wait…" Navi paused as she looked at the empty bottle.

"What?" Link asked.

"Crap! Now we don't have anymore sour milk!" Navi snapped as she picked up its remains.

"Don't' worry! All we have to do is go back in time and buy some more!" Link told Navi.

"Hey… You're right!" Navi exclaimed flying up and down.

"Huh?" Ruto paused, confused.

"Go back in time?" Dark Link asked.

"Never mind…" Link told Dark Link as he started to hide his Ocarina of Time in his most secret pocket.

**

* * *

(Link and Co. were then transported to the Chamber of the Sages by using Saria's transporting machine that was given to her by Rauru. Ruto and Dark Link appeared before Link, the narrator and Navi, the new/strange couple both on the water symbol.) **

"Linky-kins… I would have expected no less from the man I chose to be my husband." Ruto told the man.

"Thank you!" Link exclaimed.

"Not you! Him!" Ruto snapped at Link while pointing to the Shadow/Jello person.

"But Link did all the hard work!" Navi protested.

"No… You did!" Ruto pointed out.

She does have a point…

"Zora's Domain and its people will eventually return to their original state." Ruto told Dark Link while ignoring the two.

"But they are already free!" Link and Navi yelled.

"As a reward…I grant my eternal love to you." Ruto told Dark Link as she ignored Link and Navi.

"Awww… Thanks honey…" Dark Link told Ruto.

"Well, that's what I want to say to Linky-kins, but I don't think I can offer that now." Ruto told the_ real_ hero.

"Yes!" Link exclaimed as he did a happy dance.

"I have to guard the Water Temple as the Sage of Water…" Ruto told Dark Link.

"That's okay… We can get married later…" Dark Link told Ruto while patting her on the shoulder.

"And you…" Ruto told Link, while turning her head to face him, "you're searching for the Princess, Zelda?"

"How did you—?" Link asked.

"Ha! You can't hide anything from me!" Ruto exclaimed, for she _did_ read minds.

"I told her!" Dark Link told Link.

**(The narrator looked blank.)**

Oh… Cancel that last description for Ruto!

"Princess Zelda…she's alive. I can sense it…" Ruto told Link.

"Oh no…" Navi muttered, remembering the jewelry obsession.

"So don't be discouraged." Ruto told Link and Navi.

"But we already are!" Navi exclaimed.

"I can tell that nothing will stop you in your quest for justice and peace…" Ruto told Link.

"Finally! You can see that!" Link exclaimed in joy. "YEESSSSS!"

"You must take this medallion… Take it respectfully!" Ruto told Link as she gave him the Medallion and Ruto went back to hugging Dark Link.

That's what the King Zora told Link when he gave Link the blue tunic! W00T! Me pro! Me so pro!

"…" Everyone in the Chamber of the Sages paused.

**(Link received Water Medallion! Wait! Why is there a picture of Princess Ruto on it? I hope she doesn't want Link to remember her…)

* * *

**

"_If you see Sheik, please give him my thanks, okay?" Ruto's voice on the wind told Link._

"_Okay!" Link replied to the voice on the wind, for he was happy that he wasn't getting married to the fish._

**

* * *

(The water level of Lake Hylia returned to normal _(but it evaporated due to the evil sour milk! Why is it there now? I shall never know)_ and Sheik was oddly/randomly standing on the island in the center of Lake Hylia. Who wouldn't have guessed that Sheik would have been there?) **

"As the water rises, the evil is vanishing from the lake… Link, you did it!" Sheik exclaimed with a smirk spreading across his face.

**(Link was unceremoniously dumped on the warping platform.)**

"Owww! That hurt! Why couldn't I have landed on my feet?" Link asked as he got up from his lying down position, evidentially he landed this way and he was feeling great back pains.

"I told you not to lie down while waiting to get here." Navi told Link.

Hey. There's Sheik.

**(Link looked up from his position and ran up to Sheik.)**

"Did Ruto want to thank me?" Sheik asked.

"O.o How did you know?" Link asked.

"I take that as a yes. I see…." Sheik paused. "We have to return peace to Hyrule for her sake, too. Don't we?"

No…

"Since when were you invited to help save Hyrule?" Link asked.

"Where is she speaking from…?" Sheik asked, looking around for the source of the narrator's voice, but she evidentially couldn't see the speakers hidden inside Navi's boots!

"Can you answer my question please?" Link asked, for he wanted to know why Sheik knew that Ruto wanted to thank him.

"No. Look at that, Link… Together, you and Princess Ruto destroyed the evil monster!" Sheik exclaimed.

"No… You forgot Navi and Dark Link…" Link told Sheik.

Navi did it all by her self.

"She did?" Sheik asked.

"Yep." Link told Sheik.

"Once again, the lake is filled with pure water. All is as it was here." Sheik told Link.

"Well… You shouldn't be thanking Navi! She made all the water evaporate at one point!" Link exclaimed.

"Geez. Thanks…" Navi told Link.

**(Link walked up to stand beside Sheik. They look over the Lake. Isn't it beautiful? Just the four of them _(because there are Link, Navi, me and Sheik)_. Sheik took a few steps back, used a Deku nut and disappeared! Link turned around to see that Sheik was gone. Link ran up to the tree and looked around.)**

"At least he had the respect to not blind you this time." Navi told Link.

"But still!" Link exclaimed.

Sheik is in the tree.

**(Link looked up to see that Sheik was in the tree. Sheik then jumped from the tree and splashed into the water, making Link and Navi soaking wet!)**

"Instead of blinding me, he made me wet! The nerve!" Link yelled.

"I hope he drowns…" Navi told Link.

Fat chance. Sheik has scuba gear.

"O.o WHATTT!" Link and Navi yelled together, for they did not know what scuba gear was.

You have scuba gear too! It's called blue tunic.

"So that's what the King meant…" Link muttered, looking at his current outfit.

By the way, I have to go.

"O.o Why?" Navi asked.

Cuz this is the only chapter I'll appear in. Bye!

"Bye!" Link greeted.

"Link… She's gone…" Navi told Link.

No I'm not.

"Yes you are!" Navi told the narrator, being a sore loser.

**(A poof sound was heard.)**

"Now she's gone." Link told Navi.

"I hate you authoress." Navi told the authoress.

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter ten! 

Link: Dark Link likes Ruto?

Cherry-sama: Yep! And you are invited as the best man for their wedding!

Link: O.O

Cherry-sama: Navi was also invited because Navi is one of the brides-maids!

Navi: O.O _(chokes on seed)_ WHAT!

Cherry-sama: I'm going to be the priestess and every reviewer who wants to come, can!

Link: Who would want to come to their wedding?

Cherry-sama: If no one comes to the wedding then you might become the groom!

Link: O.O EVERYONE! COME! PLEASE!

Saria: Joy… All heck will break loose. Please review.


	11. Chapter 11: HMS Deadpeople

**Chapter 11! (Double ones! W00t! I'm special in a very special way!) xD**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda, or Dampé, or Bongo Bongo. But I DO own Wigijigiland and Afatufivomany! And the evil math teacher!**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome back to TM! Totally Messed! 

Link: So… What happens in this chapter?

Cherry-sama: You'll find out… All I'll say is that you obtain the legendary black tunic that all of your fan girls rant on about!

Link: O.O

Cherry-sama: This chapter also includes the Sailing Ship: Deadpeople!

SoC: It's Her Majesty's Ship: Deadpeople.

Cherry-sama: Shut up! I wanted to name it S.S. Deadpeople!

SoC: Too bad! It's HMS Deadpeople!

Cherry-sama: But 'S.S.' sounds so cool with Deadpeople!

SoC: But HMS sounds more professional! _(SoC and Cherry-sama continue to argue)_

Navi: Cherry-sama would also like to tell you that the wedding will be happening; only it's the very last chapter in this fanfic. Cherry-sama would also like to announce that there will be other fanfics branching off of TM. One is the parody of Majora's Mask: Totally Whacked, then after is the parody of Wind Waker: Totally Bizarre. But there will also be another fic semi-branching off of this fic. It is called 'The Fourth Piece of the Triforce'. Cherry-sama has started this one and is planning on publishing this fic after TM is completely finished. This fic stars a character created/brought-up/introduced in the wedding. Any questions?

Readers: _(all raises hand)_

Navi: _(falls over)_

Link: Why is everyone speaking in big chunks?

Cherry-sama: _(shrugs)_

Saria: Ignoring that question asked by Link, please read the fic! **WARNING:** This chapter includes dead stuff and killing of Captains, so just to let you know, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! But still keep reading! Nothing gory is described...in detail!

_**

* * *

What if the game was actually sensible enough to have a sailing ship in Hyrule? **_

_Wonder no more! There is one! Stupid EFoT… He's hiding in a place I can't think of… Maybe he's under my bed… No… He's probably in my money stash… IN MY MONEY STASH! EFOT! GET OUT OF THERE!_

**

* * *

(Link and Navi were walking around hopelessly until the occasional moment of Link bumping into a random tree that was just there. Anywho, they were walking along until Navi had another ONA.) **

"Let's…look for someone…who might know…something about…the…other sages!" Navi gasped, clutching her forehead.

"Why?" Link asked.

"I dunno." Navi replied.

"Because evil socks will attack you in your sleep!" yelled a random rock named George.

"O.o Okay…" Link muttered.

"Already this chapter is getting weird…" Navi paused.

**

* * *

(Link then headed to Kakariko Village because he didn't want evil socks to kill him in his sleep. Link walked around and saw that some parts of Kakariko were on fire…) **

"Look, Link! Look!" Navi exclaimed.

"What?" Link asked.

"Random parts of Karaoke (they still call it that -.-) are on fire!" Navi exclaimed in a happy voice, for she was kinda pyro.

"Oh?" Link asked in a sarcastic voice.

"Like the Skultula house…or is that the Shooting Gallery?" Navi asked, utterly confuzzled, "…okay, so lots of it are on fire!"

**(Link then spotted Sheik and ran up to him. Sheik was looking at the well as if a monster, made out of who knows what, was going to come out of it and throw both our hero and the shadow person. But that would never happen!)**

"Hiya Sheik!" Link exclaimed, waving his hand, trying to make a friendship with the Sheikah.

"Get back, Link!" Sheik warned.

"Oh jeez! He's just trying to be nice!" Navi yelled at Sheik. "After all the times you blinded him, you should try to be a _little_ nicer to him!"

"No! I mean get back!" Sheik told Link, facing him.

"MEANIE!" Navi yelled at Sheik.

"We're just trying to be nice!" Link told Sheik. "The least you could do is say 'thank you'!" Link told Sheik, he too was annoyed at the Shadow person.

**(The crossbar on the well randomly flew off. It began to rain. Odd… But I like the rain! So this is good for me! Ahem. Something deep within the well _(made of air…I think)_ came out and attacked Sheik! DUN DUN DUN!)**

"He deserved it!" Navi told Link, for our hero was looking terrified at the Sheikah who was being thrown around in front of Link's eyes.

"…I think I know what Sheik meant by 'get back'…" Link paused, for he now understood Sheik's warning.

**(The "thing" made of air threw Sheik to where the crossbar landed… But it was no longer there… Odd… Something exited the well. IT WAS MADE OF—um… What was it made of? Looks like fart to me. Purple fart. Anyways, the fart thingy slinked over the buildings, over the hill around back, over the Starbucks _(wait…since when does Kakariko have a Starbucks? I hope Impa knows that some people might get caffeine high… Or even addicted… Oh well… Her problem… Continuing)_ and attacked Link!)**

"Fight it, Link! Fight it!" Navi cheered, cause the hero _always_ wins…right?

"Quick _-gasp-_ the sour _-wheeze-_ milk!" Link yelled to Navi, for he wasn't winning and the sour milked killed everything and anything!

"Link… Have you forgotten that it's empty?" Navi asked.

**(Link screamed in a girly way and was knocked unconscious.)

* * *

****(When he awoke, Sheik is standing over him. Nothing was on fire. I wonder why Navi looks so upset… Oh well.)**

"Ugh…" Link groaned. **_Why do my lips feel wet? _**Link thought.

"It looks like you're coming around…" Sheik paused. **_Ha! I knew that mouth-to-mouth worked! Impa said it never would! Now she owes me 1500 rupees! MWAHAHAHA! _**Sheik thought, but nobody heard his thoughts.

"Finally!" Navi exclaimed. **_Why did I have to wake up when Sheik gave Link, mouth-to-mouth? Why me? Why always me?_** Navi thought.**_ I'd never thought that Sheik was gay…_**

**(But since Link wasn't at all like Ruto, he couldn't read these thoughts. Except for his own. So the reason why Link's lips are wet will always be a mystery to our silly hat-ed fellow.)**

"Link…. A terrible thing has happened!" Sheik exclaimed.

"No duh. That thing messed up my hair!" Link exclaimed, for his hair was messy, but that was the result of the mouth-to-mouth.

"The evil shadow spirit has been released!" Sheik exclaimed.

"So that's what it was!" Navi exclaimed. "I thought it was purple fart!"

"…Impa, the leader of Kakariko Village, sealed the evil shadow spirit in the bottom of the well…" Sheik muttered.

"Then why has it come out?" Link asked, for he did not know how this occurred, being that really stupid guy we all know and love.

"The force of the evil spirit got so strong, the seal of the well broke, and it escaped to the world!" Sheik exclaimed, very dramatically since there were **two** exclamation marks _(there were in the orginal version, but one died in a hail storm)_instead of **one**.

"What's with the double exclamation mark?" Navi asked.

"I'm not sure…" Sheik paused. "Oh well…I believe that Impa has gone to the Shadow Temple to seal it again, but…she will be in danger without any help!"

"Naw. Doubt it. Impa is a slut and will scare away any monsters within eyesight." Link told Sheik.

"Link! Impa is one of the six sages." Sheik told Link.

"So?" Link asked.

"…I'm not so sure what to reply to that… Just destroy the evil shadow spirit and save Impa!" Sheik exclaimed.

"Stop having so many exclamation marks!" Navi snapped.

"…I'll try…" Sheik told Navi. "Now… There is an entrance to the Shadow Temple beneath the graveyard behind this village. The only thing I can do for you is teach you the melody that will lead you to the Shadow Temple…"

"Finally! You are back to the regular dot, dot, dots!" Navi exclaimed.

"…This is the melody that will draw you into the infinite darkness that absorbs even time…" Sheik instructed.

"Really?" Link asked.

"No, dumb-ball!" Navi whispered to Link. "He's just saying that so you'll be more interested!"

"Listen to this, the Nocturne of Shadow!" Sheik exclaimed while taking the harp out of his back pocket/butt.

**(Sheik then played the song. Link played it back. It is still raining. Yay! I know! Let's have a party! In honor of the rain! I'll bring punch! Rain flavored.)**

"Let me take care of the village!"

"Oh joy… Back to the exclamation marks…" Navi grumbled.

"I'm counting on you, Link!" Sheik exclaimed as he took a few steps back from Link.

**(Sheik then threw a Deku nut. Unless you've only read this chapter of my story, you would know that these things always blind Link. So, in short, Link got blinded, crashed into a building and fainted for twenty-four hours.)

* * *

**

**(Link then woke up. This time, Navi was hovering over his body. It was no longer raining _(NUTS!)_.) **

"Owww…" Link muttered while rubbing his head, lips no longer wet (no duh).

"Link! Link! Guess what!" Navi exclaimed, holding something black/purple behind her back, but she couldn't hide it very well since it was bigger than her.

"What?" Link asked.

"Well, while you were asleep, I went shopping!" Navi exclaimed.

**_Jerk…_** Link thought for he wanted to go with her.

"And I stole your wallet to do so! I was going on a big shopping spree and felt really bad since I was using your money so I decided to buy you something too! Anyways, I didn't want to buy you anything bad so I flew over to Dark Link and asked him where he got his outfit! Then, I flew there and got you this!" Navi exclaimed handing Link the black/purple thing; it looked like clothing.

**(Link took the outfit and became wide-eyed. Please note that Navi bought this stuff with Link's money, not the money she got from the Great Deku Tree. So she still needs to go on that shopping spree with Link to spend that money.)**

"You used **my **money!" Link asked in horror, for _some_ (not all) men can be real penny-pinchers.

"Are you going to see what it is or not?" Navi asked annoyingly.

"Fine… Fine…" Link muttered.

**(Link unfolded the fabric and saw that it was, the legendary Black Tunic everyone's always been ranting on about on this site! The tunic was actually purple but it was so dark that in the glossy shines you could only tell. Link put it on.)**

"Well?" Navi asked.

"How much did you spend on this, Navi…?" Link asked, still a bit snappy about the losing money issue.

"Only 100 rupees." Navi told Link.

"O.o WHAAAAAAAT!"

"Hey, the regular tunics cost 200 or 300 rupees each! This is a deal and this is rare compared to the others!" Navi exclaimed.

"…How much did you spend on yourself?"

"…400 rupees…"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! I went through thick and thin to get those 500 rupees! NOW I'M BROKE!"

"Hey. Consider yourself lucky. SoC, the authoress's sister, finds it very annoying when you've got a full wallet because then you can't get more money!" Navi exclaimed, telling the world a well-known fact, or was it?

"But still…"

**(This thus ends my drabble on how Link got another new item on his inventory. But neither Link, nor Navi knew what ye olde inventory was. Navi might know thee. Mental note to self: Stop talking like ye olde Greate Deku Tree.)**

"That monster! It came out of the well in the village! Let's go check out that well!" Navi exclaimed, for she was moments before looking at the well in awe.

"Okay!" Link exclaimed.

**(So ye olde beloved heroes wandered to ye welle.)**

"…There's a wall…" Link told Navi, after falling down the hole, getting bitterly hurt and walking to the well entrance.

"Um… Let's go back in time and look inside!" Navi exclaimed, for she wasn't being very smart right now.

**

* * *

(Link made his way to ye olde Temple of Time, went back in time and wente to Kakariko as a kid. Link then hopped into ye olde well and instead of hearing a loud 'CRACK!' of his spine, he heard a loud splash!) **

"It's full of water." Link pointed out to Navi. "Maybe that's why it's called a **well**."

"Um… Let's go to the windmill randomly to make the authoress happy because her favorite song is played in the background of the windmill!" Navi exclaimed.

"O.o Um… Okay?" Link asked, getting out of the water, but he was soaked.

**(Link then read ye sign in front of the welle.)**

"It says: 'Dark! Narrow! Scary! Well of three features'." Navi pointed out.

"_Now_ it tells us!" Link complained.

**

* * *

(Then ye hero went to ye Windmill and saw ye crazy olde geezer whodidn't havewhite eyes back then. He is crazy. It was very cold inside ye olde windmill. _(If you let Link idle in the windmill he sneezes :D)_ Since he was wet, ye olde Link was catching ye olde cold.) **

"Go around! Go around and around and around! What fun! I'm so happy! I am a music man who loves to go around and around and around! Go around and around! I'm trying to come up with a musical theme inspired by this windmill…going around and around and around!" the random Windmill guy exclaimed with endless amounts of exclamation marks.

**_Heh heh heh… This is going to be fun…_** Navi thought, wishing she had some popcorn. **_What's popcorn?_**

**(Link then played ye Song of Storms. Ye olde windmill started to speed up and ye music increased in tempo. Then it showed outside and the windmill was going crazy. Ye water drained out of ye well and it was raining outside too. Ye guy begins to look around nervously. Mental Note to Thyself: Stop saying 'ye' or 'olde'.)**

"Go around, go around, go around… What? It's going way to fast!" the Windmill guy smiled weakly.

"Um… Yeah… It is…I guess…" Link told the Windmill guy.

"Go around, go around, go around… What? It's going way to fast!" the Windmill guy smiled weakly.

"Is that all he says?" Navi asked.

"Go around, go around, go around… What? It's going way to fast!" the Windmill guy smiled weakly.

"Yep." Link confirmed.

**

* * *

(Link then decided to ignore the guy that wouldn't stop talking about the Windmill going round. Link then saw that the water had vanished. Link was about to head to the well when…) **

"Wait, Link! We should get more sour milk!" Navi exclaimed.

"Hey… You're right… Let's go!" Link exclaimed as he head off for Lon Lon Ranch even thought there was a cow in Impa's house for some odd reason.

**

* * *

(Link then went to Lon Lon ranch, got the milk, didn't drink it, head to the bottom of the well and Navi flew over to a skeleton.) **

"Ewww! Navi! That's been dead for who knows how long! STOP FLYING AROUND IT!" Link yelled at his fairy.

"But I can hear the spirits whispering in this room… 'Look for the Eye of Truth…' That is what they are saying!" Navi told Link.

"Do you think I care?" Link asked.

"No." Navi told Link.

"Whatever, just don't fly around the dead things! Got it?" Link asked.

"Okay… Fine…" Navi told Link. "Wait… Something just occurred to me…"

"What?"

"There's dead stuff here, correct?"

"Yeah."

"And the people drink out of this well… Right?"

"…I'm never drinking anything in Karaoke again…"

**

* * *

(Link, our currently grossed out hero, and Navi, our annoying heroine that flew around dead things, head to the back right corner. There was a sign there. Navi examined the sign.) **

"What does it say?" Link asked.

"I'm not sure… It's in the language of the Sheikahs… Wait… I might be able to translate it…" Navi paused.

**(Link waited, but got fed up.)**

"Here. Let me help…" Link told Navi.

**(Link paused while squinting at the writing.)**

"Maybe you'd be able to translate it better if you could see it!" Navi exclaimed, irritably.

"Okay! I'll get closer, jeez!" Link exclaimed, walking towards the sign.

**(Link got a _little_ closer… And to his surprise, he fell through the floor!)**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link screamed, before hitting the ground below him. "AIIIIIEEE! ZIIIITTTT!"

"Wait a minute! I almost have it translated!" Navi called to Link, for she was still in front of the sign, for she could **fly**.

**(Link waited for what seemed like forever. Then, finally, Navi spoke.)**

"This wall… It says here…" Navi yelled to Link below her. "'Danger below…' That's what it says."

"Thanks a lot Navi!" Link growled at his fairy.

"Well, now we know what it says!" Navi exclaimed.

**

* * *

(Once Link got out of the hole, he and Navi walked along to the other end of the well. There was another sign.) **

"This wall… It says something here…" Navi told Link.

**(All of a sudden, Link was attacked/beaten-to-pulp by a Skulltualla.)**

"OW! What does the—OW—sign say?" Link asked while trying to hold off the thing.

"'Danger above…' That's what it says." Navi reported.

**(By now Link was lying on the floor, almost dead. He managed to win.)**

"Thanks a lot Navi…" Link told his fairy friend sarcastically.

**

* * *

(So our 'heroes' continued onward, downward _(Navi forgot how to read the signs so she couldn't warn Link ahead of time, so he kept falling)_, and sometimes ouch-wards. Until, they made it to a statue of a frog thingy-ma-bobber. I think its suppost to be a Deadhand…whatever that is… It had water coming from it…water that the people of Kakariko drink; the water Link has been walking around in, Link being a guy who hadn't taken a bath for his whole life; the water the flaming skull thingies _(I think they are called bubbles, but they look like skulls with flames around them more)_ have been circling around in for who knows how long… Navi examined it.) **

"What is it, Navi?" Link asked, wanting her report before moving anywhere. "What do you make of it?"

**(Navi paused and turned to Link, ready to give a very complex report about this very strange thingy.)**

"Water flowing out of this statue is…" Navi paused.

"Is what?" Link asked.

"…Wet." Navi finished.

"…Anything you can add to that?" Link asked, somewhat irritated.

"The wet water is flooding the entire floor."

"What do we do now?" Link asked.

**(Navi noticed something.)**

"Link! Look!" Navi exclaimed.

**(Link turned to see a BBQ!)**

"_FOOD_?" Link asked. "You are thinking about **food**? Here and now!"

"Yep! Let's cook something!" Navi exclaimed while a random apron and chef's hat appeared on her glowy body.

"In case you hadn't noticed, all the stuff we can cook around here is DEAD! D-E-D!" Link told Navi.

"…Dead is not spelled d-e-d…" Navi told Link.

"I don't care. Like I said, you can't cook this dead stuff!" Link told Navi.

"What do you think hamburgers are?" Navi sneered at Link, hinting that hamburgers were dead cows.

"I'm not sure. What are hamburgers?" Link asked Navi for they didn't have our modern foods.

"I'm not sure…" Navi pondered.

**(Then Link and Navi had a hearty meal, for they had found this room that was full of hands! Link tried to grab one but it grabbed Link _(the nerve…)_! Suddenly, a moving thing, that had no legs, then attacked Link, but it was walking. Odd… Link then killed it while Navi tried to read this one sign in front of the door to this hand room. When Link finished, Navi told Link that the sign said that you must not give that monster any food like a cross-dressing guy that always wears a skirt. Link then protested that his outfit was a tunic. Navi didn't believe him. A box with an odd top appeared out of nowhere. Link opened it. Inside was a spectacle. Link tried it on. It showed that Navi wasn't wearing any clothing under the light that her body generated. Navi turned pink and told Link that it must be the one and only: 'Eye of Lies'! Then Link killed a bat and that was what they had for supper.)**

"Navi… I never knew that you were good at cooking bat!" Link exclaimed.

"Hey, I grew up with cooking honors at Fairy High School!" Navi exclaimed. "But they kicked me out, because I was playing with matches, before we got onto cooking humans…"

"What's a human?" Link asked, for he was a **Hylian**.

"I'm not sure… But Ivan knows how to cook them! He got kicked out a month after me because I wasn't around to keep him from setting the whole school on fire. It took the School Board of Directors five years to repair the fire damage on the Forest Meadow…"

"Where's the school?" Link asked.

"Very close to the Forest Meadow. Only thing keeping them from being in the same place was the stupid Dekus who keep on trying to kill us!" Navi explained, adding a few swears into the last bit but since this is K, I won't put them there.

"What's the name of your school?" Link asked.

"Fairy Magic High School." Navi told Link. "Not including the other schools, just the most modern."

"You didn't go to University?" Link asked.

"Well…um… STOP ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS!" Navi yelled into Link's ear.

"Okay… Okay… Shall we move on?" Link asked.

"Fine." Navi told Link.

**

* * *

(Link then randomly went to the Temple of Time. Well…it wasn't really _that_ random since he needed to go to the future… Anyways, Link then returned to the random place of Kakariko as an adult and warped to the Shadow Temple. Link went inside and you know what he found? A skull! Not that the skull being a skull was anything important since the walls were made of them, but this one could talk!) **

"One who gains the Eye of Truth will be able to see what is hidden in the darkness…" the talking skull told Link.

"But I don't have the Eye of Truth! But I have the Eye of Lies!" Link exclaimed, and then he realized that he was talking to a skull.

**(Link paused. Then hid behind Navi.)**

"WAAAAAAHHHHH!" Link cried. "These dead things are EVERYWHERE! It wouldn't be so bad if only floor had them all over, but on the WALLS?"

"Calm down Link…" Navi told Link.

"Yeah, Link. You shouldn't be scared." A voice told Link.

"Only the _cool_ dead guys live here!" another, higher pitched voice told Link.

**(Link looked up to see two Wolfos, both sitting. One blackish, the other white.)**

"…Who are you?" Link asked.

"I'm Afatufivomany!" the black Wolfos told Link.

"And I'm Wigijigiland!" the white Wolfos, higher pitched, told Link while holding up 'his' paw.

**(Link then run up to them and hugged them!)**

"YAY! Both of you guys are safe!" Link exclaimed while tears streamed down his face.

"I'm a girl." Wigijigiland told Link.

"-.- Since when?" Navi asked.

"Ever since Bongo Bongo thought that there were too many guys in the afterlife!" Wigijigiland exclaimed, evidentially the cheerful one.

"I like Wigijigiland being a girl!" Afatufivomany exclaimed. "Instead of being friends, which we were before Link killed us, she's now my girlfriend!"

"That's right!" Wigijigiland exclaimed, cuddling next to Afatufivomany.

"…O.o" Navi looked.

"Say… Is there anyone else here?" Link asked.

"Sure there are!" Afatufivomany exclaimed.

"Like who?" Navi asked.

"Like me, Navi Periwinkle!" a very old fairy told Navi while saying both Navi's last name and her first.

"AHHHHH! NO! NOT MY OLD MATH TEACHER!" Navi screamed in terror.

"Poor thing…" Afatufivomany muttered while looking at Navi with the teacher towering over her.

"What do you mean?" Link asked.

"That fairy knows Karate." Wigijigiland explained.

"Give me **ALL** of your late assignments or I'll break your rib cage! (AN: O.O Dude…)" the teacher demanded.

"But Ms. Shadowpunkle, I didn't think _you'd_ be here!" Navi yelled in fear. "And I thought you died in the fire Ivan started in cooking class!"

"I did. But WHERE ARE YOUR ASSIGNMENTS!" Ms. Shadowpunkle (Ms. Sp) yelled.

"O.O And I thought Navi was scary…" Link paused while looking at the teacher.

**(Navi huddled into a corner when she heard a welcoming voice.)**

"Thee have escaped from _(insert word that is a swear)_! Go back to thy bloody/fiery domain!" a comforting voice told the evil teacher.

"Now that your dead too, I don't have to listen to you, Great Deku Tree!" Ms. Sp told the Great Deku Tree (GDT).

"Thou art a bad fairy." The GDT grumbled in a corner.

"O.O GREAT DEKU TREE?" Link and Navi yelled at the same time.

"Bongo Bongo didn't know whether or not to send him to heaven or **-beep-** so he kept the GDT here." Afatufivomany told the two utterly confused ones.

"He couldn't choose for us either. The only one in this room who he could choose for was Ms. Sp." Wigijigiland explained in more detail so that even _you_ could understand! "She went to **-beep-**."

**

* * *

FLASHBACK **

"_Well, hurry up and choose already!" Ms. Sp told Bongo Bongo_

**_(Ms. Sp (she had evidentially just died) was in the boss's room, floating in front of, the one and only, Bongo Bongo. Bongo Bongo pondered over where to send this fairy. He was about to send her to heaven when…)_**

"_THAT'S IT! SEND ME TO THE HEAVENS OR I'LL CRUSH YOUR SKULL!" the evil teacher threatened._

**_(Bongo Bongo froze. He had this idea that all fairies were perfect angels! This threat totally killed his ego. Guess where he sent her.)_**

"_NOOOOOOOOOO!" Ms. Sp screamed as she went to a very bad place._

**END OF FLASHBACK**

* * *

"Navi, if you didn't do those assignments, you are going to have to do them RIGHT NOW!" Ms. Sp told Navi. 

"But…" Navi whimpered.

"No! Navi doesn't have to if she doesn't want to! And you shouldn't be threatening students with physical violence!" Link told the teacher, saying one of those crappy speeches.

"Uh-oh…" Wigijigiland gasped.

"He's going to get it now…" Afatufivomany stated.

**(The fairy teacher turned red with rage. Link pulled out his shield. The teacher lunged, knowing that she could break through that shield with a head bash. The teacher hit Link, and then went through him. For she was only a ghost.)**

"Is it over yet?" Afatufivomany asked, lifting one part of his paw from his eyes, for he couldn't watch his loving master get killed.

"Yep. And Link survived!" Wigijigiland exclaimed.

**(Afatufivomany perked up. Link had survived! But then Afatufivomany thought of something. If Link could hug him and his girlfriend, how could the teacher not hit Link? But Afatufivomany decided to keep his thoughts to himself.)**

"That's a very good question!" Ruto spontaneously exclaimed in the middle of her date, making Dark Link think that she was crazy—she had picked up on Afatufivomany's thoughts.

**(But what Afatufivomany _didn't_ know is that the Dark Tunic allows the livings souls to touch/feel/not-go-through the dead, but Link had somehow spontaneously changed into another outfit while the killer teacher tried to use a Karate move on him!)**

"Ahhh… That makes sense." Ruto sighed as Dark Link decided that he'd better not ask…

"HA!" Link exclaimed, as we tune back into our heroes.

"**-Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep- -beeep- -beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep-**!" the teacher swore.

"O.o Since when do _you_ swear?" Navi asked.

"Shut up and do your homework." Ms. Sp told Navi, for she was a little embarrassed by being beaten by the Hero of Time.

"Courageous Navi, bearer of ye olde, olde, olde, seven-year-olde, sour milk, thy does not need to do thy overdue homework." The GDT told Navi.

"Thank you, GDT…" Navi sighed while adding a little bow.

**(Silence. Until…)**

"Shadow Temple… Here is gathered Hyrule's bloody history of greed and hatred…" another random skull told Link.

**(Link froze in terror.)**

"Hi Brutus!" Afatufivomany greeted, cheerily waving his paw.

"Hiya there Wigijigiland, and Afatufivomany!" the skull, Brutus, acknowledged.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Make it stop!" Link screamed, hiding behind the only other living morsel.

**(Ms. Sp got an idea.)**

"What is hidden in the darkness…tricks full of ill will… you can't see the way forward…" Ms. Sp gasped in a spooky voice, attempting to scare the kid that beat her.

"Eeeeek!" Link gasped, hiding in a random corner.

"Heh… Heh… Heh… This is going to be fun…" Ms. Sp smirked.

**

* * *

(So our 'heroes' set off with their new…allies? Two Wolfos that are a couple, a dead tree that speaks like all those mortals in Shakespeare's plays _(that no ones knows how he moves around)_, an evil teacher that knows Karate _(but can't hurt our heroes)_, a very scared little fairy, a paranoid hero…and a person _(cough_me_cough)_ who is randomly stupid and obsessed with the rain… This can't be good…) **

"No it can't!" Ruto exclaimed pounding her fist against the table, in the middle of her date, scaring Dark Link half to death.

**(So our 'team' kept going through the Temple. Navi stopped 'cause she saw, of all things, a sign.)**

"What does it say?" Link asked.

"It says…" Navi paused, translating the sign slowly.

"Only one who has the Sacred Feet can cross the Valley of the Dead." Ms. Sp told Link, translating the sign quicker than Navi.

"Um… Yeah…" Navi quietly added.

"IF YOU DID YOUR HOMEWORK THEN YOU WOULD BE SMARTER THAN THIS!" Ms. Sp yelled at Navi. "Why can't you ever be like Blueberry Baby's-Breath?"

"Who's Blueberry Bory's-Breath?" Link asked.

"Blueberry was the top student of our class…" Navi told Link. "She didn't die in the fire."

"What's with the Bory's-Breath part then?" Link asked.

"BABY'S-BREATH!" Ms. Sp corrected.

"That was her last name." Navi told Link. "She was the perfectionist of the class, but she was a real snob."

**(Link was utterly confuzzled since he always thought of Navi as the perfectionist, not the rebel or whatever she was.)**

"And did you know how many tears she cried after she worked with _you_, Navi Periwinkle? You always dragged her average down!" Ms. Sp told Navi, snickering in a very evil way.

"Shut up…" Navi hissed under her breath. "…80 is a good mark!"

"You dragged her average down to 99!" Ms. Sp exclaimed.

"Shut up you old fart-bag!" Navi shouted.

"And for saying that, you get five weeks detention." Ms. Sp told Navi.

"Navi, thou need not have thy detentions. For thou art living, and thee, Ms. Sp, art dead. Thee can leave when thee wishes." The GDT told Navi.

"Thank you Great Deku Tree!" Navi thanked the GDT.

"_(Insert long chain of swears)_" Ms. Sp swore.

"Do you think the GDT will get it from Ms. Shadowpunkle?" Wigijigiland asked Afatufivomany.

"Yep." Afatufivomany told Wigijigiland.

**(Before Ms. Sp could get her black belt out, Link walked over to a statue. Ms. Sp decided to creep Link once again! DUN! DUN! DUNNNNNN!)**

"What's with the statue and the skulls on sticks?" Link asked.

"Make my beak face the Skull of Truth. The alternative is descent into the deep darkness." Ms. Sp told Link with a creepy voice that even the authoress would be creeped out at.

"EEEEKK!" Link screamed, hiding behind Wigijigiland and Afatufivomany.

"How does that work?" Wigijigiland asked Afatufivomany, not noticing that Link had his black tunic on.

"I'm not sure…" Afatufivomany told his girlfriend.

"Courageous Link, push ye olde bird statue to ye olde skull—that art real." The GDT commanded.

"Yes, Great Deku Tree!" Link told the GDT, since he was high ranked within the Kokiri.

**(Link pushed the statue to a random skull. He fell into bottomless nothing-ness.)**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Link screamed.

**(Link then randomly reappeared right beside the statue. Ms. Sp was rolling on the floor, laughing while the random wolf couple were snickering.)**

"Wrong one, Link." Navi told Link, for she hadn't followed him into the pit.

**(Link then pushed the statue to face the real skull.)**

"Dang…" Ms. Sp muttered under her breath.

**

* * *

(So they moved onwards. Link defeated another one of those no-legged thingies and found something in a random corner. But right now we are going to tune out of what Link is doing for the time being.) **

"—And Link is like 'I'm…' and I'm like 'Link… That is something I'd expect a girl to do…' and then Link's like—" Navi told the ghosts the events with the shoes from last chapter.

"Hee hee hee!" Wigijigiland giggled.

"Ho ho ho!" Afatufivomany chuckled as Navi told the story.

"Heh heh heh…" the GDT laughed.

"Hyuck hyuck hyuck!" Ms. Sp something-I-have-no-idea-how-to-described in the oddest laugh the authoress/readers ever read.

"O.o 'Hyuck'?" Navi, Wigijigiland, Afatufivomany, and the GDT looked after hearing this laugh.

"I mean… Ho?" Ms. Sp tried to laugh, but failed.

"Taken." Afatufivomany stated.

"Hee?" Ms. Sp asked.

"Taken." Wigijigiland stated.

"Heh?" ms. Sp asked.

"Taken." The GDT told Ms. Sp.

"Umm…" Ms. Sp paused, for she was running out of ideas. "Are you sure 'ho' is taken—What are you doing?"

**(Everyone turned to face Link, who, again, was trying on new shoes.)**

"O.o I hate to be on the same side as Ms. Shadowpunkle but… What _are_ you doing?" Navi asked.

"I'm…" Link told Navi and Co., trying to hide his boots behind his legs and somehow succeeding…

"You're doing it, _again_?" Navi asked.

"But they were—" Link tried to explain.

"Never mind!" Navi snapped at Link.

"In Link's case… Things can get worse than they are now…" Wigijigiland paused.

**(The Cucco lady from Kakariko randomly fell from the…floor? How in Hyrule does that work? But she still fell from the floor.)**

"They can…" Afatufivomany paused.

**(Déjà vu…)**

"Hi! Will you take care of my Cuccos—What are you doing?" The Cucco lady asked.

"He's trying on new shoes!" Navi explained.

"Oh. Okay. Will you take care of my Cuccos—AHHHHHHHH!" the Cucco lady screamed as she sunk into the ceiling and went back from where she came from (that's the village by the way, she's not dead).

**(After that, there was silence… Long silence too.)**

"Interesting…" Ruto paused, scaring Dark Link again.

**

* * *

(Then Link, Navi…and Co. kept moving forwards _(Link wearing his new shoes that seemed to make him fly and slide around like he was on ice. He fell many times)_ in life until they reached a cruise ship. Link hopped onto it while the others just flew _(ghosts can do that sort of thing in TM, as for Navi, she has wings)_. When Link finally got on, he saw a triangle. In fact, THREE triangles!) **

"What's this?" Link asked.

"It's a picture of the Triforce." Navi explained.

"So?"

"So you—Here! I'll do it since you have no clue what to do!" Navi told our so-called hero.

**(Navi played 'Zelda's Lullaby' on the Triforce and the ship started moving! DUN! DUN! DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!)**

"CUT THAT OUT ALREADY!" Ruto yelled at the narrator, scaring the heck out of Dark Link (and the narrator) once again.

…Okay…

"O.o Dude…" Dark Link paused.

**(Back to our 'heroes'.)**

"Welcome to the Ship of the dead!" a loud intercom yelled throughout the Temple, scaring the pure daylights out of Link.

**(Then, randomly/suddenly/scarily, the bells on either side of the boat, started ringing and ship started bobbing forwards, making Link wish that he was at his tree house at this point.)**

"**I'll be your captain for today…yada yada. Did you know that this is the only ship that goes to heaven and -bleep- and if your not dead already then you're just screwed buddy." The intercom told the passengers. "This is the River called Styx. Here is where the dead people make their one way ride from the real world to the afterlife. Lord Bongo Bongo recently made this boat; this is the boat he sends the dead on. If he can't choose whether you should go to heaven or -beep- then he will just ditch you here to live in the Shadow Temple… Do you think this is much of a Temple? Like come on—**" the intercom continued.

"ô.o" the team looked after hearing this speech.

"**—And I don't see any priests here, do you? Oh! Here comes our lovely assistant, Bethany! She'll give you refreshments!**" the captain reported.

**(Then, a Stalfos came from the sky. Odd since it was _(or looked like)_ a male.)**

"**Isn't she lovely?**" the captain asked.

"Here are your drinks!" Bethany told the ghosts. "Hey! Wait! You guys aren't dead yet! Oh well. I'll kill you and _then_ give you drinks!"

"O.o" Link looked.

"I'll save you, Link!" Navi exclaimed, pulling out the sour milk.

**(Then, Bethany died! This was odd since she was already dead but hey. She died.)**

"**Are you guys causing trouble down there?**" the captain asked Link and Navi. "**Well, as the captain of 'Her Majesty's Ship: Deadpeople', I must deal with any problems that might disturb the other passengers!**"

**(Another Stalfos fell from the sky. This was the captain. You could tell since he had a captain's hat on. But he died from the sour milk too.)**

"Glad that's over with." Navi told Link. "…Link! The ship is sinking! Abandon ship! …I think it's sinking because we killed the captain, who was driving it."

"Um… Navi? We have another problem…" Link told Navi, for the rest of the team was dead from the milk.

"Um… We can carry Wigijigiland and Afatufivomany… As for the Great Deku Tree, he's too heavy to carry… As for Ms. Shadowpunkle… Let's just ditch her…" Navi told Link.

"Okay!" Link exclaimed, jumping off the boat carrying Wigijigiland and Afatufivomany.

"Oh no you don't!" Ms. Sp told Navi.

"Wait for me, ye bearer of green leaves!" the GDT told Link and Navi.

"You mean gray leaves…you died…and your leaves turned gray…" Ms. Sp told the GDT.

**

* * *

(So they continued onwards. After what was a very scary experience, Link and Co., got to the boss's room. Link then jumped down the hole, screaming like a little girl, as he landed on something soft, hovered for a few seconds _(he still has the flying boots on)_, then fell.) **

"What's this?" Link asked, looking at the drum he was standing on.

"It's Bongo Bongo's drum!" Wigijigiland exclaimed.

"He plays on it looking for a fellow person into the art of music or dance." Afatufivomany explained.

**(As Bongo Bongo appeared, something clicked to Link.)**

**

* * *

FLASHBACK **

"_One more thing…you look like the kind of person who would be really good at break dancing!" Dampé exclaimed._

"_I do?" Link asked, bewildered._

"_Yep! Be careful on your way back, my budding break-dancing student! Heheheheh…" Dampé chuckled._

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**

* * *

(That's when it clicked to him. He was destined to join Bongo Bongo! To be his dancing partner! Why couldn't he see his fate before hand?) **

"Stop searching!" Link told Bongo Bongo, for this was the first heroic thing Link had done during this whole fic. "For I have come!"

"Link! What are you doing?" Navi hissed under her breath.

"I now know my destiny!" Link exclaimed, outstretching his arms towards Bongo Bongo.

"That's very good and all but could you wait?" Navi asked.

"I AM DESTINED TO BE YOUR DANCING PARTNER!" Link yelled to Bongo Bongo.

**(Navi slapped her forehead as the rest of the gang looked dot, dot, dot-ish. Bongo Bongo dropped his hands. So that's what his dancing partner looked like! He had always wondered…)**

"Now… I shall dance to the beat of your rhythm! I shall break dance for this small audience! We shall become known amongst the world of the dead!" Link told Bongo Bongo.

**(Bongo Bongo felt as if he was going to cry out of his one eye! He was so happy! Bongo Bongo got his drum ready for his new dancing partner. Link was about to dance for his new ally when…)**

"NOOOOO! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOST TO JOIN HIM! YOU ARE SUPPOST TO BEAT HIM!" Navi told Link.

**(Bongo Bongo thought Navi meant make up a beat for Link, so he started doing the most random beat. Link was startled and started break dancing.)**

"O.O" the GDT looked at this horrifying sight, the chosen one of destiny, break dancing for the enemy?

**(The GDT turned his back.)**

"…Master?" Afatufivomany asked, for his master wasn't good enough to join Bongo Bongo.

"I think it's quite cute!" Wigijigiland giggled, for she thought that everyone was creeping out due to the fact that Link was break dancing.

"SUCH A VULGAR DANCE! NINETY-FOUR WEEKS OF DETENTION FOR YOU, BOY!" Ms. Sp yelled at Link.

**(Bongo Bongo glared at Ms. Sp, not slowing the beat. Ms. Sp shut up.)**

"… DIE" Navi yelled while whipping out the sour milk.

**(Bongo Bongo wasn't affected so Navi poured the sour milk all over the drum. Bongo Bongo's hands got poisoned and died. His 'head/body' soon followed.)**

"Mwahahahahahaha!" Navi cackled.

"WHAT DID YOU DO! You just ruined my destiny! Bongo Bongo was so happy too…" Link complained. "…And you wasted all the sour milk!"

"Link…?" Navi asked.

**(Link turned to see the ghosts of the team, fading away. Due to the result of Bongo Bongo.)**

P.S. This is one of the rare emotional moments of Totally Messed. So try to read it with sadness. Because then I will feel rejected and sad inside if you don't.

"Looks like we have to choose our afterlife now…" Wigijigiland told Link, a tear in her eye.

"WHAT! Why?" Link asked, getting all teary too.

"Bongo Bongo sorted us into the Shadow Temple. Since that was only a choice he created, we were able to stay. Since he's dead, we now have to choose between the heavens or the underworld." Afatufivomany told Link.

"No! Don't go!" Link asked, trying to hold back a sob.

"Good bye Link… We'll see you in the afterlife!" Wigijigiland exclaimed; her body almost completely vanished.

**(Wigijigiland vanished.)**

"Good bye Link… We'll be waiting for you in the heavens…" Afatufivomany told Link, body starting to disappear.

**(Afatufivomany vanished.)**

"Dang! Back to **-beep-**!" Ms. Sp swore before vanishing.

**(Ms. Shadowpunkle burned up.)**

"Good bye, ye younge chosen one… Do thy deeds…" the GDT told Link.

"GREAT DEKU TREE!" Link and Navi yelled.

**(The Great Deku Tree vanished.)**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Link yelled as a tear trickled down his cheek.

"…I'm sorry…" Navi told Link.

P.S. You can stop taking this seriously now.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU NAVI!" Link yelled at Navi, chasing her around.

**(Navi had just set up the transporter that Ivan gave them, that Saria made, that was given to her by Rauru. Link was chasing Navi around when he accidentally stepped in it. Link then was imprisoned in a crystal _(boy, Zelda would love that…wait…that gives me an idea…)_, forcefully/unwillingly transported to the Chamber of the Sages.)

* * *

(Impa appeared before him…hmmm…I wonder why…) **

"The boy with the noble Zelda's Ocarina…" Impa paused, waiting for her brain to register who Link was. "Ahhh… I remember… As I expected, you have come."

"That did not make any sense what so ever…" Navi told Impa.

"I am Impa, one of the Sheikah." Impa told Link.

"We are well aware of that." Link told Impa.

"I am princess Zelda's caretaker, and I am also the Sage that guards the Shadow Temple." Impa told further.

"We are aware of that too." Navi told Link.

"We Sheikah have served the royalty of Hyrule from generation to generation as attendants." Impa told Link.

"Now that's something we didn't know!" Navi told Impa.

"However… On that day seven years ago, Ganondorf suddenly attacked…and Hyrule—Oh crap…" Impa paused.

"What?" Link asked.

"I forgot a part of my boring speech…" Impa muttered.

"O.o Dude… Does that happen?" Link asked.

"Apparently…" Navi paused.

"I remember the rest of it except for that one part…" Impa told Link and Navi.

"Okay. You can continue then!" Navi exclaimed.

"NAVI!" Link yelled at Navi, for he didn't want to hear the rest of the speech.

"Ahem. Ganondorf's target was one of the keys to the Sacred Realm…the hidden treasure of the Royal Family…the Ocarina of Time!" Impa exclaimed after all those dot, dot, dots.

"Impa, you are not suppost to exclaim after all those dot, dot, dots!" Navi yelled at Impa.

"…My duty bound me to take Zelda out of Ganondorf's reach." Impa continued.

"That's better." Navi told Impa.

"When I last saw you, as we made our escape from the castle, you were just a lad… Now I see you have become a fine hero…" Impa smirked.

"Him? A hero? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Navi laughed, so hard that she fell to the floor and laughed until she cried, she later (after countless stares from Impa and Link) regained her composure.

"Oh shut up…" Link told Navi.

"…There's nothing to worry about…the princess is safe now. Soon, you'll meet princess Zelda face-to-face, and she will explain everything…" Impa explained.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Navi yelled, for she despised Zelda.

"…That is when we, the six wise ones, will seal up the evil king and return peace to Hyrule." Impa told Link, currently ignoring Navi.

"DON'T YOU DARE IGNORE ME!" Navi yelled.

"…I have to stay here…" Impa told Link.

"YAY!" Link exclaimed.

"You go to princess Zelda's side and protect her on my behalf." Impa told Link.

"But I don't like the Princess!" Link exclaimed.

**(Zelda, somewhere in the world, hissed, for she liked/loved Link. Ruto cheered.)**

"Now I put my power, which should be helpful to you, into this medallion!" Impa told Link.

**(Link got the Shadow Medallion! Wait? Where'd it go? Oh. There it is, in Link's Shadow. I guess it doesn't like the light…)**

* * *

"_Please look out for the Princess!" said Impa's voice on the wind._

"_NEVER!" Navi retorted to Impa's voice on the wind._

**

* * *

(Link then head off to Gerudo Valley, having no clue that Gerudos were an ALL-FEMALE RACE _(practically, think of Ganondorf)_. This is going to be fun… Heh…heh…heh…) **

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter 11! 

Link: _(cries)_

Navi: _(looks happy)_

Cherry-sama: What's up with him?

Navi: He's still upset about the Wolfos going to heaven.

Cherry-sama: And what's with you?

Navi: Ms. Shadowpunkle is dead forever!

Cherry-sama: -.-

Saria: Cherry-sama will be done this fic fairly soon, continuing on inher story 'The Fourth Piece of the Triforce' and 'Totally Whacked'. Cherry-sama would also like to say is that Ms. Shadowpunkle might appear in a fic that she is considering on doing. It is about Navi's high school years. Including Ivan, Navi, Blueberry, and Ms. Shadowpunkle herself. More characters may be introduced like Maria's fairy Aurora, Mido's fairy (nameless) and others. Please note that she will not do it if she doesn't have time, but if you want her to make Navi's high school years, just say so.

Cherry-sama: _(tuning into last bit)_ What are you saying?

Saria: Facts.

Cherry-sama: _(emphasizing on certain words for Saria to hear) _You do not have to say anything about the fic of Navi's high school years. Saria was just being a little **too** chatter-ish and you **don't** have to listen to **her**, except for the review thingy she does in this fic.

Saria: You don't have to say it in that kind of tone… Please review for this heartless person.

Cherry-sama: Hey!


	12. Chapter 12: MAKEOVER POWER!

**Chapter 12! (Almost done! This is probably going to be one of my longest fics ever!)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda: OoT, but I do own all the insane stuff. And I do own some other stuff too but I don't remember what they are… ON WITH THE FIC!**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome back to Totally Messed!

Link: Hi! And welcome back to Totally Messed!

Navi: Hi! And welcome back to Totally Messed!

Cherry-sama: I have a feeling I have an echo in an enclosed space…

Link: I have a feeling I have…

Cherry-sama: ON WITH THE STORY! Saria?

Saria: Please read the fic…

Navi: Please read the fic…

_**

* * *

What would happen if Koume and Kotake had a makeover obsession? **_

_Wonder no more! I—I…I…I'm hungry. I'm going to get some food after I finish typing this… I wonder if I should have cherries or hot dogs… Or maybe bread and cheese… Well… I can't have cherries because they're all gone… DANG IT!_

**

* * *

(Where we last left Link, he was about to find out the wonders/joys of life. Too bad that we are going to zoom in on Ganondorf and two ladies before him, and he knew them all too well…) **

"You're late." Ganondorf hissed, in a very odd way that didn't sound much like a hiss to me but that's probably just me, isn't that right SoC?

"But our hair was tangled!" Koume protested, for her hair was ugly all the same.

"And we had to paint our nails before we got here, Grandson!" Kotake protested with her sister, both wanting to look as beautiful.

**(SoC is making this one fanfic, starring Ganondorf _(might be rated 'M' for violence)_****and she states that he calls the two witches 'Grandmother' out of respect, even though they are probably not related. She has not posted this fic yet but she insists that I put the 'Grandson' stuff in. But I have a joke up my sleeve…eh…heh…heh…)**

"Anyways…" Ganondorf sighed in annoyance. "I have a job for you two. I want you to—"

"Grandson, would you like a cookie?" asked Koume sweetly, holding up a cookie that looked like they had put life-threatening ingredients inside it to make it 'taste okay'.

"…No, Grandmother, I would not like a cookie. Anyways, I want you to go—"

"But Grandson, we made these cookies just for you!" Kotake protested, interrupting Ganondorf once again. "And just like we were told by the other Gerudo in your grade three class, we didn't put any toad warts, that you don't like, in it this time!"

"I'm not hungry, Grandmother… I ate my breakfast at my castle… But I want you to go and—"

"And like you told us to, we didn't put Keese (bat) guts in it. (Though it really brings out the flavor…)" Koume told Ganondorf, making him get really annoyed.

"I told you that I do not want those cookies!" Ganondorf told the two witches, trying his best to make sure that he would not die from eating their cookies, and I wouldn't blame him for if I ate one of those, I would surely die from food poisoning. "I know for a fact that you make those cookies from any leftovers that you have after making your potions or shampoos!"

"Nonsense, Grandson…" Kotake told Ganondorf, with a little chuckle in her voice.

"We bought the frog eye balls from the King Zora off eBay!" Koume told Ganondorf.

"The handsome man in the Lake Hylia Laboratory wasn't very impressed…" Kotake paused. "We out bid him (we were the only ones, other than him, bidding for the eye balls). He said that we stole his dinner!"

"Anything else?" Ganondorf sneered.

"We also ordered the Deku Scrub Liver by mail. But the Deku King (he seemed to be from another world, parallel to Hyrule) wasn't very impressed by these actions…" Koume paused.

"Then he sued us." Kotake told Ganondorf, with this statement he looked concerned for he knew that they used his money for paying, and I already described about some men being penny pitchers last chapter. "But it wasn't a big deal. Gerudo rupees are on a ratio of 1:100000000000000000000000000 to Deku rupees."

"Grrr… FINE! I'll eat your cookies." The Gerudo King hissed, getting fairly mad.

"Yay! Beautiful/elderly witches never fail when it comes to giving their Grandson cookies!" Koume and Kotake cheered, sounding too much like Link and Navi while saying 'the power of evil sour milk never loses'…

"IF!" Ganondorf yelled, getting his Grandmothers' attention.

"Ohh…" Koume paused.

"If…" Kotake muttered, repeating what Ganondorf just said.

"If you go and kill the Hero of Time, his name is Link." Ganondorf told the two, finally saying what he wanted to say. "He wears a skirt/tunic that is green/red/blue and his hair is long for a guy his age."

"Can we do his hair, Grandson?" Koume asked.

"Well, Grandmother… Only if you kill him afterwards…" Ganondorf told the witches.

"Yay!" Kotake exclaimed.

**

* * *

(NOW we will zoom in on our Hero, age 19. Link headed to Gerudo Valley and he saw a carpenter on the other side of the bridge. But he wasn't on that side of the bridge and he and Navi were pondering how to get over. But then Navi had an ONA.) **

"The desert…that is where Ganondorf the Evil King was born. If we go there, we might find something." Navi told Link.

"Your ONA had slow reaction time." Link told Navi.

"Don't blame me! In fact, be glad!" Navi told Link.

"Anyways… Navi… How can we get across?" Link asked.

"Simple! Let me show you!" Navi told Link, Navi, being much smarter than the stupid hero, remembering something that Link evidentially didn't.

**(Navi stole Link's ocarina and played Epona's Song. Epona randomly appeared _(as she always does) _and looked at Navi, who had by this time given back Link's Ocarina. Epona thought that Navi was a blue carrot _(again)_ and chased towards her. Navi turned white because this was not how her plan was suppost to go. Navi turned around and fled. Since Navi's back was towards the bridge, she flew towards it now. Navi flew over the bridge. Epona jumped after her, since the bridge was broken, leaving Link behind. Navi flew over to the far wall and waited there _(she had a plan in mind)_. Epona ran towards her dinner, at full speed. When Epona was almost on Navi, Navi flew to the side, making Epona crash, head-first, into the wall, and making her faint.)**

"That's how you get over!" Navi told our so-called hero, who was very ticked by this point.

"Awe, geez, thanks Navi. Only one thing bothers me." Link told Navi, trying to hide his anger, but failing.

"What?" Navi asked, or I should say, yelled, for they were very far away.

"YOU DITCHED ME! NOW I'M STUCK OVER HERE!" Link hissed evilly.

"Use Hookshot…" Navi told Link.

"NOOO! IT'S RUSTY!" Link told Navi, thinking of Dampé's Hookshot. "And where would it hit!"

**(Navi pointed to the circle thing on the other side.)**

"And I was talking about the Hookshot you got in the Water Temple…" Navi told Link.

**(Link Longshot-ed across.)**

"It's not Hookshot. It's called Longshot." Link scowled at Navi, both on the same side of the bridge.

"Same difference." Navi paused, leaving unconscious Epona behind.

"I am a master craftsman." A random bald guy yelled at Link and Navi, who were walking by. "Those Gerudo thieves…they broke the bridge. I want to fix it, but all of my workers are gone!"

"O.o Dude…" Navi paused.

"Why do you want to fix their bridge?" Link asked, not knowing how hot the Gerudos are. "They can break it if they want to!"

"Umm… Where did your workers go?" Navi asked. "And why did they leave?"

"They said working as carpenters isn't cool, and they went to the Gerudo's Fortress to become thieves…" the man paused.

"Dude… Those guys have no life…" Link paused. "Who wants to become thieves? That's a lame job!"

"Hey, you!" the bald guy asked.

"Who, me?" asked the bunny hood guy, inside the tent, poking his head out the front.

"No, this young guy!" the bald man told the bunny hood guy, who was bunny hood less.

"I'm young!" the bunny hood guy protested.

"Not as young as him!" the bald guy told the bunny hood guy.

"Ohhh…" the bunny hood guy moped in the tent corner.

"Anyways… If you are going to the fortress, would you mind finding out what my workers are doing over there?" the bald guy told Link.

"O.o Um… Okay?" Link asked, not sure if that was the right answer, for in the future in his mind, he would think it was.

**

* * *

(So Link walked into the Fortress and…) **

"Okay…" Link muttered to himself, for he was planning of running in and yelling for the male Gerudo warriors to attack him.

**(Link ran into the Fortress, stopped, outstretched his arms, and yelled…)**

"GERUDOS, FACE ME NOW FOR I—I…" Link faded out as he saw all the armed females, running towards him, spears at him. "I…I… I HIT THE JACKPOT!"

"GET HIM!" one female yelled to the others.

"YES! COME AND GET ME!" Link yelled, with his arms still outstretched.

**(The Gerudo girls were scared by this remark, for this was the first time a prisoner wanted to be put into jail. All the girls got into a huddle and started talking, only a few feet away from Link.)**

"Huh? What are they doing?" Link asked Navi.

"They're scared of you since they never had a prisoner that wanted to go to jail before. Now they are consulting each other what to do, just in case you have or have not got a plan that includes you going to jail." Navi explained.

"Naw. That's just crazy talk." Link told Navi, not knowing how right she was.

**(Then the Gerudos all faced Link, at the same time, scaring Navi, but making Link swoon. One of them then grabbed the arm of the unconscious male and dragged him away to be interrogated…)**

**

* * *

(When Link woke up he was on a puffy, red couch, with the Gerudo girls looking down on him, shadowing his only source of light. Link then swooned again, but Navi yelled in his ear…) **

"HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT!" Navi yelled in Link's ear, making him wide-awake, bolt upright.

"! Make it stop!" Link screamed in terror, arms folded above him head to protect himself from Navi's yells.

**(These actions made the Gerudo women who looking down on Link seconds before, fall backwards and hide under the couch Link was on.)**

"Navi… I had a wonderful dream…" Link started. "I dreamed that I was about to fight the Gerudo Male warriors and they all turned into girls."

"That was no dream…" Navi told Link. "Didn't you know that the Gerudos are an all female race?"

"Nuh-uh! What about Ganondorf?" Link asked.

"…He ignored the laws of Gerudo reproduction…" Navi explained.

**(Link swooned again, due to this fact; Navi took a deep breath when Link woke up again.)**

"Alright, alright… I'll stay up. Just don't yell in my ear…" Link told Navi.

**(The Gerudo got out from under the couch and Link then looked around. The couch was placed about 10 feet away from a chair. The chair was very imperial looking. It had gold and silver and all sorts of jewels Zelda would love to have. In the chair was a Gerudo female, sitting on all sorts of comfy pillows. Link's jaw dropped. No, not because how pretty the chair was, but how pretty the Gerudo's outfit was. Now you all know what the girls wear so why even bother explaining it?)**

"What business do you have here?" the female asked sternly

"I've co-come to…" Link stuttered.

"He's harmless. Throw him jail." The Gerudo lady in the chair told the other females.

**(A Gerudo stepped in front of Link. Link then blushed/looked-spaced-out as the girl grabbed his arm. Navi then stole Link's Ocarina and played 'Zelda's Lullaby'. The sitting Gerudo laughed.)**

"What does the King of Hyrule, who is dead, want with the Gerudo?" the sitting Gerudo laughed.

**(The Gerudo holding Link let go of him. He saw a jewel in her back pocket. He knew that Zelda would love to have in her jewel collection. He slowly reached his arm out…)**

"Well…um…" Navi paused, not aware of what Link was doing.

"Well, whatever. Perhaps you can explain why you have come to our lands." The sitting Gerudo told Navi, as Link's arm was almost at the jewel.

"Well, we came here to—" Navi started as Link grabbed the jewel, making the one Gerudo scream.

"EEEEEEEEEK! Ms. Rarubooru! He pitched my butt!" the Gerudo screamed, while pointing at Link accusingly, but that's not what happened at all.

"NO! I DIDN'T! There was a jewel in her—" Link started, trying to explained that he was innocent, and not completely guilty.

"SILENCE! You are going into the cell!" the sitting Gerudo (Rarubooru) yelled at Link, pointing a finger at him.

**(Link was then picked up and dragged away, as he yelled/ranted on about his innocence.)**

**

* * *

(Link was thrown into a hole and he fell into the jail cell.) **

"Stupid Kid! Get in there and keep quiet!" yelled the annoyed Gerudo that apparently been the victim to Link's actions.

**(Link paused.)**

"You shouldn't have done that…" Navi paused.

"But I didn't! There was a jewel in her back pocket!" Link exclaimed.

"_Sure_ there was…" Navi told Link.

**(Silence.)**

"Get out of here." Navi told Link.

"O.o How?" Link asked.

"There's a window right there. And you do have Hookshot…" Navi told Link.

"But it's rusty!" Link told Navi.

"I mean Longshot!" Navi told Link. "You'd think that they would be smart enough to think of taking away all your stuff…"

"O.o That's a very good point. No wonder the jail cell is empty…" Link told Navi as they got out of jail.

**(Link wandered around Gerudo's Fortress systematically freeing the captured carpenters. If he ran into a purple outfitted Gerudo, he would shot her down with an arrow _(shooting Gerudo's with arrows is always fun:D Especially if you shoot them lethally and they still don't die! n.n)_, once she would be out-cold, he would bend down and kiss her on the lips. Navi counted 1827 girls Link kissed.)

* * *

**

**(Anyways, Link went around and found the first carpenter. The scene went somewhat like this…)**

"Hey, you! Young man, over there! Look over here, inside the cell!" the guy cried out, scaring Link half to death since he didn't know that there was someone in the room at the time.

"O.O !" Link screamed while hopping into Navi's arms.

**(Navi dropped Link before she got smooshed under his weight.)**

"I have no idea where you come from, but you must have a lot of guts to make it past all these guards around here! All of my fellow carpenters are imprisoned somewhere in here. If you can get us out of here, we'll replay the favor somehow!" the carpenter explained.

"Hmmm…" Link pondered, because he was thinking…thoughts…

"But be careful! There are sure to be Gerudo guards somewhere around here…." The carpenter told Link.

"YAY!" Link exclaimed.

"Woo! Watch out!" the carpenter guy yelled at Link, not giving him much of a warning.

**(A Gerudo in black _(Men in black! Get it? …Get it? Oh never mind)_ dropped from the ceiling Sheik style and Link had to fight her.)**

"So, hey…Are you doing anything this afternoon?" Link asked, for he was fighting a hot chick; he could tell since she was sweating quite a bit.

**(The Gerudo said nothing, just breathed heavily like a fish out of water.)**

"Breathing heavily you say?" Link asked. "You know what? I don't think that's very healthy you know."

"…Link?" Navi asked, looking at the so insane person she stalked.

"Recent Hyrule Magical studies conducted by the goat-man in the Lakeside Laboratory at Lake Hylia have shown that breathing heavily can actually increase the amount of stress in your life." Link stated.

**(The Gerudo breathed heavily while fighting, then she wound up and did a spin attack. This was like the fifth time doing so.)**

"You know, you keep winding up and launching spin attacks on me. Like I—Do you like coffee?" Link asked.

"Oy…" Navi sighed as she banged her head against the wall.

"…?" the Gerudo breathed heavily.

"I heard that coffee can really help you wind down when you're busy in the morning and all stressed out. D'you like coffee? You know, I should take you out for a cup of coffee. Are you busy?" Link asked, saying the longest paragraphs he ever spoke.

"…" Navi paused while watching this.

"Yes! I'm fighting you, **-bleep-** it!" the Gerudo swore Link.

"You know, I don't see why you're trying to kill me, I just want to take you out for a cup of coffee and to have you set this guy free!" Link told the Gerudo.

**(Link defeated the Gerudo)**

"You wish!" the Gerudo told Link as she got up from the ground.

**(The Gerudo jumped up and disappeared into the ceiling, leaving behind a key. Link goes over and opens the prison cell)**

"Did you come here to save me?" the carpenter asked while waving his arms in an odd way.

"Yes. We were sent by a bald guy." Link told the carpenter.

"Oh, that's just swell! I'm Ichiro the Carpenter. We were all really interested in joining their all female group but they locked us up like this just because we're men." Ichiro told Link.

"Welcome to the club." Link told Ichiro.

"You aren't even in the club!" Navi hissed, getting annoyed with Link. "You got thrown in jail because you—"

**(Link stuffed Navi into his hat.)**

"We don't care about the Gerudo anymore! They're so rude! Three of my fellows have also been captured so please help them escape, too!" Ichiro told Link.

**(Ichiro ran out of the cell and left miraculously because somehow no one saw him leaving…)**

**

* * *

(Link continued through the dungeon until he saw the next carpenter.) **

"Hey, you! Young man, over there! Look over here, inside the cell! I have no idea where you come from, but you must have a lot of guts to make it past all these guards around here!" the carpenter told Link.

"Didn't the other one say the same thing?" Navi asked.

"Wow! Your right!" Link exclaimed.

"All of my fellow carpenters are imprisoned somewhere in here. If you can get us out of here, we'll replay the favor somehow! But be careful! There are sure to be Gerudo guards somewhere around here…. Woo! Watch out!" the carpenter told Link, again, not giving him much warning.

"Thanks for the warning, bud." Link told the carpenter, that wasn't good at warnings.

**(A Gerudo fell from the sky. It was the same one!)**

"Oh! It's you again! I see you still haven't wound down yet. You seem so stressed about my presence. Is there something I can do to help?" Link asked, worried about the amount of stress in a person's life, a person that just happened to want to kill him.

"Link? I don't think she wants your help…" Navi told Link.

"…" the Gerudo breathed heavily.

**(The Gerudo continues to breathe heavily and ended up defeated Link.)**

**

* * *

(Thing is _(unfortunately for the Gerudo)_ Link came back for another round!) **

"So how you been? It seems like only five minutes since I last saw you!" Link told the Gerudo, who really didn't have time for this. "Is it really necessary to keep trying to capture me? Like you must have thrown me in that prison cell about a hundred times now. If only I had Din's Fire on me, you see, Din's Fire requires one hand and it's really powerful. So you understand why I'm holding back on you." Link talked, and talked, and talked…

"Link… You do have Din's Fire. The Guards didn't take away your stuff, so you still have it…" Navi told her clueless partner.

"…" the Gerudo breathed, for this guy was a total idiot, hence the name 'Totally Messed'.

**(The Gerudo launched herself at Link, but missed.)**

"…Whoa, you're good sister, you're good……." Link pondered for the Gerudo wasn't really his sister, but he wasn't sure what else to call her.

"…Link, you're helpless…" Navi told Link.

"So…if you, yourself, are not interested in going out for coffee, would any of your thief sisters be interested?" Link asked.

"…I don't think that's such a good idea, Link…" Navi told Link, semi-imagining Link's date with a thief and a…something else that really jeopardizes my rating of K+…

"Hmph." The Gerudo smirked, unaware that I just called her a fruit cake."We Gerudo don't drink coffee. I'm not even sure what coffee is!"

"I don't either for that fact…" Navi told the Gerudo, for she too wasn't sure about Link was ranting on about.

"Well, it's a disgusting _(to me, and my sister)_ brown liquid that has many different components in it and it is slightly addicting. But it causes your mind to wake up." Link explained.

"Then we Gerudos are too good for coffee!" the Gerudo told Link.

**(The Gerudo defeated Link, but…)**

**

* * *

(We know he's as stubborn as a boomerang and really wanted a date before next Saturday. So he came back, still with all of his stuff.) **

"Look, I know you're so dead set on killing me, but is it really necessary?" Link asked. "To perfectly honest, I think we should just sit down peacefully and work out our differences!"

"There is one difference that you could never work out with her." Navi told Link.

"What?" Link asked, still fighting but listening to Navi.

"Your Gender differences." Navi pointed out.

"I'm a desert thief of this fortress, who's supposed to keep havoc from erupting within it. That includes keeping escaped prisoners in their cells! I think there is a perfectly good reason for us to be fighting here, mister!" the Gerudo told Link, not aware of what Link and Navi talked about few seconds before.

"Oh, I don't see why we should…" Link paused, looking at the floor droopily.

"If you're trying to make me feel bad, it's not working." The Gerudo told Link.

"Hey, you're just a hot girl who won't say yes to a date! C'mon…" Link told the Gerudo, who really didn't want to be called hot, even though she knew that she was sweating quite heavily.

"Link! I don't think she wants a date…and if you haven't picked up on that by now I think you're either just slow, or desperate!" Navi nagged at Link.

"Shush! Don't let her hear you!" Link hissed at Navi.

"So you are the Great Ganondorf's arch nemesis. Hm." The Gerudo pondered.

"So, you got a problem with that?"

"Yes I do." The Gerudo told Link.

"Well _I_ haven't got a problem with being Ganondorf's arch nemesis! In fact I rather enjoy it because it makes everybody else happy… I don't see how you guys can accept him as a leader, like come on! The guy's a ruthless dictator and a couple of other things that I won't mention if we're going to keep this fanfic K+…" Link told The Gerudo.

**(Silence.)**

"…So, I'm guessing you're into dancing. You just keep circling around me… Is it a traditional dance of yours? The way you twirl your twin blades…it's just amazing!" Link ogled.

**(Link defeated the Gerudo; the Gerudo jumped up into the ceiling and disappeared.)**

"I'm sorry if I cut you!" Link called out to the gone Gerudo.

"…I think you did cut her, Link…" Navi told Link, pointing to something, lying lifeless on the floor.

**(Link looked where Navi pointed, seeing something that horrified him. THE GERUDO'S BLOODY ARM LAY ON THE FLOOR, TWITCHING! Just kidding.)**

"O.o Dude… What is that?" Link asked.

**(Navi flew over and picked it up.)**

"O.O HOLY DEKU SCRUB!" Navi yelled, in horror (mwahahahaha! I love adding suspense, even if it is fake).

"What is it?" Link asked again.

"It's her…" Navi told Link melodramatically.

"…Her what?" Link asked fearfully/nervously, wanting Navi to continue.

"…Ponytail…" Navi told Link.

"O.O Do you mean I just gave her a forceful haircut?" Link yelled to Navi.

"Yep." Navi told Link.

**(Navi thought of something.)**

"Hey Link… Could you do me a favor?" Navi asked, picking up the Gerudo's ponytail.

"Okay…" Link told Navi, not sure what he was agreeing to.

**(Navi put the front of the ponytail on the back of her head, as if it was actually her hair.)**

"How does this look?" Navi asked.

"O.O" Link looked. "Fairies are not meant to have hair…"

"You're a cute kid!" the carpenter told Navi then faced Link. "Thank you for coming to save me! I'm Jiro, the carpenter. These women are so scary!"

"But hot!" Link exclaimed.

"I'd rather work as a carpenter than join them!" Jiro shivered.

"O.o You are crazy…" Link told Jiro.

"I can't wait to say goodbye to this place!" Jiro exclaimed.

"Link here can wait forever!" Navi told Jiro.

"Two of my buddies are still being held prisoner. Will you please get them out, too?" Jiro asked.

**(Jiro ran out of the cell, and to who knows where.)**

**

* * *

(Link continued through the Fortress until he found another carpenter.) **

"Hey, you! Young man, over there! Look over here, inside the cell! I have no idea where you come from, but you must have a lot of guts to make it past all these guards around here!" the carpenter told Link.

"O.o Dude… They are all broken records…" Link told Navi.

"No, they only say the same thing, but different things at the end." Navi explained.

"All of my fellow carpenters are imprisoned somewhere in here. If you can get us out of here, we'll replay the favor somehow! But be careful! There are sure to be Gerudo guards somewhere around here…. Woo! Watch out!" the carpenter told Link, and like the others, not giving him much warning.

**(The same Gerudo fell from the sky, you could tell it was her because her hair was so short and she looked really mad.)**

"O.O IT'S YOU!" The Gerudo yelled, pointing her swords towards Link, wanting to actually kill him this time.

"You know, this is starting to get annoying…. How do you know where I am all the time? You like, stalk me or something!" Link pondered, then he thought of something. "…Wait… Are you friends with the Random Owl? O O"

**(Link defeated the, now short haired, Gerudo. She flew into the ceiling again.)**

"Wait! Come back here? I BET YOU, SHEIK AND THE RANDOM OWL ARE ALL BEST FRIENDS! YOU ALL LIKE TO STALK ME!" Link yelled.

"…" Navi paused.

"…No we don't." Sheik said from behind a crate in the corner.

"Thanks, boy! You're fantastic!" the carpenter exclaimed.

"I RESENT THAT!" Navi protested.

"I'm Sabooro, the carpenter. Have you seen our boss, boy?"

"…Yes… Why?" Link asked, for something fishy was going on.

"He's probably worried about me! I have to get back to him immediately! One more of our workers is still a prisoner. Please save him!" Sabooro told Link.

"Um… Okay?" Link asked.

**

* * *

(Link continued through the Fortress until he came across the last carpenter. FINALLY!) **

"Hey, you! Young man, over there! Look over here, inside the cell! I have no idea where you come from, but you must have a lot of guts to make it past all these guards around here! All of my fellow carpenters are imprisoned somewhere in here. If you can get us out of here, we'll replay the favor somehow! But be careful! There are sure to be Gerudo guards somewhere around here…. Woo! Watch out!" the guy warned, and like all the others, not giving Link enough time to react.

**(The short haired Gerudo dropped down from above, like always.)**

"…Look I'm getting really tired of this. Why don't you just go home and take the day off?" Link asked.

**(Link defeated the short haired Gerudo)**

"Consider my request!" Link yelled at the Gerudo.

**(The Gerudo went into the ceiling.)**

"I was afraid that you were going to forget about me! Now I'm free!" the guy told link.

"No duh…" Navi muttered, but nobody ever hears her.

"Thanks! I'm Shiro the Carpenter. For rescuing me, I'll tell you something interesting about the desert that I overheard the Gerudos talking about. They said "In order to cross the Haunted Wasteland, you'll need the Eye of Truth. The Colossus is on the far side of the wasteland…" Okay, now I'm going to go back to my tent near Gerudo Valley, so, drop by sometime. You might find something useful there! Byeee!" Shiro waved good-bye in a really girly way.

**(The Gerudo that earlier was sitting in the cool chair somehow instantly appeared behind Link, scaring the pure daylight outta him.)**

"I've seen your fine work. To get past the guards here, you must have good thieving skills." The Gerudo told Link, while smirking.

"_Welll_… Thanks!" Link exclaimed, for all he really had was good kissing skills.

"I used to think that all men, besides the great Ganondorf, were useless…but now that I've seen you, I don't think so anymore!" the Gerudo (who Navi remembered that her name was Rarubooru) told Link.

"Thanks! Would you happen to be free next Saturday?" Link asked the Gerudo.

"No… I'm not… The exalted Nabooru, our leader, put me in charge of this fortress. But Nabooru, the second-in-command to the great Ganondorf, King of the Gerudo Thieves, might be free then." Rarubooru told Link.

"Yay! Where is she?" Link asked.

"Let's see… Her headquarters are in the Spirit Temple, which is at the end of the desert. Say, you must want to become one of us, eh?" Rarubooru asked.

"YESSSSSSSS! I would love to! PLEASEEEEEEEEE!" Link told Rarubooru.

"All right, then! You're in from now on!" Rarubooru told Link.

"YAY! SCORE! WAHOOOOOOOOOOO!" Link exclaimed.

"Take this. With it, you will have free access to all the areas of the fortress!" Rarubooru told Link.

**(Link got Gerudo's Membership Card! This was the ticket to the good life…)**

"From now on, you're free to come and go as you please through the gate to the desert. You'll find the Spirit Temple, where the exalted Nabooru lives, out there in the desert." Rarubooru told Link, Link was still happy just to be allowed there.

**(Fun fact: this Gerudo changes outfits as you do! Try it!)**

**

* * *

(So Link walked out the door, talked to a few girls, wanting to know if they were free. But after Link got rejected 34059734905702 times _(Navi kept count. Link asked some girls, several times)_, he then tried to talk to the Gerudo by the Gate.) **

"Link, if you got rejected 34059734905702 times, I don't think this girl will be any different." Navi told Link.

"What? If she isn't free, then I'll ask her to open the Gate so I can get to Nabooru!" Link told Navi.

"Hey, rookie!" the Gerudo by the gate greeted Link.

"Hi! Are you free next Saturday?" Link asked.

"No." she replied sternly.

"34059734905703" Navi told herself, still keeping count.

"Oh. I see. Can I go into the Desert?" Link asked.

"Are you going into the desert?" the Gerudo asked.

"He just told you that?" Navi told the Gerudo.

"…I'll open this gate for you, but… you can't cross the desert unless you pass the two trials." The Gerudo warned.

"No trial is too hard to win a girl's heart—I mean…" Link paused.

"What are they?" Navi asked.

"The first trial is…the River of Sand! You can't walk across this river! After you cross it, follow the flags we've placed there." The Gerudo explained to Navi.

"That's okay, I can fly." Navi told the Gerudo.

"The second trial is…the Phantom Guide! Those without eyes who can see the truth will only find themselves returning here." The Gerudo warned.

"Yeah, so?" Link asked.

"…You are going anyway, aren't you? I won't stop you… Go ahead!" the Gerudo told Link.

**(The Gerudo by the gate clapped her hands and gate opened.)**

"Thank you!" Link exclaimed as he ran into the Desert.

**

* * *

(Link got past the River of Sand, which he just used Hover Boots to do so. Then, when he got to a building thingy, he saw a sign.) **

"Haunted Wasteland  
If you chase a mirage, the desert will swallow you. Only one path is true!" the sign read.

"Oh great…" Link paused.

"What?" Navi asked.

"I can't get through. I only have the Eye of Lies… I need the Eye of Truth…" Link paused.

**(Awkward silence.)**

"Link…"

"Yes Navi?"

"The Eye of Lies doesn't exist…"

"What's this then?"

**(Link held up Eye of Truth)**

"…The Eye of Truth…"

"O.O That means…"

"Yep… I lied to you."

"No, it means you aren't wearing any clothing after all!"

"- -"

**(Navi then saw a sign in between Second and Third Sign)**

"All those reckless enough to wander into the desert—please drop by our shop.  
-Carpet Merchant" the sign said.

**

* * *

(Sooooooo Link walked where the sign pointed and saw a guy on a carpet; Link walked onto the carpet and talked to him.) **

"Well Come!" the Carpet Merchant told Link.

"You said 'welcome' wrong…" Navi told the Merchant.

"…I am selling stuff, strange and rare, from all over the world to everybody." The Merchant bragged.

"Oooooo!" Link exclaimed.

"Today's special is… A dangerous, running object! Terrifying!" the Merchant told Link.

"What is it?" Navi asked.

"I won't tell you want it is until I see the money…." The Merchant told Navi. "How about 200 rupees?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not for THAT price!" Link told the Merchant, penny-pinching nature kicking in.

"Oh, that's too bad. The mark that will lead you to the Spirit Temple is the flag on the left outside the shop. If you change your mind, please come back again!" the Merchant told Link.

"…Err… Fine! I'll take it!" Link told the Merchant.

**(Link paid 200 rupees _(A.K.A. ALL OF HIS CASH)_. And got…)**

"Thank you very much! What I'm selling is…Bombchu!" the Merchant exclaimed giving Link a little mouse thingy (that I think is really cute).

"That's it?" Navi asked for Link already had, like, a full bag of these things.

"The mark that will lead you to the Spirit Temple is the flag on the left outside the shop. Be seeing you!" the Merchant told Link as he flew away into the sunset, leaving Link broke.

"CHEAP!" Link yelled after the Carpet Merchant.

**(Link then wore Eye of truth, to see if there was money that he couldn't see. To his surprise, he found, not money, but a ghost! But not just ANY ghost! No! This ghost was a tour guide!) **

"I'll be your guide on your way, but coming back, I won't play!" the ghost told Link and Navi.

"Oh?" Link asked.

"I'll show you the only way to go, so follow me and don't be slow!" the ghost rhymed.

**

* * *

(After following the ghost, Link arrived at the Desert Colossus. The camera paned around and Link noticed the statue of the Sand Goddess _(mwahahahahahahaha! She is explained in my other fic! 'The Fourth Piece of the Triforce'! Ahem)_. Link went to his right to find a crack in the wall. He blew it up and entered the Great Fairy's Fountain. DUN! DUN! DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN! Link played 'Zelda's Lullaby' on the Triforce, and…you know what happens next…) **

"Welcome Link! I am the Great Fairy of Magic and Evilness!" the Great Slutty Freak yelled/cackled.

"!" Link and Navi yelled together, for they didn't have the sour milk.

"I will give you a magic spell. Please take it." The witch told Link.

**(The witch of Evilness gives you 'Nayru's Love'. …How ironic…)**

"Nayru's Love is in effect for only a limited time, so use it carefully. When battle has made you weary, please come back to see me." The evil slut cackled as she disappeared once again.

**

* * *

(Link went into the Spirit Temple then left again, because there was nothing there! GASP! PLOT TWIST! Sheik jumped down from the stone arch thing and landed in front of Link.) **

"Past, present, future… The Master Sword is a ship in which you can sail upstream and downstream through time's river… The port for that ship is in the Temple of Time…" Sheik told the two.

"Yeah? So?" Link asked.

"To restore the Desert Colossus and enter the Spirit Temple, you must travel back through time's flow… Listen to this Requiem of Spirit…This melody will lead a child back to the desert." Sheik told Link, telling him straight out how to get into the Temple's interior.

**(Sheik took his harp out of the back pocket/butt/who-knows-where. Sheik then taught Link the 'Requiem of Spirit'. The Random Owl watched Link while he played back and forth between Sheik and Link. The Random owl flew off when Link and Sheik finished. Link took a step toward Sheik, and then a miracle sandstorm just happens to appear so Sheik took advantage of this and backed away into the storm.)**

"At least he didn't blind you—" Navi started.

"**-BEEP- **IT! I GOT SAND IN MY EYES! HE WILL PAY!" Link swore.

"O.o Dude… It's not that big of a deal…" Navi told Link.

**

* * *

(Link then walked back, got caught in a sandstorm and randomly appeared in Gerudo Fortress. He stomped through as he worked his way to the Valley. Then, in Gerudo Valley, he talked to the bald guy, for Link needed a fellow guy to help him release stress.) **

"Hey, I heard you waved my men. When they returned, we built this bridge. Look at this! Isn't this a fine bridge?" the bald guy asked.

"Yes it is…" Link grumbled.

"They may be wimpy carpenters, but once they all got together, they got the job done!" the bald guy told Link.

**

* * *

(Link then went to the Temple of Time, for the bald guy didn't release any of Link's stress. Then Link went to the Desert Colossus using the song Sheik taught him. Then Navi had an ONA.) **

"I wonder who built the Spirit Temple, and for what purpose?" Navi asked.

"Two ONAs in one chapter?" Link asked confused, still a little mad. "The authoress really must be bored."

**

* * *

(Little Link entered the Spirit Temple; there were two large snake-shaped signs.) **

"If you want to proceed to the past, you should return here with the pure heart of a child." The sign on the left read, Navi read it aloud.

"If you want to travel to the future, you should return here with the power of silver from the past." The sign on the right read, Navi saying it aloud too.

"O.o If you could read the signs, why didn't you do so in the future?" Link asked, for to a regular person, Link would seem like a person that escaped from an asylum.

"They were covered with rust, then." Navi told Link.

**(Link went up the stairs and then to the left, where he saw…you guessed it, Nabooru. She was trying to get into a hole in the wall, much too small for her. She stood up as Link approached her and she looked at him. She was wearing a tanish-yellow tunic over her outfit.)**

"I haven't seen you around, kid… What do you want?"

"To see the Temple." Link replied, for he had lost his interest in girls when he went back in time, in fact, he thought it was quite gross to be liking girls, for they had germs!

"You're just a kid! The temple is no place for kids!" Nabooru told Link.

"WHAT! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I AM—" Link protested.

"She does have a point." Navi told Link, interrupting him.

"I haven't seen you around…" Nabooru told Navi. "What do you want?"

"We're looking for the Sages!" Navi told Nabooru, for that was what they were SUPPOST to do.

"A sage? I don't know anyone like that." Nabooru told Navi. "What's a _Sage_?"

"Never mind…" Navi told Nabooru.

"I haven't seen you around…" Nabooru told a random killer jar, lying on the ground. "What do you want?"

"Nothing, really…" the jar replied sheepishly, while blushing; for Nabooru really was pretty!

"You have nothing to do? What good timing! Can you do me a favor?" Nabooru told the killer jar. "Wait a second, I want to ask you first—you wouldn't happen to be one of Ganondorf's … followers … would you?"

"Yeah. I am." The killer jar told Nabooru.

"Oh." Nabooru paused, for that hadn't occurred to her.

"What if _I_ am, too?" Link asked, evilly, getting Nabooru's attention.

"Wha-ha-ha! Don't try to act cool, kid. I was just asking the jar! A kid like you could never be one of Ganondorf's followers!" Nabooru told Link.

"I hate Ganondorf!" Navi exclaimed.

"Uh-huh! You've got guts. I like you. Your cool. Personally, I could use a partner like you." Nabooru smirked. "Wanna be my partner some day?"

"And ditch Link?" Navi asked. "Sure!"

"First of all, let me introduce myself." Nabooru told the three. "I'm Nabooru of the Gerudo. I'm a lone wolf thief."

"Wait… If I join you, you won't be a lone wolf anymore!" Navi told Nabooru.

"Your too small, people won't consider you worthy so I'll still be alone." Nabooru explained.

"Oh."

"Wait. You're a thief, like Ganondorf!" Link exclaimed.

"Don't get me wrong! Though we're both thieves, I'm completely different from Ganondorf. With his followers, he stole from women and children, and he even killed people!" Nabooru exclaimed.

"I've killed people too… Say… This has been bugging me for a while now…" Link paused.

"Yes?"

"How come Ganondorf's the only guy Gerudo?" Link asked.

"A kid like you may not know this, but the Gerudo race consists only of women. Only one man is born every hundred years…" Nabooru explained. "Even though our laws say that lone male Gerudo must become King of the Gerudo, I'll never bow to such and evil man!"

"How do you keep your race going?" Link asked. "Like if there was only one guy… Wouldn't that be hard to repopulate?"

"…You don't want to know the answer to that question…" the killer jar told Link.

"Huh?" Link asked.

"Ummm… He hasn't learned about _that_ topic yet…" Navi told the killer jar.

"Wha—?" Link asked.

"Thanks, fairy. I'll keep that in mind!" the jar chuckled.

"Eh?"

"Link… Let's just say that's the reason why the guys in Hyrule Castle Town don't want the Gerudo to come…"

**(Link blinked.)**

"…By the way, what are your names?" Nabooru asked the three.

"Link!"

"Navi!"

"…I don't have a name…"

"Navi! I-don't-have-a-name! Link! What kind of names are those?" Nabooru.

"I don't like it either…" Link paused.

"I think it's a great name!" Navi shouted indignantly, for she needed to defend her pretty-ful name.

"I wish I had a name…"

"I'll give you new names." Nabooru exclaimed. "Link's name will be Stinky, Navi's name will be Blabber, and I-don't-have-a-name will be named…named…named Slim!"

"…Blabber? What do you mean by Blabber?" Navi/Blabber asked, not knowing that Nabooru was naming her that for she was a Blabber Mouth.

"Stinky…" Link paused. " Did you name me that since I haven't taken a bath for my whole life (except for falling into a well full of water)?"

"Slim… Do you mean Slimy? I can be slimy at times…" the jar/Slim told everyone.

"Well…anyway… I want to ask you a favor…" Nabooru told the three. "Will you guys go through this tiny hole and get a treasure that's inside?"

"What is it?" Navi asked.

"The treasure is the Silver Gauntlets. If you equip them, you can easily push and pull very heavy things!" Nabooru explained.

"Zelda would love that!" Link exclaimed.

"No, no, no, kid! Don't even think of taking this treasure for yourself!" Nabooru told Link.

"But I wasn't…" Link muttered.

"The Silver Gauntlets won't fit a little kid like you if you try to equip them!" Nabooru explained.

"But Zelda likes…" Link tried to explain.

"I want you to be a good little boy and give them to me!" Nabooru explained.

"Because?" Navi asked.

"Ganondorf and his minions are using the Spirit Temple as a hideout. Only the Silver Gauntlets will allow me to sneak deep into the Temple. Once there, I'm going to steal all the treasure inside and mess up their plans!" Nabooru told Link.

"And give it all to Zelda! Then I'll get a promotion!" Link exclaimed.

"No! It's for Nabooru!" Navi told Link.

"I must report to—" Slim exclaimed, cackling evilly, flying towards the roof and disappearing somewhere.

"…Never saw that coming… Anyways… How about it? Will you do it?" Nabooru asked.

"Yes!" Link exclaimed.

"Thanks, kid!" Nabooru exclaimed, and then faced towards Navi. "You and I, let's give Ganondorf and his followers a big surprise, shall we?"

"Sure!" Navi exclaimed.

"What about me?" Link asked feebly.

"If you, Link, can successfully get the Silver Gauntlets… I'll do something great for you!" Nabooru told Link, giving him a little wink.

**(We do not find out what the reward is in the real game, but it is explained here! In Totally Messed! Well… It's only just a theory…)**

**

* * *

(Anyways, Link went through the Temple until he came across an Iron Knuckle, he defeated it _(I love Bombchus… They work so well on those guys…Don't believe me? Try it and find out! Ahem)_ and exited through the door behind that battle. Link arrived outside the Spirit Temple on the hand of the statue/the-Sand-Goddess. The Random Owl was there and that was the last time Link saw him! YYYYYAAAAAYYYYY! Ahem. I'll wait until you've stopped rejoicing.) **

"Hey, what's up, Link?" the random owl asked.

"O.O !" Link screamed, in pure/utter/sheer pain.

"Surprised to see me?" the random owl asked, as if nothing was wrong.

"Why do you think he's acting like this?" Navi asked. "…Stalker…"

"A long time in this world is almost nothing to you, is it? How mysterious! Even I thought that the tales of a boy who could travel back and forth through time was merely a legend." The random owl rambled.

"T.T Why me?" Link asked _someone_ as he cried. "Why me, Din? Nayru? Farore? Amariadana?"

"O.o Amariadana? Who's she?" Navi asked..

"Ho ho ho hoo… I know who she is…" the Random Owl smirked.

"…Dude… You scare me…" Navi paused.

"…Any who, Link, you have fully matured as an adult. From now on, the future of all the people in Hyrule is on your shoulders. Maybe it's not my time anymore. Here is my last advice." The random owl ranted.

"Last? WAHOOOOOOOOO!" Link cheered.

"YIPPEE!" Navi cheered.

"…Two witches inhabit this Temple. In order destroy them, turn their own magic power against them. Hoo Hoot! Do you want to hear what I said again?"

"After all this time that I've been despising you, do you honestly think that I would say yes?" Link asked, being too smart for his kid form.

"Yes."

"Well then, no. I do not want to hear what you said again." Link replied sternly.

"Okay… I will continue to watch you… Hoo hoo hoo hoot!" the random owl told Link as he flew off.

"O.O WHAT! COME BACK HERE SO I CAN PULL ALL YOUR FEATHERS OUT!" Link yelled.

**(But the random owl flew away, for the last time. Dun DUN DUUUUUUUNNNNNN! Link will never see him again! Thank Din for that! Link then opened the chest and got the Silver Gauntlets for Nabooru and then there was a cut-scene. Sand blew around Link, into his eyes and Link heard a scream.) **

"Hey! Where are you taking me!" the voice screamed.

"We are going to do a makeover on you!" an elderly voice retorted.

"That's right!" another elderly voice exclaimed.

**(Link looked around to try to find the source, but he had sand in his eyes, so he couldn't see.)**

"Yeearggh! Nooo! Let me go!" the voice screamed again.

**(Link ran to the edge of the hand _(of the Sand Goddess)_ he stood on and looked down to where the voice came from. There he saw two witches _(he could tell because they had brooms)_ circling Nabooru near the entrance the Temple. She was up to her waist in sand and was rapidly sinking, screaming as she went. Her tan-ish yellow/orange tunic was lying on the ground nearby.)**

"You, you fiends!" Nabooru screamed as she sank lower. "If my tunic hadn't been blown off by your magic, then I could put up more of a resistance! Ganondorf's minions!"

"No!" one yelled in retort.

"We aren't his minions!" the other yelled to Nabooru.

"We're his nannies! We took care of him until he grew up!" the first explained.

"But he still calls us Grandmother." The other one explained.

"Whatever…" Navi paused, looking down on this scene.

"Nabooru!" Link cried out.

"Link! Navi! Get out of here! Now!" Nabooru yelled before she was engulfed any more. "Slim (the killer jar) warned these witches of my plans! Now they're using black magic on me!"

**(And with that, Nabooru was engulfed in magic…thingy and disappeared. Her tan tunic still lying motionless in the sand. Then the witches_ (Koume and Kotake) _flew into the sunset, but then realized that they were going the wrong way so they headed back into the Temple. Link carefully edged to the edge of the hand and looked down at Nabooru's tunic. Then he hopped down, sinking into the sand up until his knees.)**

"Nabooru…" Navi paused, looking at the spot where her future partner to be was seconds before.

"Why did Nabooru say that she could put up more of a resistance if she was wearing this?" Link paused while picking up Nabooru's tunic.

**(Link put the tunic on; it was too big for him.)**

"Whatever, if you want to know how it works, go to the future." Navi told Link. "For then it will fit you."

"Fine, fine." Link told Navi.

**

* * *

(Meanwhile… In the Temple…) **

"Oh dear!" Kotake paused while slapping her forehead.

"What?" Koume asked, both witches on their brooms.

"I forget to pick up Nabooru's tunic! She said it was powerful, so maybe if we take it, we'll have more power." Kotake told Koume.

"Oh yeah…" Koume paused. "I'll wear it since I'm hotter!"

"…What about me?" Kotake asked.

"You always get to do things first, so now it's my turn!" Koume explained.

"Heartless…" Kotake paused.

"Oh yeah? Well, you're forgetful since you forgot to get the tunic!" Koume told Kotake.

"Heartless!"

"Forgetful!"

**(The authoress twitched. That argument sounded so much like her and SoC… On a regular basis.)**

"Heartless!"

"Forgetful!"

"…Whatever, let's get the tunic for Grandson…" Kotake told Koume.

"Okay… Wait… Weren't we going to keep the tunic for ourselves?" Koume asked.

"We can discuss it later! Let's go and get it before the other Gerudo do!" Kotake told Koume.

"…Forgetful…" Koume added, getting a last insult to her sister.

**

* * *

(But unfortunately for the two witches, Link had already warped to the Temple of Time! But before he pulled up the Master Sword, he got some more sour milk. Then he went to the Temple of Time and pulled up the sword. He then played the 'Requiem of Spirit' to get back the Spirit Temple. Did you know that the Sand Goddess has stars on her bra? Anyways… Navi then had _ANOTHER_ ONA attack.) **

"Equip the Silver Gauntlets and try to move things you couldn't budge before!" Navi gulped, for she was choking a bit.

"Isn't there a cure for your ONA?" Link asked, annoyed.

"Well… There's some medication for it but I don't have a prescription." Navi told Link.

"Why didn't you get some?" Link asked.

"I didn't have any time. The Great Deku Tree just told me that he was dying! I couldn't just run out and get my medicine then!" Navi explained.

"Instead you crashed into my fence." Link muttered.

"I blame the bad graphics." Navi told Link.

"O.o What do you mean by bad graphics?" Link asked.

"Ummm…" Navi paused, for she never really knew why she knew about the outside world. "What happens when you put Nabooru's tunic on?"

"I forgot about that…" Link paused.

**(Link put on the tunic, besides the fact that it was made for a woman's figure, it was just his size. Link's eyes bulged as he gasped for air.)**

"O.O Why…do…women…have…really…thin…waists?" Link asked, as he had trouble breathing.

"It's to attract other guys, that's why…" Navi told the dying Link.

"At…times…like…this…I…wish…I…could…be…a…girl…" Link gasped.

**(Then, the scariest thing happened.)**

"O.o …Link?" Navi asked, in horror.

**(The camera zoomed into our hero. Link had turned into the-lady-in-the-past-that-was-in-Hyrule-Castle-Market-that-always-had-an-itchy-back _(we shall call her Daisy for the time being…)_.)

* * *

**

**(Meanwhile… Daisy… Whereever she was…)**

"!" Daisy screamed, sounding like Link when he screams.

"What is it, dear?" her husband asked, running towards the sound.

**

* * *

(We dare not find out what happened next… Anywho…) **

"Yes Navi?" 'Link' asked, wearing Nabooru's tunic, but having Daisy's body.

"Ummm…" Navi paused. "I think I know what it does…"

"What—AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" 'Link' screamed.

"What is it?" Navi asked.

"The tunic fits me fine (for reasons unknown) but I have an itchy back!" Link screamed as he/she started to dance as he/she tried to scratch his/her back.

"…Think how your body looks." Navi told Link, who had not thought of what had happened.

**(Link thought of his/her original body, and Link returned back to normal. The tunic then adjusted to Link's…measurements?)**

"…Why does the tunic fit me?" Link asked Navi.

"I think I know what that tunic does…" Navi told Link.

"Then what does it do?" Link asked.

"It changes your body. If you think of a certain person/thing then you will turn into it. Let's say if you thought of Zelda…" Navi told Link as an example.

**(Link thought of kid Zelda, but turned into the older one.)**

"What would happen?" Link asked with, again, a feminine voice.

"You would turned into Zelda…" Navi told Link/Zelda-wannabe.

**(Link looked at his/her body, he/she was wearing the same clothing _(but it was too loose)_, but he/she had long blond hair and of all things, lipstick, on. The real Zelda shrieked somewhere in the world.)**

"Eww…" Link/Zelda-wannabe paused. "I never knew lipstick felt so gross…"

"But if you think of you…" Navi continued.

**(Link thought/became of his/her original self. Zelda, somewhere in the world, sighed with relief.)**

"You'd turn back to normal." Navi explained.

"What if I thought of the camera-man?" Link asked, being normal right now.

"Ummm…" Navi paused.

**(Link turned into the camera-man, named Louis. Link fan girls mobbed Louis _(off set)_. From that point on, Louis's relationship with Link sank…)**

"O.o …Turn back please…" Navi told Link, who looked like Louis, only wearing Link's outfit.

**(Link thought of his real self. Link's face was covered with lipstick. All the Link fan girls went over to the nearest bathroom to wash their mouths out.)**

"…Thank you…" Navi told Link.

"I pity Louis…" Link paused.

**(I dare you to guess what happened next. Uh-huh. It was just like a last time remix…)

* * *

**

**(Anyways… Link went through the Temple _(shape shifting all the way)_, got mirror shield _(like I said before, you gotta love Bombchus) _and when he reached a room with the two witches, Twinrova. They were looking at another Iron Knuckle _(time to get out those Bombchus)_, only better dressed. The sisters turned around.)**

"Ho ho ho! Looks like someone is here, Koume." Kotake told Koume.

"Hee hee hee! It looks like it, Kotake!" Koume told Kotake. "Just like Grandson told us, a young fellow with long hair for a man his age."

"What's your name sonny?" Kotake asked.

"His name is—" Navi started, as she was about to tell their names.

"Stinky!" Link exclaimed, thinking it would be safer to use the name Nabooru gave them. "And this is Blabber!"

"Ohh." Koume paused.

"Well… Either way you are an outrageous fellow, to intrude so boldly into our temple… Ho ho ho!" Kotake told Koume, randomly giggling.

"We should teach this outrageous fellow a lesson! Hee hee hee!" Koume exclaimed.

"After we give him a serious makeover! Ho ho ho!" Kotake giggled

"Too true, sister! Hee hee hee!"

"Oh, loyal minion…" Kotake told the Knuckle, while the camera zoomed onto it.

"Kidnap this intruder on our behalf!" Koume giggled. "So we can give him a makeover!"

"Just like you!" Kotake told the Knuckle.

"So that's why this Knuckle is better dressed than the other ones…" Navi paused, but like I said, nobody ever hears what she has to say.

"And Grandson." Koume added.

"So that's why he's so bald…" Link paused, thinking of Ganondorf's hair, but Link seemed to forget about his own bald spot.

**(With that, the two witches disappeared and the Iron Knuckle got up to attack, but realized that it didn't have an axe. It snapped it's fingers and a baseball bat appeared. The Iron Knuckle paused, and then threw the bat aside. It snapped its fingers again; a golf club appeared. The Iron Knuckle continued to snap its fingers, making random items appear such as a tree branch, a fishing rod, lamp stand, axe, flagpole, the short haired Gerudo's ponytail, a rather large pen, a candy cane, a random fairy's magic wand, a skeleton, a stapler, a hole-puncher, a mage's staff, a bone, a scroll, Johnny Depp, a ribbon, some rope, a wooden spoon, a rubber chicken, a trashcan, a table leg, bow and arrow, a llama, a pair leggings, a peacock feather, a sword fish, a sword, a large toothbrush, the goat man at Lake Hylia, a long cord, an icicle, a flower lei, one of the Great Witches boots, the instrument the music man used, the random owl's toenail, a pipe, a stalk of celery, and, finally, a net appeared in its hands, ready to catch Link. By now the Iron Knuckle was standing in a heap of random junk and had trouble climbing over it. Navi observed something fishy…) **

"Iron Knuckle. Something's strange… This is not an ordinary enemy!" Navi exclaimed.

"No duh!" Link told Navi. "This enemy had a makeover, is surrounded by stuff it threw to the floor, having trouble getting over, and is holding a net. That wouldn't be considered regular if you asked me."

"Owww…" Johnny Depp moaned, for the Iron Knuckle had just stepped on him.

"I'm not asking you." Navi told Link. "Just use those Bombchus already."

"I ran out last battle. All I have is regular Bombs…" Link told Navi.

"Well, then, use them!" Navi yelled at Link, for he was close to getting kidnapped.

**(Link defeated the Iron Knuckle with Bombs, not Bombchus _(please keep in mind that both these items do work in the game, so it would be wise to use them, for SoC uses them all the time and she is practically a pro)_, and the armor, that looked ever so pretty, fell away revealing, the one and only, Nabooru.)**

"Unnnh… Where am I…?" Nabooru asked.

"O.o This is what happened to Nabooru when the witches gave her a makeover?" Link paused, in horror.

"Dude… That was totally messed up." Navi told Link, Navi was pointing a finger at Nabooru, for this _is_ 'Totally Messed'.

**(The witches appeared, their hair was wrapped up in towels, for they had just washed it with the shampoo they made _(leftovers given to Ganondorf)_. They were on their brooms.)**

"Well, well… It looks like she's back to normal…Koume…" Kotake told Koume.

"She's just a little girl, but she commands a lot of respect among the Gerudo, Kotake." Koume told Kotake.

"Maybe we should make her work for the Grandson for a little longer! Ho ho ho!" Kotake told Koume

"Then we should give her another makeover! Hee hee hee!" Koume giggled, for she loved makeovers, like her sister.

"O.o Run!" Navi told Nabooru.

"Why?" Nabooru asked.

"Because they're going to give you a makeover!" Link warned.

**(Nabooru started to run away, but the witches threw magic on Nabooru and she disappeared. Poor girl… I pity her… Why didn't they take Johnny Depp? The two witches vanished as well.)

* * *

(Then Link headed through backdoor and hopped up on the platform.) **

"Makeover! Makeover!" Koume giggled.

"And a little more lipstick here…and a bit more eye shadow here… You are done!" Kotake told Koume.

"…-.o!" Link and Navi looked.

"Where's my speech? Oh… Here it is. Ahem… Look at that stupid kid! He came on his to offer himself as a sacrifice to the Great Grandson…" Koume told Link.

**(Koume then rose, randomly, out of a circle of fire that appeared from the floor.)**

"With my flame, I will burn off his silly little cap!" Koume exclaimed.

"NOOOO! NOT MY HAT! ANYTHING BUT MY HAT!" Link screamed in terror, but there was nothing to prevent this moment.

**(Koume removed her towel to show that her hair was on fire. If I was her, then I would tell her why she kept going bald every few seconds.)**

"O.o Dude…" Navi paused, looking at Koume's hair.

**(Kotake rose, randomly, out of a circle of ice that also randomly appeared.)**

"With my frost, I will freeze his hair!" Kotake yelled. "And with the rest of the ice, I will make sure he doesn't struggle!"

**(Kotake's hair burst into—…ice? Dude… She's wiser than her sister…)**

"Time to catch this silly little man!" Koume exclaimed, flying above Link.

"And do his hair!" Kotake added, also flying above Link.

**(Navi saw that both witches started circling Link and then the fight for Link's hairdo began! Ding ding!)**

"I shall go first!" Koume told Kotake as she started to attack Link

**(Koume made a circle by her hand.)**

"FEAR (whenever they scream, his is what I hear)!" Koume yelled as fire hit Link, making only his hat charcoaled.

**(Link's hat burned off, bald spot glistening under the fire, but amazingly, the witches didn't even notice…YET!)**

"AHHHHH! HOT! HOT!" Link screamed as he ran around in circles.

"My turn!" Kotake exclaimed.

**(Kotake made a circle _(like her sister's, only blue) _by her hand.)**

"FEAR!" Kotake exclaimed as she made ice hit Link.

**(Ice covered our poor hero. Only the top of Link's head was uncovered.)**

"AHHHH! COLD! COL—" Link started, he would have finished, thing is, his mouth became frozen over.

"Now…" Koume started.

"We can start…" Kotake finished.

**(So, Link's doom was being fulfilled, to his dismay. He couldn't move, or struggle for that matter. As for Navi, she was…was…let's just focus on Link, okay? …Okay? Fine! Be that way! Navi had taken this chance to steal Link's Ocarina and now she was talking to Saria as if Link's Ocarina was a cell phone.)**

'_By the way, Navi…'_ Saria asked; she was barely audible to anyone but Navi. _'What's Link doing right now?'_

**(Navi looked over at Link, and smirked.)**

"He's being meddled with…" Navi told Saria.

'_What?'_ Saria asked. _'Meddled with? Is he okay?'_

"Let's just say he's that doll you used to have, only frozen in place." Navi explained, in words that Saria could understand.

'_Wait, how'd you find out about that?'_ Saria asked, suggesting that the fairy might have stalked her.

**(We now look at Link and the two witches… They had just finished their work… Link, still frozen in place, had his hair…well…make-overed! Yeah! Ahem. Kotake had frozen Link's hair while Koume burned parts of it, making it charcoaled. In the end, Link looked a great deal like 'Horo Horo' from the anime 'Shaman King'. If you haven't watched it, there are always 'Google' images! If you don't have Google then Horo Horo, at the top of his head, are icicles and at the bottom is just plain black… but the majority of his hairdo is blue icicles. Anyways the witches chuckled.)**

"Hee hee hee… Isn't our makeover great?" Koume asked.

"Ho ho ho… Yes it is!" Kotake replied.

**(Koume started to circle around Link. Then she noticed something.)**

"Ummm… Kotake?" Koume told her sister, as Koume lowered her broom to Kotake's level. "We have a problem."

"What?" Kotake asked Koume.

**(Koume flew over to Link and pointed at his bald spot! Now I bring it up! ! Ahem. Is it just me or is everything in this chapter really long? Anyways, she pointed to his bald spot, which was a big gap in the middle of Link's hair of blue spikes.)**

"Hmmmm…" Kotake paused, then got an idea. "I know what to do!"

**(Kotake made a large icicle and put it on top of his hair, point pointing upwards. Link _(but he couldn't for his mouth was frozen over) _got a violent urge to scream, for it was really cold.)**

"There." Kotake chuckled.

**(Koume pulled up a mirror and showed it to Link, who looked like Horo Horo, with a giant icicle sticking up from the rest.)**

"What do ya think?" Koume asked Link.

**(Link's eyes widened in terror. He liked his hot self! And he also liked his cap. Link turned red with rage and somehow broke out of the ice he was in. Then he started beating the crap out of the two twins.)**

"WHAT…HAVE…YOU…DONE…TO…MY…HAIR?" Link yelled in rage, not remembering that he was wearing Nabooru's tunic (it is called the Spirit/Sand Tunic, you can buy it from the magic carpet man after you save/watch the Great Deku Tree die. Actually, I dunno. But hey, it's cool! Right?). "WHY…DON'T…YOU…EVER…DO…YOUR…OWN…HAIR?"

"We already did! How do you think we got this pretty?" Koume asked.

"But then again… Sister, you need a new look and I probably do too. We'll do our own hair once we finish with him." Kotake told Koume. "Okay?"

"Okay!" Koume exclaimed.

**(Link beat them to the halfway point and the witches started to mutter amongst themselves, but they were going deaf so they yelled it to each other.)**

"Okay, let's get serious, Kotake!" Koume yelled to her sister.

"WHAT?" Kotake asked.

"I SAID: LET'S GET SERIOUS, KOTAKE!" Koume yelled louder.

"OH, OKAY, KOUME!" Kotake yelled to Koume.

"O.o Dude…" Link paused as Navi got of the Ocarina of Time.

"They remind me of Ingo…" Navi muttered as she flew over to Link.

"KOUME AND KOTAKE DOULBE DYNAMIC MAKEOVER ATTACK!" Koume and Kotake yelled while they held hands, doing the ultimate makeover.

**(They somehow morphed into an ugly younger looking witch. Who, like the Sand Goddess, had stars on her bra. And she winked at Link, even though, if I was that ugly _(or maybe I am? Gasp)_ then I wouldn't wink at Link, especially if I was sixteen feet tall.)**

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! So ugly!" Link screamed as he held up mirror shield to protect him from the double witch combined.

**(We shall now call the double witch: Kotame. Anyways, Link had no idea how to beat Kotame so he just held up mirror shield. Link had no idea what he had to do so Navi had to take his sword and bash up Kotame whenever she could. When the battle had no actual signs of ending, Navi pulled out the sour milk. Just the sight of the milk made Kotame's hair evaporate into nothing. Kotame screamed in horror and split up again into Koume and Kotake.) **

"Shoot, what a fresh kid! This time, we'll get serious, right Kotake?" Koume asked.

"Didn't we already get serious?" Kotake asked.

"Whatever!" Koume hissed.

**(Link noticed that Koume had a halo above her head.)**

"Koume has a halo above her head." Link pointed out.

"What? Hey Koume what's that above your head?" Kotake asked oddly.

**(Kotake observed Koume's halo.)**

"I don't know, but you have one over your head too Kotake!" Koume exclaimed observing the halo above Kotake head.

"Don't those only appear above dead things that go to heaven?" Navi asked Link.

**(The authoress blushed as she changed it to devil horns and a tail, both red.)**

"No! Put it back!" Kotake yelled.

"We looked prettier that way!" Koume protested. "It's the ultimate dead fashion!"

**(Then it clicked to the two witches. They had just died!)**

"…But I'm only 400 years old!" Kotake yelled, at nothing in particular.

"And I'm just 380 years old!" Koume yelled, also at nothing in particular.

"O.o How can anyone last that long?" Link asked.

"Must be their makeovers." Navi pondered, but she was WRONG!

**(It was their potions that made them last. Every twenty years or so, they drink their own youth potion, but every time they drank it, they looked uglier. That's how they got obsessed with makeovers. But back to our dead people…)**

"We're twins! Don't lie about your age!" Kotake yelled at her sister, having a good point.

"You must have gone senile!" Koume yelled back, both of them facing each other.

"Who are you calling senile! Is that any way to treat your older sister?" Kotake yelled in rage.

"We're twins! How can you be older!" Koume yelled, for she also had a good point.

"Looks like the authoress ditched the deaf thing." Link told Navi.

"Yep." Navi told Link.

**(The authoress looked blank. Back to the witches…)**

"Kyaaaaahhhhh! How heartless you are!" Kotake yelled.

"How can you be so ungrateful?" Koume asked.

"You're heartless!" Kotake hissed.

"You're ungrateful…" Koume told her sister.

**(Koume and Kotake stopped and started to float _(since this is Totally Messed)_ downwards. Koume and Kotake screeched, for they didn't want to die.)**

"We'll do our hair in **-beep-**!" the both exclaimed together.

**

* * *

(Link, still shaken from the events that happened, warped to the Chamber of Sages where Nabooru appeared before him. Surprise! Surprise! She was un-make-overed and looked like she did seven years ago.) **

"Kid, let me thank you. Heh heh heh heh…" Nabooru chuckled.

"Awww… Thanks honey!" Link exclaimed, still having Horo Horo hair.

"O.O What happened to you?" Nabooru asked Link, looking horrified.

**(Link forgot that he still had the Horo Horo hairdo.)**

"You still are wearing the tunic, you know." Navi told Link, hinting that he could change back to his original self.

**(Link thought of his original self and changed back.)**

"O.o Wow. Look what a little kid has become in the past seven years—a competent swordsman!" Nabooru paused, looking at Link's real body.

"THAT'S IT!" Navi yelled. "WHENEVER I DO ALL THE HARD WORK, NOBODY EVER THANKS ME! WHY IS IT THAT I NEVER GET ANY CREDIT?"

"O.O" Link and Nabooru looked. "I'm…sorry…"

"That's better." Navi snapped at the two.

"By the way… I really messed up… I was brainwashed by those old makeover obsessed witches and used by Ganondorf to do his evil will… But isn't it funny?" Nabooru asked.

"O.O No it isn't! I pity you! I only got one makeover and you had two! I feel sorry for you." Link told Nabooru while walking over to her and patting her on the shoulder.

"Could you let me finish?" Nabooru asked.

"Okay." Link told Nabooru.

"What I was saying is that wasn't it funny that a person like me could turn out to be the Sage of Spirit?" Nabooru explained.

"It's still not really that funny." Navi told Nabooru, but no one ever hears her little voice.

"And now, I am going to fight them as one of the Six Sages! Heh heh… I'm going to pay them back for what they did to me!" Nabooru told Link.

"That makes sense." Link told Nabooru.

"Kid…no…Link, the Hero of Time!" Nabooru exclaimed.

"Yes?" Link asked.

"Instead of keeping the promise I made back then, I'll give you this Medallion!" Nabooru exclaimed. "Take it!"

**(Link received the Spirit Medallion! Wait… How come it's see through?)**

* * *

"_If only I knew you would become such a handsome man… I should have kept the promise I made back then… On second thought, maybe I will!"_ Nabooru's voice on the voice exclaimed, bringing Link back. **

* * *

(Link came back to the Chamber of the Sages. Nabooru then walked over and kissed him on the cheek. Link turned bright auburn _(I don't know how it works either)_ and he started walking around the base of the Triforce thingy as if he was drunk. Somehow, in all its power, the Triforce Link stood on magically slid over to the edge of the platform. Doing this, Link fell off the platform in the Chamber of the Sages. Nabooru looked over the edge and watched Link fall into the vortex. Rauru was randomly standing beside her, looking over the edge.) **

"Where does that go to?" Nabooru asked.

"100 years into the past." Rauru replied. "Back when I was 47595940…"

"Is there anyways to get him back?" Nabooru asked.

"Link has the Ocarina of Time, the item that would make bringing him back possible." Rauru told Nabooru.

"Isn't there another way?" Nabooru asked.

"Yes there is." Rauru told Nabooru.

"How?"

"If a Sage jumps in after him, the Sage and the Hero will switch and the Hero will land on the Triforce over there." Rauru pointed to the center of the Chamber, but the Triforce wasn't there.

"What about the sage?" Nabooru asked.

"She will go to the past." Rauru told Nabooru, hinting that Nabooru had to go down.

**(Nabooru paused. She did want Link to get revenge on Ganondorf, but she would like to see it. She looked at Rauru, who gestured for her to go down. He was a sage too… Nabooru put her hand on his shoulder and PUSHED him OFF the EDGE.)**

**

* * *

(Link then has a vision, in which Nabooru appeared to him.) **

"Link, the hero! Finally, all of us, the Six Sages, have been awakened!" Nabooru exclaimed with a bit of attitude.

"Really? Isn't there a seventh one?" Link asked.

"You shouldn't know that…" Nabooru told Link.

"Oh. Okay." Link told Nabooru.

"The time for the final showdown with the King of Evil has come!" Nabooru cheered. "I wish Saria hadn't stolen my popcorn…"

"Why?" Navi asked, for she wanted to know if Saria stole her popcorn due to the fact that Saria didn't want Nabooru to be eating something made of plants.

"Because Saria said that some person named Ivan stole her marshmallows." Nabooru explained.

"…" Link paused.

"Silly Ivan…" Navi muttered to herself, smirking.

"But before I get my popcorn back, you should meet Sheik, who is waiting for you. Sheik is waiting for you at the Temple of Time." Nabooru told Link, not adding any suspense that Rauru would.

"Where's Rauru?" Link asked, for if I recall, Rauru was suppost to say this junk.

"Ummm… He…went to get pizza! Yeah! Pizza!" Nabooru exclaimed.

"Sure he did…" Navi muttered, but no one ever hears Navi.

**(Link was unceremoniously dumped on the warping platform at the Desert Colossus. He then proceeded to the Temple of Time. He could have walked, but he knew that warping there was faster. When he arrived…)**

* * *

Cherry-sama: CLIFFHANGER!

Link: We all know what happens…

Cherry-sama: _(mopes in corner)_

Navi: Cherry-sama would like to say that the order of the chapters, after she's done the fic, is  
1. Epilogue  
2. Deleted Scenes  
3. Bloopers  
4. Dark Link and Ruto's wedding  
5. Credits

Saria: In the Epilogue there are, at the end, random facts about Totally Messed, including how long each chapter was before publishing. In the Bloopers will be a Bonus Blooper that is for the wedding.

Link: How come Saria and Navi are talking about the future chapters a lot lately?

Cherry-sama: I dunno.

Saria and Navi: Any questions?

Link: _(raises hand)_

Saria: Yes?

Link: How come you and Navi keep talking about Cherry-sama's future chapters?

Navi: …NEXT!

Saria: Please review…


	13. Chapter 13: Ganondorf's Piano Lessons!

**Chapter 13! (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It can't be here yet! It just can't be!)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time, but I do own the sadness I feel when I finished this fic.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome to the LAST CHAPTER (besides the bonus stuff) of Totally Messed! 

Link: _(cries)_

Navi: _(sniffs)_

Saria: _(blows nose)_ Please _(sniff)_ read this…

_**

* * *

What would happen if Ganondorf was taking piano lessons from Zelda? **_

_Wonder no more! For I shall show you the last answer in the last chapter. Not including bonuses. The bonuses are the Epilogue, Deleted Scenes, and Bloopers. Then comes the Wedding and the Credits—Why am I repeating this junk? Onwards…_

**

* * *

(Link was unceremoniously dumped on the warping platform at the Desert Colossus. He then proceeded to the Temple of Time. He could have walked, but he knew that warping there was faster. When he arrived…) **

"Now…" muttered a voice. "I must find a way that my dress will fit underneath this outfit…"

"O.o" looked Link and Navi, for already this chapter was weird.

"I wonder if Link will notice that my legs have 'swelled up'…" muttered the voice that sounded like Zelda's (they could tell since Link had transformed into her last chapter).

**(Then, out of nowhere in particular, Sheik came. His legs had swollen up. Same with his arms. And the hat seemed to be bigger than usual…)**

"I have been waiting for you, Link." Sheik told Link.

**(Link turns around and sees Sheik.)**

"ô.o Where did you come from?" Link asked.

"…Ummmm…" Sheik paused, for he didn't know what to reply.

"T.T Why does everyone stalk us?" Navi asked.

"Because, Link, the Hero of Time, you are hot!" Sheik exclaimed.

"O.O" Link looked.

"-.-" Navi looked, for she had witnessed the mouth-to-mouth. "What do you have to say for your boring speech?"

"…You have overcome many hardships and awakened six sages. And now you have a final challenge, showdown with Ganondorf, the King of Evil…." Sheik explained.

"Why is he the King of Evil? Why not the King of Balding Monkeys?" Link asked, but he wasn't heard.

"Before that…I have things that I want to tell only to you. Please listen." Sheik told Link.

"No I won't!" Link told Sheik while hiding in a corner, covering his ears.

"But—" Sheik protested.

"I'll listen. I can tell him afterwards." Navi told Sheik.

"…Okay… Another unknown legend of the Triforce passed down by the Shadow folk, the Sheikahs…. If you would seek the Sacred Triangle, listen well…" Sheik told Navi.

"Okay." Navi told Sheik.

"The resting place of the Sacred Triangle, the Sacred Realm, is a mirror that reflects the heart… The heart of one who enters it… If an evil heart, the realm will become full of evil; if pure, the realm will become a paradise." Sheik explained.

"…Go on…" Navi told Sheik, by now Link was sort of listening.

"The Triforce…the Sacred Triangle…it is a balance that weighs the three forces: Power, Wisdom and Courage. If the heart of the one who holds the sacred triangle has all three forces in balance, that one will gain the true force to govern all." Sheik explained.

"That makes sense." Navi told herself, when it really didn't make any sense to Link.

"But, if that one's heart is not in balance, the Triforce will separate into three parts: Power, Wisdom and Courage. Only one part will remain for the one who touched the Triforce…the part representing the force that one most believes in." Sheik explained.

"That sounds like someone we know…" Link paused, while getting out of the corner.

"If that one seeks the true force, that one must acquire the two lost parts. Those parts will be held within others chosen by destiny, who will bear the Triforce mark on the back of their hands." Sheik explained.

"Oh?" Link asked.

"Seven years ago, Ganondorf the King of Thieves, used the door you opened in the Temple of Time and entered the Sacred Realm. But when he laid his hands on the Triforce, the legend came true. The Triforce separated into three parts. Only the Triforce of Power remained in Ganondorf's hand." Sheik explained.

"So that's why he got so darn powerful!" Navi exclaimed.

"Yes. The strength of the Triforce of Power enabled him to become a mighty, evil king, but his dark ambitions were not satisfied." Sheik explained more.

"Why wouldn't they?" Navi asked.

"To gain complete mastery of the world, Ganondorf started looking for those chosen by destiny to hold the two other Triforce parts." Sheik told now Link and Navi.

"Who holds them?" Link asked.

"The one who holds the Triforce of Courage is…" Sheik started.

"Me!" Link exclaimed.

"No! Navi! She's the one who did all the hard work!" Sheik told Link.

"O.O" Navi looked after this statement. "At least all my hard work wasn't wasted…"

"Who holds the other one?" Link asked, hoping high that it was him.

"…Who holds the Triforce of Wisdom…is the Seventh Sage, who is destined to be the leader of them all…" Sheik explained.

**(Sheik held up his right hand, and the symbol of the Triforce of Wisdom shined through. Then there was a bright light and Sheik turned into…)**

"ZELDA?" Link asked, for he never would have guessed that this guy was that girl.

**(Zelda…who would have guessed…? She had evidentially taken off her jumpsuit to show her princess outfit.)**

"It is I, the Princess of Hyrule, Zelda." Zelda paused.

"Yay! So I guess Sheik isn't gay!" Navi exclaimed. "After the mouth-to-mouth, I thought he was!"

"She." Link corrected. "And what do you mean mouth to mouth?"

**(Navi whistled.)**

"I apologize for meeting you in disguise, but it was necessary to hide from the King of Evil." Zelda told Link. "Please forgive me…"

"Only if I get a kiss—OW! Hey! Navi…" Link muttered, rubbing his head.

**(Navi glared at Link.)**

"…On that day, seven years ago, Ganondorf attacked Hyrule Castle. I saw you as I was escaping from the Castle with my attendant, Impa." Zelda explained that story from her point of view.

"Impa. The slut." Navi muttered.

"I thought I should entrust the Ocarina to Link…I thought that would be our best chance…" Zelda told Navi.

"After seven years, I'm the one that is ignored…" Link muttered, remembering chapter 2.

"As long as Link had the Ocarina in your possession, I thought Ganondorf could never enter the Sacred Realm, but…something that I could never expect happened…" Zelda paused, looking upset.

"What?" Link asked, but he was ignored.

"After you made Link opened the Door of Time, the Master Sword sealed Link and you away in the Sacred Realm… Both your spirits remained in the Sacred Realm…and then the Triforce fell into Ganondorf's hands." Zelda paused.

"Oh no…" Link mumbled, looking terrified as if he hadn't experienced the story first hand.

"He went on to invade the Sacred Realm… Ganondorf had become the Evil King, and the Sacred Realm became a world of evil. All of this is an unfortunate coincidence." Zelda paused.

"What happened to you?" Navi asked the person that also held the Triforce.

"I passed myself off as a Sheikah and hoped that you would return." Zelda told Navi. "I waited for seven years…"

"I think we noticed that by now…" Link told Zelda.

"And…now you are back." Zelda told Navi, ignoring Link. "The Dark Age ruled by Ganondorf the Evil King will end!" Zelda exclaimed.

"Yay!" Navi exclaimed, she had seemed to get over her despising of Zelda by now.

"The six sages will open the sealed door and lure Ganondorf back into the Sacred Realm. I will then seal the door to the Sacred Realm from this world. Thus, Ganondorf the Evil King will vanish from Hyrule." Zelda told Navi.

"…Yep…" Link muttered droopily.

"Navi…in order to do this, I need your courage again." Zelda told Navi. "Please protect me while I do my part."

"Okay!" Navi exclaimed.

"And here is a weapon that can penetrate the Evil King's defenses…the power given to the chosen ones…the sacred Arrow of Light!" Zelda exclaimed, looking upwards.

**(Zelda held up her hands and the arrow came down descending from above. Wherever it came from, we shall not know. Zelda gave it to Navi and somehow Link receives the Light Arrow… Odd. The light arrow looks like it has frozen pee stuck on the end though…ew…)**

"I really don't need this…" Navi told Zelda. "I have sour milk."

"Well… You never know if the Hero of Time is ready!" Zelda exclaimed.

"Did someone say Hero of Time?" Link asked.

"Yes." Zelda told Link.

"She's referring to me!" Navi told Link.

"But—" Link protested.

"You were too useless to be the Hero of Time." Zelda told Link.

"If I'm not the Hero of Time, may Ganondorf attack this Temple as I speak!" Link hissed.

**(Suddenly there was a loud rumbling in the Temple of Time. Dust started to fall from the ceiling…the caretaker has been doing a lousy job of keeping the Temple clean for all those years!)**

"Whoa!" Navi exclaimed as she fell on top of Link.

"That rumbling…it can't be!" Zelda asked, wide-eyed.

"Feel the fury of the ex-Hero-of-Time! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Link cackled evilly before getting hit on the head with a rock.

**(A pink crystal then surrounded Zelda. Link ran up to her and put his hands on the outside of the crystal. There goes his last chance for a date…)**

"Help me Link!" Zelda screamed, then she realized that she was inside a big jewel.

"Don't worry, Zelda! I'll break the crystal somehow!" Link told Zelda, hands still on the jewel.

"NO! GET YOUR GRUBBY PAWS OFF MY PRECIOUS!" Zelda hissed, in jewel-mode.

"O.o" Navi paused, being the only sane one.

"But Zelda…" Link paused.

"NO! IT'S MINE! IT CAME TO ME!" Zelda hissed, before breaking out into a: "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"…O.o Zelda?" Link asked his last chance for a date before next Saturday.

"…Mine… All mine…" Zelda sang in a pretty-ful voice while leaning her head against the inside to the crystal.

"Maybe we'd better not ask…" Navi told Link.

"Good idea." Link told Navi.

"**Princess Zelda…you foolish traitor! You were suppost to hate being inside my prison for you!"** Ganondorf yelled through the speakers inside Navi's boots.

"Then choose a cage! Not a jewel!" Zelda hissed at the villain, giving him pointers. "By the way, thanks for the jewel!"

"And she was able to hold back her jewelry obsession until now…" Navi paused.

"**I commend you for holding back on your jewelry obsession for seven long years. But you let your guard down…"** Ganondorf giggled.

"What do you mean?" Zelda gasped, no not in shock, but in disbelief that she couldn't hug the jewel from inside of it.

"**I knew you would appear if I let this kid wander around!" **Ganondorf cackled. **"For you think he's hot!"**

"O.o WHAAAAAATTTTT?" Link asked. "Is that the only reason you taught me the songs?"

**(Zelda gasped and screamed. How did he find that out?)**

"-.- I guess it is…" Navi muttered.

"**My only mistake was to slightly underestimate the power of this kid …"** Ganondorf chuckled.

"Don't worry, Zelda, I'll get you out!" Link told Zelda.

**(Link banged on the crystal. Zelda screamed.)**

"STOP THAT, MY EMPLOYEE! You might scratch it!" Zelda hissed.

**(The Crystal started to rise. Zelda, inside, looked shocked.)**

"OwO I DIDN'T KNOW MY PRECIOUS COULD FLY!" Zelda exclaimed, but Ganondorf ignored her.

"**No…it was not the kid's power I misjudged, it was the power of his fairy, that holds the Triforce of Courage!"** Ganondorf cackled from the speakers inside Navi's boots.

"I gotta get these speakers removed…" Navi muttered, for whenever Ganondorf cackled, the base speaker would vibrate.

"…**But, with the Triforce of Wisdom that Zelda has…when I obtain these two Triforces…then, I will become the true ruler of the world!" **Ganondorf cackled, making Navi's feet vibrate.

"STOP CACKLING!" Navi hissed.

"**If you want to rescue Zelda, come to my castle!" **Ganondorf taunted Link.

"I don't want to rescue Zelda." Link told Ganondorf, for Navi's despising of Zelda somehow transferred to Link (I wonder why…).

**"Well…um… If you want me to stop cackling, then come to my castle!"** Ganondorf told Navi.

"I'LL SEE YOU THERE!" Navi yelled at her boots.

**(Zelda and crystal disappeared. And Navi could hear Ganondorf laughing/cackling evilly/cheesily from her boots.)**

"We have to save princess Zelda from her imprisonment in Ganon's Castle!" Navi exclaimed.

"Why?" Link asked.

"That was an ONA!" Navi told Link.

"Yeah, but why?" Link asked again.

"Because I want my boots to stop twitching!" Navi told Link.

**(Link had no idea about the speakers, so he thought Navi was nuts. Then Link thought of something. If Navi, the Hero of Time, was crazy, then he could save Hyrule and re-become the Hero of Time!)

* * *

**

**(So Link headed to the place where Hyrule castle used to be and Louis made the camera pan around. The area is all blackened, ruined and Ganondorf's Castle could be seen hovering above a pit of lava. How did Ganondorf do that? Ganondorf had raised the drawbridge…smart move…for someone who can't laugh properly. As Navi flew up to where the bridge was supposed to be, Nabooru's voice could be heard.)**

"**Link… Can you hear me? It's the Sage."** A voice told Link.

"O.o Where did that come from?" Link asked.

**(Link looked around for the source of the sound, which was Navi's boots once again.)**

"Who said that?" Link asked.

"**It's me! Nabooru! I'm free next Saturday!"** Nabooru told Link.

"Goody!" Link exclaimed (for this was the first thing that happened to him that wasn't negative).

"**Here! You can't do anything right! Give me the microphone! I still think I should be the one replacing Rauru!"** a new female voice hissed.

"O.O Saria?" Navi asked. "Is that you?"

"**Hi!"** Saria told Navi.

"…What's your speech?" Link asked dully.

"**Ahem. We six (including Zelda, Rauru is gone) will gather our power to create a bridge to the castle where Ganondorf dwells, since Ganondorf pulled up the other one."** Saria explained.

"Oh. Okay." Navi paused, for this was logical.

"**The castle's keep, which is known as Ganon's Tower, is protected by six evil barriers."** Saria told Link.

"**Nooo! Spell check doesn't like the wording! Give me the microphone!"** hissed another female voice.

"O.o Ruto?" Link asked.

"**Hi, Linky-kins!"** Ruto exclaimed.

"**Are you going to continue or not?"** Nabooru asked.

"**Fine! Ahem. The castle's keep, which is known as Ganon's Tower, is protected by six evil barriers."** Ruto explained**. "Bring down the six barriers and save princess Zelda!"**

"That's the same thing that Saria said." Link told the girls.

"And what happened to Rauru?" Navi asked.

**(A whistling sound was heard from Nabooru. Then the rainbow stuff falls from the sky, landed and formed a rainbow bridge _(no duh)_ across to the castle. Link examined it closely and cautiously, when…)**

"AHHH CHOO!" Link sneezed, apparently Link was allergic to the rainbow stuff that fell from the sky.

**

* * *

(Link went inside and heard music.) **

"This music reminds me of the Water Temple…" Link paused.

"I don't think Ganon's Castle is suppost to be playing the 'Jaws' theme over their speakers…" Navi paused. "Or in mine for that fact…"

**(Then the sound technetium _(George) _realized that the music he was listening to _(and playing through the speakers near him)_ was playing on set! He quickly changed it so Cherry-sama wouldn't find out… But she knew, all right… She knew…)**

"O.o That was a quick change…" Link paused, for now the music was now the Song of Storms.

**(George then changed the music, again, but it was wrong…again…)**

"ô.o" Navi looked while listening to 'Absolute' by 'Thousand Foot Krutch'.

**(George was about to change the song again when…)**

Could you please wait until the song is over?

"O.O" Link and Navi looked.

What? I can't help it if one of my favorite songs (which I haven't listened to recently) is on speakers.

**(So George didn't change the song, just put it on repeat.)

* * *

(Link and Navi kept trying to put up with this rock song as they systematically went breaking all the barriers. When SoC does it, she always does it Spirit, Shadow, Water, Fire, Forest, and Light. So that's our order. When Navi broke the Spirit Barrier Nabooru appeared before the two.) **

"The Spirit Barrier is dispelled! Hurry up, Blabber!" Nabooru nagged.

"No I won't! I'll take my sweet time if I want to!" Navi told Nabooru.

"Then I'll have to go with you, just to make sure you keep up the pace!" Nabooru told Navi.

**(Before Link knew it, he had a hot chick on his team. He could tell since she was wearing sunglasses to try to cool off. Light shined, Navi _(and Link, but he isn't important) _was then deposited outside the door and the Spirit Barrier was dispelled from the giant column in the center.)**

**

* * *

(Link/Navi proceeded to the Shadow Barrier and Impa appeared before Navi.) **

"The Shadow barrier is dispelled! Please save the princess!"

"NEVER!" Link told Impa.

"Then I'll have to go with you and guard her for you!" Impa told Link.

**(Before Navi knew it, she had collected a slut on her team. Light shined, Navi was then deposited outside the door and the Shadow Barrier was dispelled from the giant column in the center.)**

**

* * *

(Now onto the water barrier! But on the way there...) **

"So… How did Impa join our team?" Navi asked.

"Tell me how Nabooru joined first!" Link exclaimed.

**(Link then put his arm around Nabooru, making Zelda mad.)**

"Link! If you flirt with Nabooru at any time during this trip, then your date is canceled." Navi told Link.

"Go ahead, try!" Link sneered at Navi.

"Alright, I will!" Navi hissed.

**(Navi then grabbed Link's arms and dragged him to the Water Barrier.)**

**

* * *

(Ruto appeared before Navi and Link looks up at her.) **

"The Water Barrier is dispelled! Hurry up!" Ruto exclaimed.

"You can't boss me around!" Navi told Ruto.

"Yes I can!" Ruto told Navi.

**(Navi then grabbed Ruto's arm and dragged her around too. Link looked at Ruto, ready to try and break free from Navi the moment Ruto tried to kiss him. But it didn't work. Navi's really strong… So Link got a kiss. On tape. Excellent blackmail…heh…heh…heh…)**

**

* * *

(Anyways…light shined, Navi was then deposited outside the door and the Water Barrier was dispelled from the giant column in the center.) **

"Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail…" Link whispered to himself, but he should know by now that I will never give up a good chance like this.

"Is something wrong, Link?" Nabooru asked Link.

"YES! A FISH JUST KISSED ME! ON TAPE! NOW THE AUTHORESS CAN BLACKMAIL ME TO DO TOTALLY WHACKED!" Link yelled at Nabooru.

"Okay… So something is wrong…" Nabooru paused.

**

* * *

(Then the Fire Barrier is next…oh joy. Darunia appeared before Navi there.) **

"The Fire Barrier is dispelled! Hurry up, Brother!" Darunia ordered.

"I'm not your brother! Link is!" Navi told Darunia.

"Well, we'd better become sworn siblings then!" Darunia told Navi.

"Oy…" Nabooru paused.

**

* * *

(Light shined, and Navi was then deposited outside the door _(still holding Link and Ruto)_ and the Fire Barrier was dispelled from the giant column in the center.) **

"Yay!" exclaimed Darunia for very random reasons, to the fact that it's scary.

"ô.o" everyone looked after hearing this random cheer.

**

* * *

(Next up was the Forest Barrier, where Saria appeared, and Navi looks up at her.) **

"The Forest Barrier is dispelled! Hurry up, Link!" Saria told Link.

"Hey! It's me who you're suppost to be talking to!" Navi told Saria.

"And give me back my popcorn!" Nabooru hissed.

"No!" Saria told Nabooru, clutching the bag of popcorn protectively.

**(Saria was asking for it. Nabooru grabbed onto Saria's leg and dragged her on the floor. Light shined, and Navi was then deposited outside the door and the Forest Barrier was dispelled from the giant column in the center.)**

* * *

**(On the way to...to...to somewhere!)**

"Hey, Saria?" Navi asked the green girl wearing shorts, who was being dragged on the floor.

"Yes?" Saria asked, grumpily.

"Why did you steal Nabooru's popcorn?" Navi asked.

"Because Ivan stole my marshmallows!" Saria exclaimed.

"Silly Ivan…" Navi sighed with a smile on her face.

"_Ooooo_!" Ruto exclaimed in a teasing voice.

"What?" Navi asked.

**(Ruto began to sing.)**

"Ivan and Navi, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Ruto sang.

**(Link remembered this song.)**

"First comes love! Then comes marriage! Then comes Navi with a—" Link sang, but was interrupted.

"—WITH A BLOODY AXE! NOW SHUT UP!" Navi yelled at Link, finishing the song, while blushing.

"Make me." Sneered Link and Ruto.

**(Navi flew over to the edge of a bottomless pit, holding Link and Ruto over, dangling their feet.)**

"Okay! Okay! We'll shut up!" Ruto told Navi.

"Ruto! You have to be strong!" Link told Ruto.

"I bet I can make you soften up." Ruto told Link, slowly getting closer.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FINE! I GIVE UP!" Link screamed. "JUST DON'T KISS ME!"

"Ohhh…" Ruto frowned.

"Don't give the authoress more blackmail." Nabooru told Ruto.

"Link and Ruto, sitting in a tree…" Navi sang in an annoying voice.

"Oh shut up…" Link told Navi.

**

* * *

(Last one was called the Light Barrier, where Rauru appeared…or should have appeared…) **

"The Light Barrier is dispelled! Hurry!" said the most unexpected person.

"O.O Ganondorf?" yelled all the people at the same time.

"…Shut up… Cherry-sama's blackmailing me to do this…" Ganondorf hissed.

Mwahahahahaha.

"What kind of item is she blackmailing you with?" Link asked.

"A picture of the time my Grandmothers were giving me a makeover…" Ganondorf muttered.

"…Ouch…" Link paused while flinching.

"For once, I pity you, Ganondorf…" Nabooru told Ganondorf.

"Shut up! I have to head back to Zelda to see if I can learn the song that controls the world…"

"O.o What?" asked everyone, shocked.

"…IgottogonowsoIwillseeyouguysatthepianobenchI'msittingonwithZeldahoveringabovemeandyouhavetocomeandrescuehersoyeahandBYE!" Ganondorf told the team.

**

* * *

(Light shined, and Navi was then deposited outside the door and the Light Barrier was dispelled from the giant column in the center. And the large purple wall in the center disappeared, revealing and entrance to the keep.) **

"FINALLY!" Link yelled.

"I don't want to go there yet. Let's get some fresh air." Navi told the team.

"What? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Link yelled as he got dragged outside.

**

* * *

(Navi had acquired the Golden Gauntlets; otherwise Navi would not have been able to do the Fire Barrier. Then Navi dragged Link and Ruto out of the castle and across the Bridge. The other Sages were following behind, Nabooru holding onto Saria's leg. Navi took a left and Link saw a tall column with the Gerudo's Symbol on it: the star and the crescent moon. Nabooru cheered and jumped up and down, making Saria's head bang on the floor repeatedly. Navi lifted it up with the Golden Gauntlets and Link threw it away _(O.o blink blink)_, revealing a tunnel. The team entered it and Navi played Zelda's Lullaby at the Triforce. Link shielded his eyes with mirror shield.) **

"Welcome Navi! I am the Great Fairy of Drinking and Driving! I am going to enhance your defensive power so you can withstand more trucks you crash into. Receive it now!" the Great witch exclaimed.

**(I do not mean to offend people, for this is for humor purposes. I've never known anyone who died in a car accident. Once again, I mean no harm. Anyways, the Great Witch made it so that all damage that was inflicted on Navi will only do half as much.)**

"Your defensive power has been enhanced! Damage inflicted by bulldozers will be reduced by half. When driving has made you weary please come back to see me." The Great witch exclaimed.

**(The witch was about to sink off shrieking but then she saw herself in Link's mirror shield, choked and died.)**

"YAY!" the team cheered together.

**

* * *

(Navi entered to the Castle again and crossed the bridge to the column in the middle. Through the door there were Keese in this room and some stairs on the left. Navi ignored the stairs and made a great meal for all the Sages, including Link. Link tried to flirt with Nabooru _(the only hot girl on the team)_ but Navi dangled Link upside down and Link fainted due to the fact that all the blood rushed to his head. Then Navi and Co. climbed the stairs, and took the door on the left. In the room there were two Dinafos, which Navi defeated. After she defeated them, the door at the back at the room unlocked.) **

"Who would have thought that killing two lizards would unlock a door?" Darunia asked.

"I did!" exclaimed very OOC Impa.

**(Everyone looked at Impa oddly. Impa used sign language to say that Ivan was controlling her voice box. Saria wondered how Ivan grew so powerful.)**

"O.o Ivan?" Saria asked her crazy fairy partner.

"Hiya Saria!" Ivan exclaimed.

"How on Hyrule did you manage to control Impa's voice box?" Saria asked, Nabooru still grabbing her leg and dragging her on the floor.

"I joined Ganondorf! He killed Mido for me!" Ivan exclaimed.

"But Link killed Mido." Saria pointed out.

"O.O WHAT! I DID NOT! He committed suicide." Link explained (I thought he was knocked out...).

"He did? Now I'll join Link!" Ivan exclaimed.

"O.o What happened to Mido?" Saria asked.

"I put up the transporter that Rauru gave you, that you made, up and now he's in the Chamber of the Sages." Ivan explained.

"I thought Ganondorf killed him." Link told Ivan.

"He did."

"And you said he's in the Chamber of the Sages." Saria told Ivan.

"I know." Ivan explained.

"One or the other happened, not both." Ruto pointed out.

"Both happened though…" Ivan paused.

"Just ignore him… He never says anything logical…" Navi told the Sages and Link.

"NAAAAAAVVVVVVIIIIIIII!" Ivan exclaimed, grabbing onto her and hugging her tight.

**(Navi turned pink.)**

"_Oooooo_!" Ruto exclaimed.

"I don't think we can ignore Ivan…" Impa paused.

"Ivan and Navi, sitting in a tree!" Ruto sang, Navi had by now let go of her.

"K-I—" Link started.

"—L-L-I-N-G!" Navi finished in a dangerous voice. "NOW SHUT UP!"

"Navi?" Ivan pondered. "What does that spell?"

"Erm…." Navi paused awkwardly. "It spells….er…totem pole! Yes! That's what it spells!"

"Oh." Ivan blinked. "Then why were we sitting in the tree?"

Navi ignored Ruto and Link's giggles, "Because we were…carving the tree into a totem pole!"

"Oh, okay!" Ivan grinned.

**

* * *

(The 'team' continued in silence. Navi was no longer grabbing Link and Ruto, so now the authoress didn't have anything more to use as blackmail. Saria was still on the floor, but Ivan was now flying around her head. The team went through a door. They went up the stairs on the left, as Navi climbed them Link heard faint organ music. At the top of that set of stairs there should be a door, but there wasn't.) **

"O.o" Navi paused.

**(Ivan then hit the wall and the wall fell apart. Behind the wall there was _(you guessed it)_ a door!)**

**

* * *

(So Navi entered it. In this room there were two Stalfos, which Navi had to defeat. After she defeated them then the fire around the chest in the middle should disappear, allowing Link to get the boss' key. Navi and Co. entered the newly unlocked door and entered the next room. Navi flew up the stairs on the left and took the door on the left at the very top. Organ music can still be heard faintly in the background and also loud yells.) **

"NO! NO! NO!" yelled a female voice.

"WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT MY PLAYING THIS TIME?" a man yelled, very annoyed with the female.

"YOU PLAYED A 'C' INSTEAD OF AN 'E'! CAN'T YOU GET ANYTHING RIGHT?" the female yelled back.

"KEEP UP THAT ATTITUDE AND I'LL RELEASE YOU FROM YOUR CRYSTAL!" the male yelled in retort.

"NOOOO! NOT PRECIOUS! ANYTHING BUT PRECIOUS!" the female screamed in horror.

"O.O" everyone (but Ivan) looked after hearing this.

"Did that guy say 'keep up that attitude and I'll release you'?" Nabooru asked.

"Dude…" Link paused.

"I think that was Zelda and Ganondorf…" Impa paused. "It sounds like he's torturing her! Let's hurry and save her!"

"But she doesn't want to be saved!" Darunia pointed out.

"Well, let's kidnap her from Ganondorf and hold her hostage!" Impa told Darunia, trying to reason with him.

**

* * *

(But unfortunately for Impa, I have a whole lot of text I still have to transform. Anyways…this room had two Iron Knuckles in it, but Navi whipped out the sour milk and they died. The door in the back unlocked, and Navi got to climb yet another set of stairs. At the top there was a door with the boss lock on it. Navi entered the door now because she had the boss key. There was a pillar in the middle that was very tall. Navi ignored it, because the ceiling seals off the top. Navi took instead the door on the right, where inside Navi found a long set of stairs, which are carpeted in red. There are stained-glass windows lining the right side of the hall. As Navi climbed, it got brighter and lighter and lighter. At the very top, there was a door, the organ music is louder now and Navi and Co. could hear more detailed conversations.) **

"Now, you must play back what I sing." Zelda told Ganondorf.

"Okay." Ganondorf replied.

**(Zelda sang an addicting song…or it would have been if Zelda wasn't such a horrible singer. The results of hearing this horrible singing were… Ivan almost died, Ruto turned white, Darunia fainted, Navi fell to the floor, Link wanted to stab himself on the Master Sword, and Nabooru tripped and fell down the stairs, dragging Saria behind her. Impa looked normal as if she was used to this singing. Meanwhile… Ganondorf…)**

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Ganondorf screamed, falling off the piano bench. "MAKE IT STOPPP!"

"Why? Don't you want to learn the song?" Zelda asked.

"Yes I do, but don't sing! Now I know why you used that harp all those years!" Ganondorf paused as he got up from the floor.

"Shut up! My voice pretty-ful!" Zelda told Ganondorf.

**

* * *

(Navi and Co. entered the room. Link gasped at the sight before him; Zelda was hovering above the middle of the room in her pink crystal, which had not changed at all. Ganondorf was playing the organ. Zelda looks down at Link, fearfully. Link had turned into a chilly pepper. Link gasped again, put on Sand Tunic, and changed back to normal. The Triforce of Courage on the back of Navi's hand started to glow. Ganondorf continued to play the organ, trying to get the tune right. Zelda's Triforce of Wisdom started to glow. Link looked at Navi, seeming surprised. Ganondorf stopped playing the organ.) **

"I give up. This song is too hard to play." Ganondorf sighed.

**(Impa pointed to a random corner in the room _(which we will now call the Sages' Audience Chamber)_ and all the Sages sat down in it. Except Darunia, he had to get a new corner since he's so fat. Saria grabbed Ivan and stole back her marshmallows. Saria then gave back Nabooru her popcorn and Nabooru let Saria go. Impa was holding a frozen box of corn dogs and Ruto was holding a bag full of fish sticks. Darunia was holding a lump of coal and taking little nibbles off of it. Link sat down near Nabooru _(the only hot girl in the group)_ but Ruto pulled him away from her.)**

"Linky-kins, sit next to me!" Ruto told Link, grabbing his shirt and pulling him close.

"…Only if you promise that there's no kissing or hugging involved." Link told Ruto.

"Hmph. Fine." Ruto muttered grumpily, chomping on her fish sticks.

"…You do know that fish sticks are made of—" Link told Ruto, trying to point out that Ruto was a cannibal, but he was interrupted by Ganondorf's speech.

"The Triforce parts are resonating… They are combining into one again…" Ganondorf muttered, but he spoke loud enough for Link to be interrupted by them.

"But they were never one!" Navi protested. "They were always three different triangles!"

"Whatever! The two Triforce parts that I could not capture on that day seven years ago…I didn't expect they would be hidden within you two!" Ganondorf exclaimed.

**(Ganondorf chuckled for no good reason.)**

"Who did you THINK they were in? Like come on, did you expect them to be in anyone?" Navi asked.

"She has a point." Zelda told Ganondorf, but he ignored both the girls.

"And now, finally, all the Triforce parts have gathered here!" Ganondorf laughed.

**(Ganondorf turned around, flinging his cape all over the place, and faced Navi.)**

"These toys are too much for you! I command you to return them to me!" Ganondorf yelled.

"First off, they aren't toys! Second off, you can't handle them either! Third off, you are a balding monkey so I will not listen to you!" Navi told Ganondorf.

**(Ganondorf held up his hand and the Triforce of Power began to glow.)**

"Ooooo!" exclaimed the people in the Sages' Audience Chamber, in awe.

**(A purple vortex began to surround Navi and tried to suck the Triforce of Courage out of her. Link saw this moment as a chance to play a little prank on Navi…) **

"Navi! I can't help you! Because of the waves of darkness, I can't get close!" Link told Navi in a cheesy voice. "I'm sorry, Navi!"

"Oh shut up." Navi muttered at Link.

**(Ganondorf rose up and started to fly. The words: 'The Great King of Evil, Ganondorf' appeared across the screen. He pounded the ground with magical attacks. Making bits and pieces of the floor fall away, revealing the pillar from the room below. The sages clapped. Zelda and the organ have mysteriously disappeared. The sages clapped again.)**

"Oh shut up." Navi told the Sages, who were eating their food.

**(Navi shot light arrows at him for no good reason but prematurely he blocked with his cape, which turned pink.)**

"Aaahhhh…" the Sages' Audience Chamber went while clapping.

"O.o" Navi looked at this new colour.

"…How was I suppost to know the cape said 'Fire Arrow Only' (instead of 'Dry-Clean Only')…" Ganondorf muttered.

**(Zelda, wherever she was, snickered at Ganondorf, then went back to petting her jewel cage.)**

"That's a very nice colour for you!" Link teased.

"Except the your hair clashes horribly…" Impa teased Ganondorf.

"Oh be quiet." Ganondorf hissed.

**(So Navi continued. She ran over to an unoccupied corner of the room and played tennis with Ganondorf, just like in the Forest Temple. Ganondorf once failed to block his own tennis ball, and then it zapped him! The nerve… The Sages clapped. Navi then shot him with light arrows _(making his jacket turn purple)_, flew over to him, and beating him on the head with the sour milk. Link then played another little joke on Navi.)**

"Oooooooo!" the Sages went in awe.

"Ganondorf the King of Evil. I have no idea what his weak point is!" Link told Navi in the same stupid voice.

"Har har." Navi told Link.

**(As Navi continued this process, Ganondorf's cape became more full of holes and became the colour yellow, green, orange, red, and purple. As Ganondorf became even weaker, he resorted to using a big ball of magic to attack, instead of the regular tennis ball. It split into about 10 little tennis balls, which Navi has been using to play tennis with. These tennis balls hurt more than the regular. Navi continued to attack until Ganondorf was defeated, with a blue cape. Ganondorf was then bent over in pain, clutching at his neck, breathing heavily, like he was choking.)**

"The great Evil King Ganondorf…beaten by this kid!" Ganondorf asked.

"I'm no kid! I'm a fairy!" Navi hissed.

**(Ganondorf coughed up powdered Kool-Aid…or that what looked like.)**

"Navi….!" Ganondorf exclaimed.

**(Ganondorf began to call on magic. The glass in all the windows shattered _(too bad, they were really pretty) _and fell to the floor, blocks begin to fall from the ceiling as he tried to collapse the castle. But he ended up making butter.)**

"Yay!" the Sages exclaimed. "Ganondorf is dead and he made butter!"

"Mmmm… I wonder if we have any bread?" Ivan asked.

**(Then, before the Sages could retrieve the butter, walls fell away, making the butter fall away with it. The room Link, Navi, the Sages and Ganondorf were in, became the new roof of the castle. Ganondorf tried to stand, but he slipped on a bar of soap, fell over, and twitched, dying. Link looked up and saw Zelda descending down from above in the pink crystal and she landed in front of the team. The crystal disappeared.)**

"NOOOOOOOO! PRECIOUS!" Zelda screamed.

**(Zelda made the crystal reappear, only on her back so she could carry it. Then she looked over her shoulder at Ganondorf, who was 'dead'.)**

"Ganondorf…(oof!) Pitiful man…" Zelda muttered, for the crystal was heavy. "Without a strong, righteous mind, he could not control the power of the gods (ugh)…and…"

**(Zelda looked up and gasped, there was rumbling. Link looked around.)**

"Navi, listen to me! This tower will collapse soon! With his last breath, Ganondorf is trying to crush us in the ruins of the tower. We need to hurry and escape! Please follow me!" Zelda told Navi.

**(Zelda looked at Darunia.)**

"Could you carry this for me?" Zelda asked sweetly.

**(Darunia put the jewel on his back. Zelda turned and ran down a ramp down the side of the castle, which just happened to be there.)**

"Wait for us Zelda!" called the Sages.

**

* * *

(Navi did not follow her and Navi opened the doors herself _(remember? She's good with picking locks)_. But when Navi walked through the door, it closed behind her, making the Sages having to wait for the slow and pokey Zelda to open the doors with magic. Inside Zelda ran across the room, which was the one with the column, and entered the next door, which she opened with magic. The Sages went right when Zelda exited the door and ran down the ramp, Zelda opened the door with magic once again, and the team entered it. Zelda ran around the pile of flaming rocks and opened the next door. One of Link's skin cells fell off and hit one of the flaming rocks. Zelda screamed.) **

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Zelda screamed.

"What?" Link and Co. asked.

"One of Link's skin cells burned up on the rock over there!" Zelda gasped then fainted.

**(Link; being one of three men, one of them holding something really heavy, and the other one really wimpy; had to carry Zelda. Ruto protested and pretended to faint too. Nabooru carried her. Ruto sulked. Ivan then volunteered to open the doors.)

* * *

**

**(The team entered the door, went right, down the ramp and into the next room. Link, who was carrying Zelda, ran across the room, became trapped in a circle of flame. Stupid pansy Link, couldn't jump through flames and stop, drop and roll to put out his tunic. Anyways, two Stalfos appeared and Impa needed to defeat them both. Impa defeated them and Link was freed.)**

"Link, you pansy…" Impa told Link.

"Thank you, Impa. Now, let's hurry!" Link told Impa.

**

* * *

(Ivan opened the next door for the team by hitting it with one of the Stalfos' bones. The team entered it, turned right, and ran down another ramp. Ivan opened the door with the bone, and the team entered the door. The team went across the room, and Ivan opened the door. The team entered the door, went down the stairs, and out the door at the other end. Outside, over the bridge, Saria attacked the redead on the way, and through another door Ivan opened.) **

"Saria? When did you learn Kung-fu?" Nabooru asked.

"The killer Deku Scrubs taught me how to." Saria explained. "And from saving Ivan all the time. Do you know how many dangerous situations I've had to save him from? I've almost died half a dozen times!"

"…It's not my fault that the those-demented-bulldog-things-that-to-the-authoress'-sister-look-like-over-grown-gopers have pretty-ful fingernails…" Ivan muttered.

**

* * *

(The team went up the stairs and out the door, into the light of the outdoors, which is strange, because it's dark outside…) **

"YAY!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Fresh air!" Link exclaimed.

**(Zelda then woke up, but fainted again due to air-pollution.)**

"It smells, so clean!" Darunia exclaimed, for he lived near an active volcano.

**

* * *

(…IGNORING THAT! As they ran out the back door _(Link and Navi should have just used that to infiltrate the Castle, not the pansy rainbow bridge) _they met Navi, who had just put the Great Witch's corpse in the Castle making the railings fall off the castle, and turrets fall off the side. Bricks and stone blocks rained down from above and there were loud rumbles. There were a series of magical explosions, and the center column started to sink into the second layer of the keep, which sank into the first layer, which sank into the ground, leaving a flat empty space where the castle used to be hovering above the lava. The flat space was pock-marked with bits of rubble, and in the middle there was a large heap of it which used to be part of the pillar in the room where Navi fought Ganondorf.) **

"Wow…" Navi muttered, for she did expect the Great Witch's corpse to have that affect on the castle.

"It's over…it's finally over…" Nabooru paused, dropping Ruto.

"HEY! DO YOU MIND!" Ruto told Nabooru.

"Sorry, your highness." Nabooru hissed in an evil voice.

**(Link and Navi looked at each other, smiles on their faces.)**

"Navi…I'm sorry I didn't help you in the battle before!" Link apologized, saying sorry for taunting his friend.

"It's okay Link." Navi told Link. "Now I know how annoying it is."

**(There was rumbling again and Navi and Link gasped. The large pile of rubble in the middle started to vibrate. Link gave Zelda to Nabooru as he and Navi went to check out the rocks.)**

"What is that sound?" Zelda moaned in her sleep, but then said nothing more.

**(Link walked in towards the middle where the rubble was and flames separated Navi and Link from the Sages. Link gasped and looked over at Impa, who was being a pansy like Link was before, but was distracted as Ganondorf came out of the rubble, beaten and broken, but was not going down without a fight. But he already had a fight… His eyes were glowing. He used the Triforce of Power to transform himself into a 'monster'. The 'monster' was a big Hello Kitty plushy. Link looked taken aback in horror. Ganon was crouched over, and as he drew near, he knocked the Sour Milk out of Navi's hand, it flew out over to where Zelda was, missing her by a few feet. Zelda had just gotten up by this point, but the sight of the sour milk made her faint.)**

"There's no way he's going to hold me back again! This time, we fight together!" Link exclaimed.

"Okay!" Navi exclaimed.

**(Link walked over to Ganondorf and ran around his head, over the shoulders mainly. Navi then asked Link a question.)**

"What's the weak point?" Navi asked.

"Ganondorf's name changed to Ganon (it says on his price tag). I really have no idea what his weak point is!" Link told Navi.

"Some help you're gonna be…" Navi muttered.

**(So Navi stunned Ganon with a Light Arrow, then flew underneath him and slashed his tail, using Link's Master Sword. The Sages in the meantime have set up their Audience Chamber again and were eating their food. Navi slashed Ganon's tail. The Sages applauded. Darunia set the crystal down beside him. The crystal was about to scratch when Zelda woke up and grabbed the crystal, matrix style. Zelda hugged the crystal then lightly patted it. When Navi injured Ganon to half-health, the flames fell away temporarily, and Navi went over and got the Sour Milk back. Zelda, having slow reaction time said…)**

"Navi! The Sour Milk is here! Hurry up!" Zelda yelled.

"I already got it!" Navi hissed.

"Use the Sour Milk! Destroy Ganon with the Evil Bottle!" Zelda yelled at Navi.

**(Navi entered the area again and…the flames returned! DUN! DUN! DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Navi beat the pulp out of Ganon until he was weak again. The flames fell away, and Ganon was hit with a beam of white light.)**

"I'm using power to hold the Evil King! You use your milk and deliver the final blow!" Zelda told Navi.

**(The Sour Milk started to glow, and Navi looked surprised. Since when did chunky liquid glow? Then she poured the milk all over Ganon's head. Kool-Aid flew everywhere; Navi poured the milk in Ganon's eye and Ganon died, and he got up _(but he just died)_, screaming in pain…or was it in anger?)**

"Six Sages (including her)…Now!" Zelda exclaimed, pointing at the Sages.

**(Zelda held up white light above her head, then crouched over. For unknown reasons.)**

"Ancient Creators of Hyrule! Now, open the sealed door and send the evil incarnation of darkness into the void of the Evil Realm!" Nabooru yelled, being the replacement of Rauru.

**(The Sages held up their hands like Zelda, and then fell over. But they made a huge vortex of white, and Ganondorf, in Gerudo form, began to fall into it.)**

"YOU… CURSE YOU…ZELDA! CURSE YOU SAGES! CURSE YOU BAR OF SOAP! CURSE YOU…Navi!" Ganondorf cursed.

"That was quite a change." Link paused.

"Someday…when this seal is broken…. That is when I will exterminate your descendants!" Ganondorf exclaimed.

**(Ganondorf then disappeared into the void of the Evil Realm, which is no longer Sacred… Oddly enough…)**

"As long as the Triforce of Power is in my hand…" Ganondorf started. "…I will be able to make butter whenever I want!"

**

* * *

(Navi and Zelda were randomly floating in a blue sky with white clouds. Link walking around them idly.) **

"Thank you, Navi… Thanks to you, Ganondorf has been sealed inside the Evil Realm!" Zelda exclaimed. "AND I GOT THE BIGGEST JEWEL I'VE EVER SEEN!"

"O.o" Navi and Link looked.

"Thus, peace will once again reign in this world…for a time." Zelda told Navi.

"Does that mean that you will lose your jewel and chaos will reign?" Navi asked.

"No! It means that I won't be satisfied with this and THEN chaos will reign." Zelda explained.

"Oh." Navi paused.

"All the tragedy that has befallen Hyrule was my doing... I was so young…" Zelda paused, looking guilty.

"Everyone was young once." Link told Zelda.

"But I could not comprehend the consequences trying to control the Sacred Realm." Zelda told Link. "And I dragged you into it, too."

"Yeah? So?" Link asked.

"Now it is time for me to make up for my mistakes… You must lay the Master Sword to rest and close the Door of Time…" Zelda told Link.

"But I have a wedding to go to!" Link protested.

"Fine! Go to the wedding then come back here." Zelda hissed at Link.

**

* * *

(So Zelda and Link fell out of the sky, and this is where our events of Ruto's wedding. Let's insert then events here. Then Zelda randomly warped Link to the sky again.) **

"…Now…where was I in my speech? Ah. I remember." Zelda paused. "However, by doing this the road between times will be closed…"

**(Zelda held out her hand to Link. Link, not knowing what Zelda wanted him to do, flipped it over and kissed it lightly. Zelda blushed then yelled.)**

"NOOO! I want you to give the Ocarina to me, BECAUSE IT'S MINE (even thought it isn't as shiny as my Triforce…)!" Zelda yelled.

"Ohhh…" Link paused.

"Why?" Navi asked.

"Because, as a Sage, I can return you guys to your original time with it." Zelda told Navi.

**(Link held the ocarina for a moment, and then laid it in Zelda's hand. She smiled slightly and laid her hand on top of his. Link looked dazed, so he had spaced out of what Zelda was saying to him.)**

"When peace returns to Hyrule… It will be time for us to say good-bye…" Zelda told Link.

"Isn't there already peace in Hyrule?" Navi asked.

**(Zelda let go of Link's hands, and Zelda had the Ocarina.)**

"Now, go home, Link, Navi. Regain your lost time! Home…where you are supposed to be… the way you are supposed to be…" Zelda told Link, she looked as if she was going to cry, but Link looked like a very drunk drunkard.

**(Zelda put the Ocarina to her lips and began to play 'Zelda's Lullaby'. Doesn't she realize that Link put his lips on that? Wait… Maybe that's she's playing it… Anyways, blue light started to encircle Link. Zelda opened her eyes and looked at Link, who was then warped away by the cerulean light.)**

"Thank you…Link… Good bye…." Zelda paused.

**

* * *

(The credits then rolled by, displaying various parts of Hyrule, all abandoned. BECAUSE THE PEOPLE ARE AT THE WEDDING! Wait… They already had the wedding… NEVERMIND! Gerudo Valley was shown, with the Random Owl flying overhead. GASP! NO! I THOUGHT I KILLED HIM OFF SET! Wait… You did NOT read that… Kakariko was then seen, followed by Death Mountain and Goron Village. Lake Hylia, Zora's Domain, Deku Chamber, Kokiri Village, etc. And then it showed Epona running across Hyrule field, wandering the earth in search of the blue carrot. Saria's song was then heard, and was showed a multi-coloured campfire in Lon Lon Ranch. They had seemed to somehow transport Saria's bonfire from the Lost Woods _(and made it different colours)_. It seemed that all of Hyrule's inhabitants were there. Gorons were dancing, Talon and Ingo were drunk on caffeine, and the Kokiri children had gotten a hold of the music man from the windmill who was twirling upside down. The Zora's were bobbing their heads in tune; the bean-seller, the carpet guy and the professor in the Lakeside Lab were on the magic carpet. The old hag from the potion shop and the Bombchu bowling girl were sitting at some crates, drinking all the milk _(seems they were having a contest to see who could drink more milk)_. The carpenters were all lined up in a row, dancing. Malon was singing, the Gerudo were doing the can-can, the Cucco hive lady _(Anju)_ was juggling Cuccos, and the dancing couple were dancing, as usual. Then the camera focused on Mido's ghost, who was sitting next to King Zora, who somehow left his seat and was trying his best to stretch out his legs. Then Mido noticed a series of rainbow lights streaking across the sky _(and exclaimed: 'IT'S THE NORTHERN LIGHTS! LOOK EVERYONE!' Just kidding)_. King Zora looked up and saw them too. The balls of light landed on Death Mountain and the sages appeared. They all look over the land—everyone except Rauru, who is not there _(I wonder why)_; Ruto's not there either…—looking content. The sky then warped away.) **

"GASP!" the Sages exclaimed, then fainted, falling off the Mountaintop.

**

* * *

(Link was deposited in the Temple of Time—where 'Zelda's Lullaby' was playing, oddly enough. Looks like George is having some sound problems. Link looked at himself and at his kid body. Navi, bobbed silently around his head, then began to ascend…and she flew up and up and up… then she flew out the window and disappeared. But since this is Totally Messed, we can't allow that. The caretaker, Joe, was actually sensible enough to take care of the place, so Navi hit the window and fell to the floor. Navi paused and looked at the shiny window.) **

"…" Navi paused, then looked at Link. "…I still have the Great Deku Tree's money! Let's go on that shopping spree!"

**

* * *

(The scene then changed and showed Zelda, who was spying on Ganondorf through the window in the garden. She turned, and like before, gasped. Link wasn't anywhere to be seen. IT'S BECAUSE HE'S ON THAT SHOPPING SPREE! The frame froze and 'The End' was displayed across the screen.) **

**(Fun Fact: Wait a few minutes and the song Link played to Bonaru the Wandering Scarecrow plays.)**

**THE END!**

* * *

Cherry-sama: That's _(sniffs)_ it… 

Link: _(cries)_

Navi: _(sniffs)_

Saria: _(blows nose, then throws tissue away) _Why am I repeating myself? Anyways, please review. One last time…


	14. Chapter 14: Epilogue and Random Facts

**Totally Messed: Epilogue**

**Disclaimer: As I have said many times before, I do not own Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Didn't I say that already?**

* * *

Cherry-sama: As promised, here's the Epilogue. 

Link: Here is what happens after my adventures with the Ocarina are over.

Navi: You mean mine. I'm the Hero of Time remember?

Link: I want to get a restraining order against you sometimes…

Saria: Soon now, Cherry-sama will describe what happened to the characters. Some things relate to the Wedding, but most of it doesn't. In the wedding there are a few epilogues but they will also be mentioned here. Other people will be mentioned here and, unless you haven't read certain parts of the story, you would not get them, but you should.

Link: T.T Stop saying so much!

Saria: Please read what happens to us.

* * *

Link, wanting to be living a REAL life and very upset about not being the Hero of Time, went to the Castle to live a normal servant life. Zelda was happy with that until one day, Ruto came. They had a fight for Link and in the end Link got banned from Hyrule. Link hid around in the Lost Woods until he got robbed by a… You know what happens! Right? …Right? …It'll be in Totally Whacked. 

Zelda somehow had all the jewelry in Hyrule. She (in the past) got Link to work in the castle as a servant. But one day she got mad, Link and banned him from Hyrule due to a silly argument with Ruto.

Navi stayed floating above Link's head, but once ditched him to get something from the old hag's Potion Shop. It was the medication to help fight her ONAs! This was good because one: it helped the old lady in the potion shop get rich and two: Navi would someday stop spouting out obvious nonsense. Navi then came back to Link with the medication and stayed by his side, including in Totally Whacked.

The Cucco lady also went to the old hag in the Potion Shop and got some medication for her Cucco goose bumps. She then became cured. She had no relation with Termina at all.

The random Skull kid that was making Medicine (mentioned in chapter eight) then gave the saw to the bald carpenter, who gave the Skull kid a broken sword. Then he took the broken sword to the Big Goron on top of Death Mountain, who gave the Skull kid Eye Drops Prescription. Then the Skull kid took the Prescription to the King Zora, who gave him a Frog Eyeball. Then Skull kid took the Eyeball to the goat man at Lake Hylia, who jumping in joy and tried to eat the Eyeball (for he was outbid on eBay). Skull kid protested and told the Goat man that the Eyeball was for making Eye drops. The Goat man sulked as he made the Eye Drops. Then the Skull kid took the Eye Drops and gave them to the Big Goron, who gave him a slab of rock with a carving of a sword. Skull kid was upset (because he got a rock for all his hard work) and was about to throw the rock slab at the Big Goron when Skull kid noticed that it was for getting a cool sword. A few days later the Skull kid gave the Big Goron the picture of the sword and the Skull kid got Biggoron's Sword! Then the Skull kid started on a quest to kill all the Great Fairies/Sluts/Witches. Unfortunately, the Great sluts only shattered into a million pieces (that I call Swirlies) when the Skull kid poked them with his sword. Skull kid grumbled and asked for a refund. The Big Goron said that he didn't give refunds. Skull kid grumbled as he went back to the woods to see if he could try it with the pink fairies. Then, somehow, the Skull kid found Termina and met some really big Mr. Potato Heads with the longest limbs ever seen. The Skull kid said that they could become friends! But then the Mr. Potato Heads ditched him after a while saying something about protecting some areas of stupid land. Then Skull kid moped in a hollow tree. Then two fairies found him. The fairies suggested that Skull kid should use his sword to steal stuff from other people. The Skull kid did just that and guess what he found! The Happy Mask Sales Man! Then he threatened the sales man and stole Majora's mask. And we all know the story from there. Right? If you actually read all of this than…dude…

Ariel (no, not the Mermaid) became the best thief because of her Cucco pal. Then, Ariel became forth in command of her tribe (that are not Mermaids). The Cucco became fifth. In short, they lived thieving-ly ever after, until the events of my other Zelda fanfic called 'The Fourth Piece of the Triforce'. Everyone blamed Impa for this result, for Impa allowed Ariel to keep the Cucco, except the authoress for she could continue writing OoT fanfics.

Ruto rotted in her grave. If you do not understand what is going on, then read the Wedding. If it is not posted yet, blame SoC for not allowing me to update this until I get more reviews.

Dark Link went on an epic quest for SoC, trying to kill her. After 2 years, he found out some way to earth and is **now** terrorizing any parts that might have SoC in it. But SoC is okay. Dark Link kept looking in the wrong places!

Cherria went back to earth with the reviewers, sent them home, and eventually joined her sister. She got very creeped out because she once she saw Dark Link, with his sword, in **public**. So she wasn't quite sure when Dark Link would find SoC. SoC on the other hand didn't know that Dark Link found his way to earth so she was living a jolly good life.

The bunny hood guy ran and ran… Until he died from heat stroke and lack of water. That's why it's good to drink water. The people of Hyrule (though Lon Lon Ranch protested) buried the bunny hood guy in the center of the ranch/Hyrule field. His twin brother, who somehow got to Termina, remembered to drink water, not to run all the time, and to wear a hat. The Mayor made him the postman after seeing his skill. And then he became obsessed with schedules… Odd.

Dampé refused to leave his grave. So he practiced and practiced. The occasional Poe would fall through the grave and into the chamber where Dampé was, but that was rare. Little did Bongo Bongo and Link know, but Dampé was the one who was destined to dance with Bongo Bongo.

Mido went to the afterlife.

Ivan ditched dead Mido and joined Saria again. Then he ditched her to go to university. Ivan then finished university he stalked Saria again. But after she turned into a stubby tree stump thing (Koroks, but me and SoC still call them Kokiris) Ivan ditched Saria and hid inside the mouth of the King of Red Lions (connecting to Totally Bizarre).

Saria got her marshmallows (as mentioned in chapter thirteen) back from Ivan and they camped. Until one day she saw Link walk by saying that he was banned from Hyrule. Then Saria ran after Link telling him that he had a fee to pay. Link told Saria to pay her own fine. After that Saria had no interest in Link anymore. Saria one day (like all the Kokiri) became a little tree stump thing (Koroks, but me and SoC still call them Kokiris) and Ivan ditched her. I wonder why…

Daisy (chapter twelve) got re-married to her husband after _that_ event…

The Great Deku Tree, Afatufivomany, and Wigijigiland lived happily ever after in the heavens. While…

Koume and Kotake did their hair while Ms. Shadowpunkle cursed Link for killing Bongo Bongo.

The Gerudos mourned for the loss of their King, but they got over it…in an hour…

Ganondorf sat around in the Realm (that is no long Sacred) while plotting something. Maybe his plot was to change his looks, wait until Link and Zelda's descendants to turn into living bobble heads to get out of the Realm, release havoc on flooded Hyrule, kick the pirates (from Termina that were somehow in charge of Forsaken Fortress, but Desert Coleuses (website) resents that) out of the wreckage of a boat, make pig things (moblins), give the pig things jewelry (making Zelda mad), letting the bobble heads get their way and letting himself be beaten by the bobble heads. But that's probably not it…

In short, the world of Hyrule remained at peace, until their Hero of Time's partner was kicked out of Hyrule, thus the Hero followed her assistant and then all was chaotic. Until…

"Hoo hoo hoo hoot!" the random owl exclaimed, making all the chaos freeze in terror. "I am the random owl! Fear me!"

Then the new hero of Hyrule arose (Aurora, Maria's fairy, Aurora ditched Maria after a while, because she went insane) and killed the random owl. She became the Hero of the Random Owl. So it is all a happy ending.

* * *

Saria: There you go! 

Cherry-sama: Wait! We have to give random facts about this fic!

Link: Do we have to?

Cherry-sama: Yes. I promised the readers that I would.

**

* * *

Random Facts About Totally Messed: **

-Out of all Cherry-sama's fanfics, this is the only one SoC likes

-SoC came up with a few of these ideas (Deaf Ingo, Trash Can music, Campervan, etc)

-Cherry-sama and SoC came up Saria's camper van while on vacation inside a camper van they were in for two people that their family of four had rented

-Cherry-sama got the name Afatufivomany by closing her eyes, typing random letters on her keyboard and adding in vowels in where needed (like Wigijigiland, but SoC altered it a bit)

-Due to this fic, whenever SoC sees Mido, she thinks he's dead/wondering why he's there

-Ivan is Navi spelled backwards

-The base of this story is the script SoC typed by hand

-EFoT is from another one of Cherry-sama's stories called Tales of Symphonia Colours

-All the fairies in the game are multi-coloured except Navi

-SoC and Cherry-sama always beat Iron Knuckles with Bombchus or Bombs

-The quickest battle SoC ever had with Iron Knuckles was when she climbed Ganondorf's Tower, the two Iron Knuckles standing by the door, she shot Bombchus at one and the explosion hit both the Iron Knuckles. Before they got to the other end of the room, the Iron Knuckles had both died

-Cherry-sama and SoC both like Navi, though she never shuts up

-This fan fiction was longer than another one Cherry-sama has that had more chapters at the time (Tales of Reversia, 14 chapters, Words: 35155; Totally Messed, 10 chapters, Words: 39693)

-SoC and Cherry-sama always get Epona as soon as they steps out of the Temple of Time

-Cherry-sama always goes to Gerudo Valley right after she gets Epona

-SoC hates getting a full wallet while on her adventures because she can't get more money

-Cherry-sama didn't know what to name Ms. Shadowpunkle, SoC came up with it

-If SoC gets some dogs, then she wants to name them Afatufivomany and Wigijigiland

-In the Shadow Temple, for Afatufivomany's and Wigijigiland's dialogue, Cherry-sama went Ctrl C on 'Afatufivomany Wigijigiland' and pasted all throughout the chapter

-Cherry-sama made some comics based on Totally Messed, but has no way of showing them to loyal fans (T.T)

-Part of the Fire Temple was based on the comics Cherry-sama drew

-SoC once saved the milk from the past and brought it to the future, then drank it. It **healed** her, not poisoned her…dude…

-The Witches makeover idea was created in a flower garden/park/public-area in New Zealand

-Ms. Shadowpunkle is a Miss because she is single (I wonder why)

-The song Ganondorf wanted to learn was the song Link plays while wearing the Bremen's Mask (from Majora's Mask)

-In chapter twelve (beginning, italics, asking about Koume and Kotake's makeover obsession, the question part) Cherry-sama had a hotdog with some milk

-The Sand Goddess has stars on her bra

-Kotame actually has stars on her bra, like the Sand Goddess

-Link still owes 15 rupees to the Happy Mask Sales Man, from chapter 4

-Zelda thought Ganondorf wanted her jewels when he only wanted to know a song to rule the world

-Link thought Ganondorf went after Zelda because he wanted his jewel back, but this was true, for a little while

-The wedding is the only chapter in this fic that Cherry-sama typed out completely

-Ariel is the star of 'The Fourth Piece of the Triforce'

-It was Cherry-sama's idea to have the window and have Navi become the Hero of Time

-In the game, you cannot get the Sand Tunic or Dark Tunic. If you could, life would be swell

-Chapter twelve was posted on one of Cherry-sama's friends' Birthday

-The idea for the random objects for the Iron Knuckle (chapter twelve) was SoC's up to the lamp stand, but Cherry-sama came up with the others

-This Epilogue was made before chapter eleven was posted

**Each Chapter (on Word Document, before posting):**

Chapter one-Pages: 2  
Chapter two- Pages: 9  
Chapter three- Pages: 10  
Chapter four- Pages: 14  
Chapter five- Pages: 19  
Chapter six- Pages: 9  
Chapter seven- Pages: 21  
Chapter eight- Pages: 20  
Chapter nine- Pages: 17  
Chapter ten- Pages: 27  
Chapter eleven- Pages: 28  
Chapter twelve- Pages: 43  
Chapter thirteen- Pages: 29  
Epilogue- Pages: 6  
Deleted Scenes- Pages: 7  
BLOOPERS- Pages: 16  
Dark Link and Ruto's Wedding- Pages: 24  
Credits- Pages: 3

* * *

Cherry-sama: That's the Epilogue! 

Saria: Next up are the Deleted Scenes, the Bloopers, the Wedding and then the Credits. Please tune in then. But for now, please review.


	15. Chapter 15: Beware of Deleted Scenes!

**Totally Messed Deleted Scenes!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda, or the Ocarina of Time. But I wish I did so I can eat cheese.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! Here are the deleted scenes of the story! These are moments I either forgot to add or didn't add them all! 

Navi: First one is from chapter nine, the scene is called: Link's Identity crisis.

Link: Oh joy…

Saria: Read them! Please?

* * *

**Chapter Nine:**** Link's Identity Crisis**

"Hear my name and tremble! I am Link! Hero of the Gorons!" the Goron (named Link) told Navi.

"I'm not trembling!" Navi told the Link.

"Hey! My name's Link!" Link original exclaimed. "And I'm the hero around here!"

"No! I am Link!" Goron Link (GL) yelled back to Link.

"No! I am Link!"

"No! _I_ am!"

"Nuh-Uh!"

"Yah-huh!"

"It's me!"

"No! Me!"

"…Wait! Maybe you stole my identity!" Link exclaimed, as GL got off the floor.

"…Link?" Navi asked, but the _stupid hero_ ignored her.

"I bet you stole my identity!" Link exclaimed pointing an accusing finger at GL.

"I did not! I'm the original!" GL shouted back.

"That's it! I'm calling my lawyer!" Link screamed, turning to walk away.

"Well, what if you're a clone?" GL shouted after him.

**(Link paused.)**

"AHHH! I'M A CLONE! I STOLE SOMEONE'S IDENTITY! I AM A SMALLER VERSION OF MY REAL ORIGINAL! I KILLED HIM! I ADMIT IT! I KILLED THE REAL ME!" Link yelled while running around in circles.

"O.o" GL looked after this confession.

"Link… You are you… You are not a clone…" Navi told Link. "Great, it just had to be _now_ that Link had an identity crisis…"

"I BET THIS IS THE EVIL WORK OF SKULL KID!" Link exclaimed, doing a crossover from Majora's Mask.

"O.o Who's Skull kid?" Navi asked.

"If you hadn't ditched me then you would have gone with me on that adventure." Link sneered at Navi.

**(Navi was confused and currently had in mind of Skull kid from chapter 8. But little did they know, those Skull kids were the same!)**

"You two are scaring me…" GL paused.

* * *

Navi: Skull kid? 

Cherry-sama: Have you ever had this thing in mind and when you type it up, it turns into something else?

Navi: No…

Cherry-sama: Maybe I shouldn't have asked a fairy about authoress things…

Navi: Next up is 'All Alone' from chapter ten.

* * *

**Chapter Ten:**** All Alone**

"Wait up Navi!" Link exclaimed as he ditched the random corner and the narrator.

_Oh_-no! You cannot ditch me that easily! Or can you? DANG IT! xC

Now I'm all alone.

I have a feeling you've noticed.

Thing is… I haven't noticed…

I am feeling random.

"Could you get on with the story please?" asked SoC, who just happened to be the director while Cherry-sama was narrating.

No…

"Why?" SoC asked.

Cuz I'm in a random/emo mood.

"I can stop you from doing this right now you know."

Prove it.

"I will." SoC told the narrator as she walked over to the intercom control room and—Wait! Don't pull that—!

_'Click!'_

**(In the narrating room…far far away…)**

"—cord…" Cherry-sama finished.

* * *

Cherry-sama: I didn't really like that one… It was worthless drabble… 

Navi: No duh…

Cherry-sama: Pardon?

Navi: Nothing! Anyways… Next up is also chapter ten, 'Hiss Hiss' or 'Link's Quick Recovery'.

**

* * *

Chapter Ten: Hiss Hiss/Link's Quick Recovery **

Hiss…

"Hiss?" Navi asked.

Yes, hiss.

"Why hiss?" Navi asked.

Cuz hiss is awesome! Don't make fun of hiss!

"Why do you have to hiss? Why can't it be like a bell ringing (the sound fairies make)?" Navi asked.

How can I make a bell ringing sound?

"Don't ask me! You're the authoress!" Navi told the narrator.

…You've got a point there…

"Told you…" Navi told the authoress.

Dude. What's with Link?

"What do you mean what's with—Link!" Navi exclaimed as she flew over to Link, who was sprawled out on the floor, with an empty bottle in his hand, for he had drunk the sour milk!

"Strong…flavor…cannot…cure…tongue…" Link whimpered as he stopped breathing altogether.

"Ahh! Link's not breathing! You! Give him mouth to mouth!" Navi told the narrator.

Wait… You want me, who is currently at the other end of the studio, to give mouth to mouth to Link?

"Yeah." Navi told the narrator.

How would I go about doing that?

"You could press the intercom to his face!" Navi exclaimed at the narrator.

**(The narrator sweat dropped)**

You could just call the medical team.

"They won't get here quick enough!" Navi told the authoress. "And I thought you were a Link fan girl!"

Wait… You're right! I'm coming Link!

**(Cherry-sama rushed in a speed of light.)**

"I'm here Link!" Cherry-sama exclaimed as she bent down, ready to start the procedure.

"Just hurry up…" Navi told Cherry-sama, who was just about to touch the lips when…

"AHHHHH! NO! GET AWAY RUTO WANNA-BE!" Link screamed as he woke up just in time, for him that is.

"He lives." Cherry-sama told Navi.

"We should add this to the bloopers…" Navi told Cherry-sama.

* * *

Navi: So why didn't you add that to the bloopers? 

Cherry-sama: Because it was more of a deleted scene, at the beginning.

Navi: And why are they mostly from chapter ten?

Cherry-sama: I was writing that chapter when I started this.

Navi: Ahhh. Next is 'Loyalty' from chapter thirteen.

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen:**** Loyalty**

"Don't give the authoress more blackmail." Nabooru told Ruto.

"And besides? What happened to Dark Link?" Link asked.

"He's visiting his cousin named Blob." Ruto explained.

**(Blob just happened to be in charge of the lighting on the studio.)**

"Curse you Link…" Dark Link muttered while watching this.

* * *

Cherry-sama: Ruto was cheating on Dark Link! 

Link: I'd love it if Ruto was cheating on me!

Navi: …Next up is 'Disgusting'. Cherry-sama is too stupid to find a place to put it in.

Cherry-sama: Hey!

* * *

**Chapter Unknown:**** Disgusting**

**(Link saw the random emo person sitting under the tree. Link decided to talk to him.)**

"Hi!" Link exclaimed, waving his hand.

"People are disgusting…" the Emo guy told Link.

"They are?" Link asked, for he was a Hylian and he didn't know what a person is.

"My own mother and father are disgusting…" the Emo guy continued.

"Your mother and father are people?" Link asked.

"Wait… If they are people…then you are too!" Navi exclaimed. "Meaning that you are disgusting!"

"I bet your disgusting too…" the Emo guy finished.

"WHAT!" Link screamed, waking up all the people in Kakariko up. "I'M NOT PEOPLE!"

* * *

Cherry-sama: That's it! 

Navi: 'I'm not people'?

Link: What! It was in the script!

Saria: Please review…


	16. Chapter 16: BLOOPERS!

**Totally Messed BLOOPERS!** **(Finally! The chapter you have all been waiting for! Or at least most of you have been... Ahem.) :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Cheese. Wait… Ocarina of Happiness? Or was it Time? Anyways, I do not own anything else I do not own. Such as stuff from other fics that I don't own.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! This is the chapter before the wedding so this will be really fun! 

Navi: Fun for you, painful for us…

Link: Shut up, Navi!

Cherry-sama: This part of the story is where we messed up.

Navi: How much more messed can Totally Messed get?

Link: Shush!

Cherry-sama: So I'd like to say that I hope you enjoy these priceless moments!

Saria: And somehow we've managed to recover… Please read…

* * *

**Chapter One: So the Great Deku Tree isn't all that Great after all…**

"Navi. Navi. Where art thou? Come hither. Oh Navi the fairy, listen to my words, the words of the Deku Tree. Dost thou sense it? The climate of evil descending upon th—HACK! COUGH! COUGH! Ahem. Sorry, could I try that again?" the Great Deku Tree asked, not sounding old-English-like.

"…Dude… I never heard you speak anything but old English…" Cherry-sama paused.

"But can I try again? Please?" the Great Deku tree asked.

"We have to. Could you stop talking modern? It's scaring me…" Cherry-sama asked.

"Okay!" the Great Deku Tree exclaimed like a little kid. "But do you know how hard to is to speak old English? Like come on! It totally—"

"O.o CUT!" Cherry-sama called out.

**

* * *

Chapter One: Navi's big screw up… **

**(Navi flies off, under Mido's legs, passes by the Kokiri on the shop roof, flies almost to exit of forest, Navi hits the fence and DIES!)**

"…Navi?" Link asked as he looked out the window of his tree house to see if his fellow actor was okay.

"Link… Looks like you won't get a guardian fairy for a while yet…" Saria paused, looking at the dying disco lamp.

"CUT! Get the medical team in here!" Cherry-sama called out over the set.

* * *

**Chapter Two: Villain dies before the cue**

**(Link uses slingshot to knock the jewel off Ganondorf's head… Ummm…whoops… Instead of the Deku seed knocking the jewel off, the seed somehow found its way through the jewel and got wedged somewhere in Ganondorf's brain…)**

"…Ganondorf?" Zelda asked while looking through the window at the bloody corpse.

"I told you not to get this job as an actor… but _noooooo_…" Navi started rambling while flying down to the dead man and hovering above his head.

"Shut up Navi!" Link told Navi.

"Zelda… Did you do this?" the King asked, looking at the thief that was alive a few seconds ago.

"Ummm… No daddy?" Zelda asked, not sure if that was the right reply.

"Oh yes you did! That's it! No 'Super Mario Sunshine' for a week!" the King barked.

"WHAT!" Zelda yelled in protest. "Are you grounding _me_?"

"Oh dear… What shall you do now?" SoC asked, looking at the corpse of Ganondorf.

"I'll send the medical team in here. They can do anything." Cherry-sama told SoC.

"How so?" SoC asked.

"They have repaired stuff I could never even think they could…" Cherry-sama told SoC.

"Maybe I should tell the King that I killed Ganondorf…" Link pondered.

"Naw." Navi told Link.

* * *

**Chapter Three: Link's bald spot, revealed! **

**(All of a sudden five Deku Scrubs appeared on the ledge that led to the entrance of the forest temple. They all had spiky-leafed yellow Mohawks and they each wore two eye patches, one on each eye. A hundred or so more Deku scrubs appeared on the edge of the cliff and looked down on the stage. Others crowded around Link, Saria, her bashed up camper van, and her bonfire. One of the Deku Scrubs caught on fire and set fire to several more and accidentally caught LINK on fire! Link wasn't hurt**—**however ****his hat burned up and all the Deku Scrubs paused for a few moments while looking at Link's bald spot.)**

"…What?" Link asked with a grumble.

**(All of a sudden the Deku Scrubs started to crack up in synchronized laughter! Even Saria and Ivan were laughing! Link was about to ask Navi for help when he found out that Navi was laughing with the Deku Scrubs!)**

"What are you laughing about? You knew for quite a while now!" Link asked evilly but Navi wasn't affected by the evil waves that radiated off Link.

"Thing is _(snigger)_ that it somehow _(snigger, snigger)_ got bigger!" Navi told Link before peeling off into more laughter.

**(This was true in the fact that the fire on his hat got on his hair and made a BIGGER bald spot than there was before!)**

"Hahahahaha!" Saria laughed.

"Hohohohohoho!" Navi sniggered.

"Hyuck hyuck hyuck!" Ivan laughed stupidly.

"…Did you guys know that 'slaughter' is 'laughter' with a 's' on the front? (This idea is from 'The randomest day in 4000 years', hence I do not own it.)" Link asked in a dangerous voice.

**(Everyone, including the Deku Scrubs, became still…)**

* * *

**Chapter Four: Link has back problems…**

**(All of a sudden. The camera goes upside down. Camera gets stuck in its current position and Link/everything-in-the-world fell to the ceiling. Link just happened to land on his back and there was a loud crack…)**

"AIEEEEEEEE! ZIT! ZIT! ZIT! ZIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT! OWWWWWWWWW!" Link screamed and feebly added. "I think I broke something…"

"Yes, Link. I think we might have noticed by now." Navi told Link as she flew over to the boy with the broken spine.

"Ummm… Would this help?" Darunia asked as he handed Link the bracelet.

"NO! I CURRENTLY CAN'T FEEL MY ARMS! LET ALONE MOVE THEM!" Link screamed.

"WE COULD USE THE MEDICAL TEAM OVER HERE!" Cherry-sama called.

* * *

**Chapter Five: Navi finds out a way to scare Link! All is lost…**

"Not always, if you want to see a regular Zora, then go to your left and talk to that tall thing. If you want to see Princess Ruto then you must go to Lake Hylia and retrieve the sunken bottle, show it to the king Zora, get a fish, show it to Lord Jabu Jabu, get eaten by Lord Jabu Jabu, go through the dungeon part way and there she is." Navi told Link.

"O.O How do you know **that**?" Link asked.

"I took 'Knowing-what-to-do-next 30' in High School! That subject allows me to see the future and tell you what to do next! You have to take that course if you decide to do 'Guardian Fairy' for a career." Navi explained, while creeping the heck out of Link.

"O . O WHATTTTTTT!" Link yelled with such force that it knocked King Zora off his so-called throne and landing face flat onto the platform. Giving him a bleeding nose.

* * *

**Chapter Six: Wrong way Ganondorf…**

"Now… You must have seen the white horse gallop past just now… Which way did it go!" Ganondorf asked.

"That way!" Link exclaimed, pointing in fact the opposite way Zelda went.

"Thank you!" Ganondorf thanked Link as he galloped the wrong way, which just happened to be the way he had come from.

**(Ganondorf came back a few moments later with a tomato in the center of his face.)**

"Heh heh heh… Very funny kiddo." Ganondorf chuckled.

"What happened?" Navi asked.

"The villagers of Hyrule Castle Town threw stuff at me for overthrowing their government." Ganondorf explained.

"O.o Dude…" Link paused, looking at the King of Evil.

"CUT!" Cherry-sama called out.

* * *

**Chapter Six: Ganondorf's doesn't say one line right…**

"Waaahhhhhh…. I mean…Pathetic little fool! Do you realize who you're dealing with!" Ganondorf asked.

"That was a quick change…" Navi muttered to Link.

"I am dealing with Ganondorf, the balding monkey." Link told Ganondorf.

"I am Ganondorf! And I am a balding monkey!" Ganondorf yelled but before he could continue, Link interrupted.

"O.o Did you just say that you **were** a balding monkey?" Link asked, starting to chuckle.

"I mean I am not! NOT!" Ganondorf yelled, but he was too late for Link and Navi were rolling on the ground, laughing.

"You called yourself a balding monkey!" Navi laughed while dying from the lack of oxygen that was getting into her lungs, as a result of laughing so hard.

"I MEAN NOT!" Ganondorf yelled but he wasn't heard over the laughing of the two put together.

"Man! I thought you of all people would disagree! I must be very good at convincing people!" Link laughed.

"Look! The life of acting is very hard! Do you expect me to know every line by heart that well? You of all people should know that!" Ganondorf told Link, but he wasn't heard because they just kept laughing, and laughing, and laughing, and…

"CUT!" Cherry-sama called out, but she too was laughing very hard.

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Evil Sound Technician…**

"Hey, could you turn your backs for a moment?" Sheik asked.

"Okay!" Navi exclaimed as Link and Navi turned around.

**(When Link and Navi both turned back to face the person, 'It's a Small World' was played in the background.)**

"…What the heck?" Link asked, looking up at the ceiling with a face that said 'dude…this is it messed up' hence the name Totally Messed Bloopers.

"Where's that song coming from?" Navi asked.

'_There is just one moon and a golden sun… And a smile brings friendship to everyone…_' the song played in the background.

"GEORGE! CHANGE THAT MUSIC RIGHT NOW!" Sheik yelled.

'_Mwahahaha! Never!_' was auditable over the music.

"THAT'S IT! YOU CAN FORGET OUR DATE THIS FRIDAY!" Sheik yelled.

'_Ohh…_' the sound technician (named George) grumbled.

"O.o Are you a girl?" Link and Navi asked, for Sheik wasn't the kind of person that they thought would be gay.

"Crap…" Zelda muttered under her disguise.

"Man! That make-up crew is good! You look just like a guy!" Navi told Sheik/Zelda. "Considering that you are wearing a jumpsuit and you don't even have a womanly figure!"

"If only I knew from the beginning! Then I would have cornered you and started flirting! DARN IT!" Link yelled while bonking his head on the wall.

'_It's a small world after all… It's a small world after all…_' the music in the background played.

"…CUT!" Cherry-sama called out, for she was scared beyond belief from Link's last comments.

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Navi killed Link!**

"Is that the only reason you follow me?" Link asked, still curious.

**(Navi swung sword so the tip was at Link's neck, threatening to slit his throat. Then Navi accidentally moved the sword _too_ close to his neck and actually _did_ slit his throat!)**

"Whoops. Sorry." Navi told Link, sounding as if what she didn't alarm her.

"Navi! Great! Now Link will bleed to death!" Cherry-sama nagged. "MEDIC!"

"AHH! BLOOD! IT'S EVERYWHERE! GET IT OFF ME!" Link screamed because Link was scared of the sight to blood.

"You've been killing things for seven years! You think you wouldn't be scared of the stuff!" Navi told Link, setting the Master sword down.

"When something gets hurt, it glows red! When it dies it vanishes! No blood involved!" Link told Navi as the medical team got in and carried Link on a stretcher.

"Ohh… By the way… CUT!" Cherry-sama called out.

**

* * *

Chapter Nine: Where was ye olde Fairy? **

**(Sheik then disappears via Deku Nut, again. Fire melts away. Link became blinded once again and fell into lava. Good thing he had a seven-year-old fairy on him! Wait… The fairy was out of the bottle… And talking to Navi for that fact…)**

"So… What was your name again?" Navi asked.

"Knip." The pink fairy replied.

"Why are you named 'Knip'?" Navi asked.

"Because 'Knip' is 'Pink' spelled backwards!" Knip, the pink fairy, exclaimed.

"O.o Um… Guys?" Cherry-sama paused. "What about Link?"

"So? What about Link? All that has happened is that he died in the lava and needs Knip to revive him." Navi told Cherry-sama, acting calm and cool.

"Why don't you help him?" Cherry-sama asked Knip.

"Too much effort." Knip replied.

"I'll revive him!" Ruto exclaimed, bending over to Link's charred corpse and was about to kiss it, when…

"AHHH! NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Link screamed in terror as he came back to life.

"See? My kiss does wonders!" Ruto exclaimed while pointing to Link, who was trying to get as far away from Ruto as he could.

"But you didn't kiss him." Navi pointed out.

"Oh. Whoops. That can be fixed!" Ruto exclaimed.

"AHHH! NO! WAIT! HELP MEEEEEEEEE!" Link screamed as Ruto cornered him in a corner and got closer to his lips ever so slowly.

**(Knip and Navi were popping popcorn.)**

"Don't worry Link." Cherry-sama told Link. "I won't let that kiss get on tape."

"Nuts!" Knip and Navi snapped for they could never watch this scene over and over again, or even use it for blackmail!

"What? You're not going to stop her?" Link asked in horror.

"Nope. Cause I am a supporter of the couple (oddly enough). But I don't mind flames on that couple." Cherry-sama told Link as Ruto's lips almost hit his.

"Wait! I'll do anything! STOOOOOPPPP!" Link screamed.

"Cut!" Cherry-sama yelled so the kiss wouldn't go on tape.

**

* * *

Chapter Ten: Must Love Trying on New Shoes! **

**(Link was doing something very un-male like. Link was trying on new shoes. They were an ugly pair at that for they weren't very different from his Kokiri boots, just that they had an ugly metal on the bottom.)**

"What in Farore's name are you doing?" Navi asked Link.

"I'm trying on new shoes!" Link exclaimed with a certain look of pride on his face.

"Link... That is something I'd expect a girl to do…" Navi told Link.

"But I found them in the chest I got for accidentally killing Wigijigiland…" Link told Navi.

"Please put those away before someone sees you!" Navi snapped for she was very embarrassed right now.

"Who is going to come right now?" Link asked.

Link…You? Trying on new shoes? Things can't get worse for Navi…

**(Sheik fell from the roof.)**

But then again… They can.

"We meet again, Link... And what are you doing?" Sheik asked, noticing the boots on Link's feet.

"Trying on new shoes! Wanna join me?" Link asked for there was more dress up items in the chest.

"Sure! I haven't done stuff like this ever since I was 13!" Sheik/Zelda exclaimed while remembering the good old days.

"Can I do your hair? It looks like a boy's hairdo right now!" Link asked Sheik/Zelda.

"Sure!" Zelda exclaimed, pulling off her hat thing to show long pretty-ful hair that Link could do all kinds of hairdos with!

"OOOOO! Shiny! What do you want me to do?" Link asked.

"I want to you to just do something! It feels nice when you put your fingers through it!" Zelda exclaimed.

"Pardon?" Link asked, for he currently had no emotions towards the jewelry obsessed Princess.

"When _somebody_ puts _their_ fingers through it!" Zelda corrected, for that, for her, was a close call.

Guys! Link's suppost to be hiding his shoes! Not doing Zelda's hair!

"So?" the two odd balls asked.

"Hey!" Koume exclaimed from off-set. "How come we are not allowed to partake in this makeover?"

"Yeah!" Kotake exclaimed. "Our contract says we get to do all the makeovers!"

"…Cut!" SoC yelled, for she was director while Cherry-sama was on-set/being-narrator.

**

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Link Woke up Before Cue **

**(Sheik/Zelda was standing over Link—wait… No he wasn't! He was…um…crouched over Link and their lips were…YOU GET THE POINT!)**

"O O" Link looked as he realized what was happening.

**(Link and Sheik's lips broke contact.)**

"What do you think your doing?" Link asked with a scary look of disgust on his face.

"Ummm…" Sheik/Zelda paused.

"Welcome to the grossed out club." Navi told Link.

"I was just trying to revive you!" Sheik/Zelda blushed.

"Link. Just to let you know, Sheik is really Zelda." Cherry-sama told Link.

"He knew that!" Navi yelled. "He figured it out once he did Zelda's hair!"

"I did?" Link asked.

"…You are so clueless…" Navi sighed.

"I'll try to remember…" Link told Navi.

"CUT!" Cherry-sama called out.

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Sheik knows what to reply!**

"Link! Impa is one of the six sages." Sheik told Link.

"So?" Link asked.

"So, you've got to rescue her, then rescue Nabooru then rescue me!" Sheik exclaimed.

"O.o Since when do you need rescuing?" Navi asked, but she's never heard.

"But—" Link protested.

"I'll give you a kiss if you do." Sheik/Zelda told Link.

"Deal!" Link exclaimed.

"Link! Sheik's a guy!" Navi told Link.

"No she isn't. She's Zelda!" Link exclaimed. "I still remember!"

"-.- Cut!" Cherry-sama called out.

**

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Ouch **

**(The fairy teacher turned red with rage. Link pulled out his shield. The teacher lunged, knowing that she could break through that shield with a head bash. The teacher hit Link, and then there was a loud crack. Link was still wearing black tunic.)**

"…Owww…" Link whimpered, for his rib cage was now broken.

"LINK! You forgot to take the black tunic off!" Cherry-sama nagged. "MEDIC!"

"That's what you get for messing with me!" Ms. Sp chuckled.

"CUT!"

**

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Stars on Bras **

"Anything else?" Ganondorf sneered.

"We also ordered the Deku Scrub Liver by mail. But the Deku King (he seemed to be from another world, parallel to Hyrule) wasn't very impressed by these actions…" Koume paused.

"Then he sued us." Kotake told Ganondorf, with this statement he looked concerned for he knew that they used his money for paying, and I already described about some men being penny pitchers last chapter. "But it wasn't a big deal. Gerudo rupees are on a ratio of 1:100000000000000000000000000 to Deku rupees."

"There are no such thing as Deku and Gerudo rupees! All creatures use the same rupees! How much did you spend?" Ganondorf asked evilly.

"100 000 rupees…" the witches whimpered.

"O.O OH MY DIN! YOU SPENT—" Ganondorf yelled.

"Din? Don't you worship the Sand Goddess, Amariadana, any more, Grandson?" Koume asked, cutting Ganondorf off.

"No, she was merely a figure head, she is no longer of significant importantance to the Gerudo culture anymore. And besides, she has stars on her bra! Who on Hyrule has stars on their bra?" Ganondorf exclaimed.

"We do!" Kotake exclaimed with a certain look of pride on her face.

"It was the fashion of when we were young! And we still wear bras with stars on them!" Koume exclaimed.

"…" paused the very scared Ganondorf.

"Like come on!" Kotake exclaimed.

"Don't _you_ wear stars on your bra?" Koume asked Ganondorf.

"First off, I don't wear bras! Second off—" Ganondorf yelled.

"Tut tut tut!" Kotake scolded.

"You should be ashamed of yourself!" Koume told Ganondorf.

"But—" Ganondorf tried to protest that he was a guy and that there was a difference of…body parts.

"All the Gerudo your age wear bras! And they all probably have stars on them!" Kotake told Ganondorf. "I bet Nabooru wears bras with stars on them!"

"O.o I DO NOT!" Nabooru protested off set. "I RESENT THAT THEORY!"

"O.O" Ganondorf looked for one; he was a guy, listening to this; two, Nabooru just sounded like Rauru; and three, his Grandmothers were going senile.

"CUT!" Cherry-sama called out, but then she went back to laughing her head off, along with all the other people off set.

**

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Wrong Way Kotake **

"Ummm… Kotake?" Koume told her sister, as Koume lowered her broom to Kotake's level. "We have a problem."

"What?" Kotake asked Koume.

**(Koume flew over to Link and pointed at his bald spot! Now I bring it up! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ahem. Is it just me or is everything in this chapter really long? Anyways, she pointed to his bald spot, which was a big gap in the middle of Link's hair of blue spikes.)**

"Hmmmm…" Kotake paused, then got an idea. "I know what to do!"

**(Kotake made a large icicle and put it on top of his hair, point pointing downwards. Link _(but he couldn't for his mouth was frozen over) _got a violent urge to scream, for he was stabbed on the head.)**

"Stupid sister!" Koume yelled at Kotake as blood oozed out. "You put the icicle upside down!"

"Whoops…" Kotake paused.

"O.O MEDIC!" Cherry-sama yelled. "And cut."

"…Link?" Navi asked.

'_What's happening over there?' _Saria asked calmly, even though it was the time to panic.

**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: Dampé's Triforce Piece**

"Who holds them?" Link asked.

"The one who holds the Triforce of Courage is…" Sheik started. "You, Link!"

"O.O YIPPEE!" Link yelled, at the top of his lungs.

**(Link jumped in joy, at the top of his lungs, thus resulting in an earthquake. Thus resulting that the rumbling sounds came too early and Link got hit on the head with a rock, thus resulting in his instant death.)**

"O.o" Sheik looked.

"…I wonder…" Navi muttered, loud enough for Sheik to hear.

"What?" asked Sheik.

"What happens to the Triforce, once it's holder dies?" Navi asked.

**(Meanwhile… In a grave at Kakariko…) **

"I'm so pretty! Oh so pretty!" Dampé exclaimed, doing a few twirls in the air, then landing on the ground on one foot.

**(Dampé felt a warm fuzzy feeling on the back of his hand. He looked. There, in great surprise, was the Triforce of Courage.)**

"…Who drew on the back of my hand with florescent sharpies?" Dampé asked. "Wait a minute... The Triforce...? YIPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"MEDIC! GET LINK BACK ON HIS FEET!" Cherry-sama called out. "And we need to get the Triforce out of Dampé…"

**(Navi whipped out the sour milk, for reasons unknown to the authoress at this point. Dampé saw the milk and screamed like a little girl. The Triforce, thinking it made the wrong choice, flew into the air and onto Navi's hand.)**

"Oh. Now all we have to do is get Link back to life and kill Navi." Cherry-sama paused.

**(Navi grabbed Link's sketch pad and drew a picture of Link's Sword _(that was so good, it looked like it was made by…by…by some-random-artist-that-is-very-famous-that-I-can't-name-right-now)_. Navi then grabbed the handle of the picture and pulled the sword out of the sketch book.) **

"Oh no! You aren't killing me that easily!" Navi hissed, ready to take the entire studio on single handedly.

"…On second thought…" Cherry-sama paused. "Maybe we should leave it in Navi… Since this _is_ Totally Messed!"

"That's better!" Navi hissed.

"…Crap! I forgot to call out 'cut'! CUT!" Cherry-sama called out.

**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: Pikachu**

"I really don't need this…" Navi told Zelda. "I have sour milk."

"Well… You never know if the Hero of Time is ready!" Zelda exclaimed.

"Did someone say Hero of Time?" Link asked.

"Yes." Zelda told Link.

"She's referring to me!" a random Pikachu told Link as he ran by.

"O.o" Link and Navi looked.

"You were too useless to be the Hero of Time, and besides! How many Heroes of Time do you see with high voltage lines for cheeks?" Zelda told Link.

"But still…" Link paused.

"CUT!" Cherry-sama called out, before the killer mouse electrocuted someone.

**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: JOHHNNY DEPP! **

**(At the top of that set of stairs there should be a door, but there wasn't.)**

"O.o" Navi paused.

**(Ivan then hit the wall and the wall fell apart. Behind the wall there was _(you guessed it)_ JOHNNY DEPP!)**

" 'ello there, mate." Johnny Depp greeted, for the authoress always imagined him in 'Pirates of The Caribbean' form.

"ô.o" looked all the sages.

"Savvy?" asked Johnny Depp in Captain Jack Sparrow form.

"Savvy what?" Impa asked for I recently learned what that meant!

"Why has Johnny Depp appeared in the last few chapters?" asked Darunia.

Mwahahaha. One, he has an awesome first name. Two, his character is cool.

**(Everyone blinked.)**

"CUT!" SoC called out.

**

* * *

BONUS BLOOPER **

**Wedding: Whoops, wrong person**

Ruto was running, at the speed of a rabbit—

"RABBIT!" the bunny-hood guy yelled as he jumped 50 feet above the crowd.

Yes. Rabbit. Anyways, Ruto was running at the speed of a rabbit with Malon and Cremia dragging behind her.

"RABBIT!" the bunny-hood guy yelled once again, interrupting the narrator once again.

Ahem… Could I finish?

"Yes."

Good. Now, at rabbit speed—

"RABBIT!" the bunny-hood guy yelled once more, resulting in the narrator calling security and to have him restrained in a straight jacket…wait…I think they grabbed the wrong person…

"HEY! If you don't mind!" Nabooru yelled.

"Whoops… Sorry lady…" paused a guy who was holding Nabooru's arm so she couldn't get away.

By this time, the bunny-hood guy had vanished into the crowd.

"BUNNY!" the bunny-hood guy yelled, jumping 50 feet over the crowd, making the straight jacket guys able to spot him and catch him.

"HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME!" Nabooru yelled, hopping around (for the men had pushed her to the ground to get the bunny-hood guy) in the straight jacket.

"O.o Cut!" yelled Cherry-sama's friend Neverender.

* * *

Cherry-sama: That's the end of the bloopers! 

Saria: Cherry-sama got the idea for 'Wrong Way Ganondorf' from one of her reviews. But she doesn't remember who it is, considering her small brain.

Cherry-sama: Hey! I remember! It was ShadowShapeshifterAndHerCat!

Navi: -.- Please review.


	17. Chapter 17: DARK LINK AND RUTO'S WEDDING

**Dark Link and Ruto's Wedding!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda: OoT, MM or re-dead conversations from the fic called 'Give Me That Blasted Ocarina!', but I do own this chapter. I could make this a fanfic, but I probably wouldn't get many reviews if I did.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome to the chapter I've promised all my readers ever since chapter ten.

Link: I'm glad I'm not the groom… Only the best man…

Navi: Why am I a bride's maid?

Cherry-sama: Cause Ruto wanted you too! Anyways, I'd like to thank everyone that came! Including the Zoras!

Link: O.o Zoras? Who invited them?

Navi: Link! You are so stupid! Ruto is the Princess of the Zoras! Wait… Does this mean that King Zora's coming too?

Cherry-sama: Duh.

Random Person in Makeup crew (RPiMc): Come on you two! You have to get changed!

Link and Navi: O.o What do you mean?

RPiMc: What else? You two have to get changed! It _is_ a wedding after all!

Navi: But we don't want to go!

Link: Yeah!

RPiMc: Too bad. You are going and that's final!

Link: What should I wear! I only have a Kokiri Tunic, a Goron tunic, a Zora tunic, a Dark Tunic and a Sand tunic!

RPiMc: That is already settled. The tailors made you a tuxedo.

Link: What's that? Does it have pants?

RPiMc: Yes it has pants.

Navi: Link in pants… This I can't wait to see!

RPiMc: You also have to wear clothing, Navi.

Link: Ha ha. _(sticks out tongue at Navi)_

Navi: Yeah? So?

RPiMc: Lets go! _(drags Link and Navi to costume makers place)_

Saria: This could get interesting… Please read.

* * *

It was a bright day in the Zora's Fountain. The dead trees had fake blossoms glued on them, just for this day. The crystal clear water had aqua blue Zoras swimming in it; all of them were dressed up for the special occasion. On the land were several people coming everywhere from Hyrule. From the Kokiri Village to the top of Death Mountain. From the Re-Deads in Hyrule Castle Town to the villagers of Kakariko. From the Graveyard to the Desert. From Hyrule to Termina. From Symphonia to Earth, but now is not the time for crossovers.

There, on the platform where Lord Jabu Jabu once ate fish, was a young blonde authoress and groom waiting for the bride. There was also the sister of authoress who was the official rice thrower. She had an evil plot in mind…

"You are so stubborn Cherria." SoC sighed as she held the rice in a bag, dropping _something_ inside.

"I don't care! I am not wearing a dress!" Cherria whispered to SoC, for she hadn't worn a dress since she was _very_ little.

"But it's a wedding!" SoC told Cherria. "I don't care if you are the priest! You should be wearing one!"

"Too bad!" Cherria snapped, for she was a tomboy(ish) and refused to wear such things.

By the corner of the ledge was a teenage girl. She was wearing a light blue gown with a white apron. On the center of her forehead was a small, black headband with an orange jewel in the center of it. It _really_ clashed with her outfit. If you hadn't already guessed, this was the one and only Princess Zelda. She was currently looking at some other jewelry she was wearing.

"Heh heh heh… Precious…" Zelda cackled as she admired a bracelet she was wearing.

Near the doorway to the fountain was the Happy Mask Sales Man. He had taken out his organ from Majora's Mask and was now playing Serenade of Water, over and over and over and over…

On the old, rotting log (that had been polished, painted and overall made prettier for the occasion), were the reviewers for this fic. They were wearing dressy clothing (guys wore tuxedos, girls mainly wore dresses) and had some sort of present for the couple, as expected at a wedding. They had _somehow_ found a way to make themselves all fit on that tiny space. I'm not sure how they did it either… The reviewers that were there were: HaltiOvi, Master Summoner Sheena, GenisSageAceAttourney, DaGoosse and freakyanimegal456 (she looked happy, it's almost as if she had shook Saria's hand, told Impa how cool she was and other stuff—but if SoC had done that it, would make certain people from the OoT cast run away and hide in random corners, but they will eventually recover…I think… But that could never happen! Right? …Right? Oh joy).

On the outskirts of the Zora's Fountain, in a place known only to the Hero of Time and her Hylian assistant, stood Navi and Link (no duh). Link was wearing a black tuxedo with a black bow tie. Link was wearing pants for once (O.o gasp! Wow…). He wasn't wearing his hat even though he wished he had it on (to hide a bald spot which the people who combed his hair had bitterly failed to cover it up, but he didn't explain this to Navi). Navi on the other hand was wearing a small flowered crown while holding a blue bundle of flowers.

(Now, if anybody can draw this picture, I'd like to see it. I will try and draw one myself and I'll find some way to show yours and mine. As for showing me the artwork… I'm not sure how that works myself… O.o Well… Whatever, just draw it and I'll think it'll be really cool! Even if I don't see it! xD)

"Link…" Navi told Link, turning to face him. "We should be near the crowd…"

"I know." Link smirked, leaning against the wall and making part of his tuxedo dirty (secretly trying to hide his bald spot). "But they don't need us now."

Suddenly, the music started to get louder. The King Zora and Princess Ruto had come out onto the scene. Since this _was_ a wedding, someone had stolen the carpet from Hyrule Castle and laid it out on the pathway to Lord Jabu-Jabu's almighty resting place. The King Zora on the other hand… Well… I'm not quite so sure how King Zora was able to walk either… He can't even 'moeep' properly…

Dark Link looked up. There, like a sapphire in the river; like a rose among the bushes; like a—

**(Readers glare (both in the wedding and out) at the authoress to get on with the chapter and stop with these stupid knit-picky details.)**

I'll get to the point now… Ruto was wearing a pale blue dress with a beautiful veil covering part of her eyes, but it was transparent so she could see (not the dress! The veil!). Malon (from Ocarina of Time) and Cremia (from Majora's Mask) were holding up the veil so it wouldn't drag on the floor. Romani (sister of Cremia) was throwing flower petals behind the two look-a-likes.

* * *

"Link… I think we should go now…" Navi told Link.

"Not quite… I want them to notice me gone." Link told Navi with a smirk, still hiding his bald spot.

Then there was a loud outburst of screams (from the crowd, the readers and the fish) as a blue light rose up from the air and headed straight towards Link! Link didn't have a sword or a shield on him so he was defenseless.

"Now's a good time…" Link told Navi (not caring at all about his bald spot and would rather not get hit) as they started to go back the way they came.

"Look! There's someone up there!" some random person screamed while pointing at Link, pointing right at the bald spot, but no one noticed it from a distance.

The two Heros turned around to leave when they saw that the blue light was not heading towards Link after all! Let me explain. The Happy Mask Sales Man was playing on the organ when he suddenly played the Serenade of Water correctly and he was warped to Lake Hylia, with the organ.

* * *

"…I feel so alone…" the Happy Mask Sales Man muttered as he sat on his stool while looking around him, smiling (it annoys me because he's _always_ smiling! ARGH! EVEN WHEN HE'S MAD HE'S SMILING! So annoying…).

* * *

Ignoring that fact, Ruto continued walking forward. She wasn't sure if this would make some of the guests want to leave, but she was okay. She wasn't going to let her chance to marry 'Link' down.

"Breath in… Breath out…" Ruto paused as she started to walk a bit faster, for **nothing** could ruin this day.

Or could it?

By now the crowd was getting into a panic. The were discussing where the Happy Mask Sales Man had gone to and who that 'man in a tux' (some girls who wanted boyfriends referred to him as 'Hylian Zorro') was that almost got hit by the blue light. Some random **people** (not men or women, both) were fainting (some of the girls were fainting for the fact that 'Hylian Zorro' was so hot).

"Breath in… Breath out…" Ruto muttered as she started walking faster, trying to calm herself.

The fairies that were hovering above the Kokiris heads started to get into a big commotion. One Gerudo started to listen in and soon got the rest of the Gerudo also listened into the plan. They were planning chaos.

A plan with _such_ chaos that the Goron baby (who was randomly invited) from Majora's Mask, started to cry. Now for those of you who haven't heard him cry you are very fortunate you didn't. He just cries and cries and cries and cries and cries…

At that moment everyone tried to cover their ears from the racket! But that Goron baby never shuts up… Even Link and Navi were covering their ears to try to make him seem muffed! If that isn't much, then I'll tell you that the Happy Mask Sales Man plugged his ears as he carried his humungo dungo organ back to Zora's River.

A Gerudo snuck away from the crying… Setting the chaotic plan into action…

"Breath in… Breath out…" Ruto told herself, a bit louder and she started to go into a fast walk.

* * *

Meanwhile… Looking at Link and Navi.

"This crying is getting annoying!" Navi grumbled as she plugged her ears, trying to muffle the sound.

"Only the elder Goron knows Goron's Lullaby… And I don't know why Ruto didn't invite him…" Link told Navi, hands covering his ears for dear life.

"If only we had the sour milk…" Navi pondered, possibly considering killing the Baby Goron with the milk.

* * *

Meanwhile… At the main wedding…

"Breath in… Breath out…" Ruto told herself (now in a regular speaking voice) as she started to go a bit faster.

"Ahh! Ruto! Slow down!" Malon told Ruto, complaining about the speed.

"We aren't Cheetahs you know!" Cremia told Ruto.

"What's a Cheetah?" Romani asked her big sister.

"I'm not sure…" Cremia replied.

"Breath in… Breath out…" Ruto told herself, going a bit slower for the girls' sake.

* * *

Meanwhile… At Hyrule Field…

"Maybe I should've listened to that sales person and bought the instant folding organ…" the Happy Mask Sales Man muttered/grunted to himself, still grinning while carrying his organ on his back.

A Gerudo ran by.

"Odd…" the Happy Mask Sales Man told himself while carrying the organ one foot farther than before.

* * *

Meanwhile… the Gerudo…

The young Gerudo girl ran past the Sales Man and ran into Kakariko. She smirked. No one was there (for they were all at the wedding). The young female picked up a Cucco that was taking a nap and ran back to Zora's Fountain…

* * *

Back to the Hyrule field…

The Happy Mask Sales Man only had gotten one footstep farther when the Gerudo ran back, holding a sleeping Cucco in her arms.

"I know I was the slowest runner in my class, but this is ridiculous!" the Happy Mask Sales Man exclaimed while still grinning.

* * *

Back to the wedding…

By now the crying was so annoying that not even Ruto could stand it!

"!" Ruto (who was so stressed out that she) screamed, now running at top speed, while (what seemed like to be) dragging Malon and Cremia behind her, the two girls both clutching the veil trying just to stay on!

"Slow down Ruto!" Malon cried out.

"Your father has fallen behind!" Cremia told Ruto, but she was not heard.

Sure enough, the poor King Zora was very behind his daughter and was huffing to keep up. The only thing that was keeping him from giving up was the fact that he would stop trying to walk on his daughter's wedding. He wouldn't hear of it!

"Wait up Ruto!" the King Zora huffed.

Zelda, on the other hand wasn't paying attention at all to what was happening because she was admiring her jewelry.

"Mine… All mine…" Zelda hissed gleefully.

"R-Ruto?" Dark Link whimpered as he watched his stampeding wife-to-be and running to the aisle while screaming was what the faint resemblance of 'breath in, breath out'.

Ruto finally made it to the altar thing. Thing is, she didn't stop running.

"RUTO! We're here! STOP!" Malon screamed at Ruto.

"I-breathinbreathout-can't! My legs won't-breathinbreathout-let me!" Ruto screamed as if she was on autopilot and had forgotten how to turn off. "!"

"WHAT! SOON WE'LL FALL IN THE LAKE!" Cremia screamed, trying with her best efforts to stop. "HELP!"

"I THINK IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT!" Malon screamed to Cremia.

Ruto was running towards the altar thing. Cherria got wide-eyed and pushed Dark Link to the side, accidentally falling on top of him. This wasn't mentioned to Ruto…

"Get out of the way! I don't think she'll stop for us to cross the street! GANGWAY!" Cherria screamed, still on top of Dark Link.

Everyone on the altar thing fled. Except for Zelda, she was huddling in the back right hand corner admiring her jewelry.

Ruto was running, at the speed of a rabbit—

"RABBIT!" the bunny-hood guy yelled as he jumped 50 feet above the crowd.

Yes. Rabbit. Anyways, Ruto was running at the speed of a rabbit with Malon and Cremia dragging behind her.

"RABBIT!" the bunny-hood guy yelled once again, interrupting the narrator.

Ahem… Could I finish?

"Yes."

Good. Now, at rabbit speed—

"RABBIT!" the bunny-hood guy yelled once more, resulting in the narrator calling security and to have him restrained in a straight jacket.

Ahem. He's gone… Now, at rabbit speed, Ruto was unable stop. Ruto ran up the ice ledge and fell down into the water, making a loud 'SPLASH!'

"EEK! WE'RE NEXT—AHHHH!" Malon screamed as she fell into the water, adding to the magnitude of the splash.

"AHHH! I CAN'T SWIM—AHHH!" Cremia screamed as she fell into the water as well.

After all three of the ladies fell in, there was a gigantic splash that soaked everyone in the audience. Including Dark Link and the authoress (who had blushed slightly and got off of Dark Link once Ruto fell in) and even the readers on the log (the Link fan girls were very very ticked at Cherria because she had fallen on his evil twin). The only ones who weren't soaked were Link, Navi, the Gerudo (who name was Ariel. But that was random), the Happy Mask Sales Man (who was at Zora's River at this point) and Zelda. Oddly, she wasn't hit by the splash even though she was within the 50-meter radius, and probably the closest to the splash.

"Heh heh… Precious will never get wet… That's why Zelda set up water shield for her and Precious…" Zelda told her bracelet.

Maybe that's why she didn't get wet…

* * *

Looking at Link and Navi…

"Good thing that the bride knows how to swim…" Link told Navi.

"But what about the other two girls?" Navi asked.

"I never thought about that…" Link muttered.

* * *

At the scene of the crime…

"S-sister?" Romani asked, looking horrified at her sister slowly drowning.

"AHHH! HELP! _(bulb)_ I CAN'T SWIM!" Cremia screamed as she bobbed up and down.

"I'll save you!" yelled the bunny-hood guy (still wearing that straight jacket), as he raced up to grab Cremia to save her and fell in.

The bunny-hood guy couldn't swim in his straight jacket (no, really?).

"You're _(bulb)_ on your own!" the bunny-hood guy called out to Cremia.

**_Geez… Thanks…_** Cremia thought.

"I'll save you!" yelled a random Zora guy.

The random male Zora just happened to be one of the Indigo-goes. But you didn't need to know that. Anyways, he swam out and grabbed Cremia and pulled her to shore. Cremia wasn't breathing so the Zora gave her mouth-to-mouth. Cremia lived. When Cremia woke up to see a Zora 'kissing' her, she wasn't impressed.

"AUGH! What are you doing?" Cremia asked with disgust.

"I'm bringing you back to life!" the Zora protested.

"No! You were kissing me!" Cremia complained. "Ewww… Fish lips…"

"I just saved you from out of the water!" the Zora told Cremia. "You could give me some thanks!"

"Oh. Thanks!" Cremia told the Zora guy, kissing him on the lips.

After that random romance…

"YOU JUST TOLD ME OFF FOR DOING THAT!" the Zora yelled, utterly confused. "What the heck was with that?"

"I'd like some warning…" Cremia told the Zora.

Cremia just realized she had kissed a Zora.

"I…just…kissed…a…Zora…" Cremia paused. "OH MY NAYRU! I'M SO HAPPY!"

"That scares me…" a reviewer, which was on the log previously but all the reviewers left the log to see what was happening, paused.

"That right there… That was messed up…" Malon told someone (she had swam out by now).

"…You so don't know the Malon-character…" SoC paused.

"Yes I do. But I'm poking fun at it! Just for now." Cherria told SoC.

"WHAT ABOUT ME!" yelled the bunny-hood guy, who was still in the water.

"Oh yeah… Him…" the Zora paused.

"Well… Who cares about him?" asked Cremia.

"I'll get him…" Cherria sighed.

Cherria jumped into the freezing water. She soon reached the bunny-hood guy and pulled him to shore. Cherria saw that the bunny-hood guy wasn't breathing.

"Oh dear…" Cherria muttered.

"Give him mouth-to-mouth!" the crowd/reviewers/other-people-besides-reveiwers/crowd/I-don't-know-how-to-describ-this told Cherria.

"NOOO!" Cherria protested, for she didn't want to kiss a guy that was obsessed with rodents, ran all the time, always beat you by one second, ran you over as a kid, and overall was just plain ugly…sort of.

* * *

Meanwhile… at Zora's River… By the waterfall…

"I wonder how I can get through…" the Happy Mask Sales Man (HMSM for short, do you know how annoying it is to type that all the time? I do! Wait… I'm the writer… Never mind) pondered as he looked at the waterfall covering the entrance to Zora's domain.

The HMSM realized that if he tried to jump across then the water would block his path and he'd fall, organ and all. Then, the HMSM got an idea. He set his organ down and played the Serenade of Water. He ended up back at Lake Hylia.

"Oh darn it." The HMSM cursed, still smiling.

* * *

Meanwhile… the Gerudo named Ariel…

Ariel saw a flash of blue light, going towards Lake Hylia.

"Meh. It's probably not important…" Ariel shrugged, Cucco under her arm.

But the light _was_ important! Ariel and the authoress didn't know why, not even the narrator knew! So…why was it important again?

**(All the people off set fell over.)**

But I want to know…

Anyways… Ariel walked forwards to the waterfall. She wasn't sure how the HMSM beat her to the waterfall, considering that he was carrying an organ on his back, walking slower than a slug, smiling and had his eyes closed. Logically, it didn't make sense. But Ariel continued on her quest.

Ariel then realized that she needed a musical instrument to get in. She didn't have one. Then she looked at the Cucco (he was now awake), who looked back at her.

An idea struck her (AND SHE DIED! Just kidding). She would play the Cucco! She carefully put the Cucco on her lap, picked up a random rock and started (pretending) to strum the Cucco. The Cucco looked at her as if she was crazy…

After five times of playing 'Zelda's Lullaby' on the Cucco, nothing happened. She still strummed and accidentally plucked one of its feathers out. The Cucco make a musical squawk (what I mean by that it squawked with a musical note coming out of it's mouth).

Another idea struck Ariel. This one was better. She pulled out a different feather. The Cucco made a different sound. Then, she pulled out more feathers and started to make 'Zelda's Lullaby'. Before she pulled another feather for the last note, the Cucco glared at her.

"…You don't like this do you?" Ariel asked the Cucco, not expecting an answer.

The Cucco nodded. Ariel was shocked, but regained her composure.

"If I pull one more out… will you 'cockle-doodle-do'?" Ariel asked.

The Cucco nodded.

"Do you want me to change plans?" Ariel asked.

The Cucco nodded violently.

"Well…" Ariel paused. "I don't know what else to do…"

You know, you could just sing.

"OF COURSE!" Ariel exclaimed, startling the heck out of the Cucco, but this wasn't important, or was it?

Anyways… Ariel then sang 'Zelda's Lullaby' (fairly nicely, wasn't anything compared to Navi, but hey) and got her way into Zora's Domain.

* * *

At the wedding…

The Zoras just got their princess out of the freezing water, soaked of course, but not harmed. Meanwhile, the bunny-hood guy **died**.

"He's dead…" SoC paused.

"Well… Let's say a few words…" Cherria told the crowd/reviewers/aw-heck!-You-know-what-I-mean!-So-yeah that gathered around her and the bunny-hood guy, who was now dead.

"Okay…" one of the reviewers told Cherria.

"Anyone like to say anything?" Cherria asked.

There was silence.

"Why don't you? You're the priest(ess)." A reviewer told Cherria.

"Fine. Ahem. I never knew the running guy in person, but I know that he was a great runner. All I can say is: May the spirits of the rabbits accept him…" Cherria told turning the wedding into a funeral.

"RABBIT!" the bunny-hood guy exclaimed, **coming back to life**.

"O.O" the crowd of invited people looked.

"That totally ignored the circle of life…" Malon told the crowd.

"At least nobody died in this chapter…" SoC paused while secretly adding: "…Yet…"

"So? Where's the rabbit?" asked the bunny-hood guy.

"There is no rabbit…" Cherria told the bunny-hood guy.

"Oh…" the bunny-hood guy pouted.

"O.O DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT YOU **DIED** A FEW SECONDS AGO!" yelled the crowd.

"I did? Well… That would explain why that guy asked me to go through some sort of pearly gates…" the bunny-hood guy paused as he scratched his head.

"O.o At least we know where he went…" Cremia paused.

"Brrr… That water's cold…" Ruto told herself as she shivered in her wedding dress, under a thick, reddish blanket. "So who died at _my_ wedding?"

"I did!" the bunny-hood guy exclaimed raising his hand up.

"No. Seriously." Ruto told the bunny-hood guy.

"Actually… He did… He came back to life when I said the word 'Rabbit'." Cherria told Ruto.

"RABBIT!"

"Rabbit? How vulgar! What on Hyrule is that?" Ruto asked.

"RABBIT!"

"Hard to explain…" SoC told Ruto.

"Whatever it is, it must be a horrible creature with evil eyes." Ruto told whoever was listening.

"Well…" Cherria paused, thinking of a demonic bunny.

"BUNNY!"

WILL YOU SHUT UP!

There was silence… (Besides me.)

Thank you!

* * *

Meanwhile… Link and Navi…

"What's going on down there?" Navi asked.

"I dunno. They should have been done by now…" Link told Navi.

* * *

Meanwhile… Zelda…

"—but nobody will steal precious because Zelda will keep precious safe from other people…" Zelda finished comforting her bracelet.

Just then, a bunny ("BUNNY!") looked at Zelda and stole the bracelet she had! DUN NUN!

"NOOO! PRECIOUS! I'LL GET YOU BACK PRECIOUS!" Zelda yelled, but no one heard her.

* * *

Odd… Meanwhile… The HMSM…

"OUCH!" the HMSM yelled for he had stepped on a rock and punctured his toe, so he couldn't tend to it since it would make him drop is organ.

Blood was oozing out of the severely injured toe. He was **still** smiling.

* * *

Meanwhile… Ariel…

The Cucco glared at me.

…And the Cucco…

Ariel and the Cucco were in Zora's Domain. Ariel was trying to catch the Cucco, who kept running away.

"STOP! COME BACK!" Ariel screamed at the Cucco.

The Cucco shock his head.

"I'll tell you the fairies chaotic plan!" Ariel told the Cucco trying to bribe the Cucco.

The Cucco stopped. He wanted to know the plan he was going to 'star' in. He turned around.

"Fine." Ariel told the Cucco, bent down and whispered in his ear, this was odd since Cuccos didn't have ears!

The Cucco listened with great content. Then, at the end the Cucco gasped.

"So that's our plan. One question." Ariel told the Cucco. "Are you Cuccos intelligent?"

The Cucco nodded.

"So. Will you help me with our plan?" Ariel asked, holding out her hand to him (sort of like trying to shake someone's hand).

The Cucco didn't know what to do to tell her yes, but in the end he nodded and hopped into her hand.

"Alright. It's right over here. OFF WE GO!" Ariel exclaimed, pointing north, then turning her hand to the right way. "I mean this way…"

The Cucco sighed.

* * *

Back to the 'wedding'…

The fairies and Gerudos were getting tired of waiting. What was taking her so long?

Then, Ariel walked into the so-called 'wedding', with the Cucco. The Cucco was ready to do his part.

"Finally. What took you so long?" asked another Gerudo, higher rank than Ariel.

"I had to catch this thing." Ariel told the Gerudos.

The Cucco was very insulted by the last remark. He was just called a 'thing'! 'Thingy' would have been better…

"Fine. Whatever. Lets get ready. But not yet, okay?" the Gerudo told Ariel.

"Kay." Ariel agreed; the Cucco looked disappointed.

* * *

At the main 'wedding'…

"Do you, Ruto, take Dark Link as your lawfully wedded husband?" Cherria asked; they were still going on with the service even if Ruto was catching a cold.

"I _(AH-CHOO)_ do…" Ruto told Cherria as she blew her nose.

"Do you, Dark Link, take Ruto as your lawfully wedded wife?" Cherria asked.

"Hey… Cherria… Isn't it the other way around?" SoC asked, holding her bag of rice.

Cherria replied by kicking her in the face with her shoes made of **wood**. Yes, she was wearing the shoes she wears _all_ the time. She even wears then in the winter with all the snow and stuff. Even if they have no backing to them. They add to her height!

"Well…" Dark Link paused.

Ruto nudged him. They had a deal.

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

"_Ruto… I know you love me and I love you too. But…marriage?" Dark Link asked._

"_Come on… Think about it this way. You can stop spending money on taking me places for dates!" Ruto told Dark Link._

"_Sounds tempting but…" Dark Link paused. "I don't think I'm ready for marriage…"_

"_Look. How about we make a deal. If we get married then we can try it out. If we don't like it, we can divorce and get back into dating." Ruto told Dark Link._

"_Well… Okay…" Dark Link paused, not sure what he was getting himself into._

**END OF FLASHBACK**

* * *

"I do?" Dark Link asked, wondering if this was the right answer.

"You may now kiss the bride!" Cherria exclaimed.

"What about me? Do I kiss myself?" Ruto asked. "Because I am the bride."

"Well… No… You may now kiss the groom." Cherria told Ruto.

"Do I kiss myself then?" Dark Link asked.

"Let's put it this way. You may now kiss each other!" Cherria told them, getting a little annoyed.

Ruto and Dark Link pulled each other close… Lips getting closer…

* * *

Meanwhile… Link and Navi…

Link turned white and turned away. He could not watch his imposter kiss _Ruto_. **RUTO** of all people…I mean fish…

"I can't watch…" Link told Navi.

"I'll tell you when it's over." Navi told Link reassuringly.

While Link's back was turned, Ruto and Dark Link kissed. Navi turned wide-eyed. That looked revolting/disgusting in so many ways… To her that is. Navi too turned her back.

"I can't watch either! It's like looking at you kissing _her_!" Navi exclaimed, scared for life.

"Welcome to the club." Link told Navi, both backs facing the newly married couple.

* * *

Back to the Gerudos and fairies…

"NOW!" a Gerudo yelled, telling Ariel to release the Cucco.

Ariel let our Cucco hero go free. Random people from the audience and the log (yes the reviewers went back to the log) screamed when the Cucco cried 'cockle-doodle-do'. Then, by the magic of Farore, a hundred Cuccos came out of nowhere and started attacking the wedding viewers. Before an hour everyone was covering in blood, their own blood. But they were only minor scratches. The Cuccos were all chased out. All but one. Ariel hid that one under her vest. I dare you to guess which Cucco.

Now was the time for the dance after the wedding. Ruto and Dark Link danced alone while other couples were dancing the Keaton-trot. Zelda was occasionally chasing that bunny-thief—

"BUNNY!" exclaimed (guess who).

Yes. Bunny.

"BUNNY!"

I shall now call bunnies/rabbits: polka dots.

"BUNNIES SLASH RABBITS!"

Oy… Anyways. Zelda was chasing the polka dot, but she kept on missing him. We shall now tune into Dark Link and Ruto.

"I'm sorry that your perfect evening was a wreck…" Dark Link apologized.

"It's not you're fault…" Ruto told Dark Link. "The blame goes on the HMSM!"

Ruto was correct, for the first thing that ruined her 'wedding' was the HMSM flying off into the distance/Lake Hylia.

"Ahh… Yes… Forgive me, your highness."

"You know, after this, you will become King of the Zoras." Ruto told Dark Link.

Dark Link turned white, which was odd since he was 'Dark Link'. Anyways, he hadn't thought about that…

* * *

Meanwhile… Zooming the camera in on another dancing couple…

"……………………" the girl re-dead told the guy re-dead. _(Translation: Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary.)_

"…! …! …………?" asked the guy re-dead. _(Translation: Oh! I forgot! Do I have to give you a present?)_

"…" the girl re-dead shortly replied. _(Translation: Yes.)_

_(Please know that I **do not own** the **re-dead conversations**. They belong to RebelX, the author(ess) of 'Give Me That Blasted Ocarina!' I recommend that fic as one of the funniest I've ever read. If you have not already read it, I suggest you read it if you like humor. Continuing onwards…)_

"…—!" the guy re-dead protested. _(Translation: But—!)_

"……" told the girl re-dead. _(Translation: No buts.)_

The guy re-dead moped in the corner (that appeared out of nowhere). Until a random person (a person living in Kakariko, but that was random) came by. He strangled it. The person died. Then the re-dead guy was happy, until he found out it only fainted. Then he moped again. Nobody died at the 'wedding'—yet!

* * *

Meanwhile… Up to Link and Navi…

"They're dancing down there…" Link noted.

"And they still haven't noticed you yet…" Navi told Link.

"I'm not going unless they notice me!"

"But you will miss out on the dancing! You do want to dance with someone right?"

"Yeah… But…"

"Either you dance or you don't be noticed! You can't have both."

Link looked at Navi in a very odd way. Link had an idea.

"Will you dance with me?" Link asked.

"Link, I'm a fairy. You're a Hylian. If you hold my hand, you'll squish me."

"So?"

"Fine! You owe me for this, BIG TIME!" Navi told Link.

Link and Navi danced… Together… Navi was bobbing up and down while Link did a humiliating dance… Thinking no one was watching… But he was wrong!

* * *

Meanwhile… Ariel and the Cucco…

The Cucco looked up and saw something. Ariel turned to see it too. It was…scary…too scary for any human's/animal's eyes.

"O.o Is that someone dancing?"

The Cucco nodded.

"…Let's just ignore it and continue dancing… Okay?"

The Cucco nodded in agreement. He enjoyed dancing with this two-legger… She was different…

* * *

Meanwhile… The HMSM…

"I feel as if I'm missing out on a lot of stuff!" he grunted carrying the organ.

The HMSM somehow got past the waterfall and now was in Zora's Domain. He was lost. He was in the royal chamber (and he's lost how?). He went left. He slipped on the ice/Jello and fell off the frozen/Jello-ifed waterfall. The organ hit the ground and exploded in a musical 'BOOM'!

"Oh dear… I must clean this up before the Zoras come…" the HMSM paused, still grinning.

* * *

Meanwhile… the main 'wedding'… (The people were still dancing.)

There was a loud musical 'BOOM' heard somewhere nearby…

"What was that?" asked a reviewer.

"No clue…" another replied.

"Hey! I think it's time to throw the rice!" Cherria exclaimed, she had somehow found her way over to the log, without getting wet, and was telling this to all the reviewers that came: this chapter is almost over and I'd like to thank all of you guys that wanted to come, too bad that this is a fanfic, not reality, but we can dream, can't we?

"FINALLY!" SoC exclaimed, not hearing this description I just did.

SoC was on the log too.

"Finally?" Cherria asked, puzzled.

"Yes. Finally."

"…I don't trust you…"

"You never trust me."

Everyone got into positions (which was on the edges of the aisles, SoC and Cherria were there too). Ruto and Dark Link would go through the rain of rice and go off into their honeymoon. Then Dark Link would be King of the Zoras. He dreaded after his honeymoon.

Anyways, SoC started to throw the rice. Ruto and Dark Link were slowly going through the rain of rice when…

A small pebble flew through the air. It hit Ruto on the head. She died. She was the only one who died on **her weddin**g day.

"OH MY FARORE! THE BRIDE DIED!" Cherria screamed just loud enough for everyone to hear.

* * *

Meanwhile… Link and Navi…

"O.O WHAT!" Navi yelled, loud enough for everyone to hear too.

"OwO YIPPEE!" Link yelled as he jumped in joy.

"…You scare me…"

* * *

Meanwhile… The HMSM…

He froze. **_The bride died?_** Then he looked at his organ. Thought **_Screw this._** And ran through to the wedding… But he got lost… again…

* * *

Meanwhile… the wedding…

"How did Ruto die?" Dark Link asked in horror.

SoC whistled innocently.

"SoC…" Cherria grumbled as she tapped her foot. "What did you put in the rice?"

"Nothing."

The polka dot ran by, still with Zelda's bracelet at hand…or should I say…paw. Anyways, he had the bag of rice SoC was holding moments before. He opened the bag and out poured rice…and about 3 246 930 small pebbles.

"You were planning this, weren't you?" Cherria asked.

"Who? Me?"

Cherria glared at SoC.

"Fine! I did it! I never liked Ruto anyways. In fact, I hate her!"

"O.O HOW COULD YOU HATE RUTO-KINS!" Dark Link yelled.

"If you've seen her before you met her, you would know why." SoC told Dark Link.

Dark Link pulled out his sword.

"Well… Ihavetogobackhomenowsoifyou**dare**followmeIshall**kill**youwithoneofCherria's**redwoodenshoes****mineinstead**!" SoC told the crowd, as she vanished.

"I shall get you someday…" Dark Link grumbled.

* * *

A few minutes after that almost everyone had left. There was only Cherria, Dark Link, Dead Ruto, Link, Navi, Zelda, the polka dot, Impa, the Cucco, and Ariel.

"Impa… Why can't I keep this Cucco?" Ariel asked, petting our favorite Cucco.

The Cucco looked pleased at this title.

"Because that Cucco already belongs to the Cucco lady. She has a perfect right to—" Impa started.

The Cucco glared at Impa.

"—not know about this… I guess you can keep him…" Impa moped, for she had lost in this conversation on Cucco ownership.

"Yes!" Ariel exclaimed, jumping up in the air. "Did you hear that?"

The Cucco nodded violently.

"Finally I get to have a pet!"

The Cucco glared at her.

"I mean partner!"

The Cucco nodded as if to say 'That's better.'

"Come on! Let's got to Gerudo Valley!" Ariel told the Cucco, pointing north, and then pointing the correct way. "I mean this way…"

The Cucco sighed as they went to Gerudo Valley. After that, Ariel was the best thief because of her Cucco pal. Then, Ariel became forth in command. The Cucco became fifth. In short, they lived thieving-ly ever after, until the events of my other Zelda fanfic called 'The Fourth Piece of the Triforce'. Everyone blamed Impa for this result, except the authoress for she could continue writing OoT fanfics.

* * *

Meanwhile… Dark Link…

"T.T Ruto…" Dark Link cried by Ruto's corpse, while the authoress's sister cackled evilly in the real world. "I'll get you one day, SoC… You shall pay for what you did to my wife…"

After that, Dark Link went on an epic quest for SoC, trying to kill her. After 2 years, he found out some way to earth and is **now** terrorizing any parts that might have SoC in it. But SoC is okay. Dark Link kept looking in the wrong places!

As for Ruto? Well… She just decayed in her grave.

* * *

Meanwhile… Cherria… "I guess this is one heck of a wedding." Cherria sighed. "But at least I got to see Link, real life."

Cherria looked around.

"Where is Link, anyway?" Cherria asked, not loud enough for Link to hear.

After the 'wedding', Cherria thought of writing her experiences at Ruto's funeral. Cherria thought that she would consider it. After the funeral, Cherria went back to earth with the reviewers, sent them home, and eventually joined her sister. She got very creeped out because she once she saw Dark Link, with his sword, in public. So she wasn't quite sure when Dark Link would find SoC. SoC on the other hand didn't know that Dark Link found his way to earth so she was living a jolly good life except for the fact that she hates her Summer School Course.

("For the record, I DID NOT PREVIOUSLY FAIL THAT COURSE!" SoC yelled defiantly from no where in particular...she's very touchy about that...anyways...)

* * *

Meanwhile… Link and Navi…

"Link… Are you going to stay here until you get noticed?" Navi asked.

"Naw. I shall get down here once everyone has left. Then I might go to a land called Termina and start another annoying adventure." Link told Navi.

"O.o WHATTTT!" Navi yelled, for usually Navi was the one that was psychic in Zora's Domain/River/Lake.

"I mean… Never mind…" Link told Navi.

After the wedding Link and Navi then went to the Temple of Time and became seven years younger. He randomly wasbanned and he stumbled upon Termina. Thus that starting my sequel to 'Totally Messed' called 'Totally Whacked'.

* * *

Meanwhile… Zelda…

"GIVE ME BACK MY PRECIOUS!" Zelda yelled, finally grabbing onto the polka dot and taking back her bracelet.

After the wedding, Zelda had all the jewelry in Hyrule. The polka dot became the most notorious jewel thief (besides Ariel and the Cucco) in Hyrule. Anything else needed to be said?

Everyone left the wedding. Link jumped off the ledge,ended up breaking his back, and went to the hospital for at least six days. Dark Link carried the corpse to the funeral, which was going to be on Zora's River. As for Zora's Fountain? No one was there.

* * *

Then, the HMSM ran into Zora's Fountain, at top speed.

"I _(huff)_ got here after I heard that Ruto was dead! Is there _(huff)_ anything I can do?" the HMSM asked, not noticing that he was the only one there.

The HMSM looked around.

"I feel…so alone…" the HMSM paused, still grinning.

* * *

Cherry-sama: MWAHAHAHA! That was the only chapter that I wrote** all **of it by hand!

Link: O.o

Dark Link: _(evil voice)_ Where is SoC?

Cherry-sama: _(is scared of evil voice and hides under her feet)_

Navi: O.o How does that work?

Cherry-sama: I dunno. All I know is that it is a very hard hiding spot to get into. So it must be good.

Everyone: _(thinks that it is not very good hiding spot)_

Bunny thief: Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha! I steal jewelry!

Bunny-hood guy: BUNNY!

Bunny thief: Uh-oh…

Zelda: Give me back my precious! _(hisses)_

Saria: This might be the last chapter (that all depends on if Cherry-sama decides to do Ruto's funeral) besides the Credits. Tune into 'The Fourth Piece of the Triforce', and 'Totally Whacked' once they are posted! And please review… One (second) last time…

Bunny-hood guy: BUNNY!


	18. Chapter 18: Credits! Sniff

**Totally Messed Credits**

Writer: Cherry-sama  
Writer of 'Ocarina of Time': No clue, but thanks anyways!  
Producer: Cherry-sama  
Editor: Sister-of-Cherry-sama (SoC)  
Cameraman: Louis (mentioned in chapter 12)  
Sound Technician: George  
Caretaker: Joe  
Lighting: Blob (deleted scenes, rememeber?)

**Fan fictions mainly branching off of this one:**

Totally Whacked (Majora's Mask)  
Totally Bizarre (Wind Waker)  
Totally Screwed (Twilight Princess)  
Totally Pathetic (Four Sword Adventures)  
Totally Tiny (Minish Cap, possibly, need script becuase we don't own game)

**Fan fictions semi-branching off of this one:**

The Fourth Piece of the Triforce  
Navi's High School Years (MIGHT publish)  
The Legend of Answering Machines (my idea! Me no like copy nekos)

**Actors:**

**Link** played by **Link**

**Navi** played by **Navi**

**EFoT (Evil Furby of Typos)** played by **Random Furby**

**Afatufivomany** played by **Black Wolfos right before the Forest Meadow**

**Random Owl** played by **Kaepora Gaebora**

**Young Zelda** played by **Zelda**

**Sheik** played by **Zelda**

**Old Zelda** played by **Zelda**

**Rauru **played by **Rauru**

**Young Malon **played by **Malon**

**Old Malon** played by **Malon**

**Talon **played by **Talon**

**Ingo** played by** Ingo**

**Dampé **played by **Dampé**

**Great Deku Tree **played by **Great Deku Tree**

**Saria **played by **Saria**

**Ivan** played by **Saria's fairy (Ivan)**

**Mido **played by **Mido**

**Maria **played by **Kokiri with her hair in buns (Maria)**

**Kokiris** played by **Kokiris**

**Joelle **played by **Joelle**

**Beth **played by **Beth**

**Amy** played by **Amy**

**Meg** played by **Meg**

**Phantom Ganon** played by **Ganondorf** (gee that make-up crew is good)

**Phantom Ganon's Horse (PG-13) **played by **Black Beauty (before he died)**

**Goron Link** played by **Random Goron**

**Darunia **played by **Darunia**

**Volvogia **played by **Volvogia**

**King Zora** played by **King Zora**

**Zoras** played by **Zoras**

**Young Ruto** played by **Ruto**

**Old Ruto** played by **Ruto**

**Dark Link** played by **(JONNY DEPP! Just kidding) Dark Link**

**Narrator **played by **Cherry-sama**

**Wigijigiland **played by **White Wolfos at Ice Cavern**

**Impa** played by **Impa**

**Cucco Lady** played by **Anju **(from Majora's Mask)

**Ms. Shadowpunkle** played by **Navi's Math teacher**

**Bongo Bongo** played by **Bongo Bongo**

**Nabooru **played by **Nabooru**

**Rarubooru** played by **Third Gerudo in command**

**Gerudos** played by **Gerudos**

**Bald Carpenter** played by **Mutoh **(from Majora's Mask)

**Carpenters **played by **Carpenters**

**Koume** played by **Koume**

**Kotake** played by **Kotake**

**Kotame** played by **Koume and Kotake**

**Slim** played by **Killer jar**

**Iron Knuckles** played by **Iron Knuckles**

**Daisy **played by **itchy back lady (Daisy)**

**Fan girls** played by **Fan girls**

**Ganondorf **played by **Ganondorf**

**Ganondorf's Horse **played by **Black Beauty (before he died)**

**Great Slutty Witches **played by **Great Fairies**

**Window **played by **Window**

**Ariel **played by **Gerudo Female**

**Bunny hood guy** played by **Marathon runner/postman **(from Majora's Mask)

**The Cucco** played by **Random Cucco**

**Redeads **played by **Redeads**

**Everyone else** played by **OoT cast**

**Special thanks to—**

All my reviewers, some giving me ideas for this  
SoC, who made me wait for more reviews before updating  
Link, for kidnapping the entire OoT cast in order for this fic to happen  
Navi, for being the Hero of Time and putting up with Link once more  
Ganondorf, for putting up with this story in general  
Nabooru, for putting up with makeovers  
Ruto, for putting up with a horrible wedding  
Dark Link, for marrying a fish  
Maria, for going crazy  
Daisy, for becoming Link and re-marrying her husband  
Louis, for putting up with getting mobbed by Link fan girls  
Ingo, for allowing himself to go deaf  
The milk, for going sour  
The Great sluts, for putting up with being dissed all the time  
The Bunny-hood guy, for dying and coming back to life  
The window, for just being there in chapter thirteen  
Ariel, for being our star for 'The Fourth Piece of the Triforce'  
Iron Knuckles, for always allowed to be beaten to pulp with Bombchus  
Bombchus, for beating the Iron Knuckles  
Neverender, for being director while both SoC and I were on set (shown in bloopers)  
And everyone in the audience for reading this fanfic!

**Thank you everyone!  
****Cherry-sama**


End file.
